tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15040440386002824752024-03-05T20:38:29.162-08:00This Is My New BlogNo frogs. No toads.Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-42149471518125593142016-12-09T10:23:00.000-08:002016-12-09T11:26:41.975-08:00I Can't Believe I Am Doing This Again."My gracious, it's been quite a year, hasn't it?" I ask, laughing halfheartedly and then breaking into terrified sobbing. And on that note: you will notice that this year's Oprah post is very late! "Surely teetering on the edge of the Apocalypse means I get out of writing my Oprah post!" I told myself BUT APPARENTLY NOT.<br />
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My original objections to Oprah's lists - the Marie Antoinette-ish disconnect from what people actually give for Christmas and the lack of any clue that most people find gift-given exhortations to self-improvement pretty damn insulting - have faded, palely, with the arrival of GOOP's list and $44 vulva-print rolling papers. Not ONLY do I not know anyone who would want $44 vulva-print rolling paper, I don't even WANT to know anyone etc. $8000 yurts for all my friends! Yeesh.<br />
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All gift guides are pretty awful and this is, I think, the nature of the beast - we can only think of the people we know which in Gwyneth Paltrow's case are cackling wealthy ghouls, like the White Witch from Narnia's friends. Oprah mostly hangs out with Gayle and Steadman, who sound nice and human and Oprah's list now feels, you know, nice. And human.<br />
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But Oprah's list is what I write about and will apparently write about forever, so bravely I forge ahead. I'm going to grade everything on whether I'd want to open it on Christmas morning, because what other metric would I use? Here we go.<br />
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<a href="https://madeinheavencakes.com/product/oprahs-poinsettia/" target="_blank"><br /></a>
<a href="https://madeinheavencakes.com/product/oprahs-poinsettia/" target="_blank">Oprah's Poinsettia Flower Pot Cake</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDLPGja2IloU6xh2exhw-GbHaf8JaDXSQILYaLNQh4fw9EOM3YeTnTkV4VR5rK7GigfWXHs5_m-QKFC5yCLPmP041YW4NF0Zfdw4FpiY-jTaHkkN_xyjM7tjuh-_srqL567p_Zt1zuzm8/s1600/oprahs-poinsettia-510x600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDLPGja2IloU6xh2exhw-GbHaf8JaDXSQILYaLNQh4fw9EOM3YeTnTkV4VR5rK7GigfWXHs5_m-QKFC5yCLPmP041YW4NF0Zfdw4FpiY-jTaHkkN_xyjM7tjuh-_srqL567p_Zt1zuzm8/s320/oprahs-poinsettia-510x600.jpg" width="272" /></a></div>
$165<br />
I have a nice and entirely self-preserving desire to never eat a poinsettia, which are (I think? I refuse to look this up) super-toxic. But the cake itself looks like a dream, especially because I've been on a diet for ages and I miss cake so, so much.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6HTPbWBvLHvQ5at5hyaSMllsROSuhwh5Vc2BuE-tk3RwYhGHmREQPdpSZHWHNUQ4LVTdxvYejfzcAqiiBohOOhE1eu6xXBU7tR5JatnBG87ZTy2F5k9JBRSxc1Jpb7otKRj_uvPGcsng/s1600/doctor+who.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6HTPbWBvLHvQ5at5hyaSMllsROSuhwh5Vc2BuE-tk3RwYhGHmREQPdpSZHWHNUQ4LVTdxvYejfzcAqiiBohOOhE1eu6xXBU7tR5JatnBG87ZTy2F5k9JBRSxc1Jpb7otKRj_uvPGcsng/s320/doctor+who.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://yedihouseware.com/products/assorted-mugs-set-of-6-20oz" target="_blank">New Bone China Mugs</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRFY5FY-9h7qwT_VZl1WK9FTaI1sdrrtzdKu0NSTZ-l4Y9rG9CsI4YFeQAJNbjycOMZcIHWppXA96h3MAfRZ2LP8h-VLZRxtR7mLK-ZagxqFROjbKE-fXXGgWoCWNkYFQ1HtnVcRnU94A/s1600/OPR120116OList101.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRFY5FY-9h7qwT_VZl1WK9FTaI1sdrrtzdKu0NSTZ-l4Y9rG9CsI4YFeQAJNbjycOMZcIHWppXA96h3MAfRZ2LP8h-VLZRxtR7mLK-ZagxqFROjbKE-fXXGgWoCWNkYFQ1HtnVcRnU94A/s320/OPR120116OList101.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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$50 for Six</div>
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I don't want these - I don't particularly want mugs as gifts, thank you, since I break things in such short order - but I included the picture because they're so nice and shiny. Let's stare at these lovely stacked mugs.<br />
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<a href="https://www.chanluu.com/earrings/white-pearl-wire-thread-thru-earrings/" target="_blank">Floating Pearl Sterling Silver Statement Earrings</a></div>
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$80</div>
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Oprah had her ears pierced in 2005 and "still get(s) really excited by a good earring." That's endearing, and if she was my friend I would TOTALLY buy her earrings. I don't have pierced ears - well, I DID but it turns out that I'm allergic to most metals as well as everything else I'm allergic to and aren't you glad to know that about me? Also I don't wear much jewelry.* But these are nice for someone who is not me.</div>
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*it occurs to me that I am HARD TO BUY GIFTS FOR.</div>
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<a href="https://hbutler.co/orbit/" target="_blank">Orbit Key Finder</a></div>
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$30</div>
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As well as breaking every mug I touch eventually, I also lose my keys with DISTRESSING frequency. This frustrates me and makes me unhappy and it also causes me worry that it frustrates the people who love me. The gift of finding my keys again when I inevitably lose them might SOUND ideal but in reality it would reaffirm that YES, the people I live with find me aggravating and make me very sad. I don't know if this is a global reaction or if I'm made of very fine, very delicate emotional porcelain. Whatever: do not give me this.</div>
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<a href="https://shop.verloopknits.com/products/trio-touchscreen-gloves" target="_blank">Trio Gloves</a></div>
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$38</div>
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3 cheerfully mismatched gloves and why would you possibly buy me gloves (which I hate.) when there are so many books you could get me instead?</div>
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<a href="http://www.christophepourny.com/store/product42.html" target="_blank">Pinecone-Shaped Scented Fire Starters</a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL7ywNkYLujhQn7lE0BErqC8pdUOGU6w6J6KI5M4yB-YUpAz1FyRO8_NkX_7K9Vy61WjOPbIGO9D1ViF-3McL5uUrJENoGJJcjf6f_wieykzKbLNRdKX752XnpTWVb_JhAu5IPFzzMOUI/s1600/firestartersburning.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL7ywNkYLujhQn7lE0BErqC8pdUOGU6w6J6KI5M4yB-YUpAz1FyRO8_NkX_7K9Vy61WjOPbIGO9D1ViF-3McL5uUrJENoGJJcjf6f_wieykzKbLNRdKX752XnpTWVb_JhAu5IPFzzMOUI/s320/firestartersburning.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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$49 for box of 20</div>
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"Well, that's stupid," I thought as I read the description in the magazine. Then I went to the website, and saw this picture of that burning pear-thing and now I want them, for such is the fickle nature of fallible humanity.</div>
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<a href="http://www.jbskinguru.com/shop" target="_blank">Peoni Cleanser and Toner</a></div>
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$60 each for the cleanser and the toner and $195 for the cream</div>
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As I get deeper and deeper into my 40s, my obsession with complicated face care - which was fairly intense to begin with - has deepened and YET do not give me face care products because I will presume that you are hinting that I look like a decaying lady Cryptkeeper.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-nSGeU5NzWwtZGdiVlEz-H_4sg6PbF8xec74I3CQxe-mk-d5qbAFip-Lx5QNMQGZjFCD_7O-VMMKJiVjS2gDt36ryIlQr8Z0xGhPkgIyQ2dc17ysp6XRfsbXWvjhyphenhyphent2lw3rVPj2vaRf4/s1600/CryptKeeper.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-nSGeU5NzWwtZGdiVlEz-H_4sg6PbF8xec74I3CQxe-mk-d5qbAFip-Lx5QNMQGZjFCD_7O-VMMKJiVjS2gDt36ryIlQr8Z0xGhPkgIyQ2dc17ysp6XRfsbXWvjhyphenhyphent2lw3rVPj2vaRf4/s320/CryptKeeper.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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Also! these are free of "toxins" and are gluten-free! Haaaaaaaaaaaa.</div>
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Organic Grow Kit</div>
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gone!</div>
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As well as being a boon to small businesses, getting on the Oprah list must be something of a curse for the unprepared. But regardless: don't give me plants. I kill them.</div>
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<a href="http://www.kitchenkaboodle.com/shop.php?qs=DA2323ASET4&wn=362" target="_blank"><br /></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.kitchenkaboodle.com/shop.php?qs=DA2323ASET4&wn=362" target="_blank">Creative Co-Op Stoneware Mini Bakers with Lids</a></div>
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$45 for set of 4</div>
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"Nothing says (healthy) comfort like mashed cauliflower," writes Oprah and I LIKE cauliflower but are we SURE about that? But! Last year I was given miniature bakeware dishes much likes these (although not in "beautiful neutrals", do I even need to add this, AND mine are heart-shaped) and I enjoy them very much because the cozy tweeness of making miniature casseroles appeals to me, as it would to all right-thinking people.</div>
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<a href="https://canary.is/" target="_blank"><br /></a></div>
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<a href="https://canary.is/" target="_blank">Canary and Canary Flex</a></div>
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$199 each</div>
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This is some sort of home security thing that provides live HD video of your house and I guess it's alright? It's not relevant to MY life, so don't bother giving it to me but your paranoid friend would probably enjoy it.</div>
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<a href="http://www.landsend.com/products/womens-wont-let-you-down-coat/id_303625?sku_0=::DIU" target="_blank">Won't Let You Down Coats</a></div>
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$189 (or $260 Canadian, which I found jarring)</div>
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It's a nice enough hooded winter coat, but MAKE SURE you know your gift recipient's attitude towards down because many people will not wear it. For example: I am allergic to it! I bet you're really surprised.</div>
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Also, I'm leery of giving clothing to adults I am not REALLY close to, because it's so easy to go wrong, by, let's say, giving them a sweater that's several sizes too big, and then having them darkly mull over that for the next calendar year.</div>
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<a href="http://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/533718/the-book-of-joy-by-his-holiness-the-dalai-lama-and-archbishop-desmond-tutu-with-douglas-abrams/" target="_blank">The Book of Joy</a></div>
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$26</div>
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"I want to wish all of you joy - because there is no better gift," writes Oprah, from the Better and Now Lost Past. And if this book (which I frankly do not want) would work, I'd buy it for all my friends. </div>
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<a href="http://broukandco.com/on-the-go/the-cord-roll" target="_blank">Travel Cord Rolls</a></div>
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$20</div>
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I don't travel anywhere near enough for this to be in any way relevant for me, but you might know someone who travels a lot and would like a desperately unexciting utilitarian gift.</div>
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<a href="http://lecreuset.ca/product/20-cm-pepper-mill/" target="_blank">Eight Inch Salt and Pepper Mills</a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxlUFAjjV5FQhlFaz1yBlkp8CykIwp958zLZ1nuL7EghAzxrThcNwPnDdNz4Wbg8gQ4RrVBi_sPAobXWY8q5SVPXmsf8cr5m7AzkTfMBpJi5RwxpaM6D9Dlvoabb6seKO8VeHYxqdN8E0/s1600/201612-omag-oprah-favorite-things-lecreuset-salt-pepper-mills-949x1356.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxlUFAjjV5FQhlFaz1yBlkp8CykIwp958zLZ1nuL7EghAzxrThcNwPnDdNz4Wbg8gQ4RrVBi_sPAobXWY8q5SVPXmsf8cr5m7AzkTfMBpJi5RwxpaM6D9Dlvoabb6seKO8VeHYxqdN8E0/s320/201612-omag-oprah-favorite-things-lecreuset-salt-pepper-mills-949x1356.jpg" width="223" /></a></div>
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$38</div>
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I don't want them - and more on that in a second - but I'm including the picture because they're so shiny and pretty.</div>
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And as lovely as they are, they're still salt and pepper grinders, and fancy salt and pepper grinders fall into my personal Making The Best of Awful, Awful Adulthood category.</div>
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<a href="http://www.dermstore.com/product_Round+Brush+-+2.25+Inch_59845.htm" target="_blank">Harry Josh Pro Tools</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.barefootdreams.com/oprah-s-favorite-things.html" target="_blank">$</a>20-60 each</div>
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Frog-belly green various brushes. </div>
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1) It's nice to see the Oprah still loves that frog-belly green shade that I loathe.</div>
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2) Hair brushes just.... happen? Don't give them as gifts?</div>
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<a href="http://www.barefootdreams.com/oprah-s-favorite-things.html" target="_blank">Bamboo Chic Lite Circle Cardis and Pants</a></div>
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$116 each</div>
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Oprah uses the word "schlumadinka" here, which I find gently enchanting. These cardigans and pull-on pants are not schlumadinka, apparently, and are also "feathery-soft" and cozy clothing, suitable for sobbing bleakly in, sounds like JUST the thing.</div>
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<a href="http://www.athleticpropulsionlabs.com/new-arrivals/techloom-phantom-red.html" target="_blank">APL Tech Loom P</a>hantom</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGj464-klwlygdl8Ik8NsjLjFint2rFqvVfJRem2IsV2KqV3VeIXmWxkPLLDJgbUK-GNs6Bfe8TeOckXVHvRm_xa59FprxeGfcEBRPxiYpLlw9mevp_wqFN0J6hyHd7NfS4x_hh7VGt_4/s1600/techloomphantom-red-1_2_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGj464-klwlygdl8Ik8NsjLjFint2rFqvVfJRem2IsV2KqV3VeIXmWxkPLLDJgbUK-GNs6Bfe8TeOckXVHvRm_xa59FprxeGfcEBRPxiYpLlw9mevp_wqFN0J6hyHd7NfS4x_hh7VGt_4/s320/techloomphantom-red-1_2_1.jpg" width="320" /></a>'</div>
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$165-185</div>
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Running shoes! No thank you!</div>
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Here is my traditional reminder that UNLESS THE PERSON YOU ARE GIVING TO HAS SPECIFICALLY REQUESTED EXERCISE EQUIPMENT, GIVING EXERCISE EQUIPMENT IS INSULTING. Like, you might be thinking "I love them and want to give them the gift of health!" but what you're risking is your loved one HEARING "I hate your gross body and here are running shoes as punishment."</div>
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But if they asked for running shoes: here are some.</div>
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<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Jellycat-Roxie-Reindeer-Large/dp/B01I24S822/ref=sr_1_9?s=toys-and-games&ie=UTF8&qid=1479221825&sr=1-9&keywords=jellycat%2Blarge&th=1" target="_blank">Jellycat Medium and Large Stuffed Animals</a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil609pPRvqrfvchtmaN91cjf89oacveXLHpnbit5HoPiT1VXPA4kZtTMv8-cTsy0xfw4EVhfTzNfn48aiBXXWtuRe97lFyvvThQ_YEOHt3e8v7Xb7dq1qhE9_cvATdTeJcLBwA7mm61-o/s1600/61vazr-XleL._SX522_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil609pPRvqrfvchtmaN91cjf89oacveXLHpnbit5HoPiT1VXPA4kZtTMv8-cTsy0xfw4EVhfTzNfn48aiBXXWtuRe97lFyvvThQ_YEOHt3e8v7Xb7dq1qhE9_cvATdTeJcLBwA7mm61-o/s320/61vazr-XleL._SX522_.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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$23-50</div>
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LOOK AT THAT GUY. THAT IS ADORABLE.</div>
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Most little kids I know have OBNOXIOUS numbers of stuffed animals and parents that silently despise you if you give them more, so maybe check if they could use another. But if they could, this set of stuffed animals IS incredibly cute.</div>
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Cell Case & Card Sleeve Crossbody</div>
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$25 each and I don't have a link to them for some reason, which I'm too lazy to figure out right now.</div>
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Oprah's friend Urania has one of these. Urania! That's such a great name!</div>
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<i>*I tried to link to Buddy the Elf saying "Francisco" here and failed, so let's just pause and remember that scene.*</i></div>
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Although I wouldn't wear this, my M totally would, and it seems like a fine gift for the minimalist woman on your list.</div>
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<a href="http://us.macmillan.com/static/fib/food-health-happiness/" target="_blank">Food Health and Happiness Book</a><br />
$35<br />
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Oprah wrote a cookbook! I think it sounds pretty great - I love cookbooks - but it's not out until early January, which is a bit oddly timed for Christmas. Still, it's a solid choice for your Oprah-loving, health-conscious aunt.</div>
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<a href="https://www.amazon.com/oprahsfavoritethings?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=&pf_rd_r=3PC9G3V1D1ZAHGGH99BK&pf_rd_t=36701&pf_rd_p=7e08aba0-df5a-4cf4-92ff-c44e131f50e8&pf_rd_i=desktop" target="_blank">The Original Pasta Pot by Bialetti </a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiElOjpC7sKyCtAt-hZwdeYBx8clKKxrEvPyWlf0Vp7SXXRi1s8buAYfFcY9br5vv62vv7wVjB2fFrNa9c1wnXKkGlz2luxucDKtNye-gIcVdOg78q4dEnN4h85yA325C6neFUB58hruXg/s1600/201612-omag-oprah-favorite-things-pasta-pot-949x1356.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiElOjpC7sKyCtAt-hZwdeYBx8clKKxrEvPyWlf0Vp7SXXRi1s8buAYfFcY9br5vv62vv7wVjB2fFrNa9c1wnXKkGlz2luxucDKtNye-gIcVdOg78q4dEnN4h85yA325C6neFUB58hruXg/s320/201612-omag-oprah-favorite-things-pasta-pot-949x1356.jpg" width="223" /></a></div>
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$30</div>
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It's purple, which I love, AND it theoretically will keep me from scalding myself while making spaghetti AGAIN, so YES. Give me this pot and I can dramatically sing "Purple Rain" while making dinner.</div>
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<a href="http://www.delonghi.com/en-us/products/kitchen/kitchen-appliances/indoor-grills/cgh-1030d-0179518001" target="_blank">Livenza All Day Grill</a></div>
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$300</div>
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One of those griddle/waffle-maker/grill combos and I HAD one of these and wore it out! I have a narrow list of people I'd cheerfully receive small appliances from, and my husband is NOT on them, but it someone else got me this, I'd be delighted.</div>
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<a href="https://www.peepers.com/collections/oprah" target="_blank">Reading Glasses</a></div>
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$22</div>
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They ARE super-cute reading glasses and IF your recipient has asked for reading glasses, by all means. </div>
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<a href="https://www.michaelstars.com/madison-brushed-jersey-convertible-top-2038" target="_blank">Madison Convertible Off The Shoulder Top</a></div>
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$128</div>
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It's a hoody! It's a cowl-neck! It's off the shoulder! I love fussy sweaters, despite the fact that they're rarely flattering and would deeply love this sweater too, but probably only in black.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEUzU8YMULiI5DIaU35m4bwKr17cUx45wtFc59Qf7LK7YftihhaQTXUnlUjxSaQHdJMBr5HPiilKxXa67aCki1rF8P-H-R3Sp_VxsA0jRgOaUIULM65sVliE5ePACz8-Q0zTHQEctYZ1s/s1600/tumblr_n8al5pxgao1tp4iymo1_500.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEUzU8YMULiI5DIaU35m4bwKr17cUx45wtFc59Qf7LK7YftihhaQTXUnlUjxSaQHdJMBr5HPiilKxXa67aCki1rF8P-H-R3Sp_VxsA0jRgOaUIULM65sVliE5ePACz8-Q0zTHQEctYZ1s/s320/tumblr_n8al5pxgao1tp4iymo1_500.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://footnanny.com/collections/featured/products/holiday-gift-set-2016" target="_blank">Rose Foot Treatment Set</a></div>
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$132</div>
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So that's one hundred and thirty two human dollars, for - let's see - a tub of soaking salts, a tub of foot cream and a pair of socks!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJWSqoRCL5_wiVpdBRXbUYJyTdxs03QYfWZvhQt-UFJs3xn3MPsaOopYm87qU1Dki3xFMNbcvLj21_Baf0rDZwC78T44Lv7yo3zv692NJBKLquH6J5ou_gFqSCaMUNmaTSfuZFfxCrX-4/s1600/smoking.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJWSqoRCL5_wiVpdBRXbUYJyTdxs03QYfWZvhQt-UFJs3xn3MPsaOopYm87qU1Dki3xFMNbcvLj21_Baf0rDZwC78T44Lv7yo3zv692NJBKLquH6J5ou_gFqSCaMUNmaTSfuZFfxCrX-4/s320/smoking.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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Also, gift-given exhortations to "fix your feet!" aren't welcome by most people.</div>
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<a href="http://www.crabandcleek.com/shop/vintage-ski-patch" target="_blank">Big Preppy Tote Bag</a></div>
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$56</div>
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I WAS going to write about how the dark-underside of the word "preppy" has been lost over time - and what has been lost with that - but then I was distracted by how cute the bag with the plaid thermoses is and THAT is how things happen, one cute tote bag at a time.</div>
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Also: that's a cute tote bag!</div>
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<a href="http://www.chroniclebooks.com/titles/gifts/brain-science-coloring-book-with-bright-ideas-colored-pencils.html" target="_blank">Hardie Grant Colouring Book with Bright Ideas Coloured Pencils</a></div>
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$32</div>
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Like everyone else, I was given a ton of colouring books and pencils LAST year and still have not bleakly coloured my way through all of them so I'm good, thanks.</div>
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<a href="https://www.echodesign.com/p/bright-stripes-wrap-5298" target="_blank">Bright Stripes Wraps</a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUJgbU11XGEeiJVqHsyna_Nx_c-Yix7UvYShyG6ODelftq3CWMcGUo8P0-yV0T7n5cMOfuiJAi3Ioj2tBqiXnKh1i6feqVa0WzZYEpv71gSB55dfm4GZa_L8Qp27sNwXR08lzOY4cqL4Q/s1600/201612-omag-oprah-favorite-things-echo-wraps-bright-stripes-949x1356.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUJgbU11XGEeiJVqHsyna_Nx_c-Yix7UvYShyG6ODelftq3CWMcGUo8P0-yV0T7n5cMOfuiJAi3Ioj2tBqiXnKh1i6feqVa0WzZYEpv71gSB55dfm4GZa_L8Qp27sNwXR08lzOY4cqL4Q/s320/201612-omag-oprah-favorite-things-echo-wraps-bright-stripes-949x1356.jpg" width="223" /></a></div>
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$52</div>
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The purple scarf is SO pretty.</div>
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Becoming a lady who wears scarves all the time doesn't surprise me - it seems like something I'd do - and it's given everyone an easy gift-giving shortcut for me. As a result, I know have enough scarves to outfit the necks of an army of me, and would like more as well. </div>
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<a href="https://www.coyuchi.com/organic-cotton-robe-womens-terry-linen.html" target="_blank">Linen Terry R</a>obe</div>
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$198</div>
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I've done a dramatic 180 on my original opinion on robes, which was - very wrongly - that they were terrible gifts and now I've realized, like all right-thinking people, that robes are amazing presents and really good to cry in. This is a fine, tasteful robe, and the neutral colours won't hurt your eyes after prolonged sobbing.</div>
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<a href="http://www.apple.com/shop/product/ML8V2LL/A/powerbeats3-wireless-earphones-black?fnode=d431e854d399567c856e4d7afc5d7813fea5f64ea7d21cdf6c7cea591cd246eca6a0463c0b2bf2ff36bb1254a035ccd89c572bac209a7dfaec98bb8f171c0bf142c9283d867cab74233935ad4e5327ec509f2228bd84170c49914738292e07b384f195517ca8f1237f4329619c579b0d" target="_blank">Beats By Dr. Dre Powerbeats 3 Wireless</a></div>
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$200</div>
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These are wireless headphones. They are $200. I mean, if you'd like to, FINE.</div>
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<a href="https://www.thevillagecommon.com/" target="_blank">Essential Oil Candles</a></div>
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$52</div>
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They're very pretty candles and I LOVE scented candles and yet - like perfume - scented candles are pretty personal. I personally only like candles that smell like someone is making me a nice cake and not like I'm burning a tree, so don't get me these</div>
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<a href="http://www.verabradley.com/product/sidesaddle-crossbody/maize-with-mesa-brown/1004535_206574.uts?cm_re=Homepage-_-MidPromo2-_-Oprah" target="_blank">Gallatin Sidesaddle Crossbody</a></div>
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$168</div>
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These are fine, I guess. If you're getting me one, I'd like it in black.</div>
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<a href="https://chopracentermeditation.com/oprahs_favorite_things?sso_code=eyJpdiI6InNVTGJyQU9kbVduY21JVURTa2ZyTHc9PSIsInZhbHVlIjoib1ZHdksxbmxMd3ZTdEFDZ0QxVFZBaEZ0cmtvdWtWYmd1bzB6ZUh3Y3FnOFl2OWJYZUxlVVUrclR6ZHM0djd1cElYOGhZbEFpV3NiNWdwMnRlNk90UHJRdUFGa2hHNTlpWG84K1JNa21iQkU9IiwibWFjIjoiNmJiYmE3M2IxMjMxNmM4NThmNDYzNGVmY2Q3MjVjNWExM2U0ZmQ1YTQ5NzBhNDY3NjZlNzY0NjM2ZWRlMjg2YSJ9" target="_blank">Oprah & Deepak's 21-Day Meditation Reinvention Collection</a></div>
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$100</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigpSx62JgiFTDMR-vCeWxwbGszcF41Dvo73M_yXjeDAEdZd3KLKJNFWSBeRTy8SnovKbsNgdZ36tzzPhbag37aWo7aWe459q4TualDlX362WiJm4hilYFLhpRgIwYWzd9P7YAGJo-u7Aw/s1600/201612-omag-oprah-favorite-things-deepak-chopra-meditation-dvds-949x1356.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigpSx62JgiFTDMR-vCeWxwbGszcF41Dvo73M_yXjeDAEdZd3KLKJNFWSBeRTy8SnovKbsNgdZ36tzzPhbag37aWo7aWe459q4TualDlX362WiJm4hilYFLhpRgIwYWzd9P7YAGJo-u7Aw/s320/201612-omag-oprah-favorite-things-deepak-chopra-meditation-dvds-949x1356.jpg" width="223" /></a></div>
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Here it is! The thing I'd like the least from THIS ENTIRE LIST!</div>
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And this is such a singular thing, isn't it? There probably ARE people who would find this just thrilling but my gracious, I am NOT one of them.</div>
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<a href="http://www.bloembox.com/Cerise-Queen-p/1-701b.htm" target="_blank">Organic Rose and Lavender Sachets</a></div>
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$20</div>
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Remember Victoria magazine? I LOVED that so much in high school, and it made me think life would be full of far more drawer sachets and lovely dried flowers than it has turned out to be. So it's ABOUT TIME that someone gave me this, and I could scent all of my long plaid skirts, suitable for wandering fields with my travel watercolour sets, instead of what adulthood has REALLY been about (trying to catch up on the effing laundry).</div>
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<a href="http://www.kitcheniq.com/product/iq_smart_wireless_nutri_scale/" target="_blank">IQ Smart Wireless Nutri Scale</a></div>
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$60</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUHwD8ZKJdMMCGDU3BeTWgmeReybnycy9ZhTacimyC4UyGlDkeuwgv4e3QdqmZ7Zd1lUruKHoKiTMoRWLP_kwnLgQUEQsId31EWzI7h0wIUHN9at5iR6Dr89ovr9ioPQoGgtfZjcvvSXk/s1600/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUHwD8ZKJdMMCGDU3BeTWgmeReybnycy9ZhTacimyC4UyGlDkeuwgv4e3QdqmZ7Zd1lUruKHoKiTMoRWLP_kwnLgQUEQsId31EWzI7h0wIUHN9at5iR6Dr89ovr9ioPQoGgtfZjcvvSXk/s320/giphy.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://auraframes.com/" target="_blank">Digital Frames</a></div>
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$399</div>
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SO! This digital frame automatically displays whatever picture is most recent on your phone. Let us imagine, for a second, that you give this to your grandma.</div>
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NOW let us imagine that one day, you're feeling saucy and take a series of saucy pictures to send to your beloved. You're a grown-up! You can do what you like! And your poor grandma accidentally gets an eyeful.</div>
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<a href="http://www.dropbottle.co/collections/all" target="_blank">DROP Bottles</a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6cZIQt_ASOOXuwpCdjDTBTISxo-SBtsBTB_PyrAsCldovFCXOpcTynUqwFxcgmcFl4RIfQNzveawED790TjCkBIiUbkdJ_CHKaxvfiui3mOmjWfHj3VmhwHXesBCeZlsBmX4rD7-fY78/s1600/Peach_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6cZIQt_ASOOXuwpCdjDTBTISxo-SBtsBTB_PyrAsCldovFCXOpcTynUqwFxcgmcFl4RIfQNzveawED790TjCkBIiUbkdJ_CHKaxvfiui3mOmjWfHj3VmhwHXesBCeZlsBmX4rD7-fY78/s320/Peach_large.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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$40</div>
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This is fine, but I'm mostly including that pleasantly citrusy picture to try and sear the image from your mind of your grandma standing - horrified yet unable to look away - as you unwittingly send nude after nude to her digital frame in an attempt to take the one perfect saucy picture to text your husband.</div>
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It's a water bottle you can stuff fruit pieces into! I don't want it.</div>
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<a href="https://www.rusticcuff.com/products/dallas-5-black-stingray-with-gold" target="_blank">Dallas 1/2" Stingray Cuffs</a></div>
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$96</div>
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"These edgy handmade cuffs have Gayle written all over them!" writes Oprah and I hope Gayle enjoys them but I would NOT, thank you.</div>
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<a href="http://www.emijay.com/gum-drop-candy-box-12-pack-hair-ties.html" target="_blank">Gum Drops Hair Elastics</a></div>
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$24 for 12</div>
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They're those stretchy elastic hair ties, packaged to look like candy and I would like you to imagine my levels of deep, deep existential despair upon realizing that my box of cheerful ribbon candy (an ALRIGHT gift) is actually a box of hair elastics.</div>
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<a href="http://www.michaelkors.ca/nikko-mixed-media-high-top-sneaker/_/R-CA_43T6NKFE5A?No=-1&color=0618" target="_blank">Michael Michael Kors Nikko</a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMklohuITYBn8CAnHWM5Er8SjesztbdcrtS1v6YMjW-maPmmCmuU0LURNUBhE5wATOV3ES_8BH2f75WbtALQSjNT7SOLwgUJwOM7wHjZRYMkB3Egdw8z2jwV7PQ7R4lk0vg073vlksTiw/s1600/201612-omag-oprah-favorite-things-michael-kors-nikko-sneakers-949x1356.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMklohuITYBn8CAnHWM5Er8SjesztbdcrtS1v6YMjW-maPmmCmuU0LURNUBhE5wATOV3ES_8BH2f75WbtALQSjNT7SOLwgUJwOM7wHjZRYMkB3Egdw8z2jwV7PQ7R4lk0vg073vlksTiw/s320/201612-omag-oprah-favorite-things-michael-kors-nikko-sneakers-949x1356.jpg" width="223" /></a></div>
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$195</div>
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Oh no. Not for me, thank you.</div>
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But I'm aware this isn't a universal no - for some people, this would be a delightful gift. This is more a personal nope. Moving along.</div>
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<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Kindle-Oasis-reader-Leather-Charging/dp/B00REQKWGA" target="_blank">Kindle Oasis </a></div>
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$290</div>
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I have the Kindle app on my New Phone (which I also have now and it is DELIGHTFUL and I LOVE it) and it gets used a lot, but I had some electronic e-reader before and never used it at all, so I have no idea what my feelings about this actually ARE. Mixed? Can I say mixed?</div>
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<a href="https://www.360cookware.com/products/360-cutter" target="_blank">Kitchen Cutter</a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijgE525Fd6DN26adk9-DypIxqlaYHI6nASTNgdjrioi-LeygjEfXuybdVVV4nmzUniOJwr-3ewlXdmSAoVJqgpeVDKDr3oYlMf3SpiSgbfddhF1OQrqqVQI3JbFTwwaazjg9vX36ePMWM/s1600/360-Oprah-Asset-_2__jpg_large.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijgE525Fd6DN26adk9-DypIxqlaYHI6nASTNgdjrioi-LeygjEfXuybdVVV4nmzUniOJwr-3ewlXdmSAoVJqgpeVDKDr3oYlMf3SpiSgbfddhF1OQrqqVQI3JbFTwwaazjg9vX36ePMWM/s320/360-Oprah-Asset-_2__jpg_large.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
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$249</div>
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"Have you spent the best years of your life grating, dicing, slicing, and doing the whole julienne thing?" writes Oprah. "<span style="background-color: white; color: #404040; font-family: "georgia" , "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16px; text-indent: -16px;">Destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked?" writes Allen Ginsberg.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #404040; font-family: "georgia" , "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16px; text-indent: -16px;">And no, as mentioned earlier, I've spent my best years sulking and washing towels.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #404040; font-family: "georgia" , "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16px; text-indent: -16px;">I don't particularly want this but it DOES look like brutal, fruit-slicing fun.</span></div>
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<a href="http://emjohnjewelry.com/collections/tassel-keychains?page=1" target="_blank">Fringe By Em John</a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk6EgiDg1uydXazWwYc9X7BtO7vf2ghQHUSucqOaOsRdHaO8WhkpX6oI0oj9rXJ4tVk2j9PCVak7bh6tJ7vHPV6iFKwMA5XXsii9hyaeANCPrAisa_Jnx-_uoMerFl8sWyco_wH6nqGvM/s1600/32_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk6EgiDg1uydXazWwYc9X7BtO7vf2ghQHUSucqOaOsRdHaO8WhkpX6oI0oj9rXJ4tVk2j9PCVak7bh6tJ7vHPV6iFKwMA5XXsii9hyaeANCPrAisa_Jnx-_uoMerFl8sWyco_wH6nqGvM/s200/32_large.jpg" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrchzXlePfejDjnrp2LeLYJYzXBOHYOGdwzLVR3zaPf2ifjjr-ESDXO9ZCeOmNcz3M-LyfSEURZny728oORk-4RcLPr5_aPWPZx6Pi7aGdfFfYacJ7MeEUX_xqWxnml8wauyelG8hojQY/s1600/76_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrchzXlePfejDjnrp2LeLYJYzXBOHYOGdwzLVR3zaPf2ifjjr-ESDXO9ZCeOmNcz3M-LyfSEURZny728oORk-4RcLPr5_aPWPZx6Pi7aGdfFfYacJ7MeEUX_xqWxnml8wauyelG8hojQY/s200/76_large.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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$16 each</div>
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These aren't ACTUALLY "ew", but the urge to spell something rude was overwhelming to me - because I'm a bad person - and my other rude word choices wouldn't fit.</div>
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My mom - and I think I write this every year when encountering keychains - has a Daffy Duck keychain because his splayed duck legs are easy to find in her purse. I'm certain the sharp edges of those letters would be equally easy to find in your purse, as well.</div>
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<a href="https://myaudiopet.com/" target="_blank">Mini Bluetooth Speakers</a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPmHFo9cdu_kawhGPesk45iAdIvYgv8nyRXnWk8qTiYujh4W3fdin4fTHqPZDINuc_iH5ml2VzxCKDQDzAgbhkJtkKfnmgJGEOaL3Q2qvc8qh8VbFe2pMVKVy-K231j4ZFZWyVev3Bxng/s1600/Screen_Shot_2016-10-17_at_9.46.31_AM_large.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="68" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPmHFo9cdu_kawhGPesk45iAdIvYgv8nyRXnWk8qTiYujh4W3fdin4fTHqPZDINuc_iH5ml2VzxCKDQDzAgbhkJtkKfnmgJGEOaL3Q2qvc8qh8VbFe2pMVKVy-K231j4ZFZWyVev3Bxng/s320/Screen_Shot_2016-10-17_at_9.46.31_AM_large.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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$25</div>
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Here it is! The thing I want most of all on this entire list! Those are ADORABLE!</div>
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I was also in a situation this summer where I was forced to endure someone else's incorrect musical choices because THEY OWNED THE BLUETOOTH SPEAKER and have since then been possessed of the need to have my own Bluetooth speaker so this never, EVER happens to me again.</div>
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<a href="https://glitterville-shop.myshopify.com/products/marbled-plates-set-of-6" target="_blank"><br /></a></div>
<a href="https://glitterville-shop.myshopify.com/products/marbled-plates-set-of-6" target="_blank"> Set of 6 Marbled Plates</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_KetmhkT86UVunMGC_GtFj9AXlNpFP_gMuosMC2s5a_wkCy_eyJzQxDeb5B5IwrNv7dkKqyMiHuzl6pb95KvyWH2VHlh5HYqw95GuBcuat0XnilISaVoHGQIO-_mRlId_ify8vZNRnGQ/s1600/MarblePlates_2_1024x1024.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_KetmhkT86UVunMGC_GtFj9AXlNpFP_gMuosMC2s5a_wkCy_eyJzQxDeb5B5IwrNv7dkKqyMiHuzl6pb95KvyWH2VHlh5HYqw95GuBcuat0XnilISaVoHGQIO-_mRlId_ify8vZNRnGQ/s320/MarblePlates_2_1024x1024.jpg" width="224" /></a></div>
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$68 for six</div>
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Pretty! And - if given to me - doomed!</div>
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<a href="https://www.drinksoma.com/products/pitcher" target="_blank">Soma Ten-Cup Pitcher</a></div>
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$40</div>
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This is a water-filtering pitcher and the FILTER IS MADE OF COCONUT SHELL OH MY GOD. I am SO allergic to coconut and this casual use of coconut in a product that people might not even think of warning houseguests about distresses me.</div>
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<a href="http://us.tretorn.com/store/oprahs-2016-list-of-favorite-things.html" target="_blank"><br /></a></div>
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<a href="http://us.tretorn.com/store/oprahs-2016-list-of-favorite-things.html" target="_blank">Harriet Over the knee Boots</a></div>
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$165</div>
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These are fine, even if I find segmented clothing like that rather reminiscent of a caterpillar's bumps. Still! Quite nice!</div>
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I got a pair of knee-high boots on DEEP sale and everywhere I go, people compliment them and I'm always frozen because DO I TELL THEM THEY WERE $35 or what? It's anecdotes like this that make this gift guide critique such a winner.</div>
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<a href="http://www.burtsbeesbaby.com/Candy-Cane-Pajama-Ornament-Set/LY23364-CBR-12M,en_US,pd.html?start=10&cgid=Family_Jammies" target="_blank"><br /></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.burtsbeesbaby.com/Candy-Cane-Pajama-Ornament-Set/LY23364-CBR-12M,en_US,pd.html?start=10&cgid=Family_Jammies" target="_blank">Candy Cane Stripe 100% Organic Cotton Family Jammies</a></div>
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$13-40 each</div>
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There's my desire to never wear horizontally-striped, form fitting one piece pajamas, but it is at deep war with my cruel wish to have all of my huge sullen adolescent children wear unflattering matching pajamas. "Ha ha!" I think, from some deep, best-examined part of my psyche. What a merry Christmas morning that would be!</div>
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<a href="http://edwardbess.com/makeup/lips?product_id=246" target="_blank">Big Kiss Lipstick</a></div>
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$65</div>
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It's a giant red lipstick! You'd need to use a brush to put it on, but it amuses me.</div>
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<a href="https://www.fossil.com/us/en/products/emma-rfid-large-zip-clutch-sku-sl7235p.html" target="_blank">Emma Large Zip Clutch</a></div>
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$85</div>
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I write this HORRIBLE LIST in order and just had the cheering thought that maybe I'm almost done! I made the mistake of scrolling down and oh, no, I am not. O DEATH WHERE IS THY STING.</div>
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So. It's a brightly coloured wallet. I don't know if being hot pink makes a wallet more FUN, but it's alright.</div>
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<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01M0N2QGS?ref=oft16_B01LXE10BA_FA_20&th=1&psc=1" target="_blank">Beatriz Accessories Large Tropical Edge Clutches</a></div>
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$250</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIJUYzLu7sv-jiVrchTWiVOUNtHg72qHL8rh6hl-9Mq6ot7SUQHEE2uRlv5opE-S66VUck_okMTXHXxGMST7iknP8uwY3mNTFE5g7E0fplg9GcM70XbRg16VUUTcyjBl6WCCYM6m4B1bc/s1600/Beatriz-Accessories-Clutch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIJUYzLu7sv-jiVrchTWiVOUNtHg72qHL8rh6hl-9Mq6ot7SUQHEE2uRlv5opE-S66VUck_okMTXHXxGMST7iknP8uwY3mNTFE5g7E0fplg9GcM70XbRg16VUUTcyjBl6WCCYM6m4B1bc/s320/Beatriz-Accessories-Clutch.jpg" width="223" /></a></div>
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Those ARE fun! I would like one very much even though I don't think I've ever needed a clutch in my entire life. Do you ever use clutches? Is your life great? Do you spend less than 25% of your waking hours doing laundry?</div>
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<a href="http://www1.bloomingdales.com/shop/search?keyword=rbt+decanter" target="_blank">RBT Decanter</a></div>
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$100</div>
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OOOoooh, you aerate your wine! Aren't YOU fancy. </div>
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I would probably love this, to be frank. I love being fancy.</div>
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<a href="http://www.harrybarker.com/gifts/furry-friend-bucket.html" target="_blank">Furry Friends Bucket</a></div>
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$60</div>
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It's sixty bucks for a pail of presents for your dog, and alright, if you want to get that for your dog, go ahead but I am ALL out of patience for the phrase "dog parents", no. No comparison, don't.</div>
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<a href="http://www.sorel.com/womens-sorel-major-moto-boot-1708891.html?dwvar_1708891_variationColor=010#q=major+moto&start=0" target="_blank">Major Moto Boots</a></div>
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$180</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjah6GyVl2_0GwXyscAy4Z8WYE1yBqwDmBlfELRzjRBYApJB0J76UDsuWJzX3THEQho6DoFKoks1j1TiaphciH4uuRbsE_Sy6zBMdWk1ELl1V4TfQsO3YgFJ1GLVXpWcltHWiTS_wU3v8c/s1600/1708891_010_f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjah6GyVl2_0GwXyscAy4Z8WYE1yBqwDmBlfELRzjRBYApJB0J76UDsuWJzX3THEQho6DoFKoks1j1TiaphciH4uuRbsE_Sy6zBMdWk1ELl1V4TfQsO3YgFJ1GLVXpWcltHWiTS_wU3v8c/s320/1708891_010_f.jpg" width="314" /></a></div>
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A Short Play Wherein Oprah And I Run Into Each Other While Wearing The Same Excellent Boots</div>
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Oprah: (graciously) I love your boots</div>
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Me: (super awkwardly) THEY WERE $180 </div>
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*fin*</div>
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<a href="https://www.avegant.com/" target="_blank">Avegant Glyph</a></div>
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$549</div>
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My Christmas gift to you is sending you to my Google search for "<a href="https://www.google.ca/search?q=avegant+glyph&safe=active&espv=2&biw=1600&bih=770&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjqnYSAwufQAhVMy2MKHQjCBfkQ_AUICCgD#safe=active&tbm=isch&q=people+wearing+avegant+glyph" target="_blank">People Wearing Avegant Glyph</a>" and YOU ARE WELCOME.</div>
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In conclusion: HAHAHAHAHAHHA LOOK AT THAT DUMB THING.</div>
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<a href="http://www.canvashomestore.com/collections/extra-large-sintra-bowls" target="_blank">Sintra Extra Large Bowls</a></div>
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$138 each</div>
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They are big, attractively glazed handmade bowls and are very nice, but what I find off-putting is Oprah's suggestion: "Fill one with beautiful fruits or pinecones for a personal gift."</div>
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Pinecones as a gift are fine if you're 3 and just back from a walk with your grandpa but from an adult, it's a little bizarre. Please don't give people a (lovely!) bowl filled with pinecones.</div>
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<a href="https://www.wolf1834.com/item/329915/caroline/" target="_blank">WOLF Caroline Zip Cases</a></div>
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$59</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKHViynvnKBuIXXa9vsjHs8NICnJ8ceeMRfARHf9zrXqNHk3LLQdmlw9EDlZO-gSIB7yw-z5fOp6z1BbCRzaOot_iBqjb0riOBvUMQakeJoijZ3lcnohWhNz_pWu1JuD3joGsp7cZpu4I/s1600/329915-3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKHViynvnKBuIXXa9vsjHs8NICnJ8ceeMRfARHf9zrXqNHk3LLQdmlw9EDlZO-gSIB7yw-z5fOp6z1BbCRzaOot_iBqjb0riOBvUMQakeJoijZ3lcnohWhNz_pWu1JuD3joGsp7cZpu4I/s320/329915-3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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This is a sweet little thing and I am POSSESSED of the need to own it despite the fact that I do not travel AND I DON'T LIKE JEWELRY! But I suppose I could develop a taste for both leaving my lovely, lovely house and personal adornment, all so I could have the pleasure of owning this elegant little travel case.</div>
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<a href="http://www.neimanmarcus.com/en-ca/Majestic-Paris-for-Neiman-Marcus-Soft-Touch-Long-Sleeve-V-Neck-Tee/prod172800114/p.prod?icid=&searchType=MAIN&rte=%2Fsearch.jsp%3Ffrom%3DbrSearch%26request_type%3Dsearch%26search_type%3Dkeyword%26q%3Dmajestic+filatures+soft+tee&eItemId=prod172800114&cmCat=search&tc=13&currentItemCount=1&q=majestic+filatures+soft+tee&searchURL=/en-ca/search.jsp%3Ffrom%3DbrSearch%26start%3D0%26rows%3D30%26q%3Dmajestic+filatures+soft+tee%26l%3Dmajestic+filatures+soft+tee%26request_type%3Dsearch%26search_type%3Dkeyword&childItemId=NMT8JQS_" target="_blank">Majestic Filatures Soft Touch Scoopneck and V-Neck Tees</a></div>
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$135</div>
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This t-shirt is "truly a goes-with-anything" writes Oprah and for ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY FIVE DOLLARS, I SHOULD HOPE SO.</div>
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Not to be grimly Calvinist, but that is TOO MUCH MONEY FOR A T-SHIRT.</div>
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<a href="http://addisonweeks.com/products/whitten-studs-pink-opal" target="_blank">Whitten Studs</a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqpUCuJ54y9rkZbIM2zV-xQbKTVdSwr_SKOziN-p31HVJg5Yb1rXsiULfozfXl9iMW6Cz8E2lBQgBvUWxTKePA-1A-vsn909TS61kKFWL1Yv3HF6X-BvQt-O6HGWkR2z9GIyq7NFCUO3U/s1600/201612-omag-oprah-favorite-things-earrings-whitten-studs-949x1356.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqpUCuJ54y9rkZbIM2zV-xQbKTVdSwr_SKOziN-p31HVJg5Yb1rXsiULfozfXl9iMW6Cz8E2lBQgBvUWxTKePA-1A-vsn909TS61kKFWL1Yv3HF6X-BvQt-O6HGWkR2z9GIyq7NFCUO3U/s320/201612-omag-oprah-favorite-things-earrings-whitten-studs-949x1356.jpg" width="223" /></a></div>
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$72 a pair</div>
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More jewelry and not for me, obviously, but fine.</div>
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<a href="http://www.butterlondon.com/Gifts/The-Most-Wonderfull-of-All.html" target="_blank">The Most Wonderful Of All Ultimate Treatment and Nail Lacquer Collection</a></div>
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$150 for 22 Butter nail polishes and a lazy Susan</div>
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Recently, my daughters and I counted all of our collected bottles of nail polish and we have OVER 100 BOTTLES OF NAIL POLISH so we are good, thank you. We have enough.</div>
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I suspect if someone gave us a fancy set, like this, we could just toss all of our old polish out. </div>
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<a href="https://www.fitbit.com/ca/gift-guide" target="_blank">Alta Fitbit</a></div>
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$130</div>
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There's a nice plum one that I briefly caught myself thinking "Oh, I'd like that," and then I remembered my NEVER GIVE FITNESS OR HEALTH GIFTS FOR CHRISTMAS UNLESS SPECIFICALLY REQUESTED mantra. But if someone ASKS for a Fitbit, these are very cute.</div>
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<a href="http://www.vionicshoes.com/women/slippers/relax-slipper.html" target="_blank">Relax Slippers</a></div>
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$60</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUifI1ctQB1xQMRuDuuQnjQ2rh1dOcMbfxQ3dcnmr_BuDeXNHOLn-YQ9CI3sFLX_sJnDA-CHO_yTFYIa92ZTyDW0ENH81K6RFtreQFjHrdwJQbXAa_rSoSdAzRwYYAyrIsL3eoKimDueA/s1600/201612-omag-oprah-favorite-things-vionic-relax-slippers-949x1356.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUifI1ctQB1xQMRuDuuQnjQ2rh1dOcMbfxQ3dcnmr_BuDeXNHOLn-YQ9CI3sFLX_sJnDA-CHO_yTFYIa92ZTyDW0ENH81K6RFtreQFjHrdwJQbXAa_rSoSdAzRwYYAyrIsL3eoKimDueA/s320/201612-omag-oprah-favorite-things-vionic-relax-slippers-949x1356.jpg" width="223" /></a></div>
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"Talk about cute and comfy," writes Oprah. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdzT7SiPF-EonodF1UN6-7LxOsJW4bzaKR-OJcTXSn_AmrGbVkVJUP7RQg-qbMAkMvcw-HTnsM4t_ySRuq7NFkvKpBDmkON8wfqTZuUmHq_PcKHQRawZbsOzUGsD51O5Sj-TiXfyoct14/s1600/giphy+%25281%2529.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdzT7SiPF-EonodF1UN6-7LxOsJW4bzaKR-OJcTXSn_AmrGbVkVJUP7RQg-qbMAkMvcw-HTnsM4t_ySRuq7NFkvKpBDmkON8wfqTZuUmHq_PcKHQRawZbsOzUGsD51O5Sj-TiXfyoct14/s320/giphy+%25281%2529.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.emijay.com/rae-sweatshirt-in-navy-with-3-hair-ties.html" target="_blank">Rae Sweatshirts</a></div>
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$112</div>
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It's a nice enough sweatshirt and I would be quite pleased to get it, assuming that it's neither forest green nor burgundy.</div>
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<a href="https://www.woolandthegang.com/s?keywords=zion+lion" target="_blank">Zion Lion Pom Knit Hat</a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin6KS4mVGF7bx4rbp9ImsXSxYHRhFq9O79hOifNH1Yd7ZEiAEvHowpgUXkP_t2QWn68J15BSO0EH_-arFWI675HvgSJqNLhpwXyPXxT61qirlh_dbqULT_27a_a49Fk6Zta3g2l5YUhqs/s1600/Zion-Lion-Pom-Knit-Hats.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin6KS4mVGF7bx4rbp9ImsXSxYHRhFq9O79hOifNH1Yd7ZEiAEvHowpgUXkP_t2QWn68J15BSO0EH_-arFWI675HvgSJqNLhpwXyPXxT61qirlh_dbqULT_27a_a49Fk6Zta3g2l5YUhqs/s320/Zion-Lion-Pom-Knit-Hats.jpg" width="223" /></a></div>
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$60</div>
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Brightly coloured hand-knit toques with pompoms on them, just like the ones your grandma used to knit you! Except these cost $60 and you're an adult now. But hey, it's been a wretched year and if this makes you happy, then it's a lovely and good thing.</div>
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<a href="http://www.philips.ca/c-p/HD9240_94/avance-collection-airfryer-xl-with-rapid-air-technology" target="_blank">Avance Airfryer XL</a></div>
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$300</div>
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This is an air fryer, which means, I guess, that you can deep fry foods without all the pesky heart disease and that sounds good, I guess. I don't eat deep fried foods now but it sounds spiffy.</div>
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<a href="https://www.silveroak.com/" target="_blank">Alexander Valley Cabernet Sauvignon</a></div>
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$99</div>
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I mean, I'd certainly enjoy this, but BELIEVE me when I tell you that I am in NO WAY discerning enough to require a $99 bottle of wine.</div>
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<a href="https://www.samsung.com/global/seriftv/uk/" target="_blank">Samsung Serif TV</a></div>
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$1500</div>
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It's a big smart tv? I'm not entirely sure what a "smart tv" is, because I just have a regular (although fairly fancy) television and it just seems like a big chunk of plastic or glass or whatever tvs are made of. My caveat is to be certain that your recipients WANT a big tv because giving people large things for their house can be very aggressive and unwelcome, even when they're big expensive televisions.</div>
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<a href="http://www.yikestwins.com/category_16/Childrens-Slippers.htm" target="_blank">Children's Slippers</a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUC96mfbOiQCrNLIEqS3EHtIIFVjBaijk7ooqhcON4vdhVK3avi9IOkohoFCXY0lsYv4c3OtCjAhMeQwMdNJhzZwYHYTvBvJ6LBu8qHGFZGxYQokJa67yLSglVGlPHXBxLOrR35N2WPnM/s1600/201612-omag-oprah-favorite-things-childrens-animal-slippers-949x1356.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUC96mfbOiQCrNLIEqS3EHtIIFVjBaijk7ooqhcON4vdhVK3avi9IOkohoFCXY0lsYv4c3OtCjAhMeQwMdNJhzZwYHYTvBvJ6LBu8qHGFZGxYQokJa67yLSglVGlPHXBxLOrR35N2WPnM/s320/201612-omag-oprah-favorite-things-childrens-animal-slippers-949x1356.jpg" width="223" /></a></div>
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$24</div>
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Another gift for human children and not - God help us - "fur children." </div>
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And these are very cute! My youngest child would like these very much.</div>
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<a href="http://www.ulta.com/kissing-squad-limited-edition-lip-sculptor-quad?productId=xlsImpprod14831079&sku=2304959&_requestid=4944022" target="_blank">Tarte Kissing Squad Limited-Edition Lip Sculptor Quad</a></div>
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$34</div>
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A set of four lip glosses and lipsticks and they all seem to be in lovely, generally appealing colours so A+ for this lipstick set.</div>
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<a href="https://www.charlesfradinhome.com/products/custom-portrait-dog-blanket" target="_blank">Custom Dog Blankets</a></div>
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$395</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieuwTaaggZcLTOo2RdWswL9uSp89IqCTpUV7xZYz-dWDOpo8UYApEYS_ZaKhtE8O_32GY6TSlD8ftj_lf4FElnEaKdcn7xX1uH_PWT9xGMFxRJoVvve8vzXODUaaZFacUDhSngOWRm1dE/s1600/201612-omag-oprah-favorite-things-custom-dog-blanket-949x1356.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieuwTaaggZcLTOo2RdWswL9uSp89IqCTpUV7xZYz-dWDOpo8UYApEYS_ZaKhtE8O_32GY6TSlD8ftj_lf4FElnEaKdcn7xX1uH_PWT9xGMFxRJoVvve8vzXODUaaZFacUDhSngOWRm1dE/s320/201612-omag-oprah-favorite-things-custom-dog-blanket-949x1356.jpg" width="223" /></a></div>
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For the love of God. This is a microfleece blanket with your effing dog's picture on it.</div>
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Your dog does not need a $400 blanket. Your dog DOES NOT CARE. Your dog is not a "fur baby." It is a dog.</div>
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If you think your dog would like a blanket, go grab him a $5 fleece blanket from Giant Tiger. You can wash it EASILY when it gets foul (and it will because dogs are DISGUSTING). It's practical! and then take the other $395 and<a href="https://give.unhcr.ca/ea-action/action?ea.client.id=1920&ea.campaign.id=41138&en_txn10=16-OL_UNR" target="_blank"> donate it to actual human children who are suffering and who have actual needs.</a> This is a time when our moral actions have serious consequences, and buying $400 luxury goods FOR YOUR PET is a moral action.</div>
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I guess my exception to this is for the very rich - so, Oprah - who have donated SO much to charity this year and $400 is just a drop in the bucket and a way to dote on their pet. But I'm not very rich (ho, ho) and neither are you, probably.</div>
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<a href="http://pursen.net/collections/travel-pillow-organizer" target="_blank">Travel Pillow Organizer </a></div>
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$35</div>
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I am STILL MAD at the dog blanket. But this is, I guess, fine? It looks sort of old-ladyish, but I generally only use that in the most approving of ways, and this looks like a fine thing for the frequent traveler of your acquaintance. Can I imagine Jessica Fletcher using this? Why, yes I can.</div>
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<a href="https://www.raden.com/products/a22-carry?color=black&finish=gloss" target="_blank">Raden Luggage</a></div>
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$295-595</div>
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I have no clue about this sort of thing - it looks fine, I guess? - but I've heard about this particular luggage A MILLION TIMES THIS YEAR, so good job, Raden's publicity department!</div>
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<a href="https://www.thecottagegreenhouse.com/collections/spa-gift-sets" target="_blank">Bath and Body Gift Sets</a></div>
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$65</div>
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Bath sets in wild ginger, carrot, and grapefruit.</div>
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1. Ouch to the very idea of soaking my delicate ladybits in ginger.</div>
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2. "Carrot" as a bath scent? </div>
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3. Oprah wrote "Now I get to combine two of my great loves in life: farming and bathing!" and I thought that was fun, so I googled "farm bath gif" WITHOUT SAFE SEARCH ON and my eyes, my poor sweet eyes. Why are you LIKE that, internet?</div>
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Instead, here is a sweetly innocent panda splashing around.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBXojgn8VefIV4P_25zH_FNICm_q41ZIN0-kXBE6A1VbWT4bdStcAOpmvglEk6muacq-hDK9sjTuvDQh6sbTcR4bIS7_z0IRZ0_fT_sAFeGPYqSRi29KYtau82VaFDlRGzw_YK9Nd8qg4/s1600/giphy+%25282%2529.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBXojgn8VefIV4P_25zH_FNICm_q41ZIN0-kXBE6A1VbWT4bdStcAOpmvglEk6muacq-hDK9sjTuvDQh6sbTcR4bIS7_z0IRZ0_fT_sAFeGPYqSRi29KYtau82VaFDlRGzw_YK9Nd8qg4/s1600/giphy+%25282%2529.gif" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.landsdownunder.com/italian-herringbone-throws" target="_blank">Italian Herringbone Throws </a></div>
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$128</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoszPjQtX5YSHaieBX7nhwREYCN0fMcEIvgjget9Zy1BK-uyyyOkYSRzOj9vwaGKCsq16sXOZ1KnvH2_QcsXQKZ_RhESbf4NVSljudDHcsIinF3JWEuWHA8QLdvuag2eRd1cRCqEU_Pc8/s1600/201612-omag-oprah-favorite-things-throw-949x1356.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoszPjQtX5YSHaieBX7nhwREYCN0fMcEIvgjget9Zy1BK-uyyyOkYSRzOj9vwaGKCsq16sXOZ1KnvH2_QcsXQKZ_RhESbf4NVSljudDHcsIinF3JWEuWHA8QLdvuag2eRd1cRCqEU_Pc8/s320/201612-omag-oprah-favorite-things-throw-949x1356.jpg" width="223" /></a></div>
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Isn't that pretty? That's pretty. I'd truly love to be given a big expensive stack of candy coloured throws. It's not going to happen but it's a lovely photo.</div>
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Does anyone actually KNOW what "herringbone" IS, as a pattern?</div>
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<a href="http://broukandco.com/athome/eyewear-accessory-box" target="_blank">Eyewear Boxes</a></div>
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$60</div>
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Pretty glossy boxes to keep all your glasses in. This makes me wonder how many pairs of glasses the average glass wearer HAS - most people in my house wear glasses and have 2 pairs each, max. Hm</div>
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<a href="https://www.cocoonbysealy.com/" target="_blank">Cocoon by Sealy Classic </a></div>
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$399-$849</div>
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It's a mattress! One year my in-laws gave us a boxspring set to replace the futon we'd been sleeping on and it was AMAZING and just writing about it makes me feel like going back to bed instead of yammering on about Oprah's list.</div>
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<a href="http://shop.yonanas.com/products/yonanas-elite" target="_blank">Yonanas Elite </a></div>
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$89 with code</div>
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It's a small appliance that turns frozen fruit into sorbet and we were given one much like this last year and have never taken it out of the box because we are clods and not deserving of good health. Also, you can use a blender to do the same thing, and a blender already takes up a preset amount of counter space.</div>
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<a href="https://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi40809&defaultColor=7349&N=0&Ntt=puffer%20vest&selectedConcept=" target="_blank">Chevron Quilted Puffer Vest</a></div>
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$119</div>
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I'm writing this in mid-December instead of mid-November, which is when I NORMALLY write this and mid-December is when I suddenly am cold ALL THE TIME so I would like a slenderizing puffer vest RIGHT NOW THANK YOU VERY MUCH. </div>
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<a href="http://www.marigotcollection.com/products/maya-check-long-pajama-set-1" target="_blank">Maya Check Long Pajamas </a></div>
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$150</div>
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Gingham pajamas and rather endearingly fun in a "I put away all my erotic hopes and dreams" sort of way.</div>
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<a href="http://www.marigotcollection.com/products/maya-check-long-pajama-set-1" target="_blank">Unisex Watches</a></div>
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$190</div>
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Do people still wear watches? Yes? Here is a watch?</div>
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<a href="http://canada.royaldoulton.com/kitchen-black-6-piece-knife-block-set" target="_blank">Royal Doulton Gordon Ramsay 6 Piece Knife Block Set</a></div>
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$100</div>
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I find Gordon Ramsay's whole THING so unappealing that I can't even imagine spending money on something that profits him.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgujsVXgvi2OEXXXkTbhmBMW6ag2J0Rf1EeSIeQ3ZTNKDwF1YYA_PXUB3xR_p1O1QE3xAHkGNzdKobEZDUV6EkBJHRirhiQoCwXW6TfnPQ-VYS7p958aWiGGPWDLDzRL2Xn2cmsJr9S2O8/s1600/giphy+%25283%2529.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgujsVXgvi2OEXXXkTbhmBMW6ag2J0Rf1EeSIeQ3ZTNKDwF1YYA_PXUB3xR_p1O1QE3xAHkGNzdKobEZDUV6EkBJHRirhiQoCwXW6TfnPQ-VYS7p958aWiGGPWDLDzRL2Xn2cmsJr9S2O8/s320/giphy+%25283%2529.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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A man yelling abusively in a woman's face. NICE. So yeah, I'm not buying this.</div>
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<a href="https://7amenfant.com/shop/bk718/" target="_blank">BK718 All IN One Backpack</a></div>
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$78</div>
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It's a cute-enough lined backpack/diaper bag and I'm so beyond all of this that I'm going to go someplace else and cry but it would be nice for first-time parents.</div>
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<a href="http://www.dysoncanada.ca/en-CA/haircare/supersonic.aspx#smooth-scroll-shop" target="_blank">Supersonic Hair Dryer</a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi00ty_DvrOCqs9APoBnFha_5TazWLeyWOvzJBAv-dop1HRUppU-9Dcy2MZIVeb3CtfaL_E1TuEuiwFapsZU8JHDY1GsdG7X_vBcE6hVawlYGdjFIAAqOGWo3BMjK3CngJfudw1uwrb69A/s1600/hair+thing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi00ty_DvrOCqs9APoBnFha_5TazWLeyWOvzJBAv-dop1HRUppU-9Dcy2MZIVeb3CtfaL_E1TuEuiwFapsZU8JHDY1GsdG7X_vBcE6hVawlYGdjFIAAqOGWo3BMjK3CngJfudw1uwrb69A/s1600/hair+thing.jpg" /></a></div>
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$400</div>
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1. It's a $400 hair dryer.</div>
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2. It looks like a high tech magic wand.</div>
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3. It also looks like... um... a toy... for men.... </div>
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4. It's a FOUR HUNDRED DOLLAR HAIR DRYER.</div>
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<a href="https://juniperbooks.com/" target="_blank">Juniper Book Sets</a></div>
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$195-$25</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB4focMbSgzGubkHzTtPb695O2AEGP0MFD07TwB6sD-U9RMhqxqh_jCjks2bh_svgaeqAFTvibuB_qV8sZbRD3giTcPr_9xYQxVvggb4-wG0uEASKBoKrsDlqw9VIroE7ZG2STE1i_L4g/s1600/PBS5-purple-bronte-sisters-front-1200-700x700.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB4focMbSgzGubkHzTtPb695O2AEGP0MFD07TwB6sD-U9RMhqxqh_jCjks2bh_svgaeqAFTvibuB_qV8sZbRD3giTcPr_9xYQxVvggb4-wG0uEASKBoKrsDlqw9VIroE7ZG2STE1i_L4g/s320/PBS5-purple-bronte-sisters-front-1200-700x700.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Oh, absolutely, yes. (That's the Bronte set but there's lots of incredibly lovely sets to choose from.)</div>
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<a href="http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=1006982&vid=1&pid=460658022" target="_blank">GapFit Spacedye Half-Zip Pullovers</a></div>
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$60</div>
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Oh, come ON. Don't give people work-out clothes unless THEY HAVE ASKED YOU FOR WORK-OUT CLOTHES.</div>
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<a href="https://janiescakes.com/christmas/" target="_blank">Jane Pound Cakes</a></div>
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$28-$40</div>
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Fancy pound cakes! And I'm in the FOOD section of the Oprah gift list, where my critical facilities shut down and I turn into a being of pure yearning.</div>
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I wish I was eating a fancy pound cake RIGHT NOW.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjive86ZfKc3kQViHMbgMoLQn6KnE8j_qdzYoID6v5YIEsSrlMZRwJuJUAbhxPZ11ReYtdou1CPNpNV7hdT1uDoyxdF2111Mf9KpQn49H9K1MKJ69KD-590jkhoRYA-g5uLBE762T0Jrg/s1600/doctor+who.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjive86ZfKc3kQViHMbgMoLQn6KnE8j_qdzYoID6v5YIEsSrlMZRwJuJUAbhxPZ11ReYtdou1CPNpNV7hdT1uDoyxdF2111Mf9KpQn49H9K1MKJ69KD-590jkhoRYA-g5uLBE762T0Jrg/s320/doctor+who.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://detroitchips.com/order-online.html#!/Variety-Crate/p/74104723/category=0" target="_blank">Detroit Friends Potato Chips Gift Crate</a></div>
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$35</div>
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A crate filled with 8 bags of potato chips and they were grown in re-purposed lots in Detroit and the whole thing sounds terrific.</div>
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<a href="https://shop.runamokmaple.com/collections/gift-boxes-1/products/barrel-aged-infused-maple-syrup-gift-box-3-250ml-bottles?variant=31688481156" target="_blank">Gift Box Of 3 Maple Syrups</a></div>
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$70</div>
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I do not approve of flavoured maple syrups - THEY ALREADY HAVE A FLAVOUR AND IT IS MAPLE - but these are likely delicious or whatever. I'll never know, since I only chug maple syrup from Canada, like the SUPER PATRIOT that I am.</div>
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<a href="https://www.sabatinotruffles.com/products/truffle-holiday-set-oprahs-favorite-things-2016" target="_blank">Sabatino Tartufi Truffle Holiday Set</a></div>
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$32</div>
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When I become off-puttingly, hugely wealthy, I'm going to have to find my own alienating niche rich-person food to suggest to people that isn't truffles because yuck, truffles.</div>
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<a href="http://www.cypressgrovecheese.com/holiday-cheese-cake.html" target="_blank">Holiday Cheese "Cake" </a></div>
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$135</div>
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YES PLEASE. I would like this pile of cheese right now, thank you.</div>
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<a href="http://cracktoffee.com/biggies-tower-of-toffee/" target="_blank">Biggie's Tower of Toffee</a></div>
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$50</div>
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Here is a recipe for <a href="http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/trisha-yearwood/sweet-and-saltines-recipe.html" target="_blank">Christmas crack</a>, which is both kind of gross and irresistible to eat in DISGUSTING quantities. If you gave me multiple boxes of fancy toffee, I'd probably eat too much of that, too.</div>
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<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01MTIR5Q7?ref=oft16_B01LWP5KO1_AL_88&tag=thougcatal0c-20&th=1" target="_blank">English Muffins and Preserves Set</a></div>
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$40</div>
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English muffins and jam? Isn't that... groceries? I mean, maybe you're coming over for breakfast or something? </div>
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<a href="http://www.grapeseedoil.com/store/Oprahs-Favorite-Thing---The-Grapeseed-Oil-Pantry/810AC318-3936-4D49-9B9F-265D9561A0AA?StoreTypeID=1063&CategoryId=aae40b21-28c8-4181-ac98-85d3019448f3&SubCategoryId=&catalogpgid=73cb47b6-2f77-4b6d-8315-8cb86b52fccb" target="_blank">Salute Sante! Pantry Gift Set</a></div>
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$90</div>
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It's a set of grapseseed oils for cooking and guess what! I AM ALLERGIC TO GRAPESEED OIL (because of COURSE I am) but anyhow. Before giving people food gifts, check for allergies.</div>
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<a href="http://www.bigbottommarket.com/big-bottom-market-biscuit-mix-and-honey-set/" target="_blank">Biscuit Mix and Honey Set</a></div>
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$22</div>
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Aw, yes. Eating homemade biscuits (preferably made by my mom) and honey sounds like a great time.</div>
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<a href="http://farmshopca.com/shop/holiday-cookie-collection" target="_blank">Holiday Cookie Collection</a></div>
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$65 for eight cookies in each of 3 flavours. That's 24 cookies for $65. They are nicely packaged... chocolate chip cookies. I mean, they look nice but I also have faith that you can make 24 chocolate chip cookies for less than $65.</div>
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<a href="https://www.swmsweets.com/shop/bonbons/24-piece-box-22.html" target="_blank">24 piece Storybook of Assorted Bonbons</a></div>
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$88</div>
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It's a box that looks like a book, filled with fancy chocolates. YES. This is my whole thing RIGHT here. I want to be eating those while everyone heads off to work and school, and laying on the couch in a fancy robe for maximum effect.</div>
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<a href="http://southernculturefoods.com/collections/gift-sets/products/garlic-and-herb-stone-ground-grits" target="_blank">Southern Grits Trio</a></div>
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$45</div>
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I'm not even really sure what a grit is. Would I like them? Are they good?</div>
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<a href="http://mailorder.sweetladyjane.com/collections/oprahs-favorite-things-1/products/royal-riviera-pear-almond-tart-10-round" target="_blank">Royal Riviera Pear Almond Tart</a></div>
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$60</div>
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Very, very predictably: I am allergic to almonds. Please feel free to buy me many of their other baked goods.</div>
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<a href="http://josephinesfeast.com/store/#!/6-Piece-NO-SALT-Spice-Rub-Collection-An-Oprahs-Favorite/p/74106423" target="_blank">Six Piece Spice Rub Collection</a></div>
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$82</div>
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I'm not certain what spice rubs are FOR. What am I rubbing them on? Why am I doing this? Is this a good set? I have no clue.</div>
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AND THERE WE HAVE IT. THAT IS THE ENTIRE LIST. I HOPE YOU HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS. </div>
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Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-6657944549069540502015-11-12T09:24:00.000-08:002015-11-12T09:24:11.575-08:00IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWNIt's Oprah's Favourites Time Again! My goodness, time is fleeting and this list is crushingly long.<br />
<br />
I don't think I'm <i>right</i> and Oprah is <i>wrong</i>, by the way - my posts about Oprah's lists have always only been about whether or not I want the suggested items and generally the answer is NOPE. Of course, everything is seen through the list of my own peculiarities - I hate nuts and jewelry and most perfumes and I'm allergic to pretty much everything and I much, much prefer being the parent of human children instead of dogs. These are<i> subjective</i> opinions and I'm okay not sharing them with everyone.<br />
<br />
The only thing I do insist that I'm right about is that you should not give your wife a set of portion control scales for Christmas. THAT IS A BAD IDEA.<br />
<br />
Here we go!<br />
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<a href="http://www.sweetladyjane.com/Default.asp" target="_blank">Cherry Pie</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPbZe_SkVc6NreAWShwTqpcjVEkc8YpErooX1hauxt8S-RblD_vJ04orvgzZ-3Et4F3C1U8GeFA2Ry7i3GmydU1g85lJIUow2noRxpZ07oat1TP7-bP4PacTrqyuvybeuW-_WMR_iZ_WE/s1600/cherry+pie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPbZe_SkVc6NreAWShwTqpcjVEkc8YpErooX1hauxt8S-RblD_vJ04orvgzZ-3Et4F3C1U8GeFA2Ry7i3GmydU1g85lJIUow2noRxpZ07oat1TP7-bP4PacTrqyuvybeuW-_WMR_iZ_WE/s320/cherry+pie.jpg" width="243" /></a></div>
<br />
$60<br />
Hang on, going to fire up "Cherry Pie" by Warrant while I write this.<br />
<br />
I don't buy pies, ever. Pies are easy enough to make and pretty much anyone can make a very nice pie and my oldest kid stress-bakes pies by the half dozen on weekends so pies are not an inaccessible luxury item. They're just food and there's no magic to making them and although I don't really have a frame of reference, $60 seems like a lot for a pie.<br />
<br />
Now to turn off "Cherry Pie"by Warrant because it is a TERRIBLE song.<br />
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<a href="http://www.moonandlola.com/collections/oprahs-favorite-things-2015?utm_source=mandl&utm_medium=banner&utm_campaign=Oprah%202015" target="_blank">Custom Pet Ornaments</a><br />
$24<br />
"The problem with the dog lovers on your list: They've already got lots of cute framed photos of their furry friends." - Oprah. IS THIS THE PROBLEM WITH THE DOG LOVERS ON MY LIST? Most of the people I know with dogs are perfectly nice, and yet I'm still not getting them an ornament in the shape of their pet with their pet's name on it.<br />
<br />
I did scroll through the ornaments looking fore one in the shape of a morbidly obese, surly cat (which I would have then have engraved with Penny's name) but alas.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/skits-providence-clever-leather-compact-tech-bag/4217407?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=2375500&fashionColor=Black&resultback=421" target="_blank">SKITS Providence Brilliant Table and Cords Shoulder Bag</a><br />
$425<br />
The problem with $425 bags is that you're either in the income bracket where this IS a reasonable price to pay for a purse or you're just not. And normalizing $425 as the amount that purses cost ignores the fact that for most people, this is a damaging amount to spend.<br />
It's a nice enough bag, of course, but if I spent $425 on a purse, I'd expect it to be able to tuck me inside and walk home on its own when I'm tired. This bag can't, so I don't want it.<br />
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<a href="http://www.modsprout.com/products/garden-jar-three-pack-herb-essentials" target="_blank">Modern Sprout Garden Jar Three-Pack Herb Essentials</a><br />
$54<br />
These plants are self-watering! It was smart of houseplants to evolve to take care of themselves since I've managed to kill every houseplant I have ever owned because I forget to water them. So now someone can give me the gifts of three glass jars and seeds for FIFTY BUCKS. Whoop-dee-doo.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.qvc.com/ED-On-Air-Prelit-Marquee-Words-wWhite-Finish-by-Ellen-DeGeneres.product.H205045.html?sc=H205045-SRCH&cm_sp=VIEWPOSITION-_-3-_-H205045&catentryImage=http://images.qvc.com/is/image/h/45/h205045.001?$uslarge$" target="_blank">ED On Air Prelit Marquee Word with rustic metal finish</a><br />
$32<br />
Oh hey, this is by Ellen. Ellen's so affable and nice but the reviews on this are really poor, which I wish Oprah had checked before she put this on her list. Also, I am super over Words As Art, and wish they would go Live Love Laugh someplace far, far away.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/material-girl-active-juniors-puffer-vest-only-at-macys?ID=2396288&CategoryID=35786&LinkType=#fn=PRODUCT_DEPARTMENT%3DJackets%26sp%3D1%26spc%3D26%26slotId%3D4%26kws%3Dmaterial%20girl" target="_blank">Material Girl puffer vests</a><br />
$60<br />
The word "puffer" seems to be an easy shorthand for "grievously unflattering" and yet "freezing to death" is also "grievously unflattering." So now the torso of your giftee can be warm and grievously unflattered in either gold, silver or rose gold, which either appeals to you or it doesn't, I guess.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/b/?&node=13164741011&ref=oft15_NA-020_FA_6" target="_blank">Family Jammies</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmHrxnvTrRbCep0fNraDpHwGx42I2XPyjRceCu80O5U8SC3un1a_RYasiJLazSsQ2BiPNMiaXe4jMhbGgLEVKdZ2tR8BttJ1jieJ9f5F6htehXRMVnhZV2DkZSyfOZ0fTa1USu3Z1pQg0/s1600/jammies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="312" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmHrxnvTrRbCep0fNraDpHwGx42I2XPyjRceCu80O5U8SC3un1a_RYasiJLazSsQ2BiPNMiaXe4jMhbGgLEVKdZ2tR8BttJ1jieJ9f5F6htehXRMVnhZV2DkZSyfOZ0fTa1USu3Z1pQg0/s320/jammies.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
1. I hate cutesy words like "jammies", "veggies" and "undies." I hate this with a skin-crawling horror. STOP IT! TALK LIKE AN ADULT!<br />
2. And YET nothing would make me feel more festive than the look of dawning horror on my teenagers' faces when everyone opens their MATCHING CHRISTMAS JAMMIES. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00ZQMNRKM?ref=oft15_B00ZQMNRKM_TE_1" target="_blank">UP3 </a><br />
$180<br />
This is one of those wearable fitness trackers.<br />
Christmas is - and it makes me sad that this is something that needs saying but anyhow - Christmas is not an ideal time to really passive-aggressively criticize a loved one with a gift that screams "I think you're fat and need to work out more, lardo." This present is a BAD IDEA. Your loved one will not thank you. Do not buy this as a gift.<br />
Also, Never Give The Following<br />
1. Unrequested diet books<br />
2. Unrequested workout DVDs<br />
3. Unrequested gym memberships.<br />
... and so on. An easy thing to remember, when giving a gift, is to ask yourself "Does this gift in any way imply that I think my beloved's body is bad and shameful and needs fixing?". Should the answer be yes, PUT THAT GIFT BACK.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.fresh.com/US/search?q=hesperides" target="_blank">Hesperides Grapefruit Bath & Shower Gel and Body Lotion set</a><br />
$43<br />
It took me many years to figure out what the connecting factors were in perfumes that I like. I like perfumes with musk, white floral and warm citrus notes, which doesn't seem like something that I should be finally realizing at 43, but there you have it. Which is a long-winded way of saying that I will never smell like Oprah, who seems to like cool citrus and herbal notes. Should you know someone who also likes cool citrus and herbal notes here is a $43 set of bath gel and lotion for them.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.chroniclebooks.com/titles/lp/letters-to-my" target="_blank">Letters To My... Keepsake Books</a><br />
$15<br />
So. This is a book of 12 fill-in-the-blank letters that your beloved is then supposed to fill out and mail to you, thus giving them The Gift Of Enforced Expression Of Feelings. People LOVE that! By all means get one of these for your husband and I will sit here in the corner, snickering.<br />
(Actually, Oprah suggests getting them and filling them out for your partner but my idea is funnier.)<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0169935P2?ref=oft15_B0169935P2_FA_11" target="_blank">NYC Weekender</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEsRKoxsYIc8HZ_8Uxzd23STKX0GCS-LbZepkLUXuHpKw7AsQ6-_CmcdB80GvXnIc8qg5xWnmoWGknqU2lNIr9QJO0OBG7p6EiABDfIVJfFHnCvnsvQ8fguubL_yFfgpb6qsKw-0uM0_o/s1600/weekend+bag.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEsRKoxsYIc8HZ_8Uxzd23STKX0GCS-LbZepkLUXuHpKw7AsQ6-_CmcdB80GvXnIc8qg5xWnmoWGknqU2lNIr9QJO0OBG7p6EiABDfIVJfFHnCvnsvQ8fguubL_yFfgpb6qsKw-0uM0_o/s320/weekend+bag.jpg" width="310" /></a></div>
<br />
$155<br />
This is hideous, like a rippling boring-coloured caterpillar or some other segmented, yucky tube-shaped bug that only comes in tasteful neutrals.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.butterlondon.com/Oprahs-Favorite-Things-Ultimate-Lacquer-Wardrobe/" target="_blank">The</a><a href="http://www.butterlondon.com/Oprahs-Favorite-Things-Ultimate-Lacquer-Wardrobe/" target="_blank"> Ultimate Lacquer Wardrobe</a><br />
$150<br />
Fancy nail polishes! Wouldn't this be splendid to get? Isn't it incredibly unlikely that someone will get me $150 in nail polish? Yes and yes.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00LVUMLJQ?ref=oft15_B00LVUMLJQ_WH_9" target="_blank">IMAX Confetti Three-Piece Book-Box Set</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggBXcKFzcU3UyhNyl_7Np_5PAT_VrcMGChAPRDggOqsU6oIhlr2p9SIf144UcaesnF4t3mNFcjyjn_ygwWURHqWZBd7DuZSd5SxFpx5Hf4gzNjmhHTFCC09GfGwkY7Rc8dRu2UND2z7WE/s1600/book+boxes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="308" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggBXcKFzcU3UyhNyl_7Np_5PAT_VrcMGChAPRDggOqsU6oIhlr2p9SIf144UcaesnF4t3mNFcjyjn_ygwWURHqWZBd7DuZSd5SxFpx5Hf4gzNjmhHTFCC09GfGwkY7Rc8dRu2UND2z7WE/s320/book+boxes.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
$60<br />
<i>"Oh boy! Books!" Beck rips open the package and then sits there, sad and confused, as the books open to reveal nothingness, much like life itself.</i> - Scene from my upcoming play, Bad Christmas Present.<br />
You know what IS a splendid Christmas present? BOOKS I ACTUALLY WANT.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B016KEO6C2?ref=oft15_B016KEO6C2_CH_2" target="_blank">Skandia Talvi Knife Block Set</a><br />
$150<br />
I am superstitious enough* to never, ever give knives as a present because that would, of course, permanently sever our relationships THROUGH MAGIC.<br />
*I'm very superstitious. I should probably be ashamed of this but I am not, human nature being what it is.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B016C1WOQS?ref=oft15_B016C1WOQS_TR_3" target="_blank">Andre walker hair Experience Kit</a><br />
$20<br />
It's a travel pack of nice hair things. It's fine. Thinking of witty things to say about Oprah-list products I like is a terrible burden, and more than once I've stumbled across discussions on friends' Facebook pages ABOUT THIS LIST where THEIR friends said I'm not as funny as I used to be, which is an odd sort of thing to read about myself. But being snarky about perfectly nice things is very very hard, and I welcome them to try it.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://lumeecase.com/collections/all" target="_blank">LuMee Case</a><br />
$50<br />
A phone case that lights up so you can take really good selfies. Hm. My oldest child has a phone-protecting Otter Box and REALLY loves it and it cost about this much, so I guess this is a fine thing for the teen you know who REALLY loves taking selfies. I have, obviously, no moral ground here.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://finessethestore.com/products/in-a-pinch-ad-hoc-salt-cellar" target="_blank">Thomas Keller's Ad Hoc Salt Cellar</a><br />
$49 for Thomas Keller's 3 favourite salts in a cute wooden box with a pig on it. Uhhh, I can't decide what I think about this. It's fine and nice and also ridiculous? I would be delighted if I got it but I also would be worried that you don't know how money works.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B016VTBAPC?ref=oft15_B016VTBAPC_FA_7" target="_blank">I Love Sundays Oversized V-Neck Comfy</a><br />
$98<br />
This is a sweatshirt that costs nearly $100, which always strikes me as a lot to pay for sweatshirts which are, by their very nature, schlubby.<br />
Also: what sort of sicko LOVES Sundays? Sundays are the early-to-bed, last dying gasp of the weekend and no fun at all.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/b?&node=13295107011&ref=oft15_NA-010_LI_1" target="_blank">Barbie Fashionistas</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSp-HtxhyVpbScfcNctLz3I-BBlMFy4XyQ4kWTq7VT96Wxq2jBt01xMRZqVB6pVPsEvCi1IhvkjyqCSeYvzNl_fA_r8-wjuzMAi6g5qPfn4HTZhMcwRWaEyNzjp-BYY7XmIYfS6zdx0P8/s1600/barbie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="177" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSp-HtxhyVpbScfcNctLz3I-BBlMFy4XyQ4kWTq7VT96Wxq2jBt01xMRZqVB6pVPsEvCi1IhvkjyqCSeYvzNl_fA_r8-wjuzMAi6g5qPfn4HTZhMcwRWaEyNzjp-BYY7XmIYfS6zdx0P8/s320/barbie.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
$10<br />
Hey Barbie! I love Barbie. I love these Barbie dolls and have no time for anti-Barbie thinkpieces written by cheerful-doll-hating buzzkills. I am also delighted that these Barbies are only $10.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.sephora.com/hakuho-do-sephora-pro-brush-collection-P398540?keyword=SEPHORA%20COLLECTION%20hakuho-do%20%2B%20SEPHORA%20PRO%20Brush%20Collection%20P398540&skuId=1699800&country_switch=ca&_requestid=48407" target="_blank">Hakuho-do + Sephora Pro Kan Kabe Perfection Brush Set</a><br />
$198<br />
"I think this is a fancy set," writes Oprah and my gracious, it is. One hundred and ninety eight dollars!<br />
Of course I love it, being who I am, but it's expensive.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B016J5HVIS?ref=oft15_B016J5HVIS_HO_1" target="_blank">High Camp Vine and Bloom Box</a><br />
$189<br />
A box of gardenias, black calla lilies and purple orchids and this is also pretty fancy. I can't imagine giving a box of nearly two hundred dollars in flowers - and I also really don't like gardenias - but I don't know your life. Perhaps you and your friends regularly exchange large boxes of gloomily beautiful flowers and then languish about, like gorgeous but bored lovesick vampires in a fairly unwatchable Jim Jarmusch film. If this is your life, here is a nice box of flowers for you.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00H4O1L9Y?ref=oft15_B00H4O1L9Y_CH_1" target="_blank">T-Fal OptiGrill</a><br />
$180<br />
A dishwasher-safe grill! That's kind of spiffy. We love our grill, for what's that worth, and this looks very nice. It is, as I mentioned, REALLY hard to be funny when you think something is fine and also unremarkable.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0170KGUJM?ref=oft15_B0170KGUJM_FA_12" target="_blank">Sliced-Sapphire Earrings</a><br />
$275<br />
I think these look like halved beetles, but it's fine that Oprah and I don't agree on earrings. All the more for her.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.frontgate.com/faux-fur-pet-jacket/850505" target="_blank">Park Avenue Faux-Fur Pet Jacket in Chinchilla</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhelugM-VPAprH0G2md1-ZjcNqFhoE8InZlXFxUf20rqAUGCrYyZhlAgJgL6jVc-pPbjKFj0tQyxCiTQRGE1bq33mjx-SeSvGLNt_nlAlPbZuIx3scAafY1WlPtZw-VS78FpMW01gZCbNg/s1600/DOG+COAT.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhelugM-VPAprH0G2md1-ZjcNqFhoE8InZlXFxUf20rqAUGCrYyZhlAgJgL6jVc-pPbjKFj0tQyxCiTQRGE1bq33mjx-SeSvGLNt_nlAlPbZuIx3scAafY1WlPtZw-VS78FpMW01gZCbNg/s320/DOG+COAT.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
$39<br />
THIS IS THE GREATEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. WE WOULD ALL BE STUPID NOT TO BUY ONE. THAT DOG LOOKS MAGNIFICENT.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0170NR05C?ref=oft15_B0170NR05C_FA_1" target="_blank">GapFit Motion Pullover Hoodie</a> and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0170NQZLC?ref=oft15_B0170NQZLC_FA_2" target="_blank">Colorblock Motion gFast Pants</a><br />
$65 and $70<br />
Did the person you're shopping for ASK for work-out clothes for Christmas? Then here are some nice (I suppose.They're both very green.) work-out clothes for them. Did they NOT ask for work-out clothing? Do you want to passive-aggressively suggest that you think they should work out more? Why are you so mean?<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00HYAL84Q?ref=oft15_B00HYAL84Q_TE_8" target="_blank">Fujifilm Instax Share Smartphone Printer</a><br />
$350<br />
This is kind of cool - it makes Polaroid-style printed pictures from photos taken with your phone. Of course, for less than it costs you can buy <a href="http://www.amazon.ca/Fujifilm-Instax-Mini-Instant-Blue/dp/B00AWKJPOA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1447246191&sr=8-1&keywords=polaroid" target="_blank">an actual little instant camera</a>. My oldest kid has one of those and if you have a teenage girl, those are a LOT of fun. The pictures the little camera takes are tiny and I think the printer makes proper-sized photos, so I guess it's your call.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://store.paperproductsdesign.com/shop/artists-collections/wild-wooly-gift-plate-set/" target="_blank">Vicki Saywer Wild & Wooly 7" porcelain appetizer plates</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimjsYT0uoyvJSRUgttbEyihL940B1WELznzFnId4ZCv2Pv8E6Emf5MfeSsrBBvS1aNhAY149Qi5audHwWzgWv27Z-a2_EJ7FSSO5NU7jLsVcwpbhz9Ar5y2ciUJeWVsQ2cb98rac5xnkQ/s1600/birds.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimjsYT0uoyvJSRUgttbEyihL940B1WELznzFnId4ZCv2Pv8E6Emf5MfeSsrBBvS1aNhAY149Qi5audHwWzgWv27Z-a2_EJ7FSSO5NU7jLsVcwpbhz9Ar5y2ciUJeWVsQ2cb98rac5xnkQ/s320/birds.jpg" width="196" /></a></div>
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$45</div>
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These are so weird and I kind of love them. I've always loved oddball china, and these are delightfully silly.</div>
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<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B016MXT284?ref=oft15_B016MXT284_AL_26" target="_blank">Present Perfect Freesia & Waterlily: The Complete Collection</a><br />
$126<br />
"Could somebody please give <i>me</i> this for Christmas?" writes Oprah and I find this so wistful that I'm scraping together $126 to send this to her. Freesia and waterlily, by the way, are among my least favourite scents for bath products. Ew.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01699NP3Y?ref=oft15_B01699NP3Y_TR_2" target="_blank">Arlington Milne Large Wallets</a><br />
$150<br />
This is the kind of useful, thoughtful and thoroughly dull gift that I despair of getting. Please don't give me a wallet.<br />
Edited to add: I read a draft of this to someone and they disagreed with this entry VERY MUCH. They received a wallet as a gift last year and LOVED IT. I am alone in the world.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00OMC9R9M?ref=oft15_B00OMC9R9M_AL_59" target="_blank">7R Global Carry-On Spinner</a><br />
$650, $750, $850<br />
Oprah herself notes that these wheeled suitcases are pricey, and she's right, but if you travel a lot, you probably do need solid luggage. Spending money on things that will make hard parts of your life easier is a good idea.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.minted.com/kids-drawn-art" target="_blank">Your Drawing As Foil Art Print</a><br />
$120 to $447<br />
Letterpressed, foil-pressed or standard art prints of your child's art and my gracious, that's quite a bit of money to spend on your child's drawings and I say this as a mother who has her children's art framed around her house. I find the idea of gilding your children's art fairly off-putting, in the same way I find mothers who always refer to their daughters as "their princess" off-putting. I think that my children's art is perfectly nice on its own and no further embellishments are needed, and I think the same thing about my children themselves. Fully loved! Good enough!<br />
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<a href="http://juniperbooks.com/book-shop/" target="_blank">African American Literature and Ernest Hemingway Elephant Sets</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijx3K2-kxUjAtK5BSuDKvo1YeZFQ9f3ZyqODrOMtEjjoA67I8QDcAOIOACnJebgajZ2k9fTULt3xs4McBBjssNvlUbqsxCG91XmitlOCycDjakhDIKvScv7D-k8ZpEVXwCKtw46jaLi7s/s1600/books.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijx3K2-kxUjAtK5BSuDKvo1YeZFQ9f3ZyqODrOMtEjjoA67I8QDcAOIOACnJebgajZ2k9fTULt3xs4McBBjssNvlUbqsxCG91XmitlOCycDjakhDIKvScv7D-k8ZpEVXwCKtw46jaLi7s/s320/books.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
$395<br />
Juniper Books makes the most gorgeous book sets I have EVER EVER seen and I could easily spend myself into serious financial hardship just on Jane Austen sets alone. The Oprah sets are ALSO lovely and if I had $395, I'd get the Hemingway set for my dad, since Ernest Hemingway is the Official Author of Dads.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.landsend.com/products/womens-expedition-down-parka/id_281991?sku_0=::N6R" target="_blank">Women's Expedition Down Parka</a><br />
$299<br />
It's a very nice parka and I could USE a new parka - especially the navy one. That is what you may consider a "hint." (i.e. a direct request) Although I am allergic to down, so don't get me this one.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.teavana.com/us/en/gifts/tea-gift-sets/teavana-oprah-chai-steep-good-thoughts-set-011047177.html?navid=search&start=3" target="_blank">Teavana Oprah Chai Steep Good Thoughts Set</a><br />
$90<br />
I do like cute teapot and mug sets and chai is one of my very favourite things and this is obvious from the punishing number of teapots and interesting tins of chai I currently have cluttering up my kitchen so probably I don't need any more until I break some of my current collection.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00DG08NPA?ref=oft15_B00DG08NPA_CH_3" target="_blank">360 Cookware 6-Piece Stainless Steel Set</a><br />
$449<br />
Does anyone actually get $450 pots for Christmas? HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED? I'm sure they're lovely pots but I think the whole scenario of receiving pricey pots for Christmas is fictional, and strictly the territory of made-up husbands who don't quite GET why their storybook wives look so sad on Christmas morning.<br />
<br />
p.s. Don't get your wife pots for Christmas.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://tourance.com/product/tourance-for-grown-ups/moroccan-scarf-antique-mustard/" target="_blank">Moroccan Long Scarf in Antique Mustard</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrRlZI2w5V1WPA2FyP6pYPAFPFi6Kkp3kzT66u5xxfwt3n65hiXk_A4DNFl5GGl18edHrt_6Wb3FX6aKtAPCbNZ_wYUOCPXTt8ooQA8qJ4je_dFMcsI8IxvW3krU6vku3BQf0a6WBBswQ/s1600/scarf.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrRlZI2w5V1WPA2FyP6pYPAFPFi6Kkp3kzT66u5xxfwt3n65hiXk_A4DNFl5GGl18edHrt_6Wb3FX6aKtAPCbNZ_wYUOCPXTt8ooQA8qJ4je_dFMcsI8IxvW3krU6vku3BQf0a6WBBswQ/s320/scarf.jpg" width="269" /></a></div>
<br />
$54<br />
Oh boy, mustard! The colour of baby poop and the 1970s, decade of dusty macrame and grody orgies and NEVER EVER the colour of my scarves. Change the colour*, though, and it's lovely. I love a good fluffy scarf.<br />
*acceptable colours, in declining order: Black, grey, purple, ivory, blue, possibly a very soft, gentle pink. That's IT.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.emuaustralia.com/us/Kids/Little-Creatures" target="_blank">Little Creature Boots</a><br />
$90<br />
Fluffy-wool lined animal boots for kids and my youngest daughter SHRIEKED when she saw them so they are obviously AMAZING.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00NTXMP2G?ref=oft15_B00NTXMP2G_TE_3" target="_blank">Beats by Dr. Dre Powerbeats2 Wireless Active Collection in-ear headphones</a><br />
$200<br />
Two hundred dollar earbuds! It's a risky move, since the lifespan of earbuds is a fleeting, danger-filled thing. These are apparently <a href="http://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B007ZRJVA6?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=ox_sc_act_title_4&smid=A1K9QJC1AGFHAE" target="_blank">a very good under-$20 earbud</a>, should you not be in the $200 earbud class.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.knork.net/store/flatware/knork-black-titanium-5-piece/81/" target="_blank">Black Titanium Five-Piece Set</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4p5hyphenhyphenYVpEnyd4gO1gcW3yCF1JKbHIfTn34UnTFGUzxgY5g3bjFeuQimBFiEhBEpdLpofillDpgH1UA9sa6-ipm7f2M8uTxxfftV-sKXnb8Q0H9qHQEW1EWsaGHBlVf3VaAaEmieJ8tAk/s1600/cutlery.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4p5hyphenhyphenYVpEnyd4gO1gcW3yCF1JKbHIfTn34UnTFGUzxgY5g3bjFeuQimBFiEhBEpdLpofillDpgH1UA9sa6-ipm7f2M8uTxxfftV-sKXnb8Q0H9qHQEW1EWsaGHBlVf3VaAaEmieJ8tAk/s320/cutlery.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
$60 or $300 for 20 piece set with storage tray<br />
My mom admired these as she flipped through the magazine, which is a whole new side to my mother that I never knew about. Huh. I can't reconcile the mom I know with a love of dramatic black flatwear.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B016UKBE26?ref=oft15_B016UKBE26_FA_10" target="_blank">Melange Drawstring Sweatpants</a><br />
$195<br />
Pricey sweat-clothing BOGGLES MY MIND. The word "SWEAT" is IN THE VERY NAME! Throwing money at it doesn't suddenly make you look like you're not depressed if you're out in public in sweatpants. Having said that, these are pretty nice, even if I am incredibly unlikely to spend CLOSE TO TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS on a PAIR OF SWEATPANTS.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://hautepapier.com/boxed-coasters-all/" target="_blank">Boxed Letterpressed Coaster</a><br />
$25<br />
Has anyone in the history of the world opened up a box of coasters and had their heart leap with joy? The answer is no, of course not. I can see contexts where coasters are an appropriately indifferent gift (mostly at workplace gift exchanges, I'd imagine) and coasters are ALWAYS on gift suggestion lists and yet NO ONE LIKES THEM. It's a mystery!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0160EBUPS?ref=oft15_B0160EBUPS_WH_8" target="_blank">21-Day Meditation Transcendence Trio</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihv-FnbwY6T3UZK9cl_dX2o_W9Oh5CzEe0kNt1_jXvgNuxeRVbCv5aq3RvVudpKtIKP_z-xzfnTsLONixEy02CBFdZwTDLOSAGgg5qq8OqxvBgwkDjQVZkSNkW29fCg4Mjo5fOr7-ZLuw/s1600/deepak.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihv-FnbwY6T3UZK9cl_dX2o_W9Oh5CzEe0kNt1_jXvgNuxeRVbCv5aq3RvVudpKtIKP_z-xzfnTsLONixEy02CBFdZwTDLOSAGgg5qq8OqxvBgwkDjQVZkSNkW29fCg4Mjo5fOr7-ZLuw/s320/deepak.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
$100<br />
<br />
"BECOME WHAT YOU BELIEVE"! My gracious. "MANIFESTING TRUE SUCCESS."<br />
I don't want this to such a life-affirming extent that it feels delightful simply not to own it.<br />
<br />
What I do want, however,<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Murder-She-Wrote-Angela-Lansbury/dp/B00E8AVN9U/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1447342548&sr=1-1&keywords=murder+she+wrote+complete+series" target="_blank"> is this </a>and now I have put it out into the universe and it will surely come to me. Magic!<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.aspinaloflondon.com/homeware-and-gifts/travel-accessories/key-rings-and-charms/personalisation-strap-keyring" target="_blank">Personalization Strap Key Rings</a><br />
$50<br />
"Your plain Jane rolling suitcase can stand out from the baggage carousel crowd when adorned with this beautiful leather luggage tag," writes Oprah, master of hyperbole, because this is a plain leather loop and so boring that I burst into tears when I got to this part of the list and realized how much longer I have to go.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0167CCNTU?ref=oft15_B0167CCNTU_TE_4" target="_blank">Play 5</a><br />
$499<br />
A lovely wireless speaker and my very favourite thing on the most boring page of gift suggestions, which started with the mom-approved flatwear and goes all the way to the odd shot glasses. It's $500, though, so there's no way I'm getting it.<br />
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<a href="http://mollaspace.com/products/animal-shot-glass?variant=915436113" target="_blank">Animal Shot Glass Holiday Collection</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTa_9eKCyp5cZ7CcjYF_5g6evGHlan7sS3jxPFe15nEysXIwqvDA9L6Oq3iER8AzkTh4bI7qTZSdsod1DIuSPIsDnvVzD-M_yZXq1RN09wd7BxmJe4GZzTaNc1i-Vztbzb8sya50M1_lk/s1600/shot+glass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="134" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTa_9eKCyp5cZ7CcjYF_5g6evGHlan7sS3jxPFe15nEysXIwqvDA9L6Oq3iER8AzkTh4bI7qTZSdsod1DIuSPIsDnvVzD-M_yZXq1RN09wd7BxmJe4GZzTaNc1i-Vztbzb8sya50M1_lk/s320/shot+glass.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
$80 for 5<br />
LOOK AT THESE THINGS. They are JUST the angular, slightly satanic-looking gift for the supervillian on your gift list. I don't currently know any supervillains, but my middle child promises that he might be the kind of computer genius who eventually goes bad. If this does happen, I will both despair AND get him these shot glasses for his evil lair's bar cart.<br />
<br />
Oprah suggests giving these with a bottle of tequila, and ever since she wrote about fine sipping tequila a few years back, I've been giving people bottles of tequila and requesting that they sip some in front of me. This gets a mixed reception.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B016QMOH6S?ref=oft15_B016QMOH6S_AL_12" target="_blank">Oprah's Favourites Lip Gloss Set</a><br />
$40<br />
Thank goodness I'm on a new page now. These are very nice! I have nothing sarcastic to say about them. Lovely. Moving on.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B015E8VWEU?ref=oft15_B015E8VWEU_TE_5" target="_blank">iPhone 6 Plus</a> and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0157LQTX8?ref=oft15_B0157LQTX8_TE_6" target="_blank">Watch Sport 38 mm rose gold aluminum case with lavender sports band</a><br />
$749, $349<br />
Normally I'd worry about spending so much money on something that is going to go out of fashion as quickly as rose gold will certainly do, but since iPhones become obsolete almost instantly, my concerns are moot.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/store/product/philips-avance-pasta-maker/3276059/?icid=homepage_herocarousel2-homepage" target="_blank">Philips Avance Pastamaker</a><br />
$300<br />
My oldest child - the piemaker mentioned earlier - also likes to make pasta and roll it out by hand. This has nothing to do with this expensive pasta maker, which I'm sure is fine, but it's more fun to brag about my kid then to than to endlessly write about luxury goods that I do not want.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.artifactuprising.com/photo-books/layflat-photo-album" target="_blank">Layflat Photo Album</a><br />
$119<br />
"Gayle went gaga" over these, the description starts, which is both descriptive AND a fun tongue-twister. I like giving photo books to the kids' great-grandmothers, who already have enough of everything else.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0176V1TKU?ref=oft15_B0176V1TKU_CH_7" target="_blank">Golden Rabbit Enamelware Swirl Roasting Sets</a><br />
$107<br />
The word "Rabbit" in this roasting pan's name keeps throwing me. Am I to roast rabbits in it? I mean, that's FINE - I'm sure rabbits would be tasty roasted... having read the description, it's meant for lasagna. That's a bit of a let-down. I was hoping that roasted rabbits would be this year's Love Sandwich but alas.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B016YUAT8C?ref=oft15_B016YUAT8C_FA_4" target="_blank">Peace Love Oprah Fleece Zip Hoodies</a><br />
$60<br />
The front says "LOOK AHEAD IN A NEW DIRECTION" which is good advice. WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING. I don't particularly want these, but maybe you do.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01696W2JU?ref=oft15_B01696W2JU_CH_5" target="_blank">Creative Co-Op Stoneware Mini Bakers</a><br />
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$32<br />
Oh my gosh, those are adorable. Making wee individual shepherd's pies for everyone is EXACTLY the sort of thing I enjoy wasting my time on and also exactly why more high-minded people despair of me ever making something of myself.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.footnanny.com/" target="_blank">Foot Treatment Gift Set</a><br />
$102<br />
I find this expensive for what it is: cream, soaking salts and socks - but nice footcare products are both pleasant to own AND disturbing to receive as gifts. I mean, I'd happily use it but I'd also wonder what you were saying about my feet and perhaps this is more about me being really touchy. Hm.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://wordswithboards.com/" target="_blank">Personalized Large Vertical and Round Cutting Boards</a><br />
$159<br />
"For a yummy girt, I would load up these personalized cutting boards... with an assortment of cheese and salamis," writes Oprah and I am making a very Homer Simpson-esque doughnut noise right now because I pretty much would love the cheese and salami aspect of this, while remaining coolly indifferent to having my name on a cutting board.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://colorpurple.com/" target="_blank">The Color Purple on Broadway tickets</a><br />
$75-$195<br />
This would be a fine, thoughtful gift for a friend who is able to attend.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00X4WHP5E?ref=oft15_B00X4WHP5E_TE_2" target="_blank">Echo</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBPezqG5KAmTAZHEmR6jIk9KTjFXYoiHH8ZFYDX-3KMeqp_qztbfAmHYf4dWkDWx4bAtiaS1IOwFKYvo5Avy2C-__ja_sABVa0_49QbdMQTJS2ZpFDZEqDwm5raZ1OzCC4YK5wNjozJy0/s1600/echo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBPezqG5KAmTAZHEmR6jIk9KTjFXYoiHH8ZFYDX-3KMeqp_qztbfAmHYf4dWkDWx4bAtiaS1IOwFKYvo5Avy2C-__ja_sABVa0_49QbdMQTJS2ZpFDZEqDwm5raZ1OzCC4YK5wNjozJy0/s320/echo.jpg" width="152" /></a></div>
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$180<br />
My children love playing with Siri to a distressing extent and I have to wander away from my computer to be annoyed at the VERY MEMORY of this, so obviously what we REALLY need is a permanently-on Siri installed in the middle of our living room that my children could pester FOREVER. BUT ALAS! This is not available in Canada. Woe.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.landsend.com/products/womens-cashmere-aran-turtleneck-sweater/id_292207?sku_0=::TK5" target="_blank">Women's Cashmere Aran Turtleneck</a> and <a href="http://www.landsend.com/products/mens-cashmere-aran-cable-crewneck-sweater/id_260848?sku_0=::TK5" target="_blank">Men's Cashmere Cable Crew</a><br />
$369, $398<br />
If you're going to spend close to $400 on a cashmere sweater for me - and please don't do this, I'm too much of a Calvinist to ever enjoy it - please do not get me a bulky and unflattering turtleneck fisherman's sweater. No, get me a black trim v-neck sweater so I can look really fetching as I am racked with undeserving guilt.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B015WGM09A?ref=oft15_B015WGM09A_WH_6" target="_blank">Canteens</a><br />
$20-$33<br />
"It may look like a regular water bottle," writes Oprah, "But when Adam told me this triple insulated stainless steel vessel... is the perfect size to tote a carafe's worth of <span style="background-color: whitesmoke; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 11px; font-weight: bold;">rosé </span>, I was sold!"<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0170MP0UU?ref=oft15_B0170MP0UU_HO_2" target="_blank">Icons Gift Box</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSsnlcWq4wpYQu08kXCA100DQVebubFIcmwA6NWFmW7pwwhlRFZ9fiP6kaoF9eAzOc08KfQ3wYQBxHjIXxobnez9IpsSdCbnfOxM7lfwh8fUFqp3GBPxrY72n45uNISDImEF_2Ql5hJws/s1600/icons.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="271" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSsnlcWq4wpYQu08kXCA100DQVebubFIcmwA6NWFmW7pwwhlRFZ9fiP6kaoF9eAzOc08KfQ3wYQBxHjIXxobnez9IpsSdCbnfOxM7lfwh8fUFqp3GBPxrY72n45uNISDImEF_2Ql5hJws/s320/icons.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
$120<br />
These are 2 pounds of chocolate in the shape of gilded religious icons and they cost $120. What is with Oprah and her desire to have people eat religious statuary? Does anyone else find this as off-putting as I do?<br />
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<a href="http://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/43557?feat=Sonic%20Snow%20Tube-SR0&page=sonic-snow-tube-extra-large" target="_blank">Sonic Snow Tubes</a><br />
$150<br />
Did you know that Oprah has a sledding hill at her Telluride house, and if you visited her, you could use these plaid snow tubes for sliding? Doesn't that sound nice? It does! Much nicer than eating blasphemous chocolates, by a long shot.<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B013K8SVCC?ref=oft15_B013K8SVCC_CH_6" target="_blank">Typhoon Vision Electronic Scales</a><br />
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$65<br />
This is LITERALLY a way to restrict the amount of food that goes into your loved one's mouth. Hey, wanna know what's not in any way loving? Giving someone a gift that says "YOU NEED TO RESTRICT HOW MUCH FOOD YOU PUT IN YOUR MOUTH." And yes, maybe they DO need to restrict the amount of food they put in their mouths. Christmas Day is NOT THE DAY to deal with this.<br />
Now, maybe the person on your list SPECIFICALLY ASKED for this and in that case, by all means, but maybe get them something fun to go with it, too, because portion control scales as a Christmas present seems MUCH TOO EMOTIONALLY LOADED.<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B016QVYW3M?ref=oft15_B016QVYW3M_AL_30" target="_blank">American Beagle Outfitters Antler Beanie</a><br />
$13<br />
"Dog owners love when you love their dogs," writes Oprah, and dream on, dog lovers! At best I will find your dog bearable but it's far more likely that I'll find your dog annoying and wish fervently that it was spending my visit romping in a nice yard or napping in another room or living on a faraway farm with a gentle, soft-headed farmer. The only dog I feel any degree of affection for is my parent's hard-working Border Collie, Buddy, and I have too much respect for him to get him a silly reindeer hat. I'm getting Buddy a nice box of dog treats instead because he's a GOOD BOY.<br />
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<a href="https://www.chloeandisabel.com/products/R082PE/peridot-pav-stacking-ring?time=6" target="_blank">Pave Birthstone Stacking Rings</a><br />
$22 each or $48 for 3<br />
I linked to the peridot ring - my birthstone - to show my primary issue with birthstone jewelry, which is namely that the peridot looks like a shiny booger and is never included in any non-birthstone jewelry for that very reason. These are, I say very grudgingly, nice enough.<br />
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<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B016QPZMEQ?ref=oft15_B016QPZMEQ_AL_33_sim_5" target="_blank">Nightshirts</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqlskjMu0UHL4rNIqFYxAfep7U-04pZ3xeYyvlMo-Z6dGqn87ruw5x6ow9Ipgnx6f0oFvjCSaCT8SX-GFwWItPpfW_AbD-4WfNELFg2t4y5fpbwMeLJzYt-dy2Pw6VW_zUNvf2FTDcTSY/s1600/therapist.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqlskjMu0UHL4rNIqFYxAfep7U-04pZ3xeYyvlMo-Z6dGqn87ruw5x6ow9Ipgnx6f0oFvjCSaCT8SX-GFwWItPpfW_AbD-4WfNELFg2t4y5fpbwMeLJzYt-dy2Pw6VW_zUNvf2FTDcTSY/s320/therapist.jpg" width="224" /></a></div>
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$68<br />
"I told my therapist about you"? Get me a nightshirt that says that and I'll be crying quietly all Christmas morning - or even worse, nobly pretending to be brave about having hurt feelings. Festive! Mean humour is a great way to openly insult the person you're obligated to give a present to but don't like, and this shirt is a great way to be really nasty at Christmas. Perhaps you should not do this.<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01606NPYA?ref=oft15_B01606NPYA_AL_76" target="_blank">Coltellerie Berti cheese Knife Set in Red Lucite</a><br />
$425!<br />
"Pair it with the recipient's favorite cheese for a truly personal gift." I think the issue here is how each of us defines the word "personal," which apparently now means "3 expensive knives and some cheese." Do I think a selection of my favourite cheeses is a good gift? MY GRACIOUS, YES. Feel free to skip the knives. I'd like us to stay friends.<br />
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<a href="http://www.clarisonic.ca/en/keith-haring-collection/" target="_blank">Special Edition Keith Haring Mia 2 in Dance, Love and Pop</a><br />
$149<br />
A Clarisonic face brush printed with the art of late artist, Keith Haring.<br />
Three things that Keith Haring was passionate about<br />
1. AIDS awareness and research<br />
2. The non-marginalization of gay sexuality<br />
3. Rich ladies having really clean pores.<br />
Finally! A product that brings all 3 together!<br />
<br />
In all fairness, these raise money for very worthwhile causes and if the person on your list really wants a Clarisonic brush, this is a fine one but I still find using artists' works in contexts like this off-putting.<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B015H8VC74?ref=oft15_B015H8VC74_AL_10" target="_blank">VertuoLine Evoluo Esoresso and Coffee Maker</a><br />
$199<br />
"There are pod people, and there are espresso people, and never the twain shall meet," writes Oprah.<br />
Pod people!<br />
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<span id="goog_1464170402"></span>
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B016QP39JG?ref=oft15_B016QP39JG_WH_2" target="_blank">Love Letter Keychains</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOAF2LP7bLTDfnoQG_1iSBvYGuseMtHeLb3F23PF_-eQl8eMNGwncm5V-4ox0d4ielgqCELeSNE0rONyhMRazD5Pg4L4HRNrgzQK3JKAupxPB1sEIEK-QVVfYUbdRuesyz8PHgpOAKdIc/s1600/keychain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="261" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOAF2LP7bLTDfnoQG_1iSBvYGuseMtHeLb3F23PF_-eQl8eMNGwncm5V-4ox0d4ielgqCELeSNE0rONyhMRazD5Pg4L4HRNrgzQK3JKAupxPB1sEIEK-QVVfYUbdRuesyz8PHgpOAKdIc/s320/keychain.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
$15<br />
Well, that's cute. My mom, who is wise, always keeps her keys on a Daffy Duck keychain, so she can easily find them in her purse by finding Daffy's little splayed legs. I imagine a big pompom would easily serve the same purpose and would make a nice stocking stuffer.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B016Y8NUP8?ref=oft15_B016Y8NUP8_AL_1" target="_blank">Kristin Classic Slim Ugg Boots</a><br />
$160<br />
They're UGGs, although they're not as strongly Goodbye To Sex! as most Uggs. My main concern with them is the "subtle wedge" which seems to strongly contradict my primary goal in winter, which is to not wipe out on the ice. It's no good looking tall if I'm laying on my butt in the snow, IS IT.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.travelsmith.com/touch-sensor-pocket-gloves/women/accessories/hats/601059" target="_blank">Women's Touch Sensor Fleece Gloves</a><br />
$24<br />
They're fleece gloves in cute colours and that's all I can think of to say about them.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0168Z7WEM?ref=oft15_B0168Z7WEM_AL_57" target="_blank">Maison Pebeyre Truffle Set</a><br />
$124<br />
"Anyone who knows me knows I love my truffles," writes Oprah. I feel like that about the Big Turk chocolate bar and yet I'm still unlikely to gift all of my loved ones with them because a) I'm greedy and b) they're leaden souls who do not appreciate the subtle deliciousness of the Big Turk chocolate bar and so it is with truffles, which are yucky.<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01695E1P4?ref=oft15_B01695E1P4_AL_29" target="_blank">Ginger Syrup and Ginger Infused Honey Gift Set</a><br />
$38<br />
Ginger has "healthful benefits"? THIS IS AMAZING NEWS. Now, while I'm burning my sinuses out eating a whole bag of ginger candy in one go, I can totally justify it to myself under the all-important umbrella of Good Health. Hooray!<br />
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<a href="http://www.phillipschocolate.com/chocolate/turtles/giant-turtle-basket.html" target="_blank">Giant and Signature Turtle Baskets</a><br />
$500 and $90<br />
15 pounds - FIFTEEN POUNDS - of chocolate turtles in a 5 pound edible basket? That sounds like one of those ancient Roman recipes for suicide. Eat two pounds of salt! Eat 20 pounds of turtles!<br />
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Beyond that, who WANTS this? Would't they get all dusty and nasty before you ate half of them? Wouldn't you get profoundly sick of chocolate turtles and of life itself?<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B016CJA7IW?ref=oft15_B016CJA7IW_AL_70" target="_blank">Gift Set of Six Artisan Cheeses</a><br />
$80<br />
These sounded delicious until I read that they're made of raw cows milk and now I must say no thank you because I like pasteurization.<br />
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<a href="http://www.carouselcakes.com/retail-mail-order/white-cakes/elvis-drizzle-cake.html" target="_blank">Elvis Drizzle Cake</a><br />
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$42<br />
This cake has a lot going on - it's a vanilla cake with banana custard and peanut butter buttercream and chocolate ganache and PICK ONE THING AND GO WITH THAT, CAKE. I feel the same thing about complicated cakes that I feel about complicated men: no thank you. I like my men (all one of them) to be cheerful and easily understood and THE SAME GOES FOR CAKES.<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B016E5N1X2?ref=oft15_B016E5N1X2_AL_16" target="_blank">A&B American Style Three-Pack of Original, with Garlic, and More Heat</a><br />
$30<br />
A three-pack of hot sauce and I actually have someone in my life who would ADORE this. People who like hot sauce REALLY like hot sauce, I find.<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B016MWOSI4?ref=oft15_B016MWOSI4_FO_2" target="_blank">Best Wishes Steak Banquet</a><br />
$80<br />
Good gracious - 6 steaks, 6 fancy stuffed baked potatoes and 6 chocolate molten lava cakes? I think much of my household would weep with sheer pleasure to get this because we are a simple people and this sounds PERFECT. Of course, this comes with the SERIOUS caveat to make sure that your gift recipient is a red-meat eating non-vegetarian but that's my only concern.<br />
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<a href="http://www.melandrose.com/istar.asp?a=6&id=92536" target="_blank">Square One Vodka 5 Pack</a><br />
$175<br />
Imagine getting a 5 pack of flavoured vodkas for Christmas. I mean, it would be nice if you could drink vodka (I can't and neither can a lot of people that I know), but even if you could, wouldn't it be a shade strange to be given so much vodka in one go?<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B016DZU640?ref=oft15_B016DZU640_AL_61" target="_blank">Chelsea Market Baskets Torres Black Truffle Chip Basket</a><br />
$65<br />
"I discovered these potato chips in Spain this summer," writes Oprah and I've spent my life rapidly alienating people as quickly as I can and yet even I know that saying that you found your favourite kind of truffle potato chips while on holiday in Spain is a mite alienating.<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B016E6Y1G2?ref=oft15_B016E6Y1G2_AL_46" target="_blank">Challah Menorah</a><br />
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$45<br />
My thoughts about this are fully expressed by<a href="http://www.amazon.com/review/R2020AVRDRX0S7/ref=cm_cr_dp_title?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B016E6Y1G2&channel=detail-glance&nodeID=16310101&store=grocery" target="_blank"> this excellent, five-star review</a>: "<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Oprah agrees; nothing beats a Menorah artistically handcrafted using the subtle shapes of intertwining bread penises."</span><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B016APZIZA?ref=oft15_B016APZIZA_AL_18" target="_blank">Ilvento's Proprio Italiano Doppio Delizioso Basket</a><br />
$53<br />
Every year, my review of the Oprah list winds down with me hungrily liking everything on the last bit of it, because that's where she keeps the food suggestions and I am always STARVING. Still, pasta sauces and pasta aren't precisely luxury items and I don't generally give groceries as gifts.<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01676ZCBW?ref=oft15_B01676ZCBW_AL_32" target="_blank">Pappas Seafood Co. signature crab cakes</a><br />
$135<br />
"Stedman can't get enough of these," apparently, and there is the lone appearance of my favourite man of mystery in the whole list. I've never eaten a crab cake so you'll have to let me know how much I'm missing out.<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0168UCNAU?ref=oft15_B0168UCNAU_AL_13" target="_blank">Gourmet Jam Set</a><br />
$27<br />
Fancy jams are a nice enough sort of thing to give to people you don't know very well, and I'm sure these are fine. If you make jam, that's an even BETTER gift, of course.<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B016NAY9FM?ref=oft15_B016NAY9FM_AL_42" target="_blank">Oprah Bruffin Bundle</a><br />
$85 for 12 muffins! It's a deal!<br />
Muffins - and I say this more in sadness than in anger - are not hard to make. They are very, very easy. If you're so rich that money is now only an abstract concept: here are some muffins. They cost an apparently random amount of money and are possibly made of gold.<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002Y1KCM4?ref=oft15_B002Y1KCM4_AL_24" target="_blank">11 pound panforte wheel</a><br />
$340<br />
It's full of nuts! Nothing makes a baked good like throwing in handfuls of gross nuts so I can pretend that I'm chewing on a mouthful of nasty gravel. And although food gifts seem like an inoffensive, safe thing to give people you don't know very well, a lot of people - like me - are SUPER allergic to nuts OR wisely just hate nuts (also like me) so probably skip the nuts in baked goods for people unless you know for sure that they can eat them.<br />
Also THREE HUNDRED AND FORTY BUCKS FOR A CAKE! I am FLABBERGASTED.<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B016YFX7EA?ref=oft15_B016YFX7EA_HO_9" target="_blank">Xocolatti Tower</a><br />
$75<br />
Well, these are expensive but nice and with "unexpected" flavours like mango paprika and rose almond, I can have a really fun time playing food allergy roulette.<br />
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AND I AM DONE! I am at my very favourite part of the year, the part where I am the longest length of time away from having to write this wretched list for A WHOLE YEAR! I AM SO HAPPY! And I hope you and your family are as well. Merry Christmas! Happy holidays!<br />
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<br />Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-10631184010228921232015-04-02T07:19:00.002-07:002015-04-02T07:19:50.245-07:00Other Jobs I Could Have HadAnother old post from my old blog! CHEERFULLY ENOUGH, I NO LONGER HOMESCHOOL ANYONE! The final example is MY ACTUAL LIFE NOW! HOOOORAY!<br />
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Other Possible Fates</h3>
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There is always, of course, this lingering and somewhat wistful feeling that there are other paths that one's life could have taken, another person we could have been if only we had made some different choice at some crucial moment. It is a bittersweet sort of feeling, really. And so, let me present: <em>Different Possible Careers I Might Have Had.</em><br /><em></em><br /><strong>Sarcastic High School English Teacher</strong><br />"Oh really, Mr. Jones," I said. "I am <em>so</em> interested in hearing more about how Lord of the Flies is crap. Please come up to the front of the class and explain it to everyone."<br /><br />I stand cross-armed and skeletal - sarcastic high school English teachers are a thin breed, harrowed out, perhaps, by their contempt for the thousands of jocks who should be rightfully sweeping the high school hallways and not going on to cushy post-University jobs.<br /><br />"<em>Soon, Rebecca! SOON</em>," I whisper to myself. "<em>Class is almost over and then there is vodka and Jude the Obscure to numb the pain</em>."<br /><br /><strong>Plucky Girl Detective</strong><br />My handgun sank to the bottom of the lake as did the safe full of clues and the body of the greasy hitman sent to stop me from getting to the police. But I was alive, having escaped the burning car plummeting over the ravine into the icy lake in a hailstorm of bullets.<br /><br />Suddenly an arm reached down into the water - a strong, sexy arm - and pulled me to safety.<br />I lay, gasping, and gradually my rescuer came into view. It was Juan, my Brazilian-American third ex-husband and former partner. Even half-drowned, half-frozen and with a bullet in my arm, I was painfully aware of the still-crackling sexual tension between us.<br /><br />"<em>What took you so long, baby?"</em> I said. And then I passed out.<br /><br /><strong>The World's Most Talented Ballerina</strong><br />I am the world's most famous ballerina and I also look really excellent with all of my hair pulled back. Tonight is my most important performance. I dance the lead roles in Coppelia, Sleeping Beauty AND The Nutcracker and everyone agrees that I am the greatest ballerina ever. The crowd goes wild, standing and cheering. Everyone from my grade 2 class is there. They all feel really bad that they didn't realize how cool I was back in grade 2.<br /><br />"<em>If only we had all pretended to be brave WWII nursing dogs that one time like she wanted</em>!" they weep.<br /><br /><strong>Sensible Mother With Three Children In School</strong><br /><em>"So long!"</em> I said, waving to them from the front porch. "<em>Have a good day! See you later!"</em><br /><br />They all march off, grumbling. I chortle merrily to myself and head back into the child-free warmth of my house where I am working on my masterwork, tenatively entitled "Me And Magnum Driving Around In A Dune Buggy."</div>
Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-50571509110916982522014-11-14T10:13:00.001-08:002014-11-14T10:13:59.397-08:00O BOY<i>Does thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale? (Shakespeare, Twelfth Night)</i><br />
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WHAT A CRAPPY YEAR THIS HAS BEEN. All 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse are galloping around at full tilt and everyone is broke and anxious and OH LOOK! It's almost Christmas again! Which means that I will now write my fingers into bloody stubs, writing about Oprah's yearly over-the-top O List.<br />
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Oprah was the first of the Extravagant Ladies Gift Lists that I was aware of but now that there are many pretenders to her throne (<a href="http://www.goop.com/journal/get/309/gift-guide?utm_source=goop+issue&utm_campaign=b951839d5f-309_Gift_Guide11_13_2014&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_5ad74d5855-b951839d5f-75297" target="_blank">I MEAN GOOP</a>), Oprah's list still remains my favourite - no one else has the right mix of well-meant disconnect, objects I can't imagine anyone ever wanting, and actual charm. And she looks amazing on the cover, too.<br />
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Now that I've said some nice things, let us proceed to this year's list.<br />
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Right off the bat: <a href="http://www.neimanmarcus.com/en-ca/Beats-By-Dr-Dre-Golden-Beats-On-Ear-Headphones-Pill-Speaker-golden-beats/prod172010018___/p.prod?icid=&searchType=MAIN&rte=%252Fsearch.jsp%253FN%253D0%2526Ntt%253Dgolden%252Bbeats%2526_requestid%253D115730&eItemId=prod172010018&cmCat=search" target="_blank">Golden Beats Headphone and Beats Pill Speaker Set</a>. They're $700! They're gold (-coloured)!<br />
Seven hundred dollar gold headphones (and a speaker)! This sounds like something I should object to COMPLETELY, but eh. My quite expensive headphones make my life delightful. Have fun with your gold headphones, Marie Antoinette. I wonder how that's going to work out for you.<br />
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<a href="https://www.o-venture.com/category.php?cid=3" target="_blank">Big O Key Ring</a> $55 and Ossential and Big Ossential Card Cases $65 and $75 each<br />
It's a bracelet that has a dangling card case and a keychain on it. I thought it was a good idea in a please-don't-give-me-this-for-Christmas sort of way when I thought the whole thing was $55 but it's actually $125. Can you imagine getting this for Christmas? <i>"Thank you,"</i> you'd whisper in hushed tones while everyone else opened up books and video games and Lego sets and you had a thing to hold your keys and your bank card while you jogged. Being an adult is AMAZING.<br />
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<a href="http://us.macmillan.com/static/fib/whatIknowforsure/" target="_blank">What I Know For Sure by Oprah Winfrey</a> $25<br />
If I had written a book of my collected wisdom <i>(1. Living off candy is a bad idea. 2. It's easy to wash your dishes before they pile up but I still probably won't. 3. If you start writing novelty posts goofing about Oprah's Christmas Gift list, people will expect you to keep doing it until you are dead.)</i> and I ALSO was writing a list of my suggested gift items for this year, you may be certain that I would put my book of wisdom on my list.<br />
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<a href="http://wakayaperfection.com/collections/products/products/wakaya-perfection-beauty-wellness-collection" target="_blank">Ginger Beauty and Wellness Collection</a> $265<br />
Here we have ginger powder, ginger body scrub and ginger bath soak.<br />
First off: my gracious, I do love ginger. I'm not sure if I want to rub ginger all over me, but I would still declare myself to be a ginger FAN. I frequently buy nubby ginger roots and powdered ginger and ginger tea, even, and yet I still doubt that my total lifetime expenditure of ginger adds up to $265.<br />
Second: you know what your genitals do not want? To be steeped in ginger, probably.<br />
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<a href="http://www.canvashomestore.com/collections/oprahs-favorite-french-bistro-mug/products/french-bistro-mug" target="_blank">French Bistro Coffee Mug $120 for set of 4</a><br />
Handmade coffee mugs in frog belly green. One of the reasons we started mass-producing mugs was because the actual fair cost of hand-crafting a nice mug probably IS about $30 and yet I'd probably still break it within two weeks.<br />
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<a href="https://redcjewels.com/diamond-initial-earrings-on-oprah" target="_blank">No Matchy-Matchy Initial Stud Earrings</a> $80 per earring without diamonds, $150 with diamonds<br />
These make "a perfect present for the teen on your list," writes Oprah. And since most teens I know have MULTIPLE ear piercings, you can very expensively spell out whole words!<br />
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<a href="http://www.highcampsupply.com/product/deluxe-vine-bloom-box/" target="_blank">Deluxe Gardenia Vine and Bloom Box</a> $189<br />
... okay, as far as I can tell, it's a box of fresh gardenias. Which is alright, I guess. I hate the smell of gardenias, and this seems like a lot of money but maybe you're both rich and fond of stinky flowers.<br />
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<a href="http://pineconehill.annieselke.com/Sleepwear/Sheepy-Fleece-French-Blue-Robe/p/ARSFFB" target="_blank">Sheepy Fleece Rob</a>e $84<br />
"This is fantastic for $84!" said Oprah. $84 is not a bargain robe. For the vast majority of people, $84 is an expensive robe. An $84 robe SHOULD BE NICE BECAUSE IT IS EXPENSIVE. Still, it does come in a variety of pleasant colours, unlike most robes which are either white or terrible shades of burgundy.<br />
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<a href="http://www.sertodo.com/collections/oprahs-favorite-things/products/sertodo-service-for-six-moscow-mule-mug-set" target="_blank">Moscow Mule Tray and Six Mug Set </a>$365<br />
What is a Moscow Mule? Why does it need such expensive copper mugs? This is a lot of money. And yet the website is a coppery delight to look through, so I suggest that, although probably not while drinking a Moscow Mule, whatever that is.<br />
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<a href="http://www.aspinaloflondon.com/products/classic-plain-travel-collection-in-turquoise-lizard-and-cream-suede" target="_blank">Classic Plain Travel Collection</a> $289<br />
zzzzzzzzZZZZZzzzzzzz<br />
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Petal Lane <a href="http://www.lindieandco.com/be-bright/" target="_blank">"Be Bright"</a> and <a href="http://www.lindieandco.com/surprise-and-delight-oprahs-custom-board/" target="_blank">"Surprise and Delight</a>" Magnet Boards $65<br />
Is a magnet board's earnest exhortations really going to change someone's innate character? The delightful tend to be delightful and the glum tend to be glum and I don't think being cheerful is always appropriate, anyhow. Still, a cute magnet board might be a nice thing to put up in a teenager's room, although these are on the impractically expensive side.<br />
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<a href="http://www.doobop.com/special-selections-19/oprah-favorite-things-2014/body-butters-gift-set.html" target="_blank">Comfort Zone Body Butter Trio</a> $93 or $15 to $56 each<br />
The whole SET is expensive but two of the body butters are actually affordable, if someone on your list needs/wants something like that. I struggle with really dry skin so I have nothing all that snarky to say about good moisturizers.<br />
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<a href="http://shop.lenovo.com/oprah_magazine/us/en/tablets/lenovo/yoga-tablet-series/yoga-tablet-2-pro/" target="_blank">Yoga Tablet 2 Pro</a> $500<br />
This is... fine? It has a projector built into it, which is kind of cool. What I'm finding totally distracting though is that it was developed by Ashton Kutcher. When did he become an innovative captain of industry? This is like when I found out that Jessica Simpson was a billionaire because of her fashion line and life is an unsolvable mystery, never to be understood.<br />
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<a href="http://www.katespade.com/Nom-de-Plume-Ball-Point-Pen/133744,en_US,pd.html?dwvar_133744_color=411&cgid=ks-accessories-desk-accessories#start=50&cgid=ks-accessories-desk-accessories" target="_blank">Kate Spade Refillable Ballpoint Pens</a> $36<br />
Kate Spade is really great at a certain kind of restrained, tasteful and expensive adult whimsy that I really don't enjoy much. This is a case in point: it's a refillable, somewhat expensive pen so it's ADULT but it's colourful so it's WHIMSICAL and it's also not much fun because we're GROWN-UPS now and a blue and green pen is about as much of good time as we're going to get.<br />
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<a href="http://www.minted.com/product/wall-art-prints/MIN-ZRO-GCP/heart-snapshot-mix-photo-art?ccId=226077&org=title" target="_blank">Heart Snapshot Mix Photo Art</a> - $42 with frame<br />
This is genuinely a great idea, I think, and probably just the thing for the Grandmas on your gift list.<br />
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<a href="http://www.oprah.com/gift/Oprahs-Favorite-Things-2014-Foot-Cream-and-Sock-Gift-Set?editors_pick_id=54426" target="_blank">Footnanny Wellness Gift Set</a> $144<br />
If this was - half the price? No, then it would still be $72. - if this was maybe $45, this would be a tremendous present but as it is, it's only for rich people. And I don't know, but giving people foot care gifts seems a bit odd to me. Maybe your sister complains a lot about her feet, and then it would be a thoughtful choice, but if it's someone you have a romantic relationship with, "Please fix your feet" seems like a dangerous gift-giving path.<br />
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<a href="http://www.target.com/p/nate-berkus-dessert-plate-set/-/A-15658792#prodSlot=_1_2" target="_blank">Nate Berkus at Target Dessert Plate Set</a> $20<br />
These are pretty cute. I don't tend to give anyone dessert plates, and strongly suspect this is not actually an item given as a gift, but it's affordable and attractive.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.oyobox.com/shop/oyobox.html" target="_blank">Lacquered Box To Hold Your Glasses</a> $250<br />
WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL? Who has that many glasses? Who needs a $250 box to keep them all in?<br />
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<a href="http://www.moonandlola.com/collections/cuff-links/products/vineyard-square-cuff-links" target="_blank">Vineyard Cuff Links</a> $68<br />
Perhaps you wear shirts with cuffs or perhaps a guy in your life does and I can't quite imagine this but it happens and these are alright, certainly. There are a lot of colour options, which is good news for your formal shirt-wearing friend.<br />
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<a href="http://www.marigotcollection.com/collections/long-pajama-set/products/lurin-long-pajama-set" target="_blank">Lurin Long Pajama Set</a> $155<br />
Every year - every year! - Oprah adds perfectly fine, very tasteful pajamas to her list and they're fine. They're great. They're also expensive.<br />
But these are the greatest pajamas ever:<br />
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They're from <a href="http://www.marks.com/shop/en/marks-marksdefaultsalescatalog/ladies/sleepwear/3-piece-plush-fleece-pj-set-33904" target="_blank">Marks</a>, they're about as sexy as wearing a fleece bear costume, they cost $40 and they are AMAZING.<br />
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<a href="http://www.teavana.com/tea-products/tea-gifts/p/oprah-chai-holiday-collection" target="_blank">Oprah Chai Set</a> $90<br />
Every year, there's one thing on Oprah's list that I quietly pine for and this year, this is it. How I long for this, with its glass prettiness that I would almost certainly break and ruin.<br />
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<a href="http://www.oprah.com/gift/Oprahs-Favorite-Things-2014-Morelle-Co-Pullout-Jewelry-Box?editors_pick_id=54426" target="_blank">Morelle and Co. Pullout Jewelry Box</a> $135<br />
This is like a colourful version of one of those old-timey train boxes, and might be a fun gift for someone who really likes jewelry and who is not me.<br />
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<a href="http://www.burtsbeesbaby.com/13-piece-Ultimate-Welcome-Home-Basket/LY23161-%20BLM-3M,en_US,pd.html?start=1&cgid=View_All_Gifts" target="_blank">Ultimate Welcome Home Basket</a> $125<br />
JIMMY KIMMEL, I KNOW WHAT OPRAH IS GIVING YOUR BABY. And this is actually a rather dreamy baby present - all soft colours and pretty baskets and lots of little wee things and hang on, I'm going to go broodily rock the cat for a while while weeping.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.bergdorfgoodman.com/Edward-Bess-Precious-Pearl-Perfector-1-6-oz-/prod105370010___/p.prod?icid=&searchType=MAIN&rte=%252Fcategory.service%253FNtt%253Dedward%252Bbess%2526pageSize%253D30%2526No%253D30%2526refinements%253D&eItemId=prod105370010&cm" target="_blank">Edward Bess Black Sea Precious Pearl Perfector</a> $78<br />
There is just something about the idea of rich aging ladies rubbing ground-up pearls on their faces that... okay, I'm stopping this here. You're reading this for fun.<br />
<br />
Our aging faces are not a problem. Giving someone a jar of $78 face cream IS problematic. Don't ever, ever do this.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.lafco.com/product/olist/HHOprahGift.html" target="_blank">Lafco Complete Holiday Candle Collection</a> $240 for set of 4<br />
GEE WHIZ, these are expensive candles. One thing I've found in my discussions with friends is that husbands, as a group, tend to be unreasonably irritated by those very nice $30 candles in jars. Spending $240 on 4 candles just seems unnecessarily husband-goading.<br />
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<a href="https://www.sequin-nyc.com/#/shop/star-maps" target="_blank">Star Map Necklaces</a> $48<br />
On the plus side, these are reasonably priced and quite pretty and wearing a subtle astrological star map isn't quite the same as wearing, let's say, a magnet bracelet. Still, if you're a grown-up and you wear astrological jewelry, I worry somewhat about you.<br />
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<a href="http://www1.macys.com/shop/kitchen/le-creuset?id=52331&intnl=true&fromPage=contextPage" target="_blank">Le Creuset</a> French Oven $280 French Oven $65 Baking Dish $65 Au Gratin Dish $60<br />
One time I found a Le Creuset pot at a yard sale for TWENTY FIVE CENTS. I was so delighted! Bill was delighted because he'd heard they were unbreakable. They are not, it turns out.<br />
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<a href="http://ca.warbyparker.com/" target="_blank">Warby Parker</a> Eyeglasses and Sunglasses $95 to $395 each<br />
BILL HAS GLASSES JUST LIKE THIS. These are fine, attractive, Bill-pleasing glasses and a commendable cause but does anyone ever anywhere give another person glasses for Christmas? Is this a thing people do?<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.electrabike.com/bikes/loft" target="_blank">Electra Lot 7D Ladies Bike</a> $550<br />
While I can't find the Ladies Bikes anywhere on this page, they do seem quite nice. Of course, I already know which bike I want - THIS ONE:<br />
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Jessica Fletcher, by the way, would never have dreamed of rubbing a cream made of ground up pearls on her face. Let's age more like Jessica Fletcher, Fictional Lady.<br />
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<a href="http://www.swissarmy.com/ca/product/Carry-On-Sale/WT-22-Dual-Caster-Expandable-Carry-On/31302106" target="_blank">Victorinox Swiss Army Works Traveler </a>20-inch Dual Caster Expandable Carry-On $350, Wheeled Large Capacity Duffle $370 27-inch Dual Caster Expandable Upright $440<br />
The set listed on Oprah's list are in her favourite shade of what I find to be unattractively lurid green, but the set comes in many colours and I'm sure is dandy.<br />
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<a href="http://www.charlesfradinhome.com/collections/dog" target="_blank">Custom Portrait Dog Beds</a> $445 to $710<br />
RAISE THE BLACK FLAG<br />
<br />
Most years, I would just find this hilariously unnecessary.<br />
I know you love your pets.<br />
And I know suffering humanity will always be with us and I know that an argument could be made - and it's one I make myself, a lot - that anything other than the basics are an unnecessary luxury and so why get ANYTHING? But the difference between this and almost everything else on this list is that your dog LITERALLY does not care Your dog does not want or need this and it will not make your dog happier.<br />
<br />
And you know, I don't think in any way that I should get any sort of say in anything you do. Maybe you do a lot of active good in this world and this is the one thing that will make you happier than anything and maybe you are Oprah herself, who has certainly given far more than I will ever be able to and in that case it's fine and dandy but your dog still does not care. My dad's dog loves sleeping on my dad's workjacket and that is his idea of perfect bliss and it costs nothing.<br />
<br />
Let's keep moving.<br />
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<a href="http://www.garnethill.com/hand-knit-character-hat/328043?redirect=y" target="_blank">Character Hats</a> $40<br />
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Aren't those cute? Those are so cute. I wish I could get them for my kids.<br />
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<a href="http://www.toryburch.com/ivory-leather%2Fgold-tone--28-mm/TRB4007.html?start=2&dwvar_TRB4007_color=000&cgid=watches" target="_blank">Tory Burch Reva Watch</a> $395<br />
Ah, Tory Burch. Another one of those tasteful, expensive, preppy-type designers. Either you like this aesthetic or you are me. And I think watches are, by their very nature, completely boring. But this is probably fine, if you are wealthy and like watches and good taste and can't think of something better to do with $400.<br />
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<a href="http://www.nakedundies.com/oprahs-favorite-things-for-holiday-trio-of-charlie-v-necks/" target="_blank">Charlie V-Neck</a> $214 for set of 3<br />
Follow me as I go on an emotional journey with these shirts:<br />
1. That's expensive for three long sleeve shirts. No.<br />
2. They're for a charity? Huh, what charity is that?<br />
3. AGH they're raising money so pets can stay with their dying owners?<br />
4. *donates all my money so I never have to think about this again*<br />
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<a href="http://www.maydesigns.com/shop/books" target="_blank">Fancy Notebooks</a> $14 to $22 each<br />
Spiffy notebooks or agendas that you can personalize - picking the pattern and monogram styles and I designed this one for myself that says everything about me:<br />
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Mainly that I am Canadian and named Beck and that I like both fun stationary products and things with my name on them. WHAT MORE COULD THERE BE?<br />
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<a href="http://www.uggaustralia.com/womens-slippers/alena/1004806.html" target="_blank">Alena Ugg Slippers</a> $120<br />
Mentioning that these are ugly is beside the point, because of course they're ugly. They look immensely comfortable and I worry, personally, that if I was given something like this, I would forswear regular footwear and just walk around with my feet in hideous, pillow-like, desire-quenching comfort forever.<br />
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<a href="http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/nespresso-vertuoline-single-serve-brewer-espresso-maker?ID=1270784" target="_blank">VertuoLine Single Serve Brewer and Espresso Maker</a> $430<br />
My favourite recent grifter is whatever clever huckster convinced everyone that those little expensive freeze-dried coffees in their enviromentally-crappy pods are <b>substantially</b> better than instant coffee and that it is then ALSO reasonable to ALSO buy $430 machines to use with them. How did this happen? I feel like the guy yelling at the army trucks at the end of Invasion Of The Body Snatchers.<br />
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I know that most people disagree with me about this. <span style="background-color: #f5f8fa; color: #292f33; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14.4444446563721px; line-height: 18px; white-space: pre-wrap;">¯\_(ツ)_/¯</span><br />
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<a href="http://fabulousfurs.com/ivory-mink-couture-hooded-faux-fur-jacket/p/14284IVO/" target="_blank">White Fake Fur Velvet Lined Hooded Coat</a> $499<br />
OPRAH LOOKS AMAZING IN THIS and I would also like one. I could swan around like whatshername in Doctor Zhivago. Tragically for me, I am not in the $500 fake fur coat income bracket, which seems like a pity.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Hundred-Foot-Journey-1-Disc-Blu-ray/dp/B00MI56U6S/ref=sr_1_1_twi_2_twi_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1415908075&sr=8-1&keywords=a+hundred+foot+journey" target="_blank">The Hundred-Foot Journey Blu-Ray</a> Combo Pack $40<br />
I actually can't find the $40 one listed, but this one is $22 and your aunt would probably really like this movie. It has all the components of a real aunt-pleaser. Oprah co-produced it, too, which your aunt will also probably enjoy knowing.<br />
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<a href="http://www.emi-jay.com/new-arrivals.php" target="_blank">Wide Headbands</a> $10<br />
Actually they're $8 right now and I love wide headbands so YES PLEASE.<br />
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<a href="http://www.koolaburra.com/store/womens-boots/wedge-boots/la-cienega.html?color=seta" target="_blank">La Cienga Wedge Boots</a> $245<br />
Not content to merely be the sort of boots I don't like much, they also have a hidden wedge heel so I can sneakily make myself VERY VERY TALL.This seems both fun and also rather dangerous while I'm staggering around in snowbanks.<br />
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<a href="http://coteshop.myshopify.com/products/limited-edition-9-polish-gift-set" target="_blank">Cote Nail Polish Gift Set</a> $144<br />
"Leave the trendy colours to the teens," Oprah says. I'm so depressed by this that I'm going to take my purple nails and go lay down for a while.<br />
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I'm back. Rage hard against a world that wants to subdue you into tasteful neutrals.<br />
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<a href="http://www.suzannadai.com/products/sku/F14218DECOTE" target="_blank">Khepri Large Drop Earrings</a> $155<br />
These are pretty and I like reading about how they're made to be lightweight. I also like the illustrations on the website showing how big they are: REALLY BIG! I don't even have pierced ears, but these seem nice for someone who does and who likes big, elaborate earrings.<br />
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<a href="http://www.echodesign.com/shop/gloves/women-s-gloves/echo-touch-quilted-cuff-glove.html/" target="_blank">Touch Quilted Cuff Gloves</a> $78<br />
These are spiffy - you can still text constantly while wearing them, they're warm, AND they have giant ornate puffy cuffs so you can wear them to your medieval cosplaying events on those winter weekends, too.<br />
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<a href="http://www.target.com/p/gopro-hero-chdha-301/-/A-16399081" target="_blank">GoPro Hero Camera</a> $130<br />
Oh, these are fun. Bill and a friend went kayaking and took turns wearing one of these little video cameras on a helmet as they kayaked down various things and risked making me a very attractive widow.<br />
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<a href="http://peaceloveworld.com/oprahsfavoritethings" target="_blank">Peace Love World I Love Sundays Long Sleeve T-shirt $98</a><br />
I don't love Sundays, really. They drift, somewhat pointlessly, into Mondays and tend to be rather dull. Also, this is a nearly $98 shirt. I don't love that, either.<br />
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<a href="http://www.cottagecoastalstore.com/detail-2244220.htm" target="_blank">365 Gathered Truths Box</a> $85<br />
So this is a faux-weathered wooden box with 365 inspirational quotes in it. Like Jody Foster in Contact, I have no words, and they should have sent a poet.<br />
<br />
Are you someone who finds Inspirational Pinterest Boards actually inspiring? Then I guess this is for you, and I wonder how you accidentally read this far in this post?<br />
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<a href="http://www.williams-sonoma.com/shop/electrics/electrics-waring/?cm_type=gnav" target="_blank">Waring Popcorn Maker with Melting Pot</a> $130<br />
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This is a popcorn maker with an attached heated metal pot for warming your butter.<br />
It costs $130.<br />
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This is an $18 popcorn maker that you can get at Target.<br />
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And this is a microwave. It is ALREADY IN YOUR KITCHEN. You can use it to warm butter for your popcorn.<br />
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<a href="http://www.chamilia.com/en_US/12-Days-of-Christmas-Gift-Set-p5140589.html" target="_blank">12 Days of Christmas Sterling Silver Bangle and Swarovski Crystal Charm Set</a> $500<br />
The problem here is me. I don't like jewelry so I'm just sitting here frowning at this.<br />
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<a href="https://chopracentermeditation.com/oprahs_favorite_things" target="_blank">Oprah and Deepak's Meditation Transformation Trilogy</a> $100<br />
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<a href="http://www.hamptonforge.com/product/1138/department/1015" target="_blank">Forte 13-piece Cutlery Block Set</a> $130<br />
These are nice, I guess, and the block itself is magnetic "to showcase the entire dishwasher-safe collection." DO PEOPLE WANT TO LOOK AT MY KNIVES WHEN THEY COME TO MY HOUSE?<br />
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<a href="http://www.samsung.com/us/photography/digital-cameras/EV-NXF1ZZB2KUS" target="_blank">NX Mini Camera</a> $450<br />
This features <i>"a flip-up LCD screen that makes taking the perfect selfie easier than ever."</i> My 15 year old told me about a friend taking ONE HUNDRED SELFIES while getting ready for school one morning. ONE HUNDRED!<br />
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You can also send pictures to your phone or tablet with it too. Well, that's smart. If I had $450 to spend, I would get this for my kid's friend to help her speed things up in the morning.<br />
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<a href="https://subscribe.hearstmags.com/subscribe/splits/circleoffriends/ocf_redir_gift" target="_blank">O Gift Tier Membership</a> $79<br />
A subscription to O magazine, with a box of luxury cosmetics samples, a weekly newsletter and discounts at O-affiliated stores. If you think this sounds PERFECT, here it is.<br />
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<a href="https://www.vitamix.com/shop/s30.aspx" target="_blank">Vitamix</a> $409<br />
A REALLY REALLY expensive blender so rich people can feel expensively like they're making healthy choices! I'm sure it's a dandy blender too, and the portable cup attachment is smart.<br />
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<a href="http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/charter-club-cashmere-hoodie?ID=1498199&CategoryID=39924" target="_blank">Charter Club Cashmere Hoody</a> $169<br />
Most of the time, when cashmere sweaters are on this list, I just gently roll my eyes and move on but this one has a zipper, a hood, many colour options, and a bunny-hug, so now I am cursing my impecunious state and farewell, cruel worlding. And this is, of course, the ultimate point of luxury items, to really delineate the difference between Us and Them.<br />
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Also, this is a very nice sweater.<br />
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<a href="https://www.ninewest.ca/product.asp?productid=15911" target="_blank">Hadley Tote</a> $79<br />
It's fine.<br />
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<a href="http://anastasiabeverlyhills.com/brows/beauty-express.html" target="_blank">Beauty Express Brow Kit</a> $40<br />
After a big chat with a bunch of ladies on Twitter the other day, I've decided that every woman I know needs this for Christmas. ONE FOR ALL MY FRIENDS. Won't someone rid me of these troublesome eyebrows?<br />
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<a href="http://remarkable-bark.com/" target="_blank">Chocolate Bark Holiday Tins</a> $42 for Set of Two<br />
I wouldn't buy this but I would happily eat it which indicates a certain lack of moral will, doesn't it?<br />
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<a href="http://www.bantambagels.com/" target="_blank">Mini Filled Bagel Balls Variety Pack</a> $36 for 36 Bagels<br />
I'm not a big fan of bread-y things, but I'm sure these are fine.<br />
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<a href="http://www.blackberrypatch.com/" target="_blank">Premium Fruit Syrups</a> $7<br />
This actually sounds very appealing. We're into the winding-down food portion of the list now, where I love everything because I'm always so desperately hungry.<br />
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<a href="http://mailorder.sweetladyjane.com/collections/oprahs-favorite-things" target="_blank">Mocha, Triple Berry, and Princess Cakes </a>$30 each<br />
Cake is PROBABLY my favourite thing.<br />
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And look how pretty those are!<br />
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<a href="http://www.thesmokehouseny.com/" target="_blank">Smoked Salmon Sampler Git Box</a> $195<br />
I love smoked fish with an inhuman, bear-like hunger. I get all MY smoked fish from <a href="http://www.purvisfisheries.com/default.htm" target="_blank">Purvis Fisheries</a>. (mostly trout, thanks for asking.)<br />
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<a href="https://www.cowgirlcreamery.com/" target="_blank">Holiday Cheese Collection</a> $60<br />
A big fancy stack of cheeses means that I would go on the all-cheese diet until my heart packed up and walked right out of me.<br />
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<a href="http://www.maggielouiseconfections.com/shop-holiday-statement" target="_blank">Holiday Statement Chocolate Box </a>$70<br />
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I find the colours on these slightly off-putting. Do you want to eat painted chocolates? Hm.<br />
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<a href="http://www.sabatinotruffles.com/oprah-s-truffle-holiday-set-2014" target="_blank">Truffle Oil Holiday set</a> $59<br />
"Since I crossed<i> truffle hunting in Italy</i> off my bucket list," writes Oprah and that is a splendid, evocative sentence and I wish Oprah had a beautiful golden-hued book about her adventures truffle hunting and the love that could not be with the handsome young truffle hunting guide in Tuscany or wherever it is that one hunts! for! truffles!<br />
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Truffles taste gross. But here is a fancy set of truffley oil, if you'd like.<br />
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<a href="http://www.anniebscandy.com/" target="_blank">Handcrafted Caramel Mix Assortment Box</a> $49<br />
This looks fantastic.<br />
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<a href="http://eatthisyum.com/collections/gifts/products/sampler-gift-set" target="_blank">Jam Sampler Git Set</a> $55<br />
I've written about my thoughts on jam before and feel put out that I'm expected to do so again. Homemade jam is a fine, splendid thing to give one's friends. By all means, do that.<br />
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<a href="http://www.melandrose.com/asp_pages/index.asp" target="_blank">Tequila Blanco</a> $70<br />
NO THANK YOU I WILL JUST HAVE THIS NICE GLASS OF GINGERALE INSTEAD<br />
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Tequila. Yuck.<br />
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<a href="http://www.sfoglini.com/pom.html" target="_blank">Pasta of the Month Club</a> $75 for three months<br />
For three months, your recipient will get a bag of locally sourced, seasonal pasta (what? How is pasta seasonal? I do not know.), a bag of organic handmade pasta and a recipe and wine suggestions. It's at least an interesting concept, even if I'm not sure it's entirely worth $25 a month.<br />
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<a href="http://www.elizabar.com/Happy-Holiday-Loaf--P256.aspx" target="_blank">Happy Holiday Loaf </a>- $150<br />
WHOA THIS IS A GIANT LOAF OF BREAD LOOK AT THAT<br />
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<a href="http://www.olympicprovisions.com/collections/all/products/european-sampler" target="_blank">European Salami sampler</a> $60<br />
"Consider it the United Nations of cured meat," Oprah writes and I will! I will consider it this thing! Salami is, like cheese, something I unfortunately cannot stop eating once I have it around and so I never DO have it around, and this is a delicious and lethal-looking amount of internationally-administering salami.<br />
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<a href="http://tattebakery.com/" target="_blank">Petit Quiche Assortment </a>$42<br />
THE LAST THING! I DID IT! And the final thing is.... wee quiches. I DO NOT CARE. Eat them if you'd like. I am DONE.<br />
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And so ends this year's Oprah's Gift List. A fair number of things left a sour taste in my mouth this year, and yet overall, it felt like a subdued list, lacking some of the wackier items from years gone by. But writing this monster list every year marks the true beginning of my Christmas season, and I hope that reading it has brought you some holiday merriment, too. xo<br />
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<br />Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-20767226790544283492013-11-22T08:47:00.002-08:002013-11-22T11:21:53.864-08:00The Corrected People Magazine Hot Guy ListAh, People Magazine - moldering antique from a simpler time when we liked our celebrity gossip gentler and our crossword puzzles really, really unchallenging - and yet once a year it manages to make itself briefly relevant again by picking some divisive dude to be their Sexiest Man of Earth Planet For The Next 365 Days.<br />
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This year's pick: Cootie King Adam Levine!</div>
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It's nice to see that this one messed-up girl I used to know who ALWAYS dated serial cheaters with 6 kids from 5 different women is now in charge of the People Magazine Hot Man List. She's going places!</div>
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Next up: Idris Elba.</div>
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He's a fine-looking man! This is a solid choice. No complaints!</div>
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Next: Luke Bryan</div>
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He's a famous country singer, and precisely what I do not mean when I say that I like guys "artsy and complicated." When you want to think of My Type (and why would you want to do this?) picture the opposite of Luke Bryan.</div>
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Also, remember this episode of Friends?</div>
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DUDE YOUR TEETH ARE IN THE UNCANNY VALLEY. STOP BLEACHING THEM.<br />
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And more: Jimmy Fallon.<br />
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I LIKE Jimmy Fallon. I find him reasonably funny and quite affable. These are nice things. I'm almost certain that he's a nice man, which is a rare thing in funny men, but he also looks like a gentle turtle.<br />
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Next: spry, fedora-wearing leprechaun Bruno Mars:<br />
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If you like spry fedora-wearing leprechauns, here you go. His new song promises that "we'll be making love like gorillas." Is this an image anyone wanted?<br />
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And more: HGTV guys Jonathan and Drew Scott.<br />
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I've never, ever watched their show. Maybe they're much sexier when they're moving and talking. Maybe.<br />
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Onward: Justin Timberlake.<br />
Smug! Arrogant! Vainly attempting to have a mediocre acting career instead of BEING A POP SINGER LIKE GOD INTENDED AND YET CHECK OUT THIS VIDEO AT THE 3:44 MARK:<br />
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Fun fact: babies magically made by this song when it first came out are now nearly eight years old.<br />
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Surging Forwards: the genetically-blessed Chris Pine.<br />
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Sure. I mean, he's nothing I find attractive but his inclusion doesn't make me want to punch my monitor, either.<br />
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Next up: the phenomenally-talented Pharrell Williams:<br />
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He's FORTY! It is UNFAIR how men age and he is ASTONISHINGLY talented as well as having a picture of himself mysteriously aging in his attic.<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pharrell_Williams" target="_blank">Go check out his Wikipedia page if you aren't sure who he is. </a> AND he has an interesting, individual face. A quirky, interesting choice.<br />
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And more: Ronan Farrow.<br />
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As in child of Mia Farrow and Woody Allen or possibly Frank Sinatra and we're all just so EAGER to have the children of famous people turn out hot and not disappointing. He certainly is clever, at least, and he's a handsome young man.<br />
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Almost there: Jennifer Aniston's boyfriend Justin Theroux<br />
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He's handsome and very talented in his own right. His inclusion on this list made me roll my eyes cruelly, but there's no reason for that.<br />
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Finally: David Beckham.<br />
SOME people don't find David Beckham attractive. These people also probably don't like the laughter of babies, kittens and strings on fuzzy mittens. THESE PEOPLE ARE MONSTERS.<br />
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Proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.<br />
<br />
My grade for People Magazine: 5.5 out of 10.<br />
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NOW for <b>MY Completely Arbitrary List Of Famous Men I Think Are Pretty Sexy While I'm Sitting Here This Morning:</b><br />
I've been watching a lot of reruns of Being Human these days, so Aidan Turner!<br />
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He also plays a Hot Dwarf in the new Hobbit movies:<br />
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New to my list: Sleepy Hollow's Ichabod Crane:<br />
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As played by Tom Misson. "Why are we watching this show every week?" Bill grumbled at me. BECAUSE IT'S A VERY GOOD SHOW OR SOME EQUALLY VALID OTHER REASON.<br />
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Gael Garcia Bernal<br />
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He was on my list last year as well. This is because he is a dreamboat.<br />
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Benedict Cumberbatch's Sherlock Holmes<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/puhoBm3LFvg" width="560"></iframe><br />
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<br />
Stanley Tucci<br />
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STAAAANLEEEY I LOVE YOOOOU.<br />
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Once Upon A Time's Captain Hook:<br />
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This is called "smart casting."<br />
<br />
Tom Hiddleston<br />
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<br />
Shaun Evans<br />
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Did you watch Endeavour too? WHO KNEW MORSE WAS AN ATTRACTIVE YOUNG MAN?<br />
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Aragorn in the Lord of The Rings<br />
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A few years back now, which makes this a CLASSIC choice.<br />
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Allan Hawco<br />
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Canada SHOULD consider changing it's slogan to We Make Good-Looking Men.</div>
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THE ROCK<br />
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Affable! Beautiful! Humble! VERY VERY FUNNY ON TWITTER! And also my future husband, come the Zombie Apocalypse.<br />
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Also this:<br />
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Who'd I leave out? </div>
Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-22872647591471441832013-11-13T07:08:00.002-08:002013-11-13T08:16:18.832-08:00It's Oprah Time Again!This year's Favorite Things post really snuck up on me - silent and deadly, like a beautiful, festive, very, VERY expensive alligator. I'd kind of thought that given her television network's unsuccess, Oprah would have a quieter, less flashy list this year but I am a FOOL and this list is gung-ho and over-the-top and yet also strangely boring unless you REALLY LIKE TRUFFLES. Where are the hot pink trapper hats of yore? They are gone, gone forever and nothing, apparently, will bring them back. But we do start the list off on a cheerful cake-y note at least:<br />
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<a href="http://perfectendings.com/dev/products/present-cake/" target="_blank">Present Cak</a>e<br />
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What is it? This is a luridly-green Grinch Who Stole Christmas-esque chocolate cake. It costs $79.<br />
Do I want it? I DO like cake, even if it is green. But Christmas is already pretty dessert-y and there is a very high chance that I would view The Gift Of Cake as a personal challenge. JUST ME AND A CAKE AND A FORK.<br />
What should you give me instead? Give me a cake. I will eat this cake.<br />
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<a href="http://www.uggaustralia.com/women-boots/genevieve/1003370.html?dwvar_1003370_color=CHE#start=3&cgid=fan-favorites" target="_blank">Genevieve Boots</a><br />
What is it? High shafted* Ugg boots with leather ribbons on them. They cost $300.<br />
Do I want it? They're pretty FOR UGGS but one winter in the salty slushy crap I have to walk in and they'd look AWFUL.<br />
*"High shafted" HEE HEE HEE!<br />
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<a href="http://carmonany.com/oprah-s-favorite-things-2013.html" target="_blank">Wave Pointed Canape and New Leaf Dessert Plates</a><br />
What is it? Weirdly shaped white canape and dessert plates - $30 and and $52 for 4.<br />
Do I want it? No. Plates are not presents.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.bedbathandbeyond.ca/store/product/T-Fal-reg-ActiFry-Low-Fat-Multi-Cooker-in-Black/1018768135?Keyword=T-fal+acti+fry" target="_blank">T-fal ActiFry</a><br />
What is it? A low-fat deep fryer. $250.<br />
Do I want it? Nope. I normally make MY low-fat "fries" by slicing up whatever vegetable I'm using, drizzling them with a bit of olive oil and tossing them in the oven for some vague amount of time. GOOD ENOUGH and there's not another small appliance to put away. Also, who makes french fries enough at home that this is a going concern? That person eats TOO MANY FRENCH FRIES.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Kindle-Paperwhite-Ereader/dp/B00AWH595M/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1384199298&sr=8-1&keywords=kindle+white" target="_blank">Kindle Paperwhite</a><br />
What is it: It's an eReader. $119.<br />
Do I want it? I was given an eReader two years or so ago and at first I was pretty pleased but I gradually lost all interest. Turns out I love reading BOOKS. But this one looks nice enough, if you want one, I guess, although I kind of feel like eReaders are from two years ago and everyone already has one.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.fredericmalle.com/perfumes/bigarade-concentree" target="_blank">Bigarade Shower Gel and Body Milk</a><br />
Instead of hearing ME blather about it, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0gM4GiP6EU" target="_blank">let's listen to Jason Statham!</a><br />
HEE. This is a SILLY list. This is a silly thing to write about. And the bodywash costs $75 and the body "MILK" costs $95. GOOD GRIEF! NINETY FIVE BUCKS!<br />
Do I want it: No, but I've decided that I like Jason Statham. Helllo, handsome!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.cwonder.com/Categories/Clothing/Blazers-%26-Outerwear/Quilted-Nylon-Barn-Jacket/product/CWW-F13-WO405.html" target="_blank">Diamond Quilted Barn Jacket</a><br />
What is it: It is a $128 quilted barn jacket and there may be things in this world more unflattering (in hulk green!) but I can't think of them off the top of my head.<br />
DO I want it: No thank you.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://chopracentermeditation.com/oprahs_favorite_things/?acode=oprah" target="_blank">Oprah & Deepak Meditation CDs</a><br />
What is it: OPRAH AND DEEPAK CHOPRA RECORDED HER "MEDITATION EXPERIENCES" AND NOW YOU CAN BUY THEM. THIS IS IT! THE THING I WANT LEAST IN THE WORLD FOR CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR.<br />
Do I want it: WHAT DO YOU THINK?<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.cuisinart.com/products/tea_kettles/cpk-17.html" target="_blank">PerfectTemp Cordless Electric Kettle</a><br />
What is it: it is a $100 cordless kettle. I sort of can't imagine giving one for a gift, although they're pleasant things to own.<br />
Do I want it? I already have one much like it. We're good.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.teavana.com/tea-products/tea-storage-tins/p/washi-tea-tins" target="_blank">Washi Tea Tins</a> and <a href="http://www.teavana.com/the-teas/oolong-teas/p/maharaja-chai-oolong-tea" target="_blank">Chai Oolong</a><br />
What is it: cute tins ($11) to put nice tea ($13) in. Nothing to snark about here unless you HATE HAPPINESS, you monster.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6HZLdCL26h-H7WIedQbwifvbEmrZDokAAajxGBb4i5C2tapgDVI1v0RUdZmX4vmbHm0BpZU91oXm1Qm3anectT1-X35M3LXO88F_GagavoXGE29_UP1xYyuc5NGSnbxYeksUAapfDHtE/s1600/washi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6HZLdCL26h-H7WIedQbwifvbEmrZDokAAajxGBb4i5C2tapgDVI1v0RUdZmX4vmbHm0BpZU91oXm1Qm3anectT1-X35M3LXO88F_GagavoXGE29_UP1xYyuc5NGSnbxYeksUAapfDHtE/s320/washi.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Do I want it: sounds nice.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.beatsbydre.com/headphones/studio/beats-beatsstudio.html" target="_blank">Beats Studio Headphones</a><br />
What is it: $300 headphones that were on the list LAST YEAR. Apparently we live in dark times where there is but one gift-worthy headphone brand. Dark, pricey times.<br />
Do I want it: Not really. I don't want headphones that are theoretically worth more than my head.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://skinworldwideshop.com/collections/oprahs-pick/products/organic-double-layer-pant-oprahs-pick" target="_blank">V-Neck Long Sleeve Tee and Double Layer Lounge Pants</a><br />
What is it: Cotton pajamas. The top is $74 and the bottom is $148. That's pricey.<br />
Do I want it: Pajamas are always nice but I like mine made out of something substantial and warmth-radiating, like the pelts of Muppets.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Enrico-3100MS5080-Spiral-Tangerine-Orange/dp/B00B1AUP1C/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1384210445&sr=8-1&keywords=enrico+products+spiral+salad+bowl" target="_blank">Enrico Products Spiral Salad Bowl and Servers</a><br />
What is it: Sort of loopy looking orange salad servers and a matching bowl. $20 and $55<br />
Do I want it: I'd say a grouchy "NOOO" except a few birthdays ago, my mom gave me a giant plastic bowl and told me, generously, that it was for when I was eating chips and drinking and I love it and have used my unbreakable giant chip bowl on many an occasion, so maybe I ALSO want a big orange salad bowl too, who KNOWS at this point? Maybe I just haven't told myself yet.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.qooq.com/" target="_blank">Qooq Touch Tablet</a><br />
What is it? It's a $399 touch tablet loaded with 1000 recipes and searchable by ingredients and can I just silently point to my second hand copy of Joy of Cooking that I got for $5?<br />
Do I want it? No, not really.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://lunareshome.com/catalog/candleholder-gold-plated-p-688.html?cPath=156" target="_blank">Gold Plated O Shaped Candlestick Holders</a><br />
What is it: O-shaped candle holders that won't block your view of your dinnermates at swanky dinner parties and hang on a minute while I'm totally bitter about my fancy dinner party-free LIFE here for a bit.<br />
Do I want it: No, I mostly just want to have some posh friends who throw fancy dinner parties and want me to come to them for some weird reason.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.charlesfradinhome.com/merchant/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=cfh&Product_Code=Cst_dog_pillow&Category_Code=Pillows" target="_blank">Beligian Linen Silkscreened Pet Picture Pillow</a><br />
What is it: this is the one pet-themed gift this year. There is - a few items down - a pet GIFT, but this is the only suggestion for people who like their dogs waaaay too much and have a lot of expendable income. So this is a hand-drawn illustration of your pet, printed on a linen pillowcase and filled with a goosedown pillow and if you have $395 and think this is JUST the thing you want, here you go.<br />
Do I want it: Nooo. I have cats - or A Cat, thanks to this year's Grim Cat Tragedy - and she's plenty decorative on her own without me me getting a pillow with her face on it (that she would then sleep on).<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.bloembox.com/cart.php?m=product_detail&p=290&c=" target="_blank">Amaryllis Gervase Bulb Kit</a><br />
I keep skipping over writing this one for no reason that I can see. It's a nice looking flowerpot, Dutch Amaryllis bulb and "growing material," packaged very nicely It's $43 and pretty - look!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLUywn56RgBxHTaTUwCuT8xjvRGQ4tb65dGRRg_HSASDAZ70RL7vospcQwSFv3rqM0OrC_X5j7WbK_EMDbTFhUbvVuNWiTRNuisrfw839NoxOF4-_JZyWB7vS6qapzcReiMvjdoEHN2Qc/s1600/amaryllis.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="303" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLUywn56RgBxHTaTUwCuT8xjvRGQ4tb65dGRRg_HSASDAZ70RL7vospcQwSFv3rqM0OrC_X5j7WbK_EMDbTFhUbvVuNWiTRNuisrfw839NoxOF4-_JZyWB7vS6qapzcReiMvjdoEHN2Qc/s320/amaryllis.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Isn't that cute? And although I don't want it, I can easily imagine people who would.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.andrewalkerhair.com/Andre-Walker-Products-s/32.htm" target="_blank">Andre Walker Hair Set</a><br />
What is it: A high end ($18-22) hair line and I don't think hair products make a great Christmas present but maybe you want to treat YOURSELF, in which case I'm sure it's nice.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.dabneylee.com/caddylicious-love-struck_p_135.html" target="_blank">Caddylicious Stationary Set</a><br />
What is it: Merciful heavens, it's a clear plastic box filled with ugly stationary that costs - for mysterious Rich People Reasons - $300. If I was going to spend $300 on a STATIONARY SET, I would want it to be a beautiful hand-illuminated Book of Kells-type deal and not this so optical-illusion-y, but this is probably some sort of litmus test to see who deserves to stay poor.<br />
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<a href="http://www.markandgraham.com/products/hand-painted-italian-leather-opera-glove/?pkey=cpersonalized-scarves-shawl-glove&" target="_blank">Italian Leather/Cashmere Lined Gloves</a><br />
What is it: The title says it all, but it also doesn't say that they're from $150 to $250 and also JUST the thing to slap your enemy in the face with before declaring a duel.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.butterlondon.com/Gift-Sets/The-High-Tea-Collection.html" target="_blank">Butter London Nude Nail Polish Set</a><br />
What is it: An $85 8 piece nail polish set in various skin-toned shades of brown. There's 2 horrible reasons why we don't tend to paint our nails beige or brown:<br />
1. Painting your nails the same shade as your skin isn't very attractive.<br />
2. Really? You can't think of a gross reason that people don't normally have dark brown nails?<br />
Do I want this? I would like almost any OTHER of their nail polish sets, but not this one.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.pickwickweller.com/shop/women/" target="_blank">Ashton Kutcher co-designed tees</a><br />
What: High-end t-shirts ($136 for 4) and while Ashton Kutcher having anything to do with them isn't a selling point in MY mind, some of the shirts are actually pretty cute for shirts that are priced waaaaay out of my price range.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.jonathanadler.com/toulouse-jewelry-box/?cat=1233" target="_blank">Toulouse Jewelry Box</a><br />
What is it: a truly hideous $295 jewelry box, like poor RED Fraggle with a terrible disfiguring skin condition.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO9qWJvL5Z1aYgMl95k-GfufkpEgHy0QFW8mFnRsO7QLGd3fcHguYmk5FJoYebEFHoQXTYZspxQ12k9u2BlfI9uv6BdsaKepFQKlinpUnTNSP4rsn1_yzBJvLRaEYwWia4jrpfhvRcR2U/s1600/red-fraggle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO9qWJvL5Z1aYgMl95k-GfufkpEgHy0QFW8mFnRsO7QLGd3fcHguYmk5FJoYebEFHoQXTYZspxQ12k9u2BlfI9uv6BdsaKepFQKlinpUnTNSP4rsn1_yzBJvLRaEYwWia4jrpfhvRcR2U/s320/red-fraggle.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
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<i>Imagine her made into a jewelry box.</i></div>
<br />
BUT while I was trying to find the box on the site, I ALSO found the world's cutest jewelry box. <a href="http://www.jonathanadler.com/ceramic-squirrel-ring-box/?cat=1233" target="_blank">IT'S A SQUIRREL AND I NEED IT. </a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.harrybarker.com/holiday/dog-gift-buckets-totes/dog-toy-set-and-bin.html" target="_blank">Eco Friendly Dog Toys</a><br />
What is it: A bin of dog toys. I'm really looking forward to that dark time in my life when I buy a $68 box of dog toys for my Fur Baby for Christmas because all my Human Babies are grown up and off skiing and having fun and so instead I have a little dog in a sweater, bewildered and a little freaked out by this big expensive box of dog stuff.<br />
Do I want it? - NOT YET. Give me about ten years.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://pages.samsung.com/ca/galaxynote3gear/English/" target="_blank">Samsung Galaxy Gear Watch</a> and <a href="http://www.samsung.com/ca/consumer/mobile/galaxy-note/galaxy-note/SM-N900WZKEBMC" target="_blank">Samsung Galaxy Note 3 Smartphone</a><br />
Okay. So the watch is $300 and the phone starts at $700 and I don't know, maybe you're quite affluent and your husband wants a watch that tells him when he has a new message on his phone. Here you go.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.turkish-t.com/boyfriend-on-the-block-sweater/" target="_blank">Cashmere and Himalayan Wool Boyfriend On The Block Sweater</a><br />
What is it: It's a... cashmere and Himalayan wool colour block sweater? For $225? The thing about living in the remote northern hinterland*, like me, is that whole fashion trends can rise and fall without me ever really being aware of them and so it was with colour blocking. But $225 is a LOT of money for something that's going to look dated in a little while or that MAY ALREADY LOOK DATED as far as I know, so if you're getting someone a cashmere and Himalayan wool sweater, possibly get them a more classic look.<br />
<br />
* I don't actually live THAT far north. I'm exaggerating for comedic effect and also because I exaggerate A LOT.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.fragments.com/fashion/susan-hanover.html/" target="_blank">Susan Hanover Earrings</a><br />
What is this? They are coloured gem and oxidized silver drop earrings and <i>"look much more expensive than they actually are.</i>" This is a problematic statement because they are $220 earrings and are thus an outrageous luxury item already for MOST PEOPLE.<br />
Do I want this: I don't even have pierced EARS.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://accessories.ameico.com/SEE_Home_Glasses_on_Chain_with_Stand_p/see-home.htm" target="_blank">SeeHome Desk Magnifier</a><br />
What is it? It's a set of reading glasses on a chain on a stand for the older people of your acquaintance who still describe themselves as "free-spirits" and who also lose their reading glasses a lot, from the looks of things. $49.<br />
Do I want it: NO I AM YOUNG. PRACTICALLY A CHILD. I JUST SIT THIS CLOSE TO THE COMPUTER SCREEN BECAUSE I LIKE IT.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.burtsbeesbaby.com/Set-of-3-Pima-Hand-Embroidered-Bibs-Gift-Basket/LY10560,en_US,pd.html?dwvar_LY10560_color=Cloud&start=1&cgid=New_Arrivals_Gifts" target="_blank">Burts Bees Baby Hand-Embroidered Organic Cotton Bibs</a><br />
What are they: They are a basket of three hand-embroidered organic cotton bibs for $79 and you really, really don't need this. (OR are you buying a present for Prince George? This would do nicely.) The shop has lots of lovely little outfits at much more reasonable prices, I feel morally compelled to say.<br />
Do I want it: No, I am out of babies.<br />
What should you give me instead: Something that won't make me sob and sing "Sunrise, Sunset" as I put expensive, hand-embroidered, organic baby bibs on my cat all Christmas morning.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.didriks.com/berti-convivio-nuovo-red-handle-steak-knife-set-oprah.html" target="_blank">Coltellerie Berti for Match Convivio Nuovo Steak Knives</a><br />
What is it: It's a way to spend $475 and still be really boring.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://gittergallery.com/-strse-66/Baptism-On-Cane-River/Detail.bok" target="_blank">Baptism on Cane River Plate</a><br />
What is it: A decorative plate ($168) with a print of one of Clementine Hunter's paintings on it. I don't like the plate because I feel like the raised edge distracts from the image BUT the store has lots of better versions:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdFp6fUnbzOEUGlkv25nrq683EFesYOX4rrQw7N3Uj1OnFXEclXWa7xyOtWAkfXtaF3o2E6iZAQexpvXCGUj5TiAjuRxDLo73dhjn3FM4NcsOKJ-SPZ1lo5j7LHyvTXkBKWcLkFoHnzyY/s1600/pecan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdFp6fUnbzOEUGlkv25nrq683EFesYOX4rrQw7N3Uj1OnFXEclXWa7xyOtWAkfXtaF3o2E6iZAQexpvXCGUj5TiAjuRxDLo73dhjn3FM4NcsOKJ-SPZ1lo5j7LHyvTXkBKWcLkFoHnzyY/s320/pecan.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>See?</i></div>
<br />
<a href="http://www.mophie.com/shop/juice-pack-helium-iphone-5" target="_blank">Mophie Juice Pack Helium for iPhone 5</a><br />
Huh, this is cool - it's a cute, bright cover for your iPhone that also CHARGES it, which is kind of neat. WE ARE LIVING IN THE FUTURE! $80.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://store.yedihouseware.com/index.php/the-sweater-collection/assorted-mugs-14oz-set-of-6.html" target="_blank">Classic Coffee and Tea by Yedi</a><br />
What is it: 6 sweater-print mugs for $50. I am shrugging indifferently, although I like mugs well enough. I recently broke my favorite mug, which was a free promotional item from a car lube shop. If I really like you, perhaps I'll give you six of those.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.toryburch.com/MOLLY-BUCKET-TOTE/51139525,default,pd.html?dwvar_51139525_color=209&start=49&cgid=handbags-totes" target="_blank">Raffia and Leather Bag</a><br />
What is it: It's a bag made out of what looks like a straw hula skirt, some leather and some clear plastic-y bits. "Guess how much this costs?" I said as I shoved the magazine in poor M's face. She guessed $60 and then had to deal with the knowledge that it was actually $250 and adult life is a mystifying place where anything can cost anything because numbers are random and meaningless and we're all rich, ANYHOW.<br />
Do I want it: Nooooo.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.bencaldwellcopper.com/products/oprahs-favorite-things/" target="_blank">Ben & Lael Tomato Server and Small Gingko Leaf Flat Server</a><br />
What is it: handmade copper servers that look like tomatoes and gingko leaves. Can you imagine what sort of crazy lottery win it is to be a small business craftsperson and to get your stuff on Oprah's list? THAT WOULD BE CRAZY. They're $225 and $175.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://gifts.redenvelope.com/gifts/personalized-enamel-purse-mirror-30103365?ref=HomeNoRef&viewpos=6&trackingpgroup=RSSTH" target="_blank">Personalized Enamel Purse Mirror</a><br />
What is it: the title says it all. $30. It's cute, if you're in the $30 compact mirror market and need a nice stocking stuffer.<br />
Do I want it: yes, but a cheaper version would ALSO be nice.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://store.us.rado.com/women/rado-true-thinline/rado-true-thinline-quartz-large-1954.html" target="_blank">Rado True Thinline Jubile</a><br />
What is it: It's... a collection of made-up-words? I tried slapping my computer and yelling "MAKE MORE SENSE!" but that didn't help.<br />
No, wait! It's a white watch! And it costs $2700! I'm going to stare at it until it reveals the hidden mystery of why it costs as much as a used car, hang on.<br />
Do I want it: No, expensive watches bring out my Inner Puritan.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://shop.thespicelab.com/index.php/home-page-products/himalayan-salt-tequila-shot-glass-3-tall.html" target="_blank">Himalayan Salt Tequila Shot Glasses</a><br />
What is it: Tequila shot glasses made out of... solid salt! Have you noticed that Oprah writes about tequila A LOT? Is everything okay, Oprah? $45 for six.<br />
Do I want it? Not particularly, although they're nifty enough, I guess.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.vietri.com/store/ProductDisplay.cfm?id=187731&cid=251" target="_blank">Optical Red Champagne Glasses</a><br />
What is it: A bright red dishwasher-safe champagne glass for $20. I own a couple of champagne glasses and get to use them once in a while, which is nice, but mine are CLEAR because I don't normally drink champagne WITH SATAN.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.neimanmarcus.com/Nest-Holiday-Grand-Candle-nest-holiday/prod163390293___/p.prod?icid=&searchType=MAIN&rte=%252Fsearch.jsp%253FN%253D0%2526Ntt%253Dnest%252Bholiday%2526_requestid%253D159993&eItemId=prod163390293&cmCat=search" target="_blank">Nest Fragrances Holiday Grand Four-Wick Candle</a><br />
What is it: A giant Christmas-smelling candle for... whoo hoo! It's $225! HAHAHAHA. Once in a while, I buy one of those giant candles in a jar for $30 with a deep, satisfying sense of sin. I can't imagine spending that much on a candle. People are nuts.<br />
<br />
Plum and Gold Headbands<br />
There's no online link - HOW? - and I don't have much to say about headbands anyhow. Either you wear them or you wouldn't think of it, the end.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://shop.culinaryconnectiongifts.com/ProductDisplay.cfm?id=429539&cid=509" target="_blank">Maple Leaf At Home 18" Lazy Susan</a><br />
What is it: a $195 monogrammed wooden Lazy Susan and I LOVE those. WHEE, my food is taking a fun ride! You can get me this one - it's quite nice.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://urbanmuumuu.com/shop/urbanmuumuu-long" target="_blank">Urban Muumuu</a><br />
Do I want it: I've gone full circle on this - first there was horror and then there was my continued desire to have a full Luv Life and then there was "BUT THIS LOOKS SO COMFY!" and now I'm Mrs. Roper. SO YES.<br />
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<i>Look at this thing! (I mean the muumuu. The model is lovely.)</i></div>
<br />
What should you get me instead? If you're Bill: SOMETHING FOXIER THAN A MUUMUU. If you're anyone else, this will do JUST fine, thanks! (in black.) It's $122.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.westelm.com/products/agate-jewelry-box-d1237/?pkey=e%7Cgreen%2Bboxes%7C9%7Cbest%7C0%7C1%7C24%7C%7C2&cm_src=PRODUCTSEARCH||NoFacet-_-NoFacet-_-NoMerchRules-_-" target="_blank">Green Malachite Boxes</a><br />
What is it: Velvet lined boxes in a dark-green swirly print. $49 to $69 each. "I collect green malachite boxes," Oprah writes so now that is a thing we know. SO MANY GREEN MALACHITE BOXES ALL FULL OF SECRETS!<br />
Do I want it? No. Oprah can have it.<br />
<br />
Pie Corps Roast Turkey and Sweet Potato Pie<br />
ANOTHER thing that comes from some magical store with no internet presence! This is a roast turkey and sweet potato pie and that sounds delicious, doesn't it? I'm so hungry. I think I need a snack. Anyhow, it's $45, which is kind of a lot.<br />
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<a href="http://thecordialcherry.com/products/christmas-trees" target="_blank">The Cordial Cherry Edible Nativity</a><br />
What is it: It is a cutesy Nativity set made out of chocolate-dipped cherries. <i>"Sweet Jesus"</i> is both the header and ALSO what I said when I saw it. $45.<br />
Do I want it: Um, no.<br />
What should you give me instead: A 300 page essay on "The Troubling Theological Implications of Edible Cartoony Nativities" with FOOTNOTES.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://compartes.com/products/gourmet-single-origin-chocolate-gift-box" target="_blank">28 Green Single-Origin Dark Chocolate Ganache Truffles Set</a><br />
What is it? A $75 fine chocolate set:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMbtmdymrHGYF6glbkD5fQFDXHWriRpKJxZOBKlX9eXqVQ6ctQx1xpGDEzscGGE6sgJLAxVegH0fgEkxjsyECUEVQNAQ0RqpF0Van6OVDQlPrukCuxLNFU02CNltV6YlPiI0N4JCa2hmQ/s1600/201312-omag-favorite-things-chocolate-truffles-500x500_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMbtmdymrHGYF6glbkD5fQFDXHWriRpKJxZOBKlX9eXqVQ6ctQx1xpGDEzscGGE6sgJLAxVegH0fgEkxjsyECUEVQNAQ0RqpF0Van6OVDQlPrukCuxLNFU02CNltV6YlPiI0N4JCa2hmQ/s320/201312-omag-favorite-things-chocolate-truffles-500x500_large.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>cute!</i></div>
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Fine chocolates are my weakness. Actually, I have many, many weaknesses, but fine chocolates are - horribly enough, considering that I'm not wealthy, one of them.<br />
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<a href="http://www.eulogiaproducts.com/organic-greek-fir-special-edition-honey-2013/" target="_blank">Organic Greek Fir Honey</a><br />
What is it: It's a fancy jar of honey! It's such a fancy jar of honey that I kept looking at it and looking at it trying to make it be a jar of fancy face cream or something. $29<br />
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<i>I'm a jar of honey! </i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
Do I want it: I do love honey. I'm going to encourage you now to support your LOCAL honey-dealers lavishly and support their efforts to keep the bee population going.<br />
What to get me instead: several of those cute bear-shaped bottles of local honey for me, thank you.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://sprinkles.com/" target="_blank">Sprinkles Cookie Dough </a><br />
What is it: It's a tube of $12 cookie dough that makes six big cookies.<br />
Do I want it: Noooo. I mean, it's fine. Maybe you have someone who is EXACTLY in the $12 tube of cookie dough gift category in your life and here you go, but cookies aren't exactly hard to make from scratch, either.<br />
What to get me instead: Some cookies WOULD be pretty nice.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://store.lovelesscafe.com/product/seasons_eatings/gift_baskets" target="_blank">Nashville Loveless Cafe Season's Eatings Set</a><br />
What is it: A $90 bucket of biscuit mix, waffle and pancake mixes, some bacon and some jams.<br />
Do I want it: Do you know what's really easy to make from scratch? Biscuits. Know what ELSE is really easy to make? Waffles and pancakes. It's an attractive collection of food and people would probably like it fine BUT we need to stop making it seem like it's hard to do very, very easy things, like MAKING BISCUITS.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.bonniesjamsstore.com/hgb2012-6.html" target="_blank">Bonnie's Jam Crate</a><br />
What is it: A crate of six jams for $75. YOU GUYS. Jam - homemade jam - is a lovely thing. And I'm sure this is great jam. But I just can't wrap my brains around spending $75 on six jars of jam and a wooden crate.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://target.com/" target="_blank">Modern House Wines</a><br />
What is it: der, attractive bottles of wine from Target.<br />
Do I want it: What do YOU think? OF COURSE I DO.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.olli.com/shop/organic-and-tartufo-salame-set/" target="_blank">Organic and Tartufo Salame Set</a><br />
"Even Gayle - who claims not to like sausage..." Oprah writes, probably in complete innocence. Anyhow! Gayle, who normally does NOT like sausage, loved this sausage, and at $60 for 4, I'm certain that this sausage is delicious-enough to convert even the most dedicated non-sausage fan.<br />
<br />
So my New Year's resolution this year is to be a nicer person, which I'm bringing up for no reason whatsoever. MOVING BRISKLY ON.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.sarabeth.com/Sarabeths-Legendary-Tomato-Soup-3-pack-with-a-Package-of-Six-Sarabeths-Biscuits_p_86.html" target="_blank">Sarabeth's Soups and Biscuits</a><br />
This is three cream-of-tomato soups and six buttermilk biscuits for $42. <a href="http://www.foodnetwork.ca/recipe/creamy-tomato-soup/11926/" target="_blank">Here is a recipe for cream-of-tomato soup</a>. It is, I promise you, a very, very easy soup to make and costs maybe $3 to make from scratch.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.toffeetogo.com/oprah" target="_blank">Holiday Collection Tower</a><br />
What is it: One of those boxes of fancy food that companies and what have you send each other, $54. Are you a corporation who is also, weirdly, a human? Here is a thing you can send your Corporation-Yet-Human friends.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://store.tkrg.com/collections/thomas-keller-2013-holiday-gift-collection/products/copy-of-per-se-truffle-risotto-experience" target="_blank">Thomas Keller Black Truffle Risotto Gift Box</a><br />
What is it: "If you are Rita Wilson, stop reading now." YOUR CHRISTMAS HAS BEEN RUINED, RITA WILSON! You're getting this for Christmas! Just a $500 box of stuff to make black truffle risotto and nothing else and poor Rita Wilson saying a hushed "thank you" on Christmas morning and then forlornly wondering why no one got her that copy of Just Dance 2014 she wanted.<br />
Do I want it: I hate truffles. I hate rice. I hate risotto. I hate presents that suggest strongly that I should be doing something constructive with my time.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://sandybutlergroup.com/catalog/oil/fernando-pensato-set" target="_blank">Fernando Pensato Pasta and Truffle-Infused Olive Oil set</a><br />
YET MORE TRUFFLES. This is a $40 truffle pasta and truffle oil set. Just skip to the next item.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://shop.pastoralartisan.com/index.php/gifts/truffle-trio-as-seen-in-oprah-s-favorite-things-2013.html" target="_blank">3 6-ounce Truffle-infused cheeses</a><br />
What is it: Three 6-ounce truffle infused cheeses for $70 and here is the best line in the WHOLE GIFT GUIDE, so please brace yourself: <i>"I'm going to slip some into the next Love Sandwich I make for Stedman."</i><br />
Do I want it: LOVE SANDWICH!<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/yudgy30Dd68" width="420"></iframe>
<br />
<i>This is me having my Christmas totally made. LOVE SANDWICH!</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
What should you get me instead? I'm fine, thank you. "Love Sandwich" was enough of a gift for me. I will now be happy until the day I die. Also I am SO proud of me for avoiding the obvious innuendo minefields of "Love Sandwich." GOOD FOR ME! Maturity, if you're curious, feels barren and cold.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.sabatinostore.com/oprahs-favorite-things-popcorn-kit" target="_blank">Sabatino Pipcorn and Truffle Oil set</a><br />
What is it: last year's "pipcorn" - agggh - and some truffle oil and truffle salt and I just so don't want any of this. $94 to disappoint me expensively.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://urbani.com/truffled-products/truffle-grill/truffle-grill-set.html" target="_blank">5 Bottled Truffle Sauces</a><br />
What is it: It is a set of five truffley sauces for various things - curry, barbecue. "When did I lose touch with the common people?" Oprah thinks sadly, eating a bowl of Premium Kraft Dinner with Truffle Ketchup. $55!<br />
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<b>Adam Glassman's List</b><br />
In past years, Adam Glassman's lists have been pleasant oasises of calm and loveliness, full of Things I Like but this year's list is pretty lurid and made me make the sort of dismayed face that leads STRAIGHT TO WRINKLES.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://elenis.com/store/product/new-york-nut-free-color-me-gingerbread-house/?cat=539" target="_blank">Edible Gingerbread Hous</a>e<br />
What is it: A white-frosted gingerbread house kit that you can assemble and colour with food-safe markers that are, sadly, not included. $45<br />
Do I want it: It's fine. But gingerbread house kits are only really THEORETICALLY edible - we tend to assemble on the first Sunday of Advent and by the time Christmas is over it's a dusty House Of Christmas Horror. While it's FINE, it's expensive for what it is. Most grocery stores sell versions that are completely adequate.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.nipponkodostore.com/Incense_s/139.htm?searching=Y&sort=2&cat=139&show=300&page=1" target="_blank">Incense Squares</a><br />
What is it? Squares of incense for $58.<br />
Do I want it: Nooooo<br />
What Should You Get Me Instead:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.wimberlyinc.com/collections/bracelets/products/chain-link-enamel-initial-charm-bracelet" target="_blank">Initial bracelet</a><br />
What is it: IT IS THIS SHREKY $68 BRACELET:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqX5F9H5tgw1o_RKd9LKJJYDXYnwG9p9ItCmI96p4E86oAz_zFZkdppMTa5Y0SxX0eTF-c3ydKcH_T96FrWs6FreXHZIUTUfws4oRYReoSr-I3W2DwUdOt_gXqbHmA4R8TPmHO9HhVI9E/s1600/enamel_cahin_link_lime_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqX5F9H5tgw1o_RKd9LKJJYDXYnwG9p9ItCmI96p4E86oAz_zFZkdppMTa5Y0SxX0eTF-c3ydKcH_T96FrWs6FreXHZIUTUfws4oRYReoSr-I3W2DwUdOt_gXqbHmA4R8TPmHO9HhVI9E/s320/enamel_cahin_link_lime_large.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The world is full of things I do not want, cheerfully enough.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://nike.com/" target="_blank">Unisex Sneakers</a><br />
What are they: I can't find them on the page but they are THESE $160 SHOES.<br />
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Do I want them: No. These are horrible shoes from some distopian future where we're all forced to dress like Caillou's parents and then made to RUN.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://target.com/" target="_blank">Oy! Mug</a><br />
What is it:: There's no link on the page, but it's a cute $6 dreidel mug.<br />
Do I want it: It's cute!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.wimberlyinc.com/products/crocodile-embossed-clutch-hot-pink-with-agate-slab" target="_blank">Agate Stone Clutches</a><br />
What is it: Words fail me.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi54ErtcQHe4unjykev0B11pxIT9CxaytkTO6wo-KTaROWTu_BIltYYvTshGB-AuYxkNTCwpZTMmZW8v_aNsGgjAz0AycKtE1kYFwyBi4JV4u3J4l4RWW1VAj38TVaGKo7a1zbN1nL71Wc/s1600/wimberly_2012-9724_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi54ErtcQHe4unjykev0B11pxIT9CxaytkTO6wo-KTaROWTu_BIltYYvTshGB-AuYxkNTCwpZTMmZW8v_aNsGgjAz0AycKtE1kYFwyBi4JV4u3J4l4RWW1VAj38TVaGKo7a1zbN1nL71Wc/s320/wimberly_2012-9724_large.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
It is for, I guess, those special occasions when I want to say "alligator" but I ALSO want to say "slice of rock." $98.<br />
Do I want it: No, I so rarely go to fancy faux-crocodile/agate-slice occasions.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://sportula.com/camobuck.html" target="_blank">Beer and BBQ Spatula</a><br />
What is it: A $25 camo print spatula.<br />
Do I want this: Nope. Horribly enough, many of my male relatives would LOVE this. It's camo print! It has a DEER ON THE METAL PART! You could use it to BBQ, the most MANLY WAY TO COOK!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.frescotowels.com/products/bath_towels/camouflage-_gold" target="_blank">Camo Towels</a><br />
What is it: A $69 bath towel in a camo print. SURE. I would love a camo-themed bathroom. That sounds nice.<br />
Do I want this: Not much.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://stellaandfritz.com/collections/vinegar-hill-totes/products/vinegar-hill-tote-camouflage" target="_blank">Camp Tote</a><br />
What is it IT IS YET ANOTHER CAMO THING I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT CAMO ANYMORE $68<br />
<br />
<a href="http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=74688&vid=1&pid=920310062" target="_blank">Old Navy Peacoat</a><br />
What is it it is a coat I am tired of writing about this dumb list <strike>$60</strike> on sale for $35 buy one for all your friends!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.saksfifthavenue.com/Entry.jsp?catID=0&FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=2534374306421085&bmUID=k9dm9cH" target="_blank">Camo Socks</a><br />
Camo socks! $20 a pair and that's all I know about them! I don't want them. CAMO.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.shinola.com/shop/watches/therunwell47-leather-band-watch-s032.html" target="_blank">Woman's Watch</a><br />
What is it: A lovely made in the U.S. watch! Which is, tragically, $575. But it's pretty nice, if you're in the $575 watch bracket. If you are: did I tell you that you're nice and my very good friend? (sits back, waits for watch.)<br />
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<a href="http://www.lenox.com/scalamandre?dispPattern=1&N=4294965714&rw=1" target="_blank">Scalmandre Plates</a><br />
What is it: $32 dark red zebra plates AHH MY EYES! Sadly, they have sold out. So many human beings bought these that there are no more. Humanity!<br />
Do I want these: Too bad for me if I did but happily they're hideous and I do not.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.nativeunion.com/ca/monocle-html.html#125" target="_blank">Portable iPhone Speaker</a><br />
What is it: a $60 portable iPhone speaker. It's a handsome object, I GUESS. I don't have any real feelings on it. We're getting SOMEONE<a href="http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/house-and-home/beat-box-speaker/5037200009774-item.html" target="_blank"> this portable speaker,</a> which is both $15 and very, very funny.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://thestylecube.com/platinum-ogon-aluminum-quilted-credit-card-size-wallet.html" target="_blank">Ogon Designs Card Case</a><br />
What is it: it's a bright red $69 quilted-looking business card case and blaaaah, boring. Who gets these things for Christmas? What are they LIKE?<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.qvc.com/Jill-Martin-Second-Edition-Set-of-6-Drawstring-Shoe-Bags-Search-Results.product.V32449.html?sc=V32449-SRCH&cm_sp=VIEWPOSITION-_-8-_-V32449&catentryImage=http://images-p.qvc.com/is/image/v/49/v32449.001?$uslarge$" target="_blank">Jill Martin Shoe and Boot Bags</a><br />
What is it: 6 ugly shoe bags for $61. Merciful heavens.<br />
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<a href="http://shopfirefly.com/shop/honeycomb-elk-wall-hook-wwehc/dp/40311" target="_blank">Wolfum Wall Hooks</a><br />
What is it: colourful quilt-patterned elk wall hooks? $38 each and I think, sometimes, that decorators are just KIDDING about this sort of thing.<br />
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Do I want them? I kind of do, I guess, but I have wretchedly bad taste, really.<br />
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<a href="http://slateandcoral.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=78&products_id=270#.UoKYJnA3t8E" target="_blank">Slate and Coral Pillows</a><br />
What is it? It's a $120 throw pillow, which is a thing that I just don't get. It's quite pretty and shiny, which I like, at least.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.greenheartshop.org/catalogsearch/result/?q=marina+paper" target="_blank">Handmade Journals</a><br />
$60! For a homemade paper journal! And it's a lovely object but I promise you that all of my journals degenerate into pointless list keeping (mostly recipes I want to make, which says grim and terrible things about me and my all-consuming gluttony) and there's nothing worth being written in a cute $60 book, REALLY. But if you're planning on Eat, Pray, Love-ing*, this would be the perfect book to keep your notes in.<br />
* Don't do this.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://robynglaserhome.com/" target="_blank">Robyn Glaser Home Linen Napkins</a><br />
Napkins! $32! And in one of those terriying Fashion People prints that I just don't get. Maybe you do. Hello! Do we have anything in common?<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.toms.com/womens/features/tabitha-simmons/toms-tabitha-simmons-pink-cricket-stripe-women-s-classics/s" target="_blank">Toms + Tabitha Simmons Shoes</a><br />
What are these? These are $124 shoes, kind of ugly/comfy and NOT a Christmas present because people don't actually buy shoes for presents, do they? Do you get shoes for Christmas? Would you like these particular shoes? I can't imagine.<br />
<br />
<b>Beauty Gifts</b><br />
I'm skipping the "Beauty Gifts" section because it was COMPLETELY made up of me going on about how much I want all the makeup. My restraint in this area is my Christmas gift to you. I will, instead, just make some random notes:<br />
1. <a href="http://www.narscosmetics.com/promo/holiday-gifts/gift-sets/voyeur--mini-larger-than-life-eyeliner-coffret/voyeur-eyeliner-set" target="_blank">Nars</a> - I do realize that the whole point of makeup is to enhance and extend one's sexual appeal but this is subtext and your product names (Voyeur, Orgasm, Sexual Healing) make this into eye-rolling text. Having said that, I would very much like Oprah's eyeliner set, even though it costs $49.<br />
2. If my teenager liked makeup gifts,<a href="http://www.eyeslipsface.com/studio/sets-and-palettes/palettes/22_piece_on_the_go_palette" target="_blank"> this little $10 e.l.f. palette</a> would be a fine stocking stuffer.<br />
3. :"For your med-student niece who washes up to a hundred times a day..." do many of you have nieces who are both in medical school and suffering from skin-searing OCD? <a href="http://www.costco.com/Jenna-Hipp-Essential-Nail-%2526-Hand-Cream.product.100073436.html" target="_blank">Costco has some nice 3 packs of hand cream</a> for her, although maybe the poor girl could REALLY use a day to relax. I try to never go into Costco for obvious, I-Don't-Need-A-Box-Of-300-Granola-Bars reasons, though.<br />
<br />
And that's it! That's all I can possibly say about this year's Oprah list, and my Christmas Love Sandwich to all (or most) of you. I hope you've enjoyed it.<br />
<br />
<br />Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-91976985126085828592013-10-10T07:21:00.001-07:002013-10-10T07:24:44.217-07:00The Backyard<i>Halloween 2013</i><br />
"Kids in this neighbourhood actually play outside all the time," she said to her mother, unloading the dishwasher and balancing the phone with her shoulder. "There are so many kids his age, and they all play these complicated pretend games-"<br />
<br />
"Like what?" said her mother, who had a healthy distrust of pretending.<br />
<br />
"Oh, I don't know. The other day he said they were rounding up cattle. Then they were astronauts. One day they were cave people. You know, cute kid stuff."<br />
<br />
There was a brief rustling sound and she looked up to see five children staring at her from the other side of the yard's sliding door.<br />
<br />
"Oh my goodness, mom! They're all here and wanting snacks! I didn't even hear them come into the yard! Talk to you later!' and she hung up without regret on her mother and let the silent children into the kitchen for cheese and crackers.<br />
<br />
"Everything all right, Austin?" she asked. Her child looked up at her, startled. "I thought I heard you guys singing down the street earlier. Was that you and your friends?"<br />
<br />
Austin looked cautiously at his friends. The little girl in pink - the one she had decided was the bossy one - nodded her head slightly at him, an oddly adult gesture in a six year old girl.<br />
<br />
"Yes mom," Austin said. "We were singing and playing a game. Everything is fine."<br />
<br />
He had a screaming nightmare that night, clutching his mother with terrified hands when she ran into his room.<br />
<br />
"Austin, baby," his mom said, smoothing back his damp hair. "What's going on? Why are you so scared?"<br />
<br />
He pressed his face into her shoulder and then smiled up at her. "Nothing, mommy! Just a bad dream."<br />
<br />
"Have you met the other parents?" her mother said, sharply, on the phone the next afternoon.<br />
<br />
"Mom, come ON," she said. "This is a nice neighbourhood. I'm sure they're all fine. But something is definitely bothering him."<br />
<br />
"Have you tried WATCHING what's going on?" her mother said. "Something is frightening him."<br />
<br />
When she ended the phone call, she had a knot of tight worry in her stomach. "I will not be my mother," she said to herself, but found herself silently leaving the house anyhow and walking down the tree-lined quiet sidewalk of her new street where nothing bad could ever happen, following the sound of children's singing voices.<br />
<br />
It was, as she got closer, not quite a song. Not quite English, she thought to herself, as she quietly walked across a stranger's yard to peer over the fence and saw her son and a group of other children dancing, she supposed, until the dancing took a new shape and strange lights flickered in the yard and one by one the children flickered and were gone.<br />
<br />
<br />Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-4514915258977811902013-03-18T10:07:00.001-07:002013-03-18T10:09:21.219-07:00FranklyMy planned post (tentatively titled "<em>No, I Am Totally Correct About Marriage</em>") has been temporarily shelved because of my household's Current Cat Tragedy.<br />
<br />
And if there's one thing I know, it's that this world is full of things MUCH MUCH sadder than my old cat's peaceful, kind death. I know this. But it's my own current little tragedy and it's all my fault, no matter how gently intended, so I'm going to wallow just for this post and then I'll get back to ranting about Bad Ideas In Marriages Today or What The Eff Is Gwyneth Paltrow Feeding Her Poor Kids or My Hair: Why Do I Still Not Know What To Do With It or whatever other pressing matters I feel need attending.<br />
<br />
Frank was from my parents' farm, heavier-boned than most of their cats and with a shy sweetness that set him apart from the usual brazen, bad-tempered farm cats who either begged for attention or were aloofly disdainful. He was - and I say this in the usual way of spurned lovers - special and so I loved him and that is my excuse. And I've written about him already with what I find an <em>embarrassing</em> frequency because HE WAS A CAT and I HAVE BECOME SOMEONE WHO WRITES ABOUT THEIR CAT. <br />
<br />
"You are such a nice, nice boy, Frank," the gentle-eyed farm vet said to him, petting him. "It will all be okay." And then Frank died. It was a kindness. <br />
<br />
We will get his body from the vet next month and bury him when the ground thaws and he will become this fixed spot in the past, receding away from me. And so I guess this is my formal goodbye to him, the last words I will ever write about him. He was just a cat, but he was MY cat and I'm pretty blue about him. The end.Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-68401851468625550182013-02-26T08:54:00.000-08:002013-02-26T09:07:12.894-08:00I Don't Get MarriageCertainly by now you've heard about Ben Affleck's marriage-dooming Oscar acceptance speech, where he thanked Jennifer Garner thusly:<br />
<br />
<i>I want to thank you for working on marriage for 10 Christmases. It’s
good, it is work, but it’s the best kind of work, and there’s no one I’d
rather work with.</i><br />
<br />
And marriage certainly MAY take work, but to refer to it as such is ungentlemanly - not as ungentlemanly as <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canadian_Caper" target="_blank">completely diminishing the Canadian role in the rescue of the American diplomats in Argo</a>, certainly, but not great for a marriage's long-term prospects either.<br />
<br />
A LOT of people disagree with me. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/25/ben-afflecks-oscar-speech_n_2760111.html" target="_blank">Here is a pos</a>t stating that people (like me) who found that reference off-putting "don't get marriage." And I am currently being disagreed with by EVERYONE ON TWITTER. But I stand by my position! And to agree with me, here's Mindy Kaling from her rather fantastic "<b>Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me</b>?":<br />
<br />
<i>I also became familiar with an entirely new category of person: the unhappily married person. They are everywhere, and they are ten thousand times more depressing than a divorced person. My friend Tim, whose name I've changed, obviously, has gotten more and more depressing since he married his girlfriend of seven years. Tim is the kind of guy who corners you at a party to tell you, vehemently, that<b> marriage is work.</b> And that you have to <b>work on it constantly</b>. And that going to couples' therapy is not only normal but something that everyone needs to do. Tim has a kind of maniac, cult-y look in his eyes from paying thousands of dollars to a marriage counselor. He is convinced that his daily work on his marriage, and his acknowledgement that it is basically a living hell, is modern. The result is that he has helped to relieve me of any romantic notions I had about marriage.</i><br />
<br />
I am just guessing here, but I'm betting that it's harder being married to me than it is to be married to Jennifer Garner. I mean, I have my good points (I am funny and somewhat cute and can really bake, mainly), but I've also been hospitalized several times for various life-threatening medical problems over the past few years, gone through multiple bouts of soul-searing depression, lost my MIND each time I had a baby, weighed nearly TWICE what I did when we started dating (when I was an anorexic 18 year old, let's be fair here), been a panicky, unemployable agoraphobic (don't I sound like a treat?) AS WELL as the usual sort of marital things that happen when people are married for nearly FIFTEEN YEARS. 15 years! So being married to me is not only probably a full-time job - it's probably also a candidacy for the sainthood. But Bill has never implied anything of the sort. <br />
<br />
And here is why: it would cruelly undermine my fragile sense that at least I have my marriage to rely on if Bill laid bare the secret mechanisms of our marriage. I know full well that being married to me MUST be hard work and really, really don't need confirming proof from Bill who lies like the good, good man he is whenever I press him on this topic. (My favorite statement from Bill: "<i>Being married to you is nothing but pleasure.</i>" Oh sure it is.)<br />
<br />
I am probably more emotionally fragile than Jennifer Garner, beautiful
in a beautiful dress, but another secret is that we're all pretty
fragile, at heart, and like Mindy Kaling, I don't find calling marriage
"work" bracingly modern or what have you - I find it chilling, further
proof of a cold, hard world where every good thing takes endless hellish
effort to maintain and is probably not even worth it, in the end.<br />
<br />
I think, actually, that a good marriage is built on a solid foundation of being a complete and total LIAR, of not only holding up the fiction that one's spouse is as youthfully irresistible as when you first got together but also the fact that at heart, we're all pretty unlovable and flawed and disappointing. We shelter each other from not only what time certainly does but also from the knowledge that <i>each of us</i> is a pretty big let down. And this - this sheltering - IS work, but it is the sort of underwater emotional work that I don't think needs a lot of exposure to air. It is the secret work of marriage and we make it too open at our peril.<br />
<br />
There's an old Billy Bragg song that always springs to mind when I think of things like this:<br />
<br />
<i>The temptation<br />
To take the precious things we have apart<br />
To see how they work<br />
Must be resisted for they never fit together again</i><br />
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(From "Must I Paint You A Picture)</div>
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<br /></div>
Maybe I <i>don't</i> get how marriage works, but I do know that if Bill was winning an Oscar (and for what? Probably special effects.), he would thank me and say some pretty, inconsequential words about me, because he <i>does</i> know how marriage works, how the mechanisms of our fragile, precious marriage work.<br />
He <i>would </i>know to shelter me (beautiful in a beautiful dress) from the cold chill of the word "work" next to my name. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-33161303591067683152013-01-23T11:35:00.004-08:002013-01-23T11:35:34.129-08:00Pst! Over here!<a href="http://theladieswhomakelunch.blogspot.ca/2013/01/on-pizza-day.html#comment-form" target="_blank">Today's lunch post</a> is me ranting about how unfair school pizza day is, so you're probably just wild to read that, eh?Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-67030319964241325612013-01-22T09:32:00.005-08:002013-01-22T09:32:57.439-08:00Big Lunch News!A few years ago - and I was SHOCKED to realize that this much time has gone by - right before I got sick, some friends and I started a collaborative blog about school lunches. It was such a fun project and I was really enthusiastic about it but waaah wah waaah, I got sick and the whole thing fell by the wayside.<br />
<br />
Lately, though, I realized that it was something I'd like to start up again: I still found myself making 15 annoying lunches a week and the school lunches I saw online had very little in common with them - I don't know about you, but I don't really get my jollies packing elaborate Bento lunches for my kids. So I approached the original authors of the blog and we decided to not only start it up again, but to include more writers in our weekly line-up.<br />
<br />
The hilarious Nicole from <a href="http://girlinaboyhouse.blogspot.ca/" target="_blank">Girl in a Boy House </a>is going to be writing on Mondays.<br />
Janet - who is funny and astute and thoughtful - will be writing on Tuesdays.<br />
I'll have the Wednesday posts.<br />
And Hannah - the busy, busy mom from <a href="http://hodgepodgeandstrawberries.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Hodgepodge and Strawberries</a> - will be writing the Thursday posts.<br />
Fridays will be saved for guest posts, recipes and links and who knows what else.<br />
<br />
I hope that you'll find our posts helpful and fun and that you'll enjoy reading them. <a href="http://theladieswhomakelunch.blogspot.ca/" target="_blank">See you there!</a>Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-81478330787791245922012-12-21T10:56:00.001-08:002012-12-21T10:56:33.109-08:00The Best Way To Spread Christmas Cheer It's the last day of school for the year! Or it would be if the kids weren't having a snowday thanks to ALL THIS SNOW. The younger two went outside and frolicked in the snow and the oldest kid stayed inside and worked on her Christmas presents, bless her industrious little heart. And it is SO close to Christmas, which means that I will now show you my favorite Christmas decorations. <br />
<br />
This is what our tree looks like this year. As you can see by our coloured Christmas lights, we are not Communists: <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCUnOrFEMt74_MSTrYKoPTB4H15rs81L6cHy4w8QAM9qv38hhA9ar7zvGXyjxuFbGYjf4F5NuxpV6Ic0UEje6CInPBEUx_LsgmTsNy7mF07yLtiKqBHlthi9acAwXv3noUfIe8iw5djfA/s1600/100_1337.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCUnOrFEMt74_MSTrYKoPTB4H15rs81L6cHy4w8QAM9qv38hhA9ar7zvGXyjxuFbGYjf4F5NuxpV6Ic0UEje6CInPBEUx_LsgmTsNy7mF07yLtiKqBHlthi9acAwXv3noUfIe8iw5djfA/s320/100_1337.JPG" width="238" /></a></div>
I spent all of Christmas tree set-up day last weekend feeling PRETTY hard done by because our tree is a bit.. spartan. Charlie-Brown-esque. But throw on a zillion decorations and three miles of lights and you can barely tell!<br />
<br />
And now for the close-up tour:<br />
SANTA! I KNOW HIM! <br />
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He's REALLY old - from about 1900 and super-fragile blown glass. He used to have an elf buddy with a mushroom hat but I broke him because I suck. <br />
<br />
COOL DOWN, DUTCH KIDS, THIS IS A FAMILY TREE: <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkpzmKBv298OaJknU0LTozOridISlXz-W_r87NmJpnD1AVsizGan5fbbeMl7mObjBTKvrjhF84EaiNXrQDEVtQrfIKdmug0NirnLRTJ9JS7clLILabfNEEISGJR_KsfrhhoxWD9Cxp4QQ/s1600/Dutchkiss.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkpzmKBv298OaJknU0LTozOridISlXz-W_r87NmJpnD1AVsizGan5fbbeMl7mObjBTKvrjhF84EaiNXrQDEVtQrfIKdmug0NirnLRTJ9JS7clLILabfNEEISGJR_KsfrhhoxWD9Cxp4QQ/s320/Dutchkiss.jpg" width="311" /></a></div>
Also note the leering snowmen who like where this is headed. Anyhow, someone brought ups back the kissing kouple from a trip to Holland.<br />
<br />
The kids had Monday off, too - geez, what a short week - and we made cinnamon-applesauce dough and cut out hearts for the tree and our house smelled OVERPOWERINGLY of cinnamon for a few days. <br />
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SO CRAFTY. We made tons of these hearts.<br />
<br />
St. Nicholas sometimes brings Christmas ornament kits, which is wise of him and one year we made zillions of these pretty little angels: <br />
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Isn't she sweet? Less sweet is the memory of the tense day we made them, when one kid was in trouble in her room ALL DAY LONG. But the angels are pretty! Begone, actual memories!<br />
<br />
SNIFF HERE IS A PICTURE OF MY OLDEST KID AT 6<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyZrh1oAPonTQrf08fBQKDCMBxtjzqdVf00SCFiMQZvzNFhGHk4hKEAmLo3ZxREB_KSa8KwV11SZHajVP9VpRf4r7aq3HL_IbWkORGPXJb1TLINhQaq6xMqoX8TE4imVY3atCfXGK_kew/s1600/little+kid.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyZrh1oAPonTQrf08fBQKDCMBxtjzqdVf00SCFiMQZvzNFhGHk4hKEAmLo3ZxREB_KSa8KwV11SZHajVP9VpRf4r7aq3HL_IbWkORGPXJb1TLINhQaq6xMqoX8TE4imVY3atCfXGK_kew/s320/little+kid.jpg" width="238" /></a></div>
CATS IN THE CRADLE AND THE SILLLVERR SPOOOOON. <br />
<br />
I don't love these dumb lumpy bears but the kids do. They have magnets in their noses, so no matter where they are, they swing together like a lovestruck new couple:<br />
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GET A ROOM, PERVERT BEARS.</div>
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This is my favorite thing - it's a winged girl holding a white fox, riding on a deer and Bill put her in my stocking the Christmas we were expecting The Girl: </div>
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I see the ornament and I briefly feel again that wild fear and that wild hope.</div>
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This is a very fragile old tree topper - too small to go on top of our tree, so it just hangs hugely off to the side: </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrSzSfmY5VCUX4THvQGwQgGiF5oRkFZOoLrraci-AuTiy8FJ4fR0wWY4uYw4Fm34JKVgkXbTMcY8ew6sxWvfrzVZj0e0jOFPta6ukBIl6uzDNhEoCZ3Sd9hqIq7VV04bWBJD5HNiAE8CI/s1600/santastar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrSzSfmY5VCUX4THvQGwQgGiF5oRkFZOoLrraci-AuTiy8FJ4fR0wWY4uYw4Fm34JKVgkXbTMcY8ew6sxWvfrzVZj0e0jOFPta6ukBIl6uzDNhEoCZ3Sd9hqIq7VV04bWBJD5HNiAE8CI/s320/santastar.jpg" width="256" /> </a></div>
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It used to be on my grandma's tree and now it is on mine.</div>
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These are my favorite - wee little birthday candle-holding angels, long broken. I think they're from the 30s: </div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-qz7fbak46E9I_kf4eE8ShYEHeJlSbh2aHOwS5pMEyt4QoQojd17HILgfzizdgoOAuKaDQ7AbuarfjqZu3qN_Yg1BW6O7K3WkST4RePGvtYjL7N1JSv0NtT8yJ9H8gPvIjUHz3ZE6XEk/s1600/folded+paper+tree.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv903_GKb4MrQFtspL-d2WkXauH8qfjYKdF3aH4jpXDDySD9gaju_DKvBMPazuWW20S5lLKpvtGScWdduNJHBIsHQvm7KOciQ84fCQL8EzG3hGq-smNqW9sIvCsZ5qQ09djcBqDYiYAX0/s1600/LEON.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="209" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv903_GKb4MrQFtspL-d2WkXauH8qfjYKdF3aH4jpXDDySD9gaju_DKvBMPazuWW20S5lLKpvtGScWdduNJHBIsHQvm7KOciQ84fCQL8EzG3hGq-smNqW9sIvCsZ5qQ09djcBqDYiYAX0/s320/LEON.jpg" width="320" /> </a><br />
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They have the sweetest wistful little faces. Also seen in this picture: OUR MAGNIFICENT GINGERBREAD PALACE. The Girl made it this year and she is obviously going Big Gingerbread Places.</div>
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She also made this gorgeous tree at school out of a magazine, spraypaint and glitter: </div>
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"You must be really artistic too," some well-meaning soul said to me the other day and I laughed and laughed. My friend C gave me the stern bookish angel behind the tree.</div>
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And here you can see the box the angels get stored in and that I set out because it's so pretty, the Christmas card my Uncle Ron and Aunt Lori sent (made with one of his photographs), and a jar full of antique glass balls - too fragile to hang up anymore: </div>
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They look dusty in the picture but they're actually covered in tiny fine cracks!<br />
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I love this time of year. And now I am off to bake some cookies. Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you and your family.Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-51349357747344255092012-12-10T06:53:00.003-08:002012-12-10T07:00:23.720-08:00Gift Ideas for Husbands, Specifically MINE.Bill is a prince among husbands, a fantastic guy all around - devoted, compassionate, hard-working - and if everyone was more like him, the world would be a better place unless you used bad fonts on a menu, in which case you'd probably be shot.<br />
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But what DOES one get a fine, artsy guy like that? The automatic lazy male defaults - sports stuff! beer products! socks! - would just make him sad.<br />
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You get him books like this: <a href="http://www.amazon.ca/Upset-Young-Contemporary-Art/dp/3899552210/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355147949&sr=8-1" target="_blank">The Upset: Young Contemporary Art.</a> That was easy.<br />
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He would also like <a href="http://trailblazerproducts.com/products/view/24/" target="_blank">the Sawvivor Saw for Christmas. </a><br />
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Nothing says "Merry Chirstmas, Baby!" like a fine camping saw, I always say. NOTHING.<br />
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I WAS going to get him a copy of <a href="http://www.cardsagainsthumanity.com/" target="_blank">Cards Against Humanity</a>, but they were sold out the day I was shopping. It would still be a dandy choice for him. He loves games like that.<br />
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<a href="http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/f082/?pfm=Search&t=makey" target="_blank">Makey Makey</a><br />
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<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/rfQqh7iCcOU?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
DOESN'T THAT LOOK LIKE FUN?<br />
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I also tend to get Bill soulful yet manly short story collections. This year's pick: <a href="http://www.amazon.ca/What-Talk-About-When-Love/dp/0679723056/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355149446&sr=8-1-spell" target="_blank">What We Talk About When We Talk About Love</a> by Raymond Carver.<br />
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I also got him a fine squishy old Irish guy hat, which the website no longer has but I bought it at Old Navy. GREAT CHOICE, ME.<br />
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He also loves <a href="http://www.the-baileys-lounge.baileys.com/en-row/" target="_blank">Baileys</a> so I tend to get him some of that in both drinkable and candy form. It's CHRISTMAS. Have both.<br />
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Another book! <a href="http://www.amazon.ca/Shop-Class-Soulcraft-Inquiry-Value/dp/1594202230/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355150501&sr=8-1" target="_blank">Shop Class as Soulcraft</a>, just so he can feel justified in his lifelong insistence that it's very important that kids learn practical skills with their hands.<br />
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And that's it! That's all he's getting. It should be - I hope - a merry Christmas for him. And for you and your family, too. What are you getting YOUR husband/partner/self for Christmas this year?<br />
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(for more fun gift lists, check out <a href="http://girlinaboyhouse.blogspot.ca/2012/12/nicoles-favourite-things-holiday.html" target="_blank">Nicole's suggestions for Nicole</a> and <a href="http://wrathofmom.blogspot.ca/2012/11/warp-speed-wednesdays-christmas-gift.html" target="_blank">Nan's suggestions for Star Trek fans</a>.)<br />
<br />Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-5538838781009157272012-11-16T14:21:00.001-08:002012-11-16T14:21:18.166-08:00People. People Who Read People.People Magazine's Official Hot Man of The Planet Earth Contest Issue is out, and as usual, they got it ALL WRONG. <a href="http://www.people.com/people/package/gallery/0,,20315920_20647261,00.html" target="_blank">CHANNING TATUM?</a> Is that even a NAME people have here on Earth Planet? Are we THAT dazzled by abs? Are all our libidos set to Beefy And Simple O'Clock?<br />
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I am, a good friend informed me, SO WRONG. Channing Tatum IS terribly sexy, she assures me, but she likes blond jocks. And I am certain that he is a lovely man, in his own way, but if it was Beck Magazine, the Hot Men List would be different - darker haired men, for one, and more... oh, complicated and yet good-humoured and geeky and smarter and also with that certain special something that suggests to ME, at least, that they might like my sort (non-hale, non-hearty, endlessly talkative, fragile hypochondriacs. Who DOESN'T enjoy that?).<br />
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I am fully aware, in an aside, that these men are (for the most part) actors and that their public personas and their private lives might be disappointingly different. Don't know, don't care.<br />
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<b>The People List, Graded</b><br />
1. <a href="http://www.people.com/people/package/gallery/0,,20315920_20647261,00.html" target="_blank">Channing Tatum</a> - He's not, as I said, anything LIKE my type. But he's not a HORRIBLE choice either. B-.<br />
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2. <a href="http://www.people.com/people/package/gallery/0,,20315920_20647261,00.html#21241289" target="_blank">Blake Shelton</a> - He seems affable enough, and I like doting husbands, but he's once again NOT MY TYPE - too blond! Too outdoorsy! C+/B-.<br />
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3. <a href="http://www.people.com/people/package/gallery/0,,20315920_20647261,00.html#21241291" target="_blank">Chris Hemsworth</a> - Take everything I said about not wanting blond muscly guys and wanting dark haired smart complicated guys and throw them out the window because HUBBA HUBBA. Some good, kind human being made this video:<br />
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SWEET MERCIFUL HEAVENS.<br />
*fans self*<br />
A+, OBVIOUSLY.<br />
WHY IS HE NOT THE SEXIEST MAN OF THE YEAR? This seems like a much more popular choice.<br />
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4.<a href="http://www.people.com/people/package/gallery/0,,20315920_20647261,00.html#21241295" target="_blank"> Max Greenfield.</a><br />
That's certainly not a sexy photo, is it? There are better ones:<br />
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He's appealing. B.<br /><br />
5<a href="http://www.people.com/people/package/gallery/0,,20315920_20647261,00.html#21241285" target="_blank">. Ben Affleck</a><br />
On the one hand, there was Argo and on the other he's aging SO well AND he's a doting dad and so I'm going to have to give him an A-, which I never would have done BEFORE.<br />
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6. <a href="http://www.people.com/people/package/gallery/0,,20315920_20647261,00.html#21241298" target="_blank">Richard Gere. </a><br />NO. F.<br />
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7. <a href="http://www.people.com/people/package/gallery/0,,20315920_20647261,00.html#21241294" target="_blank">Matt Bomer</a><br />
Oh, sure. A-.<br />
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8. <a href="http://www.people.com/people/package/gallery/0,,20315920_20647261,00.html#21241296" target="_blank">Oscar Pistorius </a><br />
NO ATHLETES UNLESS THEIR NAME IS DAVID BECKHAM (he's all right.). B+.<br />
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9. <a href="http://www.people.com/people/package/gallery/0,,20315920_20647261,00.html#21241293" target="_blank">Denzel Washington</a><br />
A fine-looking man, yes. <a href="http://hodgepodgeandstrawberries.wordpress.com/2012/11/16/sexy-man-helpers-are-sexy/" target="_blank">Hannah addressed the issue we all have with his permanent spot on the People List well</a>, and I'll add another hopeful voice chirping for Idris Elba. B+ for Denzel.<br />
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10.<a href="http://www.people.com/people/package/gallery/0,,20315920_20647261,00.html#21241292" target="_blank"> Damien Lewis. </a><br />What? No. C-.<br />
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11. <a href="http://www.people.com/people/package/gallery/0,,20315920_20647261,00.html#21241297" target="_blank">Paul Rudd</a><br />
MERCIFUL HEAVENS YES. A+.<br />
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12. <a href="http://www.people.com/people/package/gallery/0,,20315920_20647261,00.html#21241290" target="_blank">Bradley Cooper</a><br />
A C+ for Bradley Cooper, Human Golden Retriever. <br />
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<b>The Beck List, In No Order Whatsoever</b><br />
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Henry Cavill<br />
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Viggo Mortensen<br />
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Benedict Cumberbatch<br />
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<br />(only when he's Sherlock Holmes, though, and certainly not when he's giving one of his myriad regrettable interviews. Shh, Benedict. Let me love you.)<br />
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Sufjan Stevens<br />
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Jon Hamm<br />
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Captain Hook on Once Upon A Time<br />
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Not coicidentally, this show recently went from something I lazily watched sometimes on Sunday evenings to MUST SEE TV.<br />
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Colin Farrell<br />
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Santiago Cabrera<br />
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David Beckham<br />
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<br />Gael Garcia Bernal<br />
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Mark Ruffalo<br />
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<br />This is such a good post. I think I might love it.<br />
Did I miss anyone? Let me know!<br />
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<br />
<br />Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com46tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-23219969237244809932012-11-11T13:41:00.004-08:002012-11-11T13:41:49.056-08:00My Curse Is Come Upon Me - My Yearly Oprah's Favorite Thing's Post. Here it is: the primary reason that I still have a blog, the post that makes me feel more stressed out and guilty than all my other posts combined - my yearly Oprah post! This year, I decided to drag other people down with me, namely my oldest child, M., and my dad. And we're off!<br />
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<a href="http://www.jetsonbike.com/" target="_blank">Jetson E- Bike</a>. I actually saw one of these in person while I was out riding around with my dad. A portly woman tootled by on her electric bike and my dad and I stared, awe-struck, and then laughed for a solid five minutes. Perhaps I am missing this bike's zippy electric charm. That sounds exactly like something that might pass me by, so instead, I will say, in practical fashion, that I don't know about everyone, but generally Christmas happens in the WINTER here and not during safe bike riding season. It's also close to 2 grand. Do we like anyone $2000 worth? And the answer is no, of course we don't.<br />
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<a href="http://www.ralphlauren.com/family/index.jsp?view=99&categoryId=1766601&s=A-StorePrice-POLO&cp=2943768&pg=2" target="_blank">Ralph Lauren Colourful Sweater</a>. - "It's $198!" exclaimed M. "THAT IS QUITE EXPENSIVE!" Is the Recession not happening where YOU are? Perhaps you're rich and you and your rich friends exchange luridly-coloured sweaters with each other while laughing richly. And while I'm sure it's a perfectly nice cotton cable sweater in bright colours, is it REALLY worth $200? No. So what you're paying for is visible membership in The Rich Person Sweater Club, which I hear is a nice place. <br />
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<a href="http://www.giro.com/us_en/" target="_blank">Giro Sport Design Reverb</a> - $48 for Oprah readers. "That is an expensive helmet for something the colour of a booger with a visor," said M. I don't know if I think it's expensive, so much, but I DO think that giving bike helmets to other adults is a strange thing to do at Christmas. Do people do this? Is this something that happens? I'm trying to imagine my face upon opening up a big tempting box and finding a bike helmet. I think I'd cry.<br />
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<a href="http://www.h2oplus.com/product/ultimate+marine+spa+favorites.do?sortby=bestSellers" target="_blank">H20 Gift Set</a> - Was $122 but is now $98 for Oprah readers. "<i>I first discovered these products at David Copperfield's house</i>," writes Oprah.You know, if I was rich and famous and knew other rich and famous people, I would most certainly name drop. I can't quite imagine name-dropping David Copperfield, but perhaps he's an expensively sea-scented delight and a joy to all who know him. Name dropping count: 1.<br />
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<a href="http://www.toryburch.com/Metallic-Michelle-Tote/41129770,default,pd.html?dwvar_41129770_color=668&start=19&cgid=handbags-totes" target="_blank">Metallic Pink Tory Burch "Michelle" Tote</a> - A lovely enough item, I guess, but a) on what mythical planet do people give each other $395 tote bags for Christmas and b) how come I wasn't born into this group? <br />
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<a href="http://www.julep.com/oprah.html" target="_blank">12 Pack of Julep Nail Polishe</a>s, selected by Oprah herself - Originally $168, now $84. M pointed out that we own a MILLION bottles of nail polish and probably did not spend $168 total on them. But these nail polishes are non-toxic while ours are probably warping our genes AS WE SPEAK, which serves us right for being poor. But - in all fairness - $84 is actually not a crazy price for a large boxed set of high-quality nail polishes, even if I'd be aghast if someone bought me it.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://store.bougainvilleaboutique.com/stores_app/Browse_Item_Details.asp?Shopper_id=641811111024306418&Store_id=805&page_id=23&Item_ID=1548" target="_blank">Indian Bangle Bracelet</a> - $31 for Oprah readers.<br />
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Well, that's not TOO bad, right? I mean, I don't like it but it's also not the cost of a new kidney and those who like shiny costume jewelry will like it.... wait a minute....<br />
<a href="http://www.bougainvilleaboutique.com/about_bougainvillea_boutique.asp" target="_blank">Bougainvillea’s cuff bracelets are made with</a><i><a href="http://www.bougainvilleaboutique.com/about_bougainvillea_boutique.asp" target="_blank"><b> water buffalo bone </b></a></i><a href="http://www.bougainvilleaboutique.com/about_bougainvillea_boutique.asp" target="_blank"><b></b>and semi-precious stones. </a><br />
I find this icky. I'm not all THAT sensitive, but I prefer that my costume jewelry not be made of animal bones. I'm dainty that way. And are a water buffaloes bones THAT much more attractive than a cows? Does being an undomesticated animal give your bones an exotic hue? <br />
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1<a href="http://www.lafco.com/product/gift-sets/HSOprahGift.html#.UJ5zPmclp8E" target="_blank">2 Pack of Lafco New York Gift Soaps</a> - $238. "WOW," said M, who up until this moment did not know that rich people dropped $238 on gift boxes of soap for each other. She also wrote "WOW" in the magazine's margin in case I did not sufficiently know how boggled she was. <br />
Name dropped: "Mr. and Mrs. Colbert." Name dropping count: 2.<br />
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<a href="http://buy.indiahicks.com/single-diamond-silver-pendant-22mm.html" target="_blank">Pave Diamonds Initial Necklace from India Hicks</a>- Was $370 but is now $296 for Oprah readers. <i>"I suppose if you absolutely have to have a $370 necklace, this one would do as well as any other,</i>" my dad grumped. <br />
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<a href="http://www.bose.ca/controller?url=/shop_online/home_theater/hdtvs_with_built_in_home_theater/videowave_ii/index.jsp" target="_blank">Bose VideoWave II 46" High Definition Television</a> - $4,999 (but substantially MORE in Canada, for some reason.). Perhaps this is the sort of thing rich people give beloved spouses for Christmas. Do they? Is this what they do? M is rolling her eyes at the VERY idea. As it is, I don't even like MYSELF enough to spend 5 grand on a TELEVISION when I have 3 kids who need food and shelter and (theoretically) future expensive educations. So no.<br />
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<a href="http://www.r-nichols.com/collections/candles" target="_blank">A festively-scented candle with an R. Nichols illustration on the outside</a> - $36 for Oprah readers. "RIPOFF," wrote M. My dad, unbelievably enough, DISAGREES. "Those are nice little things!" he said. "That seems like a fair price for them." My dad - unexpected fan of the festively illustrated seasonal candle.<br />
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<a href="http://www.tusk.com/product_detail.php?pid=828" target="_blank">Kidskin Leather Wallet</a> - $138. This involved a long explanation to a very horrified M about what "kidskin" was, since she thought at first that it was KID skin and thus in extra horrible, Swiftian Modest Proposal territory. "<i>It's still weird,</i>" M says. "<i>First you have to find your wallet in your purse and then you have to search through your wallet for your stuff.</i>" Guess whose mother has only just started carrying a purse and has yet to grow up enough to carry a wallet?<br />
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<a href="http://www.harrybarker.com/Toile-Food-Storage-Canister/productinfo/DFS+TOIL/" target="_blank">Recycled-Steel Toile Dog Food Cannister and Stoneware Bowl</a> - $56 and $32. "<i>What do you get for the dog that reads Architectural Digest</i>?" wrote Oprah, which has caused me a lot of philosophical musing. What WOULD I get for a dog that both COULD read and had pretentious reading tastes? "<i>You give him to a scientific testing facility since I don't want to be taken over by smart dogs</i>," says M. <i>"Or you give him dog treats and tell him to get a job and buy his own stuff."</i> Spending $56 on a tin to hold dog food! THE VERY IDEA!<br />
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<a href="http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/hotel-collection-bedding-embroidered-diamonds-collection?ID=758077&CategoryID=7502&LinkType=PDPZ1" target="_blank">Hotel Collection 600 Thread Count Bedding</a> - $80 to $360. "<i>For anyone who loves to hang out in bed,"</i> wrote Oprah. <i> "For people with no lives,"</i> grumped M. "<i>Here, let's buy you some stupid expensive bedding and make your bed extra-comfy.</i>" But what does she know? She's young and still has hope in an interesting future. I like nice sheets. I don't expect anyone will buy me these because THEY ARE EXPENSIVE.<br />
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<a href="http://www.tempurpedic.com/TEMPUR-Cloud-Collection/Tempur-Pedic-TEMPUR-Cloud-Supreme.asp" target="_blank">Tempur-Cloud Supreme Mattress -</a> $2699. I LOVE A COMFORTABLE MATTRESS. I WANT A NICE SOFT BED. GET ME THIS. M is out of the room and not here to point out that people don't actually buy each other mattresses for Christmas that cost two grand. Moving briskly on!<br />
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<a href="http://www.coach.com/online/handbags/-latest_apparel-us-us-23763-en?t1Id=78&t2Id=23763&tier=2&LOC=LN#116520" target="_blank">Coach Down Puffer Jacke</a>t - $458. "This perfect down puffer.... manages to be nice and warm without making you look like the Incredible Hulk," writes Oprah and yet, as M pointed out, the green one is EXACTLY THE SAME COLOUR AS THE INCREDIBLE HULK.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.michaelkors.com/p/MICHAEL-Michael-Kors-MICHAEL-Michael-Kors-Metallic-Glam-Studded-High-Top-SNEAKERS/prod19420001_cat46801_cat121_/?index=0&cmCat=cat000000cat121cat46801&isEditorial=false" target="_blank">Michael Kors Glam Metallic Studded High Tops</a> - $195. "There's a zipper! A buckle! AND LACES!" exclaimed M, completely horrified. "AND THEY ARE ALSO TACKY! OF ALL THE SHOES IN THE WORLD!"<br />
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<a href="http://corkcicle.com/" target="_blank">Wine Chilling Corkcicl</a>e - $25 - Here we have it! This list's affordable option! ONE FOR ALL MY DRUNKEN FRIENDS! Except we're still in a Recession and I don't BUY presents for my friends, do I. But if I did, I might buy them a giant icicle to keep their booze cold.<br />
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<a href="http://www.neimanmarcus.com/p/Tom-Ford-Beauty-4-Piece-Lip-Color-Boxed-Gift-Set-Lips/prod154040375_cat40960779_cat40960772_/?isEditorial=false&index=0&cmCat=cat000000cat13030735cat42130739cat000226cat43890732cat11610741cat40960772cat40960779" target="_blank">Tom Ford 4 Pack of Lipsticks, Hand-Picked by Oprah</a> - $192. Exclamation mark! I don't know why this dazzles me so much, but that's a LOT of money for four lipsticks. The individual lipsticks in the Tom Ford collection are $48. $48! I felt like a giddy drunken sailor buying a TWENTY DOLLAR lipstick the other day. CRAZINESS.<br />
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<a href="http://www.dyson.com/fans/browsetherange.aspx?filters=pedestal" target="_blank">Dyson Bladeless Pedestal Fan</a> - $450. Name dropped: THE KARDASHIANS. Name dropping count: 3.<br />
Does this being owned by the Kardashians make it less appealing for anyone else? I'm sure it's a completely fine expensive fan but I don't generally tend to buy fans for Christmas, a holiday which - as I've previously mentioned - OCCURS IN THE WINTER. Maybe it's hot where you are and you are also rich. Here's a fan that the Kardashians like for your consideration.<br />
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<a href="http://www.microsoftstore.com/store/msca/en_CA/cat/categoryID.60116900" target="_blank">Microsoft Surface Tablet with Keyboard</a> - from $495. I don't know about you, but the one finger limited interactivity of tablets counts AGAINST them for me. This one comes with a keyboard but how much can you really do WITH it? We're pretty demanding of our computers in this household and tend to find tablets underwhelming as a rule. Still, it's attractive.<br />
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<a href="http://www.waggingtailportraits.com/index.cfm?CategoryID=-999&view=detail&pid=9" target="_blank">Wagging Tail Portraits</a> - $229 for a set of 50 pet picture cards. Here is a photo of Frank - who is STILL HANGING IN THERE, WAY TO GO BUDDY! - carefully photoshopped to look like art:<br />
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HE IS SO HANDSOME.<br />
Bill has asked me not to be snarky about this entry. It's hard times for commercial artists these days. So you want to get a bunch of cards with your dog's painting on them made up? Here you go. And in the meantime: ADMIRE MY FINE CAT!<br />
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<a href="http://octanefitness.com/" target="_blank">Q37ci Elliptical Trainer</a> -$3099. Names dropped: Bob Greene (4) and Gayle* (5) who is shown working off "blue velvet cake" and more on THAT later. "<i>If you love to eat, it's a really good idea to try to make yourself love to work out,"</i> writes the O editors and now I am so depressed because oh no, this is a true statement. In the meantime: this is very expensive but maybe you would mean it very lovingly if you gave it as a gift, mean it to say something like <i>"I love you and want you around for as close to forever as I can.</i>" What I worry that your recipient would hear, though, is "<i>You're a giant fatty and I'll only love you if you keep your butt high and firm." </i>So maybe only get people three thousand dollar elliptical machines IF THEY SPECIFICALLY ASK FOR THEM.<br />
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*I'm aware that mentioning Gayle is probably not name-dropping so much, but I'd brag if I was hanging out with her. She seems fun.<br />
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<a href="http://rowallanusa.com/product.php?/keeps/dede/&collection_id=5&item_id=36-5324" target="_blank">Rowallan of Scotland Leather Covered Jewelry Box </a>- Was $525 but is now $420 for Oprah readers. "<i>What do you get the woman who has everything</i>?" ME? Personally? Doesn't SHE ALREADY HAVE EVERYTHING and maybe what she doesn't need is YET MORE STUFF? And yet.<br />
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While Oprah's gift list may be SPECTACULARLY out of touch with how most human beings exchange gifts, there is nothing wrong with the idea that gifts are a tangible sign of our love for someone else and our desire for their happiness. And so, if THIS is the one thing that would make your wife very happy and you can afford it, than by all means. It is, as my dad pointed out, a rather nice thing, with all its little drawers and compartments. I personally much prefer the <a href="http://rowallanusa.com/product.php?/keeps/florence/&collection_id=5&item_id=36-4459" target="_blank">$125 Florence model</a>, but I don't want that one, either. I'm not really a jewelry fan.<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Noel-Josh-Groban/dp/B000V6Z0XA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1352658092&sr=8-1&keywords=josh+groban+noel" target="_blank">Josh Groban's Noel CD </a>YET AGAIN - In case your grandma doesn't have it yet or lost last year's copy.<br />
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<a href="http://www.beatsbydre.com/earphones/beats-powerbeats-green/910-00044-01,default,pd.html" target="_blank">Dr. Dre Powerbeats Earbuds</a> - $150. M wrote the following story of celebrity headphones in the margin: <i>"When I was 8, I bought some Hannah Montana headphones at the dollar store when everything was still a dollar. I'm 13 now and I lost them this summer but they still worked and sounded good when I lost them." </i>The moral of this story, I guess, is that Miley Cyrus should get in on the lucrative field of celebrity headphone design again, because she could make a MINT. I have nothing against expensive headphones, by the way - I have a lovely pair of noise-cancelling headphones and they make my life a MILLION times better.<br />
<a href="http://curtisstone.com/Kitchen-Products/Prep/Go-With-The-Flow-Oil-Can-%28750-ml%29.aspx" target="_blank"><br /></a>
<a href="http://curtisstone.com/Kitchen-Products/Prep/Go-With-The-Flow-Oil-Can-%28750-ml%29.aspx" target="_blank">Curtis Stone Kitchen Solutions Stainless Steel Oilcan</a> - $60. <i>"So there I was, telling Curtis Stone how chic this stainless steel oilcan is, not realizing that it's from his very own line!"</i> wrote Oprah. THAT MUST HAVE BEEN SO EMBARRASSING, OPRAH! PLEASE TELL ME MORE! But there is no more, just a somewhat-attractive metallic can for olive oil and so many questions. Names dropped: 6.<br />
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<a href="http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/classic-coffee-tea-by-yedi-serveware-set-of-4-contemporary-glaze-sauce-dishes-with-tray?ID=749337&PseudoCat=se-xx-xx-xx.esn_results&intnl=true&intnl=true" target="_blank">4 Classic Coffee and Tea Bowls on a Matching Tray</a> - $20 and very, very lovely. Every year there is something I actually want on the Oprah list and so far, THIS IS IT. This and the zillion dollar mattress.<br />
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<a href="http://prostores4.megawebservers.com/edwardbess_com/-strse-28/EAU-LA-LA/Detail.bok" target="_blank">Edward Bess Perfume</a> - $125. Ugh, buying perfume for people as gifts. Perfume smells so weirdly different on individuals that how about we just buy perfume for people that they've asked for? I'm sure this is a perfectly fine perfume, but make sure that the recipient has tried it out first and likes it before you spend $125 on it.<br />
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<a href="http://shop.schmidtbrotherscutlery.com/BT13-KBS/SBODB15.html" target="_blank">Bonded Teak Knife Se</a>t - $400 - On the one hand, these are good knives and good knives DO cost money. On the other hand, $400 is a HUGE amount of money and knives are a weird thing to give for a present. Also, don't forget that when you give someone knives for a gift, you must get a token amount of money from them in return so they're "buying" the knives from you, in superstition land, and your friendship is not thus severed. Important scientific news you can use!<br />
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<a href="http://www.neimanmarcus.com/p/Elle-Storage-Box-Set/prod153540016_cat40520749__/?icid=&searchType=EndecaDrivenCat&rte=%252Fcategory.service%253FitemId%253Dcat40520749%2526pageSize%253D30%2526No%253D120%2526Ns%253DMAX_RETAIL_PRICE%257C1%2526refinements%253D&eItemId=prod153540016&cmCat=product" target="_blank">Swing Design Tray and Boxes</a> - from $70 to $120. <i>"I think it was Paul Simon who said, "Preserve your memories: they're all that's left you,"</i> writes Oprah and cheer up, Oprah! It's going to be okay! You have your dogs and your electric bike even if people aren't watching your new tv channel. And in the meantime, whoo! these are some expensive boxes! They're also in the luridly slimy frog green colour that Oprah apparently loves and I do not.<br />
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<a href="http://www.p-jamas.com/index.php/women/pajamas/back-home-pajama.html" target="_blank">Back Home Pajamas Se</a>t - $160 - "<i>The satiny pima cotton feels like you're wearing nothing,</i>" writes Oprah, which isn't as reassuring as she might hope. I like my pajamas to feel like pajamas. I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night and have to spend valuable could-be-sleeping time trying to figure out if I am actually naked and thus needing to get up and put ON pajamas, because only hippies and communists sleep nudely. As far as pajamas go, they're all right. I find cotton pajamas chilly and they're way out of my price range.<br />
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<a href="http://lancerskincare.com/skincare-products/the-lancer-method-luxury-collection/" target="_blank">Lancer Skin Care Luxury Face Care Collection Set</a> - $250 "Merry Christmas, honey! I've been noticing that you're very very old and wrinkly."<br />
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<a href="http://www.earthbalancenatural.com/spread-the-joy-earth-balance-holiday-gift-pack/" target="_blank">Earth Balance Coconut And Peanut Spread Gift Pack</a> - $15 And here we have a nice inexpensive gift for MY WORST ENEMY TO GIVE ME! it's gluten free AND vegan, as though those are positive qualities in a Christmas gift. Okay. My allergies aside (I have SEVERE coconut allergies), this gift pack also comes with a cookie cutter, recipe card and bamboo spreader so it would probably be good for the very nutritionally worried person on your gift list. It's fairly cutely packaged, too, so I've decided this would be a dandy gift for the nutritionally fretful person that you only want to spend $15 on.<br />
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<a href="http://shop.wakayaperfection.com/products/wakaya-perfection-organic-ginger-powder" target="_blank">Wakaya Perfection Organic Ginger Powder </a>- $24. "If I blindfolded you," writes Oprah, "you'd swear this organic ginger powder from Fiji was just grated off the root." MOM! OPRAH IS THREATENING TO BLINDFOLD ME AND FEED ME GINGER POWDER AGAIN! The website says that this is a "30 Day supply" of ginger, which is making me look askance - what are people doing with ALL THAT GINGER?<br />
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<a href="http://brooklynpiggies.com/posts/view/9" target="_blank">56 Count Box of Artisinal Pigs In Blankets with 2 Dips</a> - $68 for Oprah readers. Despite the fact that this DOES sound delicious - I AM SO HUNGRY - it is also a lot of money for pigs in blankets. I'd still eat them, do NOT get me wrong.<br />
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<a href="http://pipsnacks.com/our-flavors/pipcorn-holiday-crate-2/" target="_blank">Pipcorn Holiday Crate</a> - $88. For four bags of "pipcorn" which is a hullless variety of popcorn, apparently, and PEOPLE PAY $88 FOR FOUR BAGS OF POPCORN THIS PLANET IS AMAZING! I love it here. People are NUTS. And M got bored and wandered off to make guacamole, which cost us maybe $1, but we'll sell it to you for $50 because PEOPLE WILL PAY ANYTHING FOR ANYTHING.<br />
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<a href="http://www.melandrose.com/istar.asp?a=6&id=4315" target="_blank">Mel and Rose Wine Spirits Moscow Mule Kit </a>- $131. "<i>I suggest drinking at least two when you're at Yosemite trying to pitch a tent in the rain with Gayle King,</i>" writes Oprah, and doesn't that sound like fun? I'd like to go boozy camping in Yosemite with Oprah and Gayle. Not mentioned: Steadman. If someone gave me this for Christmas, I would be their best friend FOREVER. I'm still not giving it to anyone, though.<br />
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<a href="http://www.carouselcakes.com/in-store-red-velvet-cakes/" target="_blank">A blue velvet cake</a>. $34 for Oprah readers. Gayle picked this - and then had to work it off on the elliptical machine mentioned earlier - but I find it off-putting, like something out of Dr. Seuss. Still, I'm sure it's TASTY and I wish someone would buy ME a cake. I LOVE CAKE. Would I eat blue cake? YES I WOULD.<br />
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<a href="http://www.bellocq.com/collections/frontpage/products/chai-collection" target="_blank">Bellocq Tea Arelier Chai Gift Se</a>t - WAS $85 but Oprah readers can get it for $68 and I am BOGGLED by this. THIS TEA IS MADE OF GOLD, PEOPLE! IT WILL MAKE YOU LIVE FOREVER! (As a nice aside: they are donating 10% of sales to the American Red Cross, which is good of them.)<br />
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<a href="http://salliesgreatest.com/products/the-favorite-trio-1" target="_blank">Trio Jam Pack</a> - $29 for Oprah readers. This is fine. Homemade jam is a splendid gift and if you've made jam and the recipient does not appreciate it, DROP THEM AT ONCE. RIGHT THERE.<br />
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<a href="http://www.wallywine.com/p-43823-2009-casa-dragones-joven-tequila-750ml.aspx" target="_blank">Casa Dragones Sipping Tequila</a> - $275. While doing last year's list, I learned that sipping tequila is a THING and that I have been missing out on this thing, so I got some for a friend's birthday and then made her sip it with me. "<i>Oh, this is nice,"</i> the poor woman said. <i>"Like a really fine, smooth gasoline." </i>This bottle of tequila is REALLY expensive!<br />
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<a href="http://www.darksecretchocolate.com/Dark-Secret-Chocolate-Day-Box/dp/B009G4FZ6U?field_availability=-1&field_browse=5778761011&field_product_site_launch_date_utc=-1y&id=Dark+Secret+Chocolate+Day+Box&ie=UTF8&searchNodeID=5778761011&searchPage=1&searchRank=salesrank&searchSize=12" target="_blank">Dark Secret Chocolate 30 Day Box Set </a>- $54 for Oprah readers - Hrm. 2 little dark chocolates to be healthily doled out every day for a month. It's okay, I guess? I prefer my chocolate to come in luxurious truffle form, to be eaten in bed as I read my new stack of Christmas detective novels in my new pajamas that ABSOLUTELY feel like pajamas, but maybe this would be a nice treat for someone who likes to approach food in a rational, clinical fashion. <br />
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<a href="http://www.astorwines.com/SearchResultsSingle.aspx?search=18559&searchtype=Contains&term=Milagro,Silver,Select,Barrel,Reserve&p=2" target="_blank">Milagro Select Barrel Reserve Silver Tequila</a> - $52. More tequila! This one is less heart-breakingly expensive. <br />
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<a href="http://www.sabatinostore.com/truffles/fresh-frozen.html" target="_blank">Sabatino and Co. Truffle Oils, Truffles, Truffle Slicer</a> - $28 to $80. "<i>Lisa Marie Presley sent me a truffle basket five Christmases ago, and it was a revelation</i>," writes Oprah, dropping her 7th or 8th name. The rich are very different than you and I. They send each other truffle gift baskets.From this point on, all food products go in a strange truffle-y direction.<br />
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<a href="http://charlitoscocina.com/" target="_blank">Trufa Secra Cured Meat Gift Set</a> - $50. This is my dad's favorite. Nice knife, nice cutting board, some cured meat - "This is a STEAL!" - my dad says. You may safely buy it for me as well.<br />
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<a href="http://www.cypressgrovechevre.com/store/ripened-cheeses/truffle-tremor/truffle-tremor-12-oz.html" target="_blank">Cypress Grove Chevre</a> - $15.50 for Oprah readers. This chevre has truffle flavours, which almost certainly means that it's going to wildly appeal to some people and revolt the rest. I think this is a fine gift but M gagged at THE VERY THOUGHT OF GOAT CHEESE. Oh hush, child! It's delicious! "It tastes like dirt," she said, "SWEATY DIRT." I think we know what Santa's bringing THIS year!<br />
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<a href="http://buonitalia.com/dettaglio.asp?id=519&subcatid=865" target="_blank">Tarfuflanghe Truffle Pasta</a> - $6.50 to $22 for Oprah readers. Um, I guess? Maybe? <br />
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<a href="http://urbani.com/truffled-products/truffle-butter.html" target="_blank">Truffle Butter</a> - $17 to $31 for Oprah readers. I have no clue. I've never eaten a truffle, so I have no idea if I think this is a splendid luxurious idea or a big tub of grody ickiness.<br />
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<i>The only person besides Oprah to have their own list this year is Adam Glassman. Luckily, his list was pretty dandy.</i><br />
<b><i>For The Label Queen</i></b><br />
<a href="http://www.target.com/c/target-neiman-marcus-collection/-/N-5ouwb#?lnk=sr_rd_neiman_target" target="_blank">Lela Rose for Target + Neiman Marcus Dress</a> - $100. This is a very pretty, flattering-looking dress. I actually would like it very much. <br />
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<a href="http://www.target.com/c/target-neiman-marcus-collection/-/N-5ouwb#?lnk=sr_rd_neiman_target" target="_blank">Tracy Reese for Target + Neiman Marcus Plates</a> - $40 - Do I want these? No I do not. These are the sort of grown-up decorate-y sort of things that make me realize how inadequate I am as an adult because I just think "BORING!" and move briskly on.<br />
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<a href="http://www.target.com/c/target-neiman-marcus-collection/-/N-5ouwb#?lnk=sr_rd_neiman_target" target="_blank">Brian Atwood for Target + Neiman Marcus Gloves</a> - $50 and I am sensing a trend here. I also don't like gloves. They don't keep my hands warm enough. Me + Mittens = BFF.<br />
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<a href="http://www.target.com/c/target-neiman-marcus-collection/-/N-5ouwb#?lnk=sr_rd_neiman_target" target="_blank">Oscar de la Renta for Target + Neiman Marcus Tote</a> - $60 - I don't want this but that doesn't mean that it's BAD. It's fine enough as a thing, I GUESS. Meanwhile, my winter coat pockets are stuffed full of kleenex and my keys and my mitts and I look like a goof, so why would you go by my judgement?<br />
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<b><i>For The Indie Spirit</i></b><br />
<a href="http://im-all-about.com/" target="_blank">I'm all about... journals</a> - $16 to $20. While I don't know what I'm all about ("Having frequent colds" and "Sulking" were strangely absent) this would be all right for the thoughtful teen on your list. <br />
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<a href="http://instawatch.may28th.me/" target="_blank">May28th Customizable InstaWatch</a> - $44. Make watches from your Instagram photos! I seem to know a lot of people who send me bad Instagrammed pictures of what they're eating for supper. I'm going to make them watches from THOSE pictures (no.).<br />
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<a href="https://wantful.com/" target="_blank">Wantful Gift Book</a> $30 and up. Huh. This is sort of weird. You answer a visual questionnaire about the person you want to get a present for and they make a pretty 12-item printed catalog for them. Then they pick out the one thing that they want and the Wantful people wrap it and send it to them. There's a range of price choices and it's an interesting idea, at least.<br />
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<a href="http://www.jcpenney.com/dotcom/handbags-accessories/brands/liz-claiborne/liz-claiborne-yellow-letter-b-bangle-bracelet/prod.jump?ppId=pp5001781003&catId=cat100530063&deptId=dept20000020&N=4294966826&Nao=24&pN=2&topDim=Item+Type&topDimvalue=bangle+bracelets&dimCombo=Item+Type|&dimComboVal=bangle+bracelets|&currentDim=Item+Type&currentDimVal=bangle+bracelets" target="_blank">Liz Claiborne Gold-Plated Initial Bangle</a> - $20 - Are you very, VERY keen on your initial? I'm not - I can't even decide if I should go with B (the obvious choice) or R (MY ACTUAL INITIAL). This is a pretty-enough object, if your recipient likes jewelry AND it's not expensive, either.<br />
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<i><b>For the Creative Kid</b></i><br />
Unlike Oprah, Adam Glassman does not live in a child-free world and his list has some sensible, pleasant ideas for ACTUAL CHILDREN:<br />
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<a href="http://emi-jay.com/hair-tie-ornament.php" target="_blank">Emi-Jay Hair Tie Ornament</a> - $37. At first, I thought WTF IS THIS? It's a clear ball filled with beige hair-ties and headbands... and then I went to the site and found out that the collection was made by a) two teenagers and b) proceeds go to a variety of worthy charities and now I feel BAD for my initial reaction. I don't find the COLOURS of the hair accessories in this ornament that attractive, but if you poke around the website, you can find lots of pretty, reasonably priced hair things that actually WOULD make a nice stocking stuffer/small gift for the girl/young woman on your shopping list. So that was a nice surprise as I grouched around this morning.<br />
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<a href="http://empressarts.com/public/index.html" target="_blank">Empress Arts Crayon Set</a> - $15. Cute and not crazy expensive. My 7 year old thought this was a dandy gift.<br />
<a href="http://moneyscholar.org/cart/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=6&products_id=20" target="_blank"><br /></a>
<a href="http://moneyscholar.org/cart/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=6&products_id=20" target="_blank">Money Scholar Bank</a> $38 - Again, a fairly spiffy item - a bank that looks like 4 surfboards, to help kids learn to budget for spending, investing, saving and giving. The website has different banks, too, if your kid doesn't like surfing. The only problem with them that I can see is that as a Canadian, some of our coins wouldn't fit - but it's a fine idea.<br />
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<a href="http://www.target.com/p/kid-made-modern-studio-in-a-box/-/A-14035814#prodSlot=medium_1_1&term=modern%20art%20toolbox" target="_blank">Kid Made Modern Art Toolbox</a> - $27 (I linked to a similar item). - This is fun. Either of my daughters would love to get this, and they're 13 and 7. Collections of art supplies are a good idea for artsy kids.<br />
<br />
<i><b>For the Stylish Man</b></i><br />
<a href="http://www.graphicimage.com/Small_Box_of_silk_cufflinks_p/bxs-not-gti.htm" target="_blank">Graphic Image Monogrammed Box of Cuff Links</a> - $85 - Boy. This is boring. I GUESS someplace out there, there is a dapper man who is like "NO WAY THIS IS AMAZING!" in which case, please get this for him. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://naturaldesignswoodturning.com/products/build-a-pen/" target="_blank">Natural Designs Woodturning Birch Pens</a> - $37 each - These are fine if you need to get a gift for a corporate boss-type, maybe? It's a lovely item, at least.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.sidmashburn.com/shop/neckwear/pocket-square-4.html" target="_blank">Sid Mashburn Pocket Squares</a> - $45 each - $45! I had the weird experience of listening to my mom trying to explain to my dad what these were used for. He still didn't get it. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.swissarmy.com/stories" target="_blank">Victrinox Swiss Army Knife</a> - $24. I DO like Swiss Army Knives. They are fun AND handy and sort of imply that the gift recipient is a rugged, adventurous manly man who might at ANY TIME need a corkscrew or the ability to cut open packaging. My dad also approves of this gift, unlike the 3 proceeding it, which just made him stare in nameless horror and dread that someone might GIVE THOSE TO HIM FOR CHRISTMAS.<br />
<br />
<b><i>For The Fun Seeker </i></b><br />
P<a href="http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=84244&vid=1&pid=253938042" target="_blank">urple Old Navy Toggle Coat</a> - $40 (but it's actually on sale for $29 when I looked at.) Absolutely fine. I'd like a purple coat with toggles, because a) purple is my favorite colour and b) I love toggles but IT IS NOT AVAILABLE ON THE CANADIAN OLD NAVY WEBSITE. Why NOT, Old Navy? <br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.shopkitson.com/index.php?page=product&id=12192" target="_blank">Axwell USA Lucky Dice</a> - $70 - I can't even imagine a life where someone would WANT these. <br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUtOGhkvVnPELC-wiW-wlss3qDdmFTEZ-1r6GS0KJdwYKHFyxlVFU4RdQ9xLzFYOE8G-f5CGL8ioEFmcM0t-ZNtvSX6LZ2u4EYreSkvSV0GfjgEHsrK9Uig004rH-inw4BxR1H89Sgwdo/s1600/talking+head.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUtOGhkvVnPELC-wiW-wlss3qDdmFTEZ-1r6GS0KJdwYKHFyxlVFU4RdQ9xLzFYOE8G-f5CGL8ioEFmcM0t-ZNtvSX6LZ2u4EYreSkvSV0GfjgEHsrK9Uig004rH-inw4BxR1H89Sgwdo/s1600/talking+head.jpg" /></a></div>
<a href="http://www.designersandbooks.com/book/talking-heads" target="_blank">Talking Heads: The Vent Have Portraits</a> - $75. An art book of portraits of ventriloquist dummies. "No. NO. BAD," said M, who is terrified of ventriloquist dummies. ABSOLUTELY PETRIFIED OF THEM! And I'm sorry, but I have no opinion on the book because I'm too busy giggling at M, who is still ranting about dummies in the next room. Hee! Between this and the goat cheese, M is going to have A Very Special Christmas.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.reebok.com/en-CA/blocks/campaignca/yr/" target="_blank">Reebok Sneakers</a> - $100 - Running shoes. Um. They're fine. <br />
<br />
<b><i>For the Luxury Lover</i></b><br />
<a href="http://www.miashoes.com/mia/flats" target="_blank">Mia Flats</a> - $70 - Shoes are such a weird thing to suggest getting someone for a gift because shoe sizes vary so much and shoes are so oddly personal. I wouldn't do it. Also, these shoes have some sort of glittery outbreak and I don't like them.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://meredithmarks.com/Site/Home.html" target="_blank">Meridith Marks Earrings</a> - $450 - Expensive diamond earringzzzzzzz.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://napacakespanforte.com/pages/orderpanforte.html" target="_blank">Napa Cakes Panforte Fruit And Nut Cakes </a>- $15 to $125 - GROSS. CAKE WITH NUTS IN IT. Way to ruin my holidays, Adam Glassman.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://fabulousfurs.com/fake-fur-ice-scraper/p/90010/" target="_blank">Fabulous Furs Faux Fur Ice Scraper </a>- $25<br />
This is really, really ugly, like a small gross furry vermin animal - the kind of thing you'd pay someone to get OUT FROM UNDER YOUR PORCH - with a weird beak-y protuberance. Shudder. However, I DO find non-vermin-looking mitten/ice scraper combinations a sensible gift for people who live in cold climates. I've seen them at Canadian Tire and Mark's Work Warehouse for under $15 - they're probably available lots of other places, too.<br />
<br />
<i><b>O's 2012 Beauty Gift Guide</b></i><br />
<i>And we're back to Oprah! This is mostly perfumes with a few expensive other odds and ends and one big exception that M and I REALLY REALLY want.<b> </b></i><br />
<a href="http://canada-en.hermes.com/perfumes/holiday-sets/eau-des-merveilles/eau-des-merveilles-set-36226.html" target="_blank">Padlock Perfume Natural Spray</a> - $99 - The same rant about perfume I said earlier on in the page applies here. TRY IT OUT FIRST! The padlock perfume bottle is really pretty, at least.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.barneys.com/Molton-Brown-Black-Pepper-Eau-de-Toilette/00459001000401,default,pd.html?q=molton&index=29" target="_blank">Polaris Holiday Set</a> - $85 - Man perfume. I realize that it's generally harder to drag a guy to the cosmetic counter and spray him with colognes, so sometimes yes, one must guess. That's what I do with MY husband, with mixed success. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.bergdorfgoodman.com/p/Houbigant-Paris-Orangers-en-Fleurs-Eau-de-Parfum-orangers/prod81720012___/?eItemId=prod81720012&cmCat=search&searchType=MAIN&icid=&rte=%252Fsearch.jhtml%253FN%253D0%2526Ntt%253Dorangers%2526_requestid%253D7114" target="_blank">Houbigant Paris Orangers en Fleurs Eau de Parfum</a> - $180. Another perfume! This one has the virtue of coming in $600 versions, which I find BREATHTAKINGLY expensive. That's a lot of money!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.lauramercier.com/store/shop/Art-Deco-Muse_Lip-Lacquer_prod790006" target="_blank">Laura Mercier Lip Lacquer in Laque Rouge</a> - $24 and <a href="http://www.lauramercier.com/store/shop/Art-Deco-Muse_Illuminating-Eye-Colour_prod790008?currentSkuId=sku860008" target="_blank">Illuminating Eye Colour in Gilded Moonligh</a>t - $24<br />
Yes to both of these for me, please. I like them. Otherwise... uh.. does your recipient wear makeup? If not, don't get them a bright red lipstick. Get them a tinted lip balm.<br /><br />
<a href="http://www.hsn.com/beauty/perlier-1-liter-honey-and-tiramisu-honeycomb-shower-and-bath-cream_p-6968681_xp.aspx" target="_blank">Perlier Honey Miel Shower and Bath Cream</a> - $30 - Oh sure. This is nice. Expensive enough that it feels like a luxurious gift without being so expensive that your recipient would feel guilty, and honey shower gel SOUNDS pretty, too. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2R7__2LAULB-FaHhf069k-kj_ETuWAipiOEo86w-GMIoe66toPU0hFp_nPqKj9mifZ0MblEbj85A_4byLv-_GBR1A-3uBF8vXOyUYY8os6_XPRF6ETbMn9oZq-YlD0-7zb6WHmC0XfEg/s1600/sugar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2R7__2LAULB-FaHhf069k-kj_ETuWAipiOEo86w-GMIoe66toPU0hFp_nPqKj9mifZ0MblEbj85A_4byLv-_GBR1A-3uBF8vXOyUYY8os6_XPRF6ETbMn9oZq-YlD0-7zb6WHmC0XfEg/s320/sugar.jpg" width="287" /></a></div>
<br />
<a href="http://www.fresh.com/gifts/allgifts/sugr-soiree-set" target="_blank">Sugar Soiree Mini Lip Collection</a> - $65. If this wasn't $65 for 8 MINIATURE lip balms, I would think this was dandy. But it is and I don't. Too much money. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://marianellasoap.com/index.php?page=dynamic&ContentID=103&storeid=42&sess=store42&store42=u241vfv605uhddu01bn15lc9k1" target="_blank">Jaboneria Marianella Moisturizing Milk Bars</a> - $14 each. Expensive soaps. Have we run out of things to say about expensive soaps now? They're soap, they cost a lot of money, you either think they're fine or you're my dad and start ranting about how much perfectly serviceable Ivory Soap costs, the end.<br />
<a href="http://www.violight.com/ProductDetails.asp?ProductCode=VRT" target="_blank"><br /></a>
<a href="http://www.violight.com/ProductDetails.asp?ProductCode=VRT" target="_blank"> Violight Rockee Toothbrush</a> - $15 - WAIT! There IS something on the Oprah list for kids - a TOOTHBRUSH! HOORAY, YOU LUCKY CHILDREN! This one balances, Weeble Wobble-style, on its butt, which is... okay. Santa tends to buy fun electric toothbrushes on sale and use those as stocking stuffers, so I have no moral ground here. Or Santa doesn't. Take your pick.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.sephora.com/blockbuster-makeup-palette-P375508?skuId=1441302" target="_blank">Sephora Colour Daze Blockbuster</a> - $50 (or $60 in Canada) - I'm linking to the Canadian one for ease of shopping for Bill, ahem COUGH COUGH M AND I WOULD LIKE THIS FOR CHRISTMAS.<br />
<br />
TA DA! THAT'S IT!<br />
<br />
What would YOU want from this list? I'd pick out the bowls, the makeup set and the bed, thanks, while my dad wants the sausage set and the goat cheese, N wants the kid art sets and M wants the big makeup set and NOTHING else. And finally: I hope you enjoyed this year's list - please let me know if you did!<br />
<br />
And now I am DONE writing about Oprah for a solid year, HOOOOORAAAAY!<br />
<br />
<br />Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com44tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-70851565464392114322012-10-29T09:44:00.001-07:002012-10-29T09:53:34.111-07:00For Frank, Who Is DyingWhen I was in my char-hearted, callow youth, one of the things I found privately the funniest was people who spent inordinate sums on keeping their elderly pets alive. Since we've solved all human suffering and all, I would scoff. My pets - if I was weak enough to have any - would be handled with a practical hand. I would not go into debt for their care and their lives would not be artificially extended.<br />
<br />
So of course we found ourselves rushing our old man cat to the vet - who is AN HOUR AND A HALF AWAY on Christmas Eve IN A SNOWSTORM two years ago because he suddenly stopped being able to walk and then found ourselves cheerfully agreeing to his expensive diabetes treatments because of course. Of course we would - he is not the IDEA of a cat, and he is not YOUR cat who I do not care about - he is my own cat, my Franky, taken from my parent's farm right after we married when he was a lanky young cat and Bill and I had yet to figure out that loving something - anything - meant that they would have the power to hurt you, forever. Even me, with my protective coat of sarcasm and distance.<br />
<br />
"He's a philosopher!" the vet told us, which we found somewhat dubious since we think he is only slightly smarter than a fern. But no, she insisted, he was in fact a thoughtful cat, taking everything in and then she taught Bill how to give injections to a towel and we brought him home, expensively saved from death's very clutches and could not look each other in the eyes for a few days because here we were, silly over a cat.<br />
<br />
And now he is dying, a gentle old man's death, little bit by little bit.<br />
<br />
"It's okay," Frank, who is philosophical about these things, says. "Being a cat means I don't have the first idea about death, anyhow."<br />
<br />
We could take him to the vet's to be put down, but it's such a long trip and he finds it so scary and we don't want his very last hours to be horrifying and traumatic and so instead he is sleeping away the end of his life at home, getting frailer and frailer every day.<br />
<br />
I don't have any anecdotes to prove that he loveable. He's just my cat, a sweet shy cat who much prefers Bill but who will consent to me rocking him like a baby, even now. He has no meanness in him. It has never occurred to him that he is much bigger than our other cat, who pushes him around and takes the best food, never occurred to him to scratch our toddlers and their obnoxious hair-pulling love. He has tried his best, we think, to be a good boy. He has, we think, loved us back.<br />
<br />
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<br />
If all it took was money to keep you, Franky, our sweet dumb cat, we'd spend it. But time is unknitting you, undoing your bones and every day brings less and less of you, an enviably sweet and sleepy death and meanwhile all I am left with is unreliable words and no actual way to say - in this unfamiliar, earnest tongue - how sad I am, how undone I am, you good boy, you sweet sleepy thing.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-25232142310320990572012-09-05T13:27:00.000-07:002012-09-05T13:27:20.286-07:00An old post, up again.I closed my old blog because it suddenly felt too private to have up without editing and I didn't feel up to the task at the time, but I'm feeling much better these days. <a href="http://thelittleplum.blogspot.ca/" target="_blank">Sarah</a> linked to <a href="http://www.avidly.org/2012/09/05/baby-boom/" target="_blank">this haunting, beautiful post</a> this morning, and asked me about the following post, so for her, I am posting it again.<br />
<br />
I feel better these days, but this story from nearly six years ago now still haunts me. Probably it always will.<br />
<br />
<h2 class="date-header">
Friday, 9 March, 2007</h2>
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1504044038600282475" name="471008096008574906"></a>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
I've written about this before.
</h3>
<div class="post-header">
</div>
Everyone has secret anniversaries, days they keep in their heart. The
day someone died, the day you first kissed your husband, things that
make an ordinary day suddenly this sacred thing.<br />
<br />
So today, last year, I got very sick.<br />
<br />
My
kids - the older two - had Scarlet Fever. My doctor looked at me and
took my temperature and worried that I had bronchitis again because I
did have a deep, gross cough and so she gave me some antibiotics and
sent me home.<br />
I didn't mention that I'd pretty much stopped peeing
several days earlier, because it didn't strike me as a big deal. I'd
realize mid-afternoon that I hadn't gone to the washroom all day and
think, hmm, maybe I should. My urine - and this is way too much
information but anyhow - was deep brown and fetid, something that I
noticed with a detached interest, like I was already on the moon, from
someplace far away where little details like that no longer mattered.
The Baby would cry and I would look at her and wonder where she'd come
from and why was she making that sound? <br />
<br />
And so this day last
year - the first Friday of the March break - I'd been having weird
irregular heartbeats all day, like my heart was suddenly jackhammering
out of my chest and I was falling down a lot while I walked and I
noticed, with no real interest, that my temperature seemed to be a bit
high. I phoned my husband and told him that I was feeling very well and
could be come home? I didn't tell him any of the things that struck me
as irrelevant - that I wasn't peeing, that my heart was being weird,
that I kept falling down - and he said, quite reasonably, to put the tv
on for the kids and just to rest until he got home at his regular time. <br />
<br />
He
got home and looked at me with some concern. I wasn't acting quite like
myself, was obviously very sick. He wanted to take me to the hospital
but I just wanted to have a bath and go to bed, and I lay there in the
dark with my heart going BOOM BOOM BOOM like something dreadful walking
towards me.<br />
<br />
The next morning my husband insisted that I go to the
hospital. I wanted to phone Telehealth first, because I was sure that
all of this - the not peeing, the heart stuff, the high fever - was
nothing. The nurse on the line suddenly sounded tense when I told her
what was going on, and told me that I had to go the hospital
immediately, that I had to promise to leave within the next 20 minutes.
We dropped our sick older kids off at my in-laws and drove to the
nearest tiny rural hospital, 20 minutes away. The emergency department
led me straight to the Serious Emergency Room, with me dreamily thinking
the whole time that they were making an awfully big fuss.<br />
<br />
They
were worried primarily about my heart, and asked me to give them a urine
sample to rule out pregnancy so I could have chest x-rays. I obliged
and handed the cup of urine to the waiting nurse, who gasped out "JESUS,
HONEY," when she saw what I'd given her. And then a young girl came
into the emergency room who had been kicked in the head by a horse and
needed to readied immediately for air transport and there was only one
doctor and one RN in the whole hospital. They paused midway through
getting her ready to run into my room and tell me that I should file a
complaint with the hospital, that they were horribly dangerously
understaffed and that I wasn't getting adequate treatment. I wanted to
go home. The young curlyhaired RN came running over and whispered to me
that she wasn't supposed to say this, but that if I went home, I would
die. <br />
<br />
I spent two days in the emergency ward. My fever would
suddenly spike. I had seizures, came close to going into a coma, my
white blood cell count plummeting and my heart rate at 145, 155. My
husband sat beside me crying, holding our baby. I remember almost
nothing of this, just little scraps. My dad came into the hospital with a
chocolate dog and a note that said "Stop malingering." They moved me
into a regular room - and regular hospital beds are like airy pieces of
Heaven compared to the hard, flat examination tables that I spent the
last several nights on - but moved me the next morning into isolation.
My mom was back and she took my baby away, bringing her over for me to
kiss first, and I kissed my little baby thinking that I was never going
to see her again. You can imagine, I suspect, how that felt.<br />
<br />
I
spent a week in isolation. There was a chair overlooking the parking lot
and the endless snowy field going away from the hospital and I'd sit
there, feverish and feeling like this was the last of my life. I was on
massive doses of iv antibiotics, on a constant heart monitor, on oxygen,
and I felt lost in the massive tangle of tubes and wires. My husband
printed out recent pictures of the kids and my daughter made me a long
chain of buttons that I held onto almost constantly, like it was the
thin thread keeping me from floating away. The nurses were kind - one
red haired nurse would come in and sit with me, talk about American Idol
and sneak me treats from the cafeteria to try and tempt me to eat. I
slept most of the time.<br />
<br />
The doctor released me from the hospital
when my heart stopped acting up, when the massive infection was gone
from my system and my fever was gone. He had a serious talk with me
about my low white cell count, how hematologists in the nearest Big City
had been following it with some concern and suspected that I had
leukemia, that I had to go the next weekend once I was strong enough for
massive testing. And so I went home, desperate for my children and sure
that I was only going home for a little while, that I was going to die
horribly. <br />
<br />
A few days later, my white blood cell counts went back
up. I had a viral infection that had sent them shooting down, nothing
worse. (edited to add - that wasn't what caused me to get so sick,
though - I had a septic kidney infection, which means that the infection
in my kidneys had spread into my blood and from there into my other
organs. By the time I was in the hospital, my lungs and heart were
beginning to fail.) Friends came and stayed with me all day for the
first few weeks out of the hospital (I don't write about them often, but
I have lovely friends), watching the kids, keeping me company, and I
felt frail and like the rest of my life had been thrown into this high
relief, because I came so close to being absent from this, from my life.<br />
<br />
And
so that is today's anniversary. Tonight I will drink some wine and
likely eat some pizza and feel a mixture of gratitude - I do enjoy being
alive - and a darker emotion that I have trouble expressing, this
animal terror that I can so close to dying and now know that someday I
will.Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-9912609248902649032012-07-09T14:48:00.000-07:002012-07-09T14:53:30.185-07:00Who Cares About the 1%?Elizabeth Wurtzel - author of Prozac Nation (remember that? From the early 1990s?) apparently would like to slap me. Really! She said so in the Atlantic:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2012/06/1-wives-are-helping-kill-feminism-and-make-the-war-on-women-possible/258431/" target="_blank">I am going to smack the next idiot who tells me that raising her children full time -- by which she really means going to Jivamukti classes and pedicure appointments while the nanny babysits -- is her feminist choice.</a></blockquote>
<br />
I don't even know what Jivamukti classes ARE! But that's because I'm an idiot.<br />
<br />
Before I write this, let us talk about credentials. Elizabeth Wurtzel lives in an affluent section of New York City, writes memoirs and has no children. I live in a non-affluent section of Northern Ontario, mostly write emails and have three children, who I am raising full-time. I apparently do not exist:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2012/06/1-wives-are-helping-kill-feminism-and-make-the-war-on-women-possible/258431/" target="_blank">To be a stay-at-home mom is a privilege, and most of the housewives I have ever met -- none of whom do anything around the house -- live in New York City and Los Angeles, far from Peoria. Only in these major metropolises are there the kinds of jobs in finance and entertainment that allow for a family to live luxe on a single income. </a></blockquote>
<br />
I can't wait to tell my husband about his high-paying job in finance/entertainment that allows me to live my feminism-ruining life of pedicures, mysterious Jivamukti classes (SERIOUSLY WHAT ARE THOSE?) and hot pool boys (I HOPE.). My slatternly housecleaning can also be nicely blamed on my maid, which is handy. Okay, no. In all honesty, I know very few wealthy people and I don't know ANY SAHMs who get to live a life of rich loafery - although unlike Wurtzel, I can apparently imagine the existence of people I have not met. Some women are rich and useless and exist only to display their husbands' wealth! Feminism should forbid it!<br />
<br />
*eye roll*<br />
<br />
Here is a brief biographical description of me: I spent my early 20s having a complicated, drawn-out breakdown, much like Elizabeth Wurtzel, non-idiot; although it didn't occur to me at the time to write a profitable memoir about the whole miserable experience, so instead of finding myself with a book at 26, I found myself instead newly married AND accidentally pregnant (within the same two weeks, dammit!) and very, very fragile.<br />
<br />
I had been working part-time and was writing a lot at that time and this was 13 years ago, so it was before the era of subsidized childcare for low-income families in Ontario (and WERE WE EVER) and without a degree, I had few options for decent-paying work. Hooray for me! I made great choices! But making bad choices is okay, says Wurtzel, so long as they're for love (or sex, whatevs.):<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2012/06/1-wives-are-helping-kill-feminism-and-make-the-war-on-women-possible/258431/" target="_blank">I really don't consider it my feminist business that an awful lot of strong and solid women -- Simone de Beauvoir, famously -- are idiots about love and romance any more than I care that Helen of Troy's face started a naval war, because we are all fools for love.</a></blockquote>
<br />
WE ARE? But I made an AWESOME marital choice! Seriously, marrying my husband was the smartest damn thing I ever did. I couldn't have done a better job if I'd chosen him rationally, which I certainly did NOT do. And here's where Elizabeth Wurtzel and I suddenly diverge: I DO judge you if you spend your adult life making moronic, predictably stupid, life-damaging romantic decisions. COME ON NOW. CUT THAT OUT. <br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2012/06/1-wives-are-helping-kill-feminism-and-make-the-war-on-women-possible/258431/" target="_blank">For the longest time I would not date anyone who would now be called a one-percenter because money and power are such a potent combination, and if I am going to be bossed around, I don't want that to be the reason</a></blockquote>
<br />
Er, what? I wasn't sure about this, so I phoned my husband at his sole-wage-earner of the family job and asked him if he bossed me around. <br />
<br />
"No?" he said. Did he know he has all the power in our relationship, I demanded? He only sighed heavily. Here's the thing: he doesn't boss me around. HE NEVER HAS. This is because he's a decent human. Tricky, eh? <br />
<br />
<br />
So was staying home with my child a bad decision? Well, no - economically, it made sense at the time, and it made sense from my health's perspective as well. The childcare options available to us at that time were NOT great - and let us not pretend that all child care options are equal. Of course they're not - and so we did the best we could with the choices we could make.<br />
<br />
And was it the wrong choice?<br />
<br />
Well, possibly, from my stand-point NOW. But it was the very best choice I could have made at the time with the resources I had available to me. Making a bad choice doesn't necessarily mean you've done the wrong thing and even knowing what I know NOW, I would still choose to stay at home with my kids. Childhood is short and it was fun. But am I - and my choices - to be granted the same respect Wurtzel grants women who spend their lives needlessly miserable because of men who don't deserve it? Apparently not, because I'm getting lumped in with the useless show-trophy wives of the very rich. Apparently not, because the love I feel for my children does not rate the same respect as Simone de Beauvoir's desperate love for the unfaithful, frog-like Jean Paul Sartre and the decisions I make do not deserve the same respect as Simone de Beauvoir's decisions (among which - seducing underage students and then pimping them out to Sartre. L'amour!) because MY possibly-bad choices involve money. OH.Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com39tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-60830564159628412102012-06-07T05:59:00.002-07:002012-06-07T05:59:40.085-07:00All My Halloween Posts In One Place, For My Friend Who AskedHere You Go.<br />
<br />
<b>The Big Red Dog</b><br />
(1st published 2009-10-6)<br />
<br />
They say big dogs age faster,
but this one, the biggest I've ever seen, has been around for years.
His friends - the little poodle, the sweet-faced bulldog - died ages ago
and now he wanders around the island by himself, growling at nothing,
his giant feet shaking the ground as he walks.<br />
<br />
The
tourists stopped coming a few years back. We told the media that it was
an accident, but you know how it is when people get something into their
minds.<br />
<br />
Emily came back from university after only a
week. Everyone in the town thought it was for the best. Now she stays in
her house most of the time. Sometimes at night I think I see her
passing by my window, walking with her giant dog.<br />
<br />
In the light of the moon, you can't see that he is red.<br />
In the light of the moon, he looks like a giant black dog wandering the island.<br />
<br />
I think I can hear her voice talking to him, but I can never hear the words that she says.<br />
<br />
I think they walk to the graveyard, maybe. Someone in town swears she saw Emily standing by the graves of Charley, of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Jetta</span>, of that nice boy Emily dated in high school. Accidents, the town agreed. All accidents.<br />
<br />
The tourists stopped coming anyhow. Now the stores are empty and all of the Big Red Dog <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">souvenirs</span>
are covered in dust. This year's Big Red Dog Festival was attended only
by the townspeople and a few reporters, Emily blinking in the bright
sunlight as she rode on the giant dog's back, the floats from other
years following behind, faded and old.<br />
<br />
Emily only walks around the town at night now, her giant dog beside her, shaking our houses as he walks.<br />
<br />
I think he stopped outside my house last night. In the light of the moon, he looked black.<br />
<br />
<b>Halloween Story 2
</b><br />
<div class="post-header">
</div>
<em>Goodnight.</em><br />for <a href="http://lovewell.blogspot.com/">Kelly</a><br />
(1st published 2009-10-7)<br /><br />She always closed the bedroom door behind her gently.<br /><br />He
knew right from the first night that the gentle door closing was not a
good thing, that someone who did not mean harm would close it in the
regular noisy sort of way. Or not close it all all.<br /><br />He does not like this big green room, with the mice scratching in the walls at night.<br /><br />He does not like the nightly bowl of mush that he must eat while she watches him, her large dark eyes unreadable.<br /><br />"Hush," she says, if he tries to speak. "Hush." And like the door closing gently, the word is a warning.<br /><br /><em>Why is the moon so bright?</em> he thinks.<br /><em>Who is this old woman?<br />Why are we dressed like rabbits?</em><br /><br />"Hush," she says.<br />
<br />
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
Halloween #3
</h3>
<div class="post-header">
</div>
<em>The Trouble With Papa</em><br />(1st published 2009-10-9)<br />
<br />It was a beautiful fall day in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Bearville</span>, but Sister wasn't out playing with the other kids. She had something on her mind.<br /><br />"Mama,"
said Sister, "Why does Papa always wear the same overalls? Why does he
always eat in the shed? How come Doctor Bear has been here so much this
week?"<br /><br />"Now, now, Sister," said Mama. "There is nothing for you
to worry about. Have an oatmeal chewy caramel cookie and go play with
Brother."<br /><br />"Oh boy!" said Sister and happily ran to the park. Papa was thumping and yelling in the shed.<br /><br />Brother and his friends were throwing a baseball around and having a friendly argument.<br /><br />"I think zombies are a curse from God!" said Freddy, throwing the ball to Too Tall.<br /><br />"Ha!" said Too Tall. "That's because you're stupid. Everyone knows that someone becomes a zombie when another zombie bites 'em."<br /><br />"I think -" said Brother and stopped when he saw Sister coming. "Let's talk about something else now, boys!"<br /><br />They
played ball until suppertime, and then Brother and Sister walked back
home together. Papa was still thumping and yelling in the shed.<br /><br />"Papa sure is busy right now!" said Sister.<br /><br />Brother looked sad. "Hey Sister!" he said. "Look at that neat cloud!"<br /><br />That's funny, thought Sister. It was almost like Brother was changing the subject.<br /><br />Doctor Bear was just getting into her car as the cubs got to their house.<br /><br />"Is everything all right, Doctor Bear?" asked Brother.<br /><br />"Everything is much the same, Brother," said Doctor Bear. "Remember what I said about helping Mama look after Sister."<br /><br />"I don't need Brother to look after me!" said Sister. "I am almost eight years old. I can look after myself."<br /><br />"Of course," said Doctor Bear, but she <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">seemed</span> distracted. "Goodbye, cubs. I'll be back tomorrow morning."<br /><br />Mama
called them in for supper. "Cubs," she said while they were sitting at
the table. "Tomorrow, Papa and I are going away on a long... vacation.
You are going to go stay with Gram and Gramps! Won't that be fun?"<br /><br />Sister
thought it did sound like fun, but she wondered where Mama and Papa
where going. She wondered what Papa was making in the shed that was
keeping him in there all the time. She wondered why he was thumping and
yelling so much.<br /><br />All of a sudden, Sister had a great big idea.
After everyone was in bed, she would sneak out of the house and go see
what Papa was making in the shed! It would be such a good surprise!
<br />
<br />
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
</h3>
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
Halloween 4# </h3>
<div class="post-header">
</div>
(1st published 2009-10-13)<br />
<br />
"Class, today we're going to learn about the food chain," said Mr. Owl.<br />
<br />
Franklin and his friends took out their science books.<br /><br />
"Some
animals are herbivores," said Mr. Owl. "They eat plants. Some animals
are omnivores. They eat plants and other animals. And some animals are
carnivores."<br /><br />"I know!" said Snail, waving his appendage around. "Carnivores just eat other animals!"<br /><br />"That's right, Snail," said Mr. Owl. "Some common carnivores are wolves, coyotes and foxes."<br /><br />The
recess bell rang. "Don't forget, kids!" called Mr. Owl. "We are having a
math quiz after recess!" The kids dashed into the yard.<br /><br />All except for Fox, who was sitting thoughtfully at his desk.<br /><br />"Hey,"
said Fox out loud. "I'm a fox." And he slowly looked out at the yard
full of rabbits and turtles and beavers. "I'm a fox," he said again. And
with that, he walked out into the school yard.
<br />
<br />
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
Halloween 5#
</h3>
<div class="post-header">
</div>
(1st published 2009-10-16) <br />
Once there had been a mother.<br /><br />He remembered her, a bit - her
breath that smelled like communion grape juice and cigarettes, her harsh
laugh and her sudden rages, the way he was frightened and small and
hiding underneath his bed, in his tent, under the slide at the
playground, hiding from her giant hitting hands and her loud voice.<br /><br />Ruby made her go away.<br /><br />He
didn't remember much of that night - nothing much more than Ruby giving
him warm funny tasting milk at bedtime and then his sleepy awareness of
raised yelling female voices and a sudden loud noise and then silence.
Then he woke up the next morning to Ruby bright and extra cheerful and
the kitchen extra clean and a new vegetable garden in the backyard.<br /><br />He
likes working in the garden. He likes putting his hands in the dirt,
likes watering the fat jolly vegetables. Ruby smiles and brings him
lemonade and they have picnics for lunch and sometimes he sits on the
swing even though the swing is getting smaller and smaller all the time.<br /><br />He
keeps forgetting to ask Ruby about the shrinking swing. He forgets
sometimes that Grandma went away a long time ago and finds himself
standing in front of her house where strangers live now. He forgets that
Mom went away, too, and hides under the piano bench, hides under the
front steps, until Ruby lures him out with gummy worms and trips to the
ice cream store.<br /><br />"<em>Ruby</em>," says their neighbour Mrs. Huffington over the fence. "<em>You're doing a wonderful job looking after him, but your whole life is passing you by</em>."<br /><br />He
remembers that sometimes, the way he remembers the surprising bits of
red in the kitchen, the loud sound, his mother's sharp breath and giant
hurting hands. But then it's time for a picnic and the sun is bright and
it's time to work in the garden again, their special garden where the
vegetables come up so big and ripe.
<br />
<br />
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
Halloween #6
</h3>
<div class="post-header">
</div>
(1st published 2009-10-17) <br />
"<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Rooby</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">roo</span>!" brayed the arthritic Great Dane, painfully hobbling into the brightly painted van.<br /><br />"Good
job!" said the bespectacled young woman, her brown page boy hanging in
her face as she reached over to give the dog a biscuit. She offered one
as well to the unkempt young man sitting beside the dog, but he shook
his head and turned away to look out the window.<br /><br />"We've got a really tricky mystery today, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Scoob</span>,"
said the blond young man, driving the van. "There's been a..." His
voice broke. The red-haired young woman in the seat beside him sobbed
loudly and blew her nose into a designer <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">handkerchief</span>.<br /><br />"There's been some really mysterious <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">hauntings</span> at your vet's office!" said the young woman with a forced cheerfulness in her voice.<br /><br />"<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Ruh</span>-oh!" said the dog. "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Rosts</span>!"<br /><br />"Yes!" said the young woman. "Ghosts."<br /><br />The
blond young man pulled the van into a parking space at the vet's
office, but no one hurried to get out. The unkempt young man beside the
dog still did not say anything, his shoulders shaking.<br /><br />"Ghosts," the young woman said again and sighed, unbuckling her <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">seatbelt</span> and reaching across to the elderly Great Dane, who was staring out the window with a mixture of trepidation and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">excitement</span>. The red haired girl blew her nose again.
<br />
<br />
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
Halloween #7 </h3>
<div class="post-header">
</div>
(1st published 2009-10-19)<br />
She is the strongest girl in the world.<br /><br />At night, her names float in my head like wild songs: Comestibles. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Delicatessa</span>. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Windowshade</span>. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Mackrelmint</span>.<br /><br />That house is empty, my mother says. Little girls are not allowed to live by themselves like that. Stop talking foolishness.<br /><br />Her red hair stands out like fire. Her monkey chatters on her back.<br /><br />You are too old to have imaginary friends, my mother says.<br /><br />She
rolls out cookies on the kitchen floor, has a treasure chest full of
gold. Her father is a pirate king. She can lift her horse over her head,
outrun a thousand policemen.<br /><br />I'm afraid we are going to have to
take you to the doctor, my mother says. The pastor visits and they have a
hushed discussion behind a closed <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">livingroom</span> door.<br /><br />She scratches at the kitchen window and grins in, her eyes sparkling with green.<br />I have two pistols, she says. One of them is for you.<br />
<br />
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
Halloween #8
</h3>
<div class="post-header">
</div>
<em>(1st published 2009-10-20) </em><br />
<em>The Hundred Acre Woods Is Heaven</em><br />(with deep and slightly heartfelt apologies to Ray Bradbury)<br /><br />Christopher
Robin - Chris to his friends - got to his feet and felt the wincing
sore spot on his head. He was standing in a wooded area, and felt almost
at once a startling rush of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">deja</span>-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">vu</span>. Where was he? Why did this place feel so familiar? Where had his friends gone?<br /><br />"Peregrine!
Jemima!" he called. But the sound merely echoed around him, and only a
flying bird answered. "Phillipa?" he called again. There were no
answers. <em>I must have fallen farther than I thought</em>, he said to
himself, regretting listening to Jemima's teasing requests to explore
the old forest on her father's estate, regretted his fumbling bravado
that had resulted in his falling down that seemingly endless hole and
ending up... here. Wherever <em>here</em> was.<br /><br />He <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">tentatively</span>
started walking forward. "There will be a path on the other side of
this tree," he thought and indeed, there was one. He followed the path
and found himself blinking in the startlingly bright sunlight of an open
clearing.<br /><br />"Christopher Robin!" a voice called. A handful of
small animals were running towards him. They stood looking at him
expectantly. He stood confused for a moment and then had a horrified
rush of remembrance. <em>Sh*t</em>, he thought. <em>They're my bloody stuffed animals</em>.<br /><br />For
years - for 15 years , he had avoided thinking about them as much as
possible, feeling an overwhelming shame when he recalled his childhood
obsession with them, the elaborate fantasy games that had overwhelmed so
much of his terrifyingly lonely early childhood. And yet here they were
again and his head was throbbing with pain and he couldn't remember how
to get back.<br /><br />"Christopher Robin!" said the small yellow bear again. "You came back!"<br />What was his name? Chris thought desperately and then remembered - Pooh. The freaking <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">bear's</span> name was Pooh. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, I came back. You're all... um, looking good. How have you all been?"<br /><br />"<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Whoo</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">hoo</span>!" said the bright orange tiger. "We've been waiting for you, buddy boy! We've kept everything just the same!"<br /><br />"Oh,
that's great," said Chris, looking around for a path that led out of
the forest. "Say. Any of you guys know the way out of here?" There was,
he remembered, a path out of the forest, but for the life of him he
could not remember quite where it was. <em>If I could get in</em>, he thought, <em>I could get out</em>,
and he thought of Phillipa and her surely growing anxiety as he did not
return. He looked back at the stuffed animals gathered around him and
was startled to see their hurt faces.<br /><br />"You don't want to be here, Christopher Robin?" asked the yellow bear. "You aren't happy to see us?"<br /><br />"Oh no, no!" said Christopher <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">hurriedly</span>.
"I'm delighted. Yes. So very pleased." The animals looked slightly
mollified, and the yellow bear stepped forward, his paw raised.<br /><br />"Let me show you around, Christopher!" he said. "We have so much to talk about!" Christopher nodded and let himself be led off. <em>I can watch for the path out</em>,
he thought, with a feeling of rising panic. The bear chattered on,
seemingly without restraint, although Christopher caught him - Pooh,
what a name, he thought - watching him out of the corners of his eyes.
If a stuffed animals eyes could have corners.<br /><br />"Let's play Pooh Sticks!" said the bear, leading him to a small bridge.<br /><br />"Pooh <em>what</em>?"
said Chris, repulsed. The bear mutely picked up a stick and threw it
over the bridge and looked pointedly back at him. "Oh. Um, okay," said
Chris, and threw a stick over half-<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">heartedly</span>.<br /><br />"Not
in the mood for Pooh Sticks?" said the small bear. "All right, follow
me! We have a giant party planned for your homecoming!" He took off down
the path at a surprisingly quick rate, and led Chris up a small hill
and down around a corner - how big was this forest? where was he? - and
sitting at a long table under a spreading tree were nearly a dozen
stuffed animals - the tiger from earlier, a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">kangaroo</span> with a joey in her pocket, an owl, a small pink pig wearing a sweater, and others hopping around in their small chairs.<br /><br />"Sit!" said one. Chris <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">awkwardly</span>
sat in the small child's chair. "Wear your hat!" commanded another.
Chris snapped the elastic string of the party hat under his chin. "Eat!"
"Pour the tea!" "Speech! SPEECH!" Their voices were a cacophony.<br /><br />"<em>THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!"</em> screamed Chris, his panic nearly unbearable. The animals all looked at him silently, rising to their feet.<br /><br />"What was that, Christopher Robin?" said the yellow bear, his voice full of menace.<br /><br /><em>How could I have ever thought they were small?</em> thought the young man as the animals crowded around him, blocking out the sun, and his last, desperate thought: <em>Where DID the path out GO?</em><br />
<br />
<b>Note from me - I'm skipping the Arthur one, because I've always felt like it was the least artistically successful one in the whole series. Poor Arthur. </b><br />
<br />
<b>Halloween 10</b><br />
<i>That Time Of Day Between The Afternoon And Full-Out Evening</i>.<br />
<br />
<i>(1st published 2009-10-26)</i><br />
"Darling,"
he said, the sunlight causing him to sparkle like a big shiny pair of
gold lame leggings from Ardenes. He was as handsome as a Calvin Klein
underpant billboard but totally hot and also in full colour and ALSO a
vampire.<br />
<br />
As always, she was thrilled to see him. And
she was also wearing a white eyelet sundress, black high-tops, some
colourful rubber bracelets, knee-length argyle socks, fingerless
motorcycle gloves and a denim jacket that she'd carefully bedazzled to
say "My Boyfriend Is A Hot Vampire." All that bedazzling had made her
fingers bleed, but that was cool - he liked blood.<br />
<br />
"<i>Yeah</i>," said some snarky inner voice, "<i>Way more than he likes making out</i>."<br />
<br />
"<i>SHUT UP!"</i> she had told her inner voice. "<i>Waiting is sexy. And cool</i>. <i>Those
people who say that attractive male vampires are a metaphor for
sexually unavailable gay men don't know what they're talking about!</i>"<br />
<br />
He
was walking towards her now, striding like some He-God, coming to claim
her, a plain mortal. His black cape flapped in the wind. His purple
skin was luminous in the sunlight. His unibrow was like some holy
caterpillar of manliness.<br />
<br />
"<i>One!" </i>he cried. "<i>ONE sexy girlfriend! MWAH HA HA</i>!"<br />
<br />
Thunder crackled. They embraced. Chastely.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWzZohdwNOWhEl8EZHIZxWFHk6loep3lw_009Ukp20YnFHEZn_Rz7Q0V_u2SV7Gu0bHs8WAhaoLuL2WdnfyUl86kVpSETeJnvS5SyyYe6b19pyGHaBVQCfA7wkORm8bkJO3DQMkwCpKEDl/s1600-h/countvoncount.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5396896503094254530" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWzZohdwNOWhEl8EZHIZxWFHk6loep3lw_009Ukp20YnFHEZn_Rz7Q0V_u2SV7Gu0bHs8WAhaoLuL2WdnfyUl86kVpSETeJnvS5SyyYe6b19pyGHaBVQCfA7wkORm8bkJO3DQMkwCpKEDl/s320/countvoncount.jpg" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 268px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 303px;" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
Halloween #11
</h3>
<div class="post-header">
</div>
<strong>Are You There, God? It's Me, Maggot.</strong><br />
<br />
<br />(1st published 2009-10-27)<br />
One morning, after a night of anxious dreams, Sheila Tubman awoke to find herself <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">transformed</span>
into a monstrous bug. She lay on her squishy bug back and wiggled her
tail around - her arms and legs having vanished painlessly during her
sleep.<br /><br />"What has happened to me?" she wondered. She looked around
her room that she shared with her sister Libby. Libby was squeezing
pimples while frowning at herself in the bedroom mirror.<br /><br />"Libby! A little help here!" Sheila called out.<br /><br />Libby grimaced at her. "You are SO immature!" she said and stomped out of the room.<br /><br />Sheila
sighed and attempted to roll off of her bed. Finally, she landed with a
heavy thump on the carpet and lay panting on the floor for a few
minutes.<br /><br />"Sheila!" her mother's voice called. "It's ten past seven! Hurry up and come out for breakfast!"<br /><br />"Coming,
mom!" yelled Sheila. She was startled by her voice, which was her
regular voice, interspersed with a series of loud crackling sounds.
Well, that's weird, she thought. She discovered that she could move
around quite quickly by squirming, so she squirmed down the apartment
hallway and into the kitchen.<br /><br />"Oh, that reminds me," Sheila's mother said. "You need to clean that room of yours up TONIGHT."<br /><br />Sheila
attempted to heave herself up onto her chair. "Um, mom?" she said. "Can
I eat my breakfast down here this morning?" Her mother sighed and
placed her cereal bowl on the floor.<br /><br />"Sheila," said Libby. "Stop making that disgusting crackling sound. FATHER! Make her stop!"<br /><br />Sheila's dad looked down at her.<br />"Sheila," he said, sternly. "Stop showing off."<br /><br />Sheila was hurt. And then she was distracted by the full garbage can in the corner.<br /><br />"Hey," she thought. "Yummy!" <br />
<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
Halloween, Finally
</h3>
<div class="post-header">
</div>
<em>It Was A Dark and Scary Afternoon</em><br />
<br />(1st published 2009-10-31) <br />
My dog thinks he is a
WWI flying ace, I told my mother. She sighed and stared out the kitchen
window and told me to go play outside.<br /><br />"But it's dark out today," I said. "And there's that weird buzzing noise."<br /><br />"Just go outside, please," she said and so I go.<br /><br />I
hate playing outside. The other kids avoid me, run from me laughing and
shouting insults. I stand alone, the shadow of my head making a perfect
circle on the ground.<br /><br />"I'm having a party," catcalls Violet. "We
are having snacks and pop and fun party games and you are not invited."
All of the other girls - even my sister, my own golden haired sister -
titter behind her, their eyes narrowed with malice. The dark skies
crackled and the sun was hidden.<br /><br />"Last one to the treehouse has to kiss <em>him</em>!"
calls one of the girls and they all turn and run, shrieking, their feet
throwing up gravel. My dog and a small yellow bird watch me silently as
I walk by and as I pass I swear they laughed.<br /><br />There is a boy on our street I sometimes spend time with.<br /><br />He
used to be the Sunday School champion, able to memorize each week's
verse, coming home each week with gold stars and roles in the church
play. But lately he's been spending all his time alone, muttering to
himself and dragging his filthy blanket behind him.<br /><br />"See that star?" he says, pointing upwards. There, in the mid-afternoon sky, is a falling star.<br />"The name of that star is Wormwood," he says.<br /><br />A bird flies overhead. "Woe, woe," it cries.<br /><br />The little girls cackle and laugh.<br /><br />"And the four angels who had been kept ready for this very hour and day and month and year<br />were
released to kill a third of mankind. The number of the mounted troops
was two hundred million. I heard their number," he says.<br /><br />Everything
was quiet. Then a loud roaring sound filled the air and a great
darkness began to descend. The little girls stopped throwing rocks at a
cat and looked up, their eyes big. My dog moved his flying goggles off
his eyes and clutched the yellow bird to him.<br /><br />"During those days
men will seek death, but will not find it; they will long to die, but
death will elude them," cried out the boy.<br /><br />I saw the flying star
come crashing down in the nearby woods. Something huge stood up,
throwing a giant shadow that blocked out the sun. The other boy covered
his head with his blanket, shaking.
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-style: italic;">Fairly Odd </span></b><br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">(1st published 2012-10-12)</span><br />
<br />
Daphne
was probably the least popular kid in the school. It wasn't just that
she was weird looking - although she was, with big jug ears and bug eyes
and a too-small nose and giant teeth - but she also dressed like a
mutant and never brushed her teeth and laughed too loud and smelled
pretty bad and picked her nose in the middle of class and was pretty
dumb. The kids didn't like her and the teachers rolled their eyes at her
and tried not to touch her very much. Some kid stole her bike and some
kid would follow her home and yell names at her and and some kid would
steal her pencils off her desk and leave her looking around, wondering
where her pencils had got to.<br />
<br />
"That poor kid doesn't
have a chance," my mom said to my dad as they watched Daphne bike - on
her brother's too-big bike, now hers was gone - up and down the street
all by herself. Her mom was gone - taken off with some old guy because
she'd decided that she was "an artist" now - and her dad drank and my
mom called Daphne "one of life's victims" to my dad when she didn't
think I was listening. But I am always listening.<br />
<br />
Keep
Away Daphne, all the kids called her. She ate by herself and ran around
the schoolyard by herself and even the teachers didn't like her and that
was the way it had always been. Then I got chicken pox and was home
scratching for two weeks.<br />
<br />
My mom brought me in
mid-morning, after listening to me whine that I was just fine, moooom,
and we stopped at the main office while she explained that my scabs were
healed over and to call her if I couldn't stick it out and then she
walked me to my room - mom! - and I noticed, just out of the corner of
my eye, that the big Student Of The Week spot on the bulletin board was
Daphne. That never happens, I thought.<br />
<br />
And then I walked into my classroom and everything was different.<br />
<br />
All
of the girls were sitting in a big cluster around Daphne, who was
sitting right in the primo middle of the room spot, and Daphne had a big
smile on her face... and her face looked <span style="font-style: italic;">changed</span>,
somehow. Prettier and cleaner, definitely, but after I looked at her
for a second, I could still see the old Daphne underneath, like the
prettiness and the cleanness was just a mask. She looked at me and
smiled but the Daphne underneath - the <span style="font-style: italic;">real</span> Daphne - did not.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">Sit with me at lunch, Daphne!</span> said Emma, the most popular girl in class.<br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">Want to play Four Square with us?</span> the boys in the corner called to her.<br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">Oh, Daphne!</span> said the teacher. <span style="font-style: italic;">Your test was perfect!</span> And she knelt down and gave smelly old Daphne a hug, just like she never did before.<br />
Rutger,
the big kid who was always really mean to Daphne, was just gone. His
running shoes were still underneath his desk and his books were still
open on it. <span style="font-style: italic;">Where'd Rutger go?</span> I asked Melinda, my best friend, and she wrinkled her face up and said <span style="font-style: italic;">Who?</span> and went back to smiling at Daphne.<br />
<br />
There was a pink pencil and a green pencil on her desk.<br />
<br />
I
walked home after school - by myself, because my friends were walking
home in a huge mob around Daphne - and went out onto the patio to think.
My house is a few houses away from Daphne's and I can see into her
yard, if I wanted to - and her mom came walking out of their patio door
and shook out a rug. Her <span style="font-style: italic;">mom</span>, the one who had left her whole family to paint naked ladies and live far away.<br />
<br />
Daphne walked into her backyard. <span style="font-style: italic;">Hi baby!</span> said her mom. <span style="font-style: italic;">How is my favorite girl? I made you cookies!</span><br />
<br />
There
was a pink squirrel and a green squirrel with Daphne. One of them - the
pink one- pulled on Daphne's pant leg and pointed at me and Daphne
stopped hugging her mom and looked across the yards right at me and I
went into my house pretty quickly.<br />
<br />
I wasn't that bad to her, I think.<br />
<br />
Sure, her bike is my shed.<br />
<br />
Sure, I used to follow her home and say some mean things. But a lot of kids did that.<br />
<br />
Sure, I would take her pencils.<br />
<br />
But I wasn't as mean as Rutger. A lot of kids were as mean as me, and they're still here.<br />
<br />
Maybe
I'll wake up in the morning and I'll forget all this and Daphne will be
the prettiest girl in the world and Queen of the Playground and who
knows what else. Maybe. I hope.<br />
<br />
Maybe I will just be gone.<br />
<br />
I'm writing this down just in case.<br />
<br />
And wishing - oh, wishing - that I had grabbed that pink pencil and that green pencil off her desk as I walked by this morning.<br />
<br />Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-41638533895770379492012-05-10T07:41:00.001-07:002012-05-10T07:41:30.066-07:00Lines From My Upcoming Erotic Novel(Possibly inspired by recent bestseller, <a href="http://www.amazon.ca/Fifty-Shades-Grey-Book-Trilogy/dp/0345803485/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1336659187&sr=8-1" target="_blank">50 Shades Of Grey.</a> POSSIBLY.)<br />
<br />
<i>"Holy cow!</i>" I said, because I am a university-educated woman in my mid-20s who is also a virgin who does not drink, "<i>Here I am visiting my parents several thousand miles away and he's followed me all the way here! That is so romantic and not at all completely monkey-fighting creepy!"</i><br />
<br />
My breath hitched.<i> "Where's my inhaler?</i>" I husked breathily. "<i>I am having an asthma attack. Also, get off me, you big freak."</i><br />
<br />
<i>"I want to hurt you</i>," he whispered seductively, <i>"But not more than yo-"</i> His next words were obscured by the sound of me neatly breaking his nose with my fist.<br />
<br />
<i>"Triple crap!</i>" my inner goddess said as she somersaulted around the living room, "<i>My down there dirty bits area is so completely pleased with your psychotically controlling new boyfriend!</i>" Then she accidentally somersaulted into the wall and got a severe head injury AGAIN.<br />
<br />
My boyfriend is a <strike>sparkly teenage vampire cradle-robber</strike> <strike>sadistic billionaire helicopter pilot</strike> complete douchebag.<br />
<br />
<br />Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-27217844334266567902012-04-18T09:43:00.000-07:002012-04-18T09:43:52.040-07:00Wives and HusbandsPeople are all really different, of course, except when they're not and one thing I've noticed about being married is that most marriages, broadly-speaking, start falling into certain recognizable patterns. Bill and I - because we have a talky sort of marriage - sat around the other night and tried to list all the different types of husbands and wives we could think of which was really fun. SO MUCH FUN, in fact, that I immediately said out loud that I was going to write down - BLOG IT, in fact - and now everyone within hearing range (i.e. Bill) is holding me to it even though writing it down is sooooo borrrring. But my word is my fricking bond, so here I go:<br />
<br />
<b>Every Type Of Husband And Wife We Could Think Of.</b><br />
<br />
<b>The Replacement Mom </b><br />
and<br />
<b>The Man Boy.</b><br />
You see these two on tv a lot, and sometimes in real life, too. See, the husband is an idiotic irresponsible child (if he didn't start out as one, he is one NOW) and so the wife - either through choice or necessity - gets to be the sole household adult and tells him what to eat and to put on a sweater and how they're going to spend the money and so forth. <br />
<i>Pluses:</i> Keeps Man Boys from being homeless hobos, gives some women a real focus.<br />
<i>Minuses:</i> Probably the least erotic marital arrangement ever. Also, agonizingly uncomfortable to be around.<br />
<br />
<b>The Frenemy Wife</b><br />
I don't know who she's married to, but this is the wife who although she's participating in the marriage, not-so-secretly hates her husband's guts or at least finds him deeply annoying to have around. You can find her crowing with glee whenever her husband leaves for any length of time, and running him down to all her friends the rest of the time.<br />
<i>Pluses</i>: Husband gets to do stuff on his own without any feelings of guilt, I guess.<br />
<i>Minuse</i>s: Well, that should be obvious.<br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
<b>The Not There Husband</b><br />
This guy is not participating in his marriage. He's either gone off with his friends doing his own thing most of the time or if he's actually home, he's in the garage or in the basement or laying silently on the couch watching tv. One excellent example of this type I've known had never bought his wife a birthday present or a Christmas present or a card or anything at any point in the whole length of their relationship.<br />
He's generally married to<br />
<b>The Entire Relationship Wife</b><br />
This poor woman has to do all the work in the marriage. She alone cleans the house and raises the kids and makes plans with his parents and buys the Christmas presents and takes the truck for servicing and so on and so on.<br />
<i>Pros: </i>Not really any.<br />
<i>Cons:</i> Really lonely.<br />
<br />
<b>The Delicate Porcelain Princess AKA The Mary Musgrove</b><br />
If your dreams were to marry an emotionally fragile hypochondriac who can't drive, I'm sorry to tell you that I already married Bill.<br />
<i>Pros: </i>I dunno, ask him.<br />
<i>Cons</i>: He has to drive all the time.<br />
<br />
<b>T</b><b>he Volcano</b><br />
This spouse - of either gender - has everyone in the household walking on eggshells. They frequently express the belief that holding in anger is bad for them in some mysterious way. They like to yell and sometimes hit things or people. They blame others for their anger and their spouses - generally nice, breakable types - believe this too, to some extent. Their spouses often believe that these people can change, or be fixed or that if they just do things right these people will behave nicely. <br />
<i>Pluses:</i> There are none. Get out as soon as you can.<br />
<i>Minuses</i>: Everything.<br />
<br />
<b>The Regretful Wife</b><br />
This wife is sorry that she married that guy, for whatever reason. I know someone who married her present spouse because she hoped that her ex-boyfriend would come along and stop her before the wedding. He didn't, and now she is in a sad, sad marriage. This is so depressing that I'm just going to skip to the next one.<br />
<br />
<b>The Controller</b><br />
Where are you going? Who is going to be there? Call me when you get there. Call me when you get back. Meanwhile, I'm going to check all your messages on our shared Facebook account and screen all your phonecalls and then I'm going to make sure that you cleaned the house to my standards, and then I'm going to tell you who you can be friends with and how often you can see your mom and what you get to write and eat and what you should wear and on and on and on...<br />
<i>Pluses</i>: Maybe you always REALLY wanted someone to boss you around and you find this level of hyper-vigilance a sign of luv.<br />
<i>Minuses:</i> Every hair on the back of my neck is standing up in utter irritation at THE VERY IDEA.<br />
<br />
<b> The Laura Ingalls</b><br />
Grinds the grain and homeschools the kids and spins the wool and churns the butter and knits the sweaters and raises the chickens and sprouts the... sprouts and milks the goats and quilts the fabric and rugs the rags and scrubs the floors and is generally exhaustingly virtuous.<br />
Pluses: Admirable.<br />
Minuses: Not my idea of a good time, but I don't have to be married to her, do I.<br />
<br />
<b>The Graphic Designer</b><br />
Coffee-drinking capable misanthropic hard-working artsy types.<br />
<i>Pluses</i>: Very good husband material, will email you funny pictures from work.<br />
<i>Minuses</i><b>:</b> Will complain about the fonts used in restaurant menus, will email you gross pictures from work.<br />
<br />
<b>The Pal Wife</b><br />
For whatever reason, some people decide to marry someone who's a good friend but not really anything else. Maybe they've given up on finding passionate love or maybe they're not interested in it, but these marriages can sometimes be pretty pleasant if not actually very exciting.<br />
<i>Pros</i>: Marrying someone who likes you is nice, at least.<br />
<i>Cons: </i>The whole sex thing. Also, one of the spouses is likely to leave when they DO find someone they're passionate about.<br />
<br />
<b>The Flaky Artist</b><br />
Will make you listen to poetry they've written about their feelings.Takes up a lot of new careers and hobbies and wants to have long discussions about what they should be doing with their lives. Prone to suddenly leaving to find their freaking bliss.<br />
<i>Pros:</i> Sometimes entertaining. Fun in bed.<br />
<i>Cons</i>: Unreliable. Will break your heart.<br />
<br />
<b>The Laid-Back Guy</b><br />
Mellow guitar-playing fellows who are okay going along with whatever you'd like. Very mellow. Irritatingly, unruffleably mellow. Whatever you like, babe.<br />
<i>Pros</i>: Mellow.<br />
<i>Cons:</i> Really mellow.<br />
<br />
That's all I can think of for right now. Do you have some others? Let me know in the comments and I'll add them to the list. (and also, hey! I wrote something!)Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-997190073016298172011-11-24T10:55:00.000-08:002011-11-24T11:03:57.016-08:00The Very Last Guest Gift Post!<em><span style="font-family: inherit;">(This is the fourth and final post in the series - the first three are </span></em><a href="http://thisismynewblog-beck.blogspot.com/2011/11/your-favorite-things.html" target="_blank"><em><span style="font-family: inherit;">here</span></em></a><em><span style="font-family: inherit;">, </span></em><a href="http://thisismynewblog-beck.blogspot.com/2011/11/day-2-of-non-oprahs-favorite-things.html" target="_blank"><em><span style="font-family: inherit;">here</span></em></a><em><span style="font-family: inherit;"> and </span></em><a href="http://thisismynewblog-beck.blogspot.com/2011/11/part-three-kids.html" target="_blank"><em><span style="font-family: inherit;">here</span></em></a><em><span style="font-family: inherit;">. Check them out!)</span></em><em><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: inherit;">We have finally reached the end of this week's gift-suggestion posts. Do I have a greater appreciation for Oprah and her gift lists? Well, aside from having more respect for the hard-working people on her staff (this thing was HARD to pull together!), not really - every person who submitted a list to me did such a great job of picking sensible, generally affordable items that normal people could both like and actually purchase that I'm feeling even more critical than ever of the shame-inducing folly of the frivolous, overly expensive gift lists elsewhere.</span></em><br />
<em><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: inherit;">This final list is really fun - up first is Nicole's awesome, Nicole-centric list of gift ideas for women, followed by Amy's list of gifts to give your spouse that are really gifts for you and we'll finish up the week with Karen's truly amazing list of gift suggestions under $30. They're all full of great ideas and great writing. - Beck</span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>Nicole -</strong><strong>What To Give To The Lady In Your Life (especially if the lady in your life is Nicole)</strong><br />
I am famously easy to please when it comes to gifts; essentially if someone gives me a gift I am excited, but this is my personal wish list – any of these items will push "excited" into "ecstatic". I like to think of myself as everywoman, so these gift ideas – with a few modifications, perhaps – will be perfect for the woman in your life. Or for you, if you want to pass these suggestions along to the appropriate people.<br />
<br />
<strong>Wine</strong><br />
A bottle of wine is a universally appreciated gift, unless of course the recipient is a non-drinker, in which case a bottle of wine would be an awkward gift. The gift of wine can say anything from "You’re a classy lady" to "You really look like you can use a drink", and I probably fall into the latter category more often than not. I’ll take it. Personally, I prefer a full-bodied red such as Shiraz, but that is a matter of personal preference. I’m also a quantity girl; I would take two $15 bottles over one $30 bottle any day. But then, sometimes I can barely be bothered to get myself a glass, if you know what I’m saying. At least I manage to take the bottle out of the paper bag.<br />
<br />
<strong>Chocolates</strong><br />
There are those who love those fancy truffle/ artisan/ handmade/ gourmet chocolates that are all the rage lately, but in my opinion, nothing beats a box of </span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/%28http://www.nestle.ca/en/products/brands/after_eight/index?subGroup=Chocolates%29" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">After Eights</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> at Christmas. Mmm. Have you ever tried them frozen? It’s like a refreshing, festive taste of heaven.<br />
<br />
<strong>Black Sweaters</strong></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDB9eRT8l7QHREw1UWxYA8ehQpMno7De6TXPzdHt4nZAoPF10KFXtIEwsDESnxYXsbbGREFYiFLOCd5ZoDHmh-QzY3YbtTeSBRNAIa6bXe5wnUwhmH1_BFQOuBF6B80uh1WxdBaZapSok/s1600/open+cardigan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" hda="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDB9eRT8l7QHREw1UWxYA8ehQpMno7De6TXPzdHt4nZAoPF10KFXtIEwsDESnxYXsbbGREFYiFLOCd5ZoDHmh-QzY3YbtTeSBRNAIa6bXe5wnUwhmH1_BFQOuBF6B80uh1WxdBaZapSok/s320/open+cardigan.jpg" width="249" /></span></a></div><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">You can never have enough black sweaters. They are flattering, cozy, and they go with everything. If you, like me, live in a chilly Northern clime, then you will be able to enjoy wearing a black sweater for nine to ten months of the year. </span><a href="http://www.jacob.ca/open-cardigan-4" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This one from Jacob is cute!</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> Oooh, </span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/%28http://www.jacob.ca/open-ruffle-cardigan%29" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">so is this one. It has ruffles!</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> My husband just commented on the attractiveness of the red one. I concede it IS very pretty, for those less monochromatic than me. The great thing about gifting someone with a sweater is that you don’t need to know someone’s exact size; frequently the purchase of clothing in the wrong size can sometimes lead to marital tension and resentment. <br />
<br />
<strong>Jewellery</strong><br />
I have </span><a href="http://www.pandora.net/en-ca/explore" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">wanted one of these</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> for years! Charm bracelets are the ultimate gift; they keep on giving. These bracelets look cute with only a couple of beads or charms, and they can be added to for an indefinite amount of birthdays, Mother`s Days, and Christmases to come. </span><a href="http://www.pandora.net/en-ca/explore/inspiration/create-combine/bracelet-designer?itemnumberid=790374" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Look at this little snowman!</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> He’s precious! Colourful beads are also available, if the woman in your life is more interested in the red sweater than the black one.<br />
<br />
<strong>Pyjamas</strong></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIfq_WSz6bfiuvYyzaj_WOK3dnx-Uf5vhgiA7JNqrb7IWPJlyRIbZphD5gPvwtq2Q_ewKNc5ygFUHYSDv9fTJ3XAR17HuRjNsWthHV_jPjnbxM1iGChLMoXNmhQabx7Eaz3S7shBxgYvo/s1600/snoopy+pajamas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" hda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIfq_WSz6bfiuvYyzaj_WOK3dnx-Uf5vhgiA7JNqrb7IWPJlyRIbZphD5gPvwtq2Q_ewKNc5ygFUHYSDv9fTJ3XAR17HuRjNsWthHV_jPjnbxM1iGChLMoXNmhQabx7Eaz3S7shBxgYvo/s1600/snoopy+pajamas.jpg" /></span></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I love receiving pyjamas; especially cozy and fuzzy ones. What can I say; when it comes to sleepwear I prefer the non-sexual, and I would bet that most women do as well. Sears is a great place to purchase pyjamas, for the simple reason that they are always machine washable. I find it irritating to discover that my cozy new pyjamas must be hand washed and hung to dry, else they will shrink to a non-cozy size. Look! </span><a href="http://www.sears.ca/product/peanuts-2-piece-pyjama-set/638-000243253-EE141PE2506" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s Snoopy!</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><a href="http://www.sears.ca/product/paul-frank-2-piece-pyjama-set/638-000243253-EE139PF3219" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And that super cute monkey!</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> These may not be sexy, but I can guarantee they would give you sweet dreams.<br />
<br />
<strong>Cheese</strong><br />
I know, I know, a lot of us are going dairy-free these days, but what is Christmas without the over-consumption of cheese? Plus it goes so nicely with wine. My husband once gave me a</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/%28http://www.jbfinecheese.com/%29" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> huge hunk of aged Cheddar from Janice Beaton</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> and it was one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. <br />
<br />
<strong>Gifts From The Kitchen</strong>I don’t normally exchange gifts with my friends, but during the season we end up sampling each other’s culinary wares at potlucks and parties, and I’m just going to say that I have a very talented group of friends. One of my girlfriends has the ability to decorate cakes with royal icing in ways that amaze. Last year she gave me a teeny tiny cake decorated like a gift, complete with bows and polka-dotted edible gift wrap! It was adorable! Another girlfriend makes a salsa that brings tears of joy to my eyes. Kitchen gifts are always thoughtful and they make a perfect, and delicious, hostess gift. </span><a href="http://busycooks.about.com/od/christmas/a/Gifts-In-A-Jar.htm" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I’ve never made any of these recipes</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">, but I want to – and I would be so happy to be the recipient of them. <br />
<br />
<strong>Scented Body Lotion</strong></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4EfOY5P6pT6I5f3VmgY9KUdZGSS9VCcAS7rlF-tsK-Q1XghMtWRfztGUwtIvR4AYs_nSdF5PtR1kxyZb5zLwYOwF31cW9xVdmslmjHcdKyIftYekRV8bUVrxPzQgTbm6EIXW9ghVOc_U/s1600/snowman+lotion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" hda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4EfOY5P6pT6I5f3VmgY9KUdZGSS9VCcAS7rlF-tsK-Q1XghMtWRfztGUwtIvR4AYs_nSdF5PtR1kxyZb5zLwYOwF31cW9xVdmslmjHcdKyIftYekRV8bUVrxPzQgTbm6EIXW9ghVOc_U/s1600/snowman+lotion.jpg" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;">I don’t wear perfume because my husband is allergic; instead I like these scented lotions from </span><a href="http://www.bathandbodyworks.com/family/index.jsp?categoryId=4191845&cp=4090259.4090258.4090270.4418550&cm_sp=IM-_-Lotions+%26+Creams-_-Body+Lotions%29" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Bath and Body Works</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">. My favourite scents are Twilight Woods, Japanese Cherry Blossom, and Warm Vanilla Sugar. They are often available on a "Buy Three Get Two Free" basis, which is a nice deal, I think. I prefer body lotions to bath products or soap, but perhaps that’s just me.</span><br />
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<strong><span style="font-family: inherit;">Mix Tapes</span></strong><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Well, it would be more accurate to say "Mix CD" but that has less of a ring to it. I spend a lot of time in my minivan, and the radio often plays a less-than-ideal mix of music. I’m hoping for a mix CD for Christmas, and I hope it has Love Is A Battlefield on it for optimal car dancing.</span><br />
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<strong><span style="font-family: inherit;">A Night With Jim Cuddy</span></strong><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Not THAT kind of night with </span><a href="http://www.jimcuddy.com/About/%29" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Jim Cuddy</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">! Well, okay, MAYBE. I wouldn’t turn it down. YES I WOULD, I’M HAPPILY MARRIED. But I was thinking of a night of listening to him soulfully singing and strumming his guitar. Maybe looking soulfully into my eyes. Or maybe I should just ask for some of his music on my mix CD.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">(<em>Nicole blogs at </em></span><a href="http://girlinaboyhouse.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><em><span style="font-family: inherit;">Girl In A Boy House,</span></em></a><em><span style="font-family: inherit;"> has 2 kids, loves black sweaters, lives in Calgary and really wants a Pandora bracelet for Christmas.)</span></em></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><strong><span style="font-family: inherit;">Amy - Self Serving Gifts For Your Spouse</span></strong></div><div style="text-align: left;"><strong><span style="font-family: inherit;">FOR HER</span></strong></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.surlatable.com/"><u><span style="color: blue; font-family: inherit;">Cooking Lessons from Sur La Table</span></u></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She LOVES to cook, and she is always talking about how fun it would be to take cooking lessons. Well, now is the time to make her wish come true! And...if you're being honest, her cooking could use a little help.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.spafinder.com/"><u><span style="color: blue; font-family: inherit;">A Day at the Spa, from SpaFinder</span></u></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She is always putting everyone else before herself. Finally pamper her the way she deserves. Plus, after this gift, there is no way she can say no to you taking a trip to Vegas with your buddies! (This gift idea shamelessly cribbed from an episode of King of Queens.) </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT-jXd7om8pO_XieavYm5mSTN8l4opuWZvVFolqFnjhI55eb-m8OOJBMrCnjEbug4eKmXY6oIfnhse-N0YQVkoMfxhX8pCUeK7-HwF6UXTyBC_aj3m_n26c6Rf8yZkNdrQm2I7uRBicvg/s1600/club-choc-lovers-6mo_350x350.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" hda="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT-jXd7om8pO_XieavYm5mSTN8l4opuWZvVFolqFnjhI55eb-m8OOJBMrCnjEbug4eKmXY6oIfnhse-N0YQVkoMfxhX8pCUeK7-HwF6UXTyBC_aj3m_n26c6Rf8yZkNdrQm2I7uRBicvg/s320/club-choc-lovers-6mo_350x350.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.lakechamplainchocolates.com/"><u><span style="color: blue; font-family: inherit;">Chocolate of the Month Club from Lake Champlain Chocolates</span></u></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The gift that keeps on giving! She'll melt when she finds out she will be receiving a new, lucious sampler of natural chocolates from Vermont each month. Also, you heard somewhere that chocolate is an aphrodisiac, so...score!</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><strong><span style="font-family: inherit;">FOR HIM</span></strong></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.orvis.com/store/product.aspx?pf_id=3E4L&dir_id=885&group_id=10102&cat_id=9781&subcat_id=9782"><u><span style="color: blue; font-family: inherit;">Orvis Royal Terrycloth Robe</span></u></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He may be a love machine at night, but that pasty skin, slightly pudgy belly, and slowly-creeping back hair is not always a pretty sight in the morning.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Stanley-94-248-65-Piece-General-Homeowners/dp/B000UHMITE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1321375469&sr=8-1"><u><span style="color: blue; font-family: inherit;">Stanley 65-Piece Homeowner's Tool Set</span></u></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">If the man in your life likes to putz around with tools, this great tool set should really please him! And maybe inspire him finally to fix the leaking faucet in the kitchen he has been promising to take care of for 6 months now.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJQEYYQh3-4gA2MHj1SVr1z3E57W3JsJKXrTEzLQmfhcG4b6VxU69J9AnyHW_k0Cjl6lVxz7VqETsuapM2BlxOc9cSf9vI5UfLuZ0wHQRF0GfzznZxaYAjOHxhNivGKX9M18gxpJQ42q4/s1600/roku-slide-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" hda="true" height="127" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJQEYYQh3-4gA2MHj1SVr1z3E57W3JsJKXrTEzLQmfhcG4b6VxU69J9AnyHW_k0Cjl6lVxz7VqETsuapM2BlxOc9cSf9vI5UfLuZ0wHQRF0GfzznZxaYAjOHxhNivGKX9M18gxpJQ42q4/s320/roku-slide-1.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.roku.com/"><u><span style="color: blue; font-family: inherit;">Roku</span></u></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Your gadget-loving fella will go nuts for this wondrous little box that brings internet-streamed video straight to your TV. Now he can watch tons of sports, news, and sci-fi flicks without that obscene cable bill. If he can get you away from watching Downton Abbey on Netflix for eleventy-millionth time, that is.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><strong><span style="font-family: inherit;">FOR ANYONE</span></strong></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/loccitane-set-of-four-deluxe-soaps-28-value/3233970?origin=keywordsearch&resultback=770"><u><span style="color: blue; font-family: inherit;">L'Occitane Set of Four Deluxe Soaps</span></u></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">How do you tell your loved one that they have B.O. without hurting their precious feelings? Answer: you don't. Instead, buy them some expensive, fancy-shmancy soap and hope that they use it.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Garmin-1450LMT-Portable-Navigator-Lifetime/dp/B003ZX8B2S/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1321296287&sr=8-1"><u><span style="color: blue; font-family: inherit;">Garmin Nuvi Portable GPS</span></u></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Who wouldn't love a talking box that uses satellite positioning to tell you where to go? A miracle of modern technology! And such a thoughtful gift for that special someone in your life. However, if, like me, your special someone frequently calls home saying, "I don't know where I am, can you get on Google Maps and tell me where I am?" then this gift is as much for you as it is for them. Also handy for finding bathrooms whilst on road trips.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.wine.com/V6/Quintessential-Reds-Wine-Gift-Collection/wine/100296/detail.aspx"><u><span style="color: blue; font-family: inherit;">Quintessential Reds Wine Gift Collection</span></u></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Because you will get to drink the wine too.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><em><span style="font-family: inherit;">(Amy blogs at </span><a href="http://chaseafterwind.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A Chase After Wind,</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> lives in St. Louis, Missouri, with her husband and toddler son, and remains constantly vigilant that her haircut not look like Justin Bieber's.)</span></em></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><strong><span style="font-family: inherit;">Karen - Gift Ideas That Won't Break Your Budget</span></strong></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span id="internal-source-marker_0.9919847807859005" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I live in a place that was in a recession before the recession started. People raise chickens and forage for berries without irony - well, maybe with some irony. Still I love giving gifts and finding great ones for under $30 is a challenge. But I have become an expert. From my corner of the world to yours, I humbly offer Budget or Bust Christmas Giving List. </span><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004BOSVCA/ref=oh_o02_s00_i01_details"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000099; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline;">Run Wallet:</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> This is a genius little item for people who like to exercise. I am sure you know some. This wallet holds an iPod Nano, keys, cash and credit card. Your jogging friend can strap it to his wrist with velcro. This would be nice gift for my brother in law, maybe combined with a $10 iTunes gift card or fingerless gloves. </span><br />
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<a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/65206493/red-bracelet-apple-jasper-bracelet-and"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000099; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline;">Handmade Bracelet</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">: Budget shopping on Etsy! I love shopping on Etsy because once you weed through all the complete crap, there is some really unique stuff. Then you get to feel as satisfied as you would if you found a cute outfit at TJ Maxx but so much cozier because you can shop in your pajamas at home. If I am only getting my mom or my sister one $30 gift that tells them how appreciate them,, I need it to not come from the mall. I just do. This bracelet has some really pretty details and I love the berry colors for Christmas time. It costs $27 plus some shipping. </span><br />
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<a href="http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/lacy-flouncy-skirt-for-american-girl-doll"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000099; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline;">Lace Flouncy Skirt for American Girl Doll: </span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I am knitting this skirt and a few other pieces for my nieces who are receiving American Girl Dolls as their BIG gifts this year. Handmade gifts are an excellent way to stay on budget. I will admit that not every person on my list is fully capable of truly appreciating and loving the handmade gift. Those people are just as awesome in their own way and I like to shop for them on Amazon. My nieces will be delighted- and any child of a certain age who is very into dolls probably would be too. If this costs me more than $15, it will be a surprise.</span></div><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span><br />
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</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG6cZY-53QmwosprqK5teQ72aLhYM1ZupvdB-GCXgwaYvanC29PxZH1llg6FfHH3MbZuxLQBT2sQvK1uv3w0fJ0Q75Q6wiwGhYHB10zNhjEiFiaW9dAmZrZ4m2IvNjmthDwgFArxlliHQ/s1600/lego+space+shuttle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" hda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG6cZY-53QmwosprqK5teQ72aLhYM1ZupvdB-GCXgwaYvanC29PxZH1llg6FfHH3MbZuxLQBT2sQvK1uv3w0fJ0Q75Q6wiwGhYHB10zNhjEiFiaW9dAmZrZ4m2IvNjmthDwgFArxlliHQ/s1600/lego+space+shuttle.jpg" /></span></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/LEGO-4598910-Space-Shuttle-3367/dp/B004478GDS/ref=wl_it_dp_o_npd?ie=UTF8&coliid=I12GT7GQLJ0QAQ&colid=OU4SIQHQB32B"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000099; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline;">Lego Space Shuttle:</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> As a mama of three boys, I cannot say enough about the incredible joy on the faces of my kids when they open a huge Lego set at Christmas. What I like about this set is for about $24, it is going to have about $50 worth of impact - because it is a SPACE SHUTTLE. Awesome.</span><br />
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<a href="http://www.penzeys.com/scstore/giftboxes/new/herbGift4jar.html"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000099; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline;">Penzey’s</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">: We actually live in pretty reasonable driving distance of a Penzey’s spice shop. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I am happily related to a bunch of men and women who enjoy cooking with excellent ingredients. Perhaps </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">some </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">people might think this is too much like giving groceries, but I enjoy receiving really nice quality ingredients. Feel free to shop for me at Penzey’s as the Baker’s Catalogue. For $11.95, you could get a mini gift set of 4 spices. We have a really good friend who loves to coo for his family. He’d love this. If shopping for my fairy mother in law, I would probably splurge and get the larger sizes for $15.99.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://store.drhauschka.com/b2c/ecom/ecomEnduser/items/itemDetail.aspx?&page=&store=&itemNum=BK&siteId=1&bulkexists=0"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000099; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline;">Dr. Hauschka: </span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> I realize that it is only acceptable to buy toiletry items as gifts if they are really nice ones. Dr. Hauschka is the very best. I probably wouldn’t buy it on-line but rather at Whole Foods or if feeling extra loyal at smaller shop in town, though that will probably cost me an extra $5. Still for $22.95, it is a really sweet set including Hand Cream, Lavender Oil, Quince Moisturizer (quince, I love this antique fruit!), Rose Moisturizer, and 2 body oils. This gift is tiny but when budget gifting, quality is very important. If you buy this, give it to your best friend or someone you want to have be your best friend. This year I may give this to my sister in law as she is getting taking a very trip for the holidays.</span><br />
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<a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/86203561/kindle-4-cover-kindle-79-case-kobo"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000099; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline;">Kindle Cover:</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> My dad got himself a Kindle recently. He is really the perfect candidate for one. He can even do his beloved New York Times crossword on it. I want to get him a truly class Kindle cover to protect it. Once again, Etsy saves the day. I think my dad will look dignified and cool pulling out his herringbone-patterned Kindle on the subway. It costs $20 & the shipping is $4.00. Hipsters, beware!</span><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Flower-Design-Crystal-Cover-Electromaster/dp/B004SFSKJQ/ref=wl_it_dp_v?ie=UTF8&coliid=I5UHUS0WSAK6D&colid=PHM0J5D16QMV"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000099; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline;">Cell Phone Skins:</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> Tweens! The tweens of my world love to accessorize. My niece and my son both have texting addiction. All day long they text back and forth to their friends. Saying stuff like “Hi!” and “That math took too long!” Don’t even try to tell me they text about any other topic besides homework and geeky greetings. Cell phones skins are pretty cheap $5.99. I can stick these in their stockings or wrap them up with an iTunes card for a nice grown-up gift. Apparently, toys are out....</span><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/New-Way-Things-Work/dp/0395938473/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1321581627&sr=8-1"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000099; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline;">The New Way Things Work</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">: My boys already have this book. It would be a lovely family gift to anyone with a houseful of curious kids. It is a book I bring places where the kids might be bored. It gives them something to pour over together. The kids love looking at the way machines work. The illustrations are excellent and fascinating to children. $22.95 at Amazon and probably a few more bucks at your local bookshop.</span><br />
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<a href="http://www.crateandbarrel.com/dining-and-entertaining/wine-glasses/set-of-8-stemless-wine-glasses/s292543"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #000099; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline;">Stemless Stemware</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">: My mom gave me these last year. Everyone who comes over loves drinking out of my very elegant, dishwasher safe stemless stem ware. This nice set of 8 from Crate and Barrel costs under $20. Note to people everywhere, stemless glasses hold about a bucket of wine. You’ve been warned. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Whatever your budget, Happy Holidays from my family to yours. </span><br />
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<em><span style="font-family: inherit;">(</span></em><a href="http://needsnewbatteries.wordpress.com/" target="_blank"><em><span style="font-family: inherit;">Karen </span></em></a><em><span style="font-family: inherit;">is a writer, mother of 3, childbirth educator and doula and lives in New England.)</span></em><br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span></div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><em>And there we have it - THE END. I hope you've enjoyed this series and maybe even found it helpful. If you have any ideas for great gift suggestions that the writers this week haven't mentioned, feel free to post them in the comments! And even if you don't, it's always nice to hear from you.</em></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><em>I'd like to -finally - thank all of the writers involved in this project. I know that all of you put a lot of time and effort into your lists, and it was really appreciated. Thanks so much for helping me out with this! - Beck</em></span>Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-8240916447807049842011-11-23T06:49:00.000-08:002011-11-23T06:49:07.871-08:00Part Three - Kids!<span style="font-family: inherit;"><em>One thing that I've loved about this series of posts is that each of the lists are so unique. I gave each writer the same basic outline - 10 or so items, reasonably priced - and then stepped aside and everyone involved came up with such different, fun lists - not just the gift suggestions themselves, too, but the way their individual voices come through. </em></span><em>Something that I wanted to say is that - since it was asked yesterday in the comments - no one was remunerated in any way for any of these lists and so what you're reading was written just for fun. (However, if anyone wants to get me that fox tote bag down the page, I would CHEERFULLY accept it.)</em><br />
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<em>Today's lists are especially fun - Kimberly's list consists of well-thought out suggestions for hard-to-shop-for little boys, Megan's list has kids' music suggestions that won't drive YOU nuts, and Gretchen's list is not entirely for children but rather has gifts that are evocative of childhood past and gone. I hope you find all three lists interesting and helpful. - Beck </em><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>Kimberly - Little Boy Gifts From Girly-Girl Moms</strong></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I am a girly girl. I like makeup, and played with Barbies. I have one sister, who is even more of a girly girl than I am. We had some building blocks, and cars, and my parents were fairly progressive about gendered toys (it was the 70s, after all) but we were, and are, still girly girls.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Therefore, of course, because God has a sense of humor, I had two boys. So, I have put quite a bit of thought into toys for my kids. I wanted them to play with something OTHER than just cars and trucks and trains (though we have an enormous number of those, also). They are still really little, my oldest is just 5 and my little guy is not quite 3, but they still need well-rounded play time. There are three basic types of toys my boys need: physical, mental, and imaginative.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Physical toys:</span> My boys are very physical. They are incapable of just sitting and watching a video. They will watch it, WHILE they are rolling around on the ground "wrestling." They need an outlet, especially when the weather is inhospitable.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Pounding toys are especially useful when the kids are 2-5 years old. A nice </span><a href="http://madeinusaforever.com/clbibewopeha.html"><span style="font-family: inherit;">old-fashioned bench</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> one is great. But there are some really nice plastic ones that are well-made, like the "Hammer away" on page 8 of this </span><a href="http://media.discoverytoys.com/ec_tools/catalogs/DTUSCatalog.pdf"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Discovery Toys catalog</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Trikes/Bikes/scooters are also useful, even inside. My boys received a Radio Flyer ride on </span><a href="http://www.radioflyer.com/ride-ons/scoot-about.html"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Scoot-about</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> when my first was about 18 months old. This lived in the house until this summer. Great exercise, and it IS furniture friendly. Then, when my first was two, his grandparents gave him </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Rock-Roll-Ride-Trike/dp/B00005UOSC"><span style="font-family: inherit;">this Fisher-Price convertible tricycle</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">. It was good for what it was, but now that my second is almost three, he wants to really ride it outside, and it isn't grippy enough to pedal on anything but the flatest of surfaces. Stick with ones with true rubber wheels, not plastic wheels. Also, our experience is that the "retro" steel bikes, which look solid and nostalgic, are not quite as hardy as some of the newer metal and plastic ones.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Outside tools: My boys have gotten a lot of use out of </span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/wheelbarrow/wagon/tool%20set%20%20http://www.lehmans.com/store/Toys___Farm_Toys_and_Animals___Child_s_Wheelbarrow_and_Garden_Tool_Set___1092330#5129297"><span style="font-family: inherit;">these mini-tools</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglCqKAcO1amwSs5fPuRqrLtzHm3SDQXl9m-Npooo3qsVgbp-NB61zzX89F13-l22KGf0RZTGisGEHF0cBqmeZIzh8TVK4gVow7MUTcykcilVcj5cxvMeQqmwLiP3mJHR5SjkE__XlQJvI/s1600/wheelbarrow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglCqKAcO1amwSs5fPuRqrLtzHm3SDQXl9m-Npooo3qsVgbp-NB61zzX89F13-l22KGf0RZTGisGEHF0cBqmeZIzh8TVK4gVow7MUTcykcilVcj5cxvMeQqmwLiP3mJHR5SjkE__XlQJvI/s1600/wheelbarrow.jpg" /></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;">My parents live in the country and the boys each have a set down at their house so they can "help" Grampa do yard work. And we have a set here. Keeps them occupied nicely when we are trying to get things done outside.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Mentally stimulating toys:</span> I have bright kids, who like to be challenged. They like to watch television and play on the computer, too, but what parent wants their kids watching hours of tv a day? Not me. *Ahem*</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Puzzles: My little boy, especially LOVES puzzles. Any kind, but </span><a href="http://www.target.com/p/Melissa-Doug-Dinosaurs-Puzzles-in-a-Box/-/A-10844899?reco=Rec_pdp_10844899_ClickCP_Adjacency"><span style="font-family: inherit;">these "four in a box" wooden puzzles</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> are especially nice. And you don't have to buy the "name brand" ones. I found another set at the craft store for just $5.00. They are portable, and not so messy, and he does them over and over, and then breaks them up and puts them back in their little compartments. My bigger boy enjoys the floor puzzles that are as big as he is. He received </span><a href="http://www.melissaanddoug.com/land-of-dinosaurs-floor-puzzle"><span style="font-family: inherit;">this dinosaur puzzle</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> as a gift for his fourth birthday and it still gets great use. Word of caution, I think the more expensive floor puzzles are worth the price. I have purchased two much cheaper ones and they are so thin that the pieces don't hold together well, which is REALLY frustrating for the boys.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6KkiN-CsVLewuumG7hYOrnRdak08e6KQl5dS7iBRbY4Hj4lCL9cTO8dSpeJAKYYoW-52RV0xUXaWZpe_TmhoiTJXl66aNLQwv0QxtNdxTJTPCnE1Vz6F8jSbo-qjnfR5VH6PWOeCY2M8/s1600/mighty+mind.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hda="true" height="273" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6KkiN-CsVLewuumG7hYOrnRdak08e6KQl5dS7iBRbY4Hj4lCL9cTO8dSpeJAKYYoW-52RV0xUXaWZpe_TmhoiTJXl66aNLQwv0QxtNdxTJTPCnE1Vz6F8jSbo-qjnfR5VH6PWOeCY2M8/s320/mighty+mind.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">For a puzzle that is more flexible, a friend gave us a </span><a href="http://www.mightymind.com/3552/20312.html"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Mighty Minds set</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> a couple years ago. When the boys are little, they just play with the colored pieces. As they get older, they really enjoy trying to figure out the shapes. Practical tip: put the little pieces in a plastic baggie for storage.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And lets not forget, books, books, and more books. The "Scholastic" books aren't great quality, but they do have a breadth of interests and are good for ideas if you aren't familiar with what is out there. I have been blessed with a mother-in-law who has taught little kids all her life, and she is our book-giver. And one thing I have learned from her, don't overlook "other" titles from famous writers. Robert McCloskey wrote more than just "Make Way for Ducklings" (my boys particularly enjoy his "Lentil"). Same for </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=a9_sc_1?rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Amargaret+wise+brown&keywords=http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifmargaret+wise+brown&ie=UTF8&qid=1321544291#/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=Virginia+Lee+burton&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3AVirginia+Lee+burton"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Virginia Lee Burton</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> and </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=a9_sc_1?rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Amarhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifgaret+wise+brown&keywords=margaret+wise+brown&ie=UTF8&qid=1321544291"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Margaret Wise Brown</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">, to name just two.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Imaginative play</span>: My boys have great imaginations. They are spurred by books and videos and animals and cars and rescue heroes. They love to play dress-up and I take the opportunity post-Halloween to purchase some </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Superhero-Dress-Up-Costume-Trunk-Set/dp/B000IE05Y4"><span style="font-family: inherit;">costumes </span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">at super cheap prices, and </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Melissa-Doug-Police-Officer-Costume/dp/B001ENB9IE"><span style="font-family: inherit;">not-so cheap</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> prices. And for the non-sewer DIY-ers among us, all you need is a </span><a href="http://maherfamilygrows.blogspot.com/2011/07/how-to-make-superhero-cape.html"><span style="font-family: inherit;">"superhero" cape</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> and a pair of swim goggles. Take your kids to the fire station and get one of those fireman hats. Easy peasy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Don't overlook some of the girly stuff. My 2 1/2 yo is super excited with a $5.00 plastic pink and purple tea set that his dad got him from the big box store one day. Let's start training boys how to be polite and pour tea and learn manners in a fun way. It works!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Blocks are probably the oldest form of imaginative play. They don't need to be fancy, though they can be. They should be safe for the age group. If you have a teething or mouthy kid around, a nice hardwood set with sanded edges will be better than paper blocks. The stone ones are very nice, but I am not about to get those for my kids until the youngest is out of the throwing stage. I hate plastic ones, and my kids don't seem to enjoy those much.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Last, but not least, I would be remiss if I didn't say something about building/play sets. In addition to the erector-type sets (K'nex, etc.) there are both Playmobil and Legos. People say that you should pick one or the other as you will have little tiny pieces around and they might as well be the same kind. My kids have never really been into the plastic connecting blocks that are for little kids, Duplo and Mega Blocks and the like. (Waste of money, in my opinion, but your mileage may vary.) My husband played with both Legos and Playmobil and liked both. The Playmobil sets have more play value because they don't have to be built, again and again and little kids don't get frustrated by not being able to put them together. We started off the boys with inherited Playmobil sets, and have selectively added one or two. They are expensive, but the nice thing is that they really are interchangeable. The set that my husband had in the 1970s is completely integrated into the modern ones. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">(We have </span><a href="http://store.playmobilusa.com/on/demandware.store/Sites-US-Site/en_US/Product-Show?pid=5917&cgid="><span style="font-family: inherit;">policemen </span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">on our </span><a href="http://store.playmobilusa.com/on/demandware.store/Sites-US-Site/en_US/Product-Show?pid=3255&chttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifgid="><span style="font-family: inherit;">Noah's ark</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">, frequently, and you should SEE a monkey flying in a </span><a href="http://store.playmobilusa.com/on/demandware.store/Sites-US-Site/en_US/Product-Show?pid=4222&cgid="><span style="font-family: inherit;">rescue helicopter</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">. It is quite a sight.) They last FOREVER, if you can keep the pieces together. They are NOT for the littlest of kids, as the pieces are super tiny, but my little boy has been playing with them for a year and mostly not ingesting pieces. Hint for keeping all the tiny pieces in one place. Add one of </span><a href="http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/80098583/"><span style="font-family: inherit;">these IKEA boxes</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> in with the set, and train your kids to keep all the pieces in THAT box. Even my messy kids do it, mostly. Saves mom's sanity.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">There you go. Surely one of these gift ideas will be perfect for your little boy.</span><br />
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<em>(Kimberly - Former lawyer, current genealogy nerd, new dog owner (Basset! and Rottie! and retriever! All mixed!), blogs (sometimes) about her two little boys and assorted other trivia at </em><a href="http://www.maherfamilygrows.blogspot.com/"><em>www.maherfamilygrows.blogspot.com</em></a><em>.)</em><br />
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<strong>Megan - Music For Kids That Won't Drive Parents Out Of Their Minds</strong><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I fully realize music is one of the most subjective, personal areas to tackle here, but I'll do my best to offer some quality kids' music suggestions that won't drive the majority of you insane. There are exceptions to every rule, of course. Ahem.<br />
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Some disclaimers before I begin. We are Christians and hold to a reformed, biblical worldview. This does not mean we only listen to Christian music, as you will see in the list below. (Though we do listen to some, as you will also see in the list below.) We appreciate good music. I hope this list reflects that for you.</span><br />
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<img alt="Picture 15" class="asset asset-image at-xid-6a0105369be936970c01539329987c970b" src="http://dunhams.typepad.com/.a/6a0105369be936970c01539329987c970b-320wi" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Picture 15" /><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000VDDCLK/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=halpinhou-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399369&creativeASIN=B000VDDCLK"><span style="font-family: inherit;">They Might Be Giants: Here Come The 123s</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=halpinhou-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B000VDDCLK&camp=217145&creative=399369" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0px;" width="1" /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We also have Here Come the ABCs and Here Comes Science. Of the three, the 123s is by far *my* favorite. The science one has some iffy stuff on it, so know that before getting it, should you choose to do so. The 123s is super awesome, all the way.</span><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003E7EMBO/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=halpinhou-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399369&creativeASIN=B003E7EMBO"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Coal Train Railroad</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=halpinhou-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B003E7EMBO&camp=217145&creative=399369" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0px;" width="1" /> - Well done jazz for the younger set. I think my girls have *just* about aged out of this, but it's so well done, I will hang on to my copy for a long time. In fact, I bought a pack of five of these when it first came out and gave it out as baby shower gifts. It's awesome. They are just now coming out with a second one, </span><a href="http://www.coaltrainrailroad.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Coal Train Railroad Swings</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">. I haven't heard it yet, but I'm sure it's just as good.</span><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000CR7RDE/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=halpinhou-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399369&creativeASIN=B000CR7RDE"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sing-A-Longs & Lullabies for the Film Curious George (Jack Johnson)</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=halpinhou-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B000CR7RDE&camp=217145&creative=399369" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0px;" width="1" /> - Hey, it's Jack Johnson on every track. What's not to love? Personal favorites: Upside Down, People Watching, We're Going To Be Friends, well, pretty much all of them.</span><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005IY3D1Q/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=halpinhou-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399373&creativeASIN=B005IY3D1Q"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Slugs & Bugs & Under Where</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=halpinhou-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B005IY3D1Q&camp=217145&creative=399373" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0px;" width="1" /> - The CD you see above is their second regular kids album. They also have a Christmas album (and I'm </span><a href="http://www.halfpinthousehandouts.com/2011/11/slugs-and-bugs-christmas-giveaway.html" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">giving away 3 copies of it over here</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">!) - Funny stuff, kids like it, doesn't drive me nuts.</span><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00005PJBY/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=halpinhou-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399369&creativeASIN=B00005PJBY"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Country Goes Raffi</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=halpinhou-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B00005PJBY&camp=217145&creative=399369" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0px;" width="1" /> - I fully realize I'm going to be entering serious eye-rolling territory with this one. After all, Raffi? Country? Together? But I'm telling you, it works. YOU may not appreciate The Bowling Song very much, but your kids might. *wink* And the surprise favorite is the sweetest little lullaby, Blessed Be, sung by Alison Krauss. Trust me. It's worth it just for that one song alone. Well, that and The Bowling Song.</span><br />
<a href="http://dunhams.typepad.com/.a/6a0105369be936970c0153933643db970b-pi"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img alt="Picture 7" class="asset asset-image at-xid-6a0105369be936970c0153933643db970b" src="http://dunhams.typepad.com/.a/6a0105369be936970c0153933643db970b-320wi" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Picture 7" /></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002M2N9KW/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=halpinhou-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399369&creativeASIN=B002M2N9KW"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Phineas & Ferb Soundtrack</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=halpinhou-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B002M2N9KW&camp=217145&creative=399369" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0px;" width="1" /> - Okay, I don't have personal experience with this entire album myself, but I have thought on more than one occasion that the songs they do on the show are pretty clever. It just never occurred to me to buy the CD. I bet my girls would love this. So...guess what's going on my "to buy for Christmas" list?</span><br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003Y7L5YQ/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=halpinhou-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399369&creativeASIN=B003Y7L5YQ"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003Y7L5YQ/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=halpinhou-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399369&creativeASIN=B003Y7L5YQ"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Elizabeth Mitchell: Sunny Day</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=halpinhou-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B003Y7L5YQ&camp=217145&creative=399369" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0px;" width="1" /> - Oh my word. Don't walk, RUN and get an album by Elizabeth Mitchell right now. So well done, my word! How have I not heard of her before now? I just scrolled through several song samples on iTunes and I really really want to get one of these albums soon.</span><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000QW9R2O/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=halpinhou-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399373&creativeASIN=B000QW9R2O"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Phil Joel: Deliberate Kids</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=halpinhou-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B000QW9R2O&camp=217145&creative=399373" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0px;" width="1" /> - We found this in 2007 and really liked it a ton. Phil Joel, of Newsboys fame, put together this collection of decent songs on theology for kids. So, yes, it's Christian, but it's good Christian (as in, the art aspect has not been sacrificed for the message here.)</span><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002CLBJXM/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=halpinhou-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399369&creativeASIN=B002CLBJXM"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Seeds Family Worship</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=halpinhou-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B002CLBJXM&camp=217145&creative=399369" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0px;" width="1" /> - The title of this CD implies it's also Christian. Seeds Family Worship has several CDs of scripture set to music and again, the key here is that it's really well done.</span><br />
<a href="http://dunhams.typepad.com/.a/6a0105369be936970c015393367813970b-pi"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img alt="Picture 11" class="asset asset-image at-xid-6a0105369be936970c015393367813970b" src="http://dunhams.typepad.com/.a/6a0105369be936970c015393367813970b-320wi" style="display: block; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" title="Picture 11" /></span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000LE1A3G/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=halpinhou-20&linkCode=as2&camp=217145&creative=399373&creativeASIN=B000LE1A3G"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The Jellydots: Hey You Kids!</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=halpinhou-20&l=as2&o=1&a=B000LE1A3G&camp=217145&creative=399373" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0px;" width="1" /> - Oh wow, where have I been? This is another new recommendation to me and it's fantastic. I'm trying to figure out who to compare it to and I'm having a bit of trouble deciding who they remind me of, but I did just pop this on my Amazon wish list. We've been missing out</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><em>(Megan and her family of six recently moved from the Midwest to the Pseudo Southwest. She's been hobbling along at the <a href="http://www.halfpinthouse.com/" target="_blank">Half-Pint House</a> since *gasp* 2003.)</em> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>Gretchen - Nostalgia-Inspired Gifts</strong></span><br />
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</span><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/82039575/lets-have-a-tea-party-instant-collection?ref=sr_gallery_31&ga_search_type=all&ga_includes%5B0%5D=tags&ga_search_query=tea+sets+for+children&ga_page=3&ga_facet="><span style="font-family: inherit;">Set of 10 1950s Children's Metal Tin Plates</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">, $26. Children love play cooking and play eating. I love the variety of designs. They’d make a great gift for someone who decorates with quirky plates, too. It’s an instant collection. </span><br />
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<a href="http://www.spoonflower.com/fabric/838354"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Fabric Children’s Board Game Motif 2012 Calendar</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">, $18/yard. The print on this fabric is a work of art. Buy a yard and make your own wall hanging, calendar pillow, or mat it and invent a game. The colors and adorable animals are so charming, you won’t want 2012 to end. Bring on the end of the world! There’s no way 2013 could top it. </span><br />
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<a href="http://www.spoonflower.com/fabric/821671"><span style="font-family: inherit;">2012 Tea Towel Fabric Calendar </span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">, $18/yard. For most of my early childhood, my mom received a tea towel calendar every Christmas. She hung them in our kitchen using a dowel. When the year came to a close, the calendar would become a towel we’d use to dry dishes. Take that, 1978! This fabric calendar has great muted colors and a fun head-turning design. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><a href="http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=9SIA09A0721616&nm_mc=OTC-Froogle7&cm_mmc=OTC-Froogle7-_-HL+-+Holiday+Decor-_-Vickerman-_-9SIA09A0721616"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Clear Retro Christmas Bubble Lights with Silver Glitter</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">, $19.99 for a set of 7. When I was in high school, my best friend had the best everything. Best frozen treats, best TV channels, best car, and the best Christmas tree. They had old fashioned bubbling Christmas lights and I couldn’t get enough of them. I vowed someday to own a string. They’ll take your tree back to the 1940s---or at least the 1980s. </span><br />
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<a href="http://www.enstrom.com/almond+toffee/"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Enstrom's Almond Toffee</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">, $19.95/pound. I would be forever barred from my hometown of Grand Junction, Colorado, if I didn’t advise people to buy and eat huge amounts of Enstrom’s. As anyone from there will tell you, it’s World Famous. My opinion? It’s a much-deserved reputation. This toffee is buttery, smooth, brittle but not teeth-shattering. The chocolate coating is rich and in the perfect ratio. They ship anywhere in the world. Check out their peppermint bark, too. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-R4fcWv9y9erHddqxbbpQcxy2RHTtC-sAJEFbWj-jC63qlrGcR9QWISi6n5LneYfCm-6l8bFK4ck7o9PiaQJDbUy1uy5_0RcrLr8YPkZeUJ61GAbQd7QaiskSglilCNz5iAlVyHzFbk8/s1600/blue+sock+monkey.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hda="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-R4fcWv9y9erHddqxbbpQcxy2RHTtC-sAJEFbWj-jC63qlrGcR9QWISi6n5LneYfCm-6l8bFK4ck7o9PiaQJDbUy1uy5_0RcrLr8YPkZeUJ61GAbQd7QaiskSglilCNz5iAlVyHzFbk8/s320/blue+sock+monkey.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/85747363/sock-monkey-for-babies-in-blue-stripes"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Baby's First Sock Monkey</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">, $20. For some reason, I associate sock monkeys with raucous Christmas mornings. That’s why, when thinking of my theme of nostalgia, I wanted to include a sock monkey. I found this adorable specimen. He’s perfect for young babies to grip and bite and talk to when they wake in the night. </span><br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Animals-Christmas-Little-Golden-Random/dp/0375833412/ref=pd_sim_b_1"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The Animal's Merry Christmas</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> by Kathryn Jackson, illustrated by Richard Scarry, about $10. It wouldn’t be a nostalgic Christmas for our family if we didn’t read this darling book at least once. It’s a collection of stories about winter and the holiday season. I read it as a child. For some reason, the story that always stood out to me was “The Naughty Little Reindeer.” I wonder why? Scarry’s illustrations will never grow old or outdated. </span><br />
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<a href="https://www.charleyharperprints.com/shop/iphone-4-mystery-of-the-missing-migrants-skin/"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Charley Harper Prints iPhone/Kindle/Gadget Skins</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">, $14.95 and up. Charley Harper illustrations and art mix nature, geometry, bold motifs, and whimsy. He was at the top of his career in the mid-20th century, but his designs transcend. I love that you can take along his prints on your gadgety things. I truly love how unique they are. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhlpHSyEEf706ns1mNVVW90lggwjl1AGKRR3HL4k-dm-xkCfiZ7CxwsEbqWEE6XzaGQu8UhB2niISOG7vV320Ln0gq_X9IFapDFyRT5Xvs6P8xG-BC6DaIzhwo1b4HzAEq-L_tMGs2WZE/s1600/fox+tote.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hda="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhlpHSyEEf706ns1mNVVW90lggwjl1AGKRR3HL4k-dm-xkCfiZ7CxwsEbqWEE6XzaGQu8UhB2niISOG7vV320Ln0gq_X9IFapDFyRT5Xvs6P8xG-BC6DaIzhwo1b4HzAEq-L_tMGs2WZE/s320/fox+tote.jpg" width="224" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><a href="http://www.modcloth.com/shop/bigbags/think-inside-the-fox-tote"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Think Inside the Fox Tote</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">, $64.95. This fun tote would be perfect for a young lady who needs to carry many books. I was a young lady like that. When I found this bag, I fell in love with the fox, the colors, and what appears to be some quality construction. </span><br />
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<a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/laurenblythedesigns?section_id=7110061"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Dahlia Cocktail Rings</span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">, $14-$16. These vintage-inspired rings are handmade and unique. The deep goldenrod colored dahlia ring caught my eye especially. The adjustable bands guarantee they will fit fingers without worry. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><em>(Gretchen blogs at </em><a href="http://www.lifenut.com/blog/" target="_blank"><em>Lifenu</em></a><em>t, writes, and lives near Denver with her husband and eight kids. 8!)</em><br />
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That's it for today - make sure you come back tomorrow for the final list, full of great gift suggestions for spouses - especially FEMALE spouses. - Beck<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-55913498993875859162011-11-22T07:02:00.000-08:002011-11-22T07:14:51.166-08:00Day 2 Of Non-Oprah's Favorite Things(This is part 2 of a 4 part series. <a href="http://thisismynewblog-beck.blogspot.com/2011/11/your-favorite-things.html" target="_blank">Part 1 is here.)</a> You are obviously an above-average person, since you are here and reading this, and your friends and family are likely just as smart. What should you buy your smart family and friends? Today's guest bloggers have lots of great ideas:<br />
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<strong>Sue - Gifts For Smart Kids and Their Adult Equivalents.</strong><br />
You know that feeling you get when you're in a science centre or really cool museum? That feeling of geeky joy that too often gets quashed the second you step into the museum's over-priced gift shop? It's that feeling I most like to have wash over me on Christmas morning--knowing that Santa went out of his way to put his Edison Elf on my case. And so, I give to you 10ish gifts designed to make you either feel clever or marvel at the cleverness of others.<br />
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<a href="http://www.mastermindtoys.com/Hexbug-Nano-Christmas-Ornament.aspx" target="_blank">Reindeer Hexbug Nano in a Christmas ornament</a> <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXyUoz19ysPoFxd2QFgx-qugJ3rRXFRjczIgo0-P_-EmqDNP5krgxxw7AbIkcDIcTu9aQDlxOvnd-OrNnU_Dfw8oDutO6WIiM9_EZqq1NZd4F6cv74femcA0RpWQGBnGvYuSriSjw6SOI/s1600/hexbug.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXyUoz19ysPoFxd2QFgx-qugJ3rRXFRjczIgo0-P_-EmqDNP5krgxxw7AbIkcDIcTu9aQDlxOvnd-OrNnU_Dfw8oDutO6WIiM9_EZqq1NZd4F6cv74femcA0RpWQGBnGvYuSriSjw6SOI/s1600/hexbug.jpg" /></a></div>$6.95<br />
or<br />
<a href="http://www.mastermindtoys.com/Hexbug-Nano-Glow-in-the-Dark.aspx" target="_blank">Glow in the Dark Hexbug Nano</a> <br />
$8.95: My daughter got a Hexbug Nano in the mail last year from her uncle. "Piffle," I thought when I saw it in the package. "What does this 50-something, childless, Philosophy professor know of the workings of the 5-yr-old mind?" We then took the little critter out of its package and let it loose on our kitchen floor. It was by far the most fun we had as a family with a gift last Christmas. Mind you, the Hexbug effect is heightened if you or someone you know is able to feel terror and glee simultaneously. I still marvel at the pocket engineering that went into its creation. Why, if it topples over, it somehow can figure out how to right itself. Priced for the stocking-stuffer budget, the Hexbug Nano is a must have for anyone on your list. Hexbug also sells <a href="http://www.mastermindtoys.com/Hexbug-Larva" target="_blank">a slightly more expensive larvae</a> but, truth be told, the very thought of it crawling across my floor creeps me right out. <br />
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<a href="http://www.mastermindtoys.com/Air-Swimmers.aspx" target="_blank">Air Swimmwers</a> (clownfish and shark) with a compelling YouTube sales pitch:<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/vIJINiK9azc" width="560"></iframe><br />
$39.99 <br />
I want the shark. I want to give the shark to my husband for Christmas and have it wake us all up on Christmas morning. I then want to set the shark loose in my library at the start of term and maybe again just before exam time. I want to get a close look at the shark to figure out how in Sam Hell it works and then I want to shake hands with the incredibly cool people who invented a floating, menacing air-shark that one could, theoretically, let loose in an academic library just before exam time. Well done, geeky practical jokers. Well done.<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.ca/Human-Planet-Complete-John-Hurt/dp/B004PQM814/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1321546022&sr=8-2" target="_blank">Human Planet DVD set</a> $49.98 This became the number one item on my Christmas wish list after I saw <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-12618167" target="_blank">this short and compelling video promotional piece</a>. With visuals like that, what's not to love? And since the macro lens I'd love for my camera is waaaaay over our holiday budget, I'd be perfectly happy just kicking back and looking at and learning from the pros. We've all but worn out our <a href="http://www.amazon.ca/Planet-Earth-Complete-DVD/dp/B000MR9D5E/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1321546022&sr=8-3 and Blue Planet http://www.amazon.ca/Blue-Planet-Seas-Life/dp/B001957A4E/ref=sr_1_1?s=dvd&ie=UTF8&qid=1321546154&sr=1-1" target="_blank">Planet Earth dvds</a>; the entire family is smitten with this BBC franchise. Really, you can't go wrong with any one of these sets whether your recipient is young or old. <br />
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Got a crafty kid on your hands? <a href="http://www.grandrivertoys.com/products/Make-Your-Own-Kaleidescope-p52715/pstart1/" target="_blank">Why not let her make her own kaleidescope</a>? $14.99<br />
Or, for just a few more smackeroos, you can give the gift of light in its full spectrum: <a href="http://www.mastermindtoys.com/ScienceWiz-Electrowiz-Electricity-Science-Kit.aspx" target="_blank">ScienceWiz Projects with Light Kit</a> ($19.99) shows you how to conduct 8 separate light-based experiments at home. Sure, you could likely figure out how to do all this stuff for free by being resourceful and searching the Internet for instructions for each of these projects, but that doesn't make for a great present opening moment on Christmas day, does it?<br />
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What kind of librarian would I be if I didn't include a book on this list? And who doesn't marvel at the craftsmanship of a well-made pop-up book? If you have never given or received a Robert Sabuda book, now's the time to do so. His latest, co-designed with Matthew Reinhart, is <a href="http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/books/Encyclopedia-Mythologica-Dragons-Monsters-Pop-Sabuda-Reinhart/9780763631734-item.html?ikwid=robert+sabuda&ikwsec=home" target="_blank">Encyclopedia Mythologica: Dragons And Monsters Pop-up</a>. I own Sabuda's Alice in Wonderland, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz and Peter Pan. I've got a few others in my collection. All are stunning. <br />
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<a href="http://www.mastermindtoys.com/Cubic-Fun-3D-Puzzle-St-Basils-Cathedral.aspx" target="_blank">St. Basil's Cathedral 3-D Puzzle</a> <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjig13IR8gyHivUXnkFTGvmW-lRNfLzaN_rqfbnzyBRNB2wcRLUwlwropsUSWkixsOz5UIqYr6aM9AyjepyI8wM0K35YPW7F4576WKoP1mSrZeqxRZHCxCFtLB4h76O_isEs42ECNGJaFY/s1600/basil.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjig13IR8gyHivUXnkFTGvmW-lRNfLzaN_rqfbnzyBRNB2wcRLUwlwropsUSWkixsOz5UIqYr6aM9AyjepyI8wM0K35YPW7F4576WKoP1mSrZeqxRZHCxCFtLB4h76O_isEs42ECNGJaFY/s1600/basil.jpg" /></a></div>$29.95. <br />
Art! Architecture! Geography! Spatial skills! OK, fine. I just think it would be really fun to build St. Basil's Cathedral as a puzzle. I get that not everyone enjoys doing puzzles. If you are that person then please pass this along to me if someone gives it to you this Christmas. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.mastermindtoys.com/Meade-NG70-SM-Altazimuth-Refractor-Land-Sky-Telescope.aspx" target="_blank">Star-gazing 70mm telescope</a> <br />
$99.95 <br />
I really,really, really wish someone had given me one of these when I was a kid--even if it only ended up collecting dust after just a few months of half-hearted use. For some reason, I can't shake just how cool it would feel to step out on the back porch with your mom or dad and look up at the stars. Ah, but this is not an inexpensive gift, which means you would have to pick your recipient wisely. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=11127302" target="_blank">Air Hogs Hawk Eye Radio Control Video Camera Helicopter</a> <br />
$59.99. <br />
My husband really, really, really wishes someone had got something like this for him when he was a kid. Now, he's just waiting for the perfect moment to give one to our daughter. I'm thinking next year or the one following. Did I mention that it not only flies, but it also takes pictures and/or video footage from on high. Oh, brave new world...<br />
<br />
Ta-da! If any of you need my shipping address, don't hesitate to ask.<br />
<em>(Sue blogs at Mouse-Traps and The Moon, is a children's academic librarian, lives in Fredericton, and has a six year old daughter.)</em><br />
<br />
<strong>Kate - Gifts For People Who Love History</strong><br />
<a href="http://www.philosophersguild.com/Henry-VIII-Disappearing-Wives-Mug.html" target="_blank">Henry VIII Disappearing Wives Mug,</a> <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFC65Heo47JWDYKWerOBU25vMbGTO3j-kbuF2FdiDCSbwg9lMHHQ2QeNht7x2zwmnmSkv01jl88rM4QkKbGVjPDMmH1R2GCHOiE_DgihuDSO605C1NnS7PCHDTRkmbDFdnF8gTm6Pn6Hc/s1600/Henry+Viii.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hda="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFC65Heo47JWDYKWerOBU25vMbGTO3j-kbuF2FdiDCSbwg9lMHHQ2QeNht7x2zwmnmSkv01jl88rM4QkKbGVjPDMmH1R2GCHOiE_DgihuDSO605C1NnS7PCHDTRkmbDFdnF8gTm6Pn6Hc/s320/Henry+Viii.gif" width="298" /></a></div>$12.95, The Unemployed Philosophers Guild<br />
Useful AND decorative! Bonus: While you're drinking your coffee and trying to face your day, this will remind you that no matter what happens, you will probably not be beheaded. So it could be worse.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.npg.org.uk/shop/shop-list.php?cat=royalty&inx=21&showProductDetails=1259" target="_blank">Magnetic Monarchs,</a> £6.50, National Portrait Gallery<br />
Who doesn't want all the British monarchs, in order, on their refrigerator? Who? (Okay, you could also break them apart into individual magnets. YOU could. I am too rigid for that.)<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.christmascompany.co.uk/cgi-bin/shop/welcome.asp" target="_blank">Historical Figure Cloth Ornaments,</a> £4-7 each, The Christmas Company<br />
Monarchs (including all the Tudors)! Pirates! Shakespeare! These are really nice quality, and if you start giving a friend one or two each year, you won't have to think about what to get them again for a decade.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.ca/History-Britain-Simon-Schama/dp/B003K025Z0/" target="_blank">Simon Schama: A History of Britain DVD set</a>, $59.98 (though currently on sale), Amazon<br />
This epic series will take you from 3000 BC up to 1965, and Schama is the perfect guide. It's educational but also fascinating and pretty entertaining.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.calendars.com/Historic-Events-and-Figures/Science-and-History/World-War-II-2012-Deluxe-Wall-Calendar/prod201200003478/" target="_blank">World War II: A Day by Day History 2012 calendar, $12.95, Calendars.com</a><br />
My mother and I found this while on a trip a few months ago and I insisted she buy it for Dad immediately. When she told him that his daughter had picked out a present for him, his immediate response was, I kid you not, "Hitler or Stalin?" Dad and I are a barrel of laughs. ANYWAY. The photographs on this calendar are really beautiful, and I love the little daily history entries.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.ca/Mary-Boleyn-Mistress-Alison-Weir/dp/0771089228/" target="_blank">Mary Boleyn: The Mistress of Kings by Alison Weir</a>, $28 (though currently on sale), Amazon<br />
Alison Weir is one of the best pop historians writing today, as far as writing accessible and entertaining books that also have their facts straight. I'd recommend any of her books, but this is the newest, and would be great for fans of The Tudors or The Other Boleyn Girl who want to get the real story of Anne Boleyn's sister.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.ca/Sunne-Splendour-Novel-Richard-III/dp/031237593X/" target="_blank">The Sunne in Splendour by Sharon Kay Penman</a>, <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi69y2xQRaWkXxwM_46W-1FxRV1u-wDChOUer_ueNi-eWKmhJPCDVjDryN__O-BTqGoiksrNU9PYqbu27npW1jDEdeRxVEoL5nWehfUHxY1LNQQWNMq__HmHxu88QFliGDQ5mKdraC7j4c/s1600/sunne.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hda="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi69y2xQRaWkXxwM_46W-1FxRV1u-wDChOUer_ueNi-eWKmhJPCDVjDryN__O-BTqGoiksrNU9PYqbu27npW1jDEdeRxVEoL5nWehfUHxY1LNQQWNMq__HmHxu88QFliGDQ5mKdraC7j4c/s320/sunne.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>$19.99 (though currently on sale), Amazon<br />
This is, hands down, the best historical novel I have ever read. It's long but definitely worth it.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.whitemountainpuzzles.com/prodinfo.asp?number=271PZ" target="_blank">American Revolution Jigsaw Puzzle</a>, $14.95, White Mountain Puzzles<br />
This is intricate, educational, attractive, and SO much more fun to put together than a puzzle of a bunch of flowers or something. They have puzzles for several other historical topics as well, so browse around the site. (Bonus: This company is local to me, so I'm happy to give them some visibility! They only ship to the US, but it looks like Amazon.ca carries their products.)<br />
<br />
<a href="http://store.metmuseum.org/scarves/chinese-calligraphy-scarf/invt/80007681/" target="_blank">Chinese Calligraphy Scarf</a>, <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLfHVipmRk3fdfd8BSwy9z0nbtJlP_Hlk70eQlXX_3-jL9-cn1RX1c7NfPfvq5Tm5dpl_foDp6J3FqF691mAdErrSdqeU6YTYhUEt4-iGC1O3qKdNrVNE0CES9G2fn0YVgv6JjRCJ965Q/s1600/chinese+scarf.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLfHVipmRk3fdfd8BSwy9z0nbtJlP_Hlk70eQlXX_3-jL9-cn1RX1c7NfPfvq5Tm5dpl_foDp6J3FqF691mAdErrSdqeU6YTYhUEt4-iGC1O3qKdNrVNE0CES9G2fn0YVgv6JjRCJ965Q/s1600/chinese+scarf.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>$60, Metropolitan Museum Shop<br />
Scarves are sort of a cliched gift, I guess, but they work for a reason, and this one is based on a 13th century Chinese scroll! Awesome! Perfect for your friend who's into Asian history or art.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.historyextra.com/subscribe" target="_blank">BBC History Magazine</a> subscription (Price depends on location.)<br />
This is Britain's best-selling history magazine for a reason, and magazine subscriptions make nice gifts because they keep arriving all year. This magazine focuses on British history but has good international coverage, as well.<br />
(<em>Kate lives in New England, where she reads, knits, watches too much TV, and writes for a bunch of sites, including Vampire-Diaries.net, TheTelevixen.com, and</em><a href="http://katelinnea.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><em> her personal blog</em></a><em>.)</em><br />
<br />
<strong><a href="http://www.bibliomama2.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Allison</a> - Book Recommendations</strong> <em>(and I've purchased four books off this list for hard-to-shop-for people on my list, so heads-up. - Beck.)</em><br />
<br />
<em>For pre-adolescent boys:</em><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggHNAqqWrJpgMY2RjM44FH-r1CV-udBfX_YGlooifh9Aj2t8ShHESBUQUy9Shv30SlIbcJWu9FRU9ymwIhcbFKcM4chyGqayuk4cza5X6RcSeEMAuDbCPskpIalGA3wGvQj4QZlkiu-kU/s1600/11+plague.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hda="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggHNAqqWrJpgMY2RjM44FH-r1CV-udBfX_YGlooifh9Aj2t8ShHESBUQUy9Shv30SlIbcJWu9FRU9ymwIhcbFKcM4chyGqayuk4cza5X6RcSeEMAuDbCPskpIalGA3wGvQj4QZlkiu-kU/s320/11+plague.jpg" width="232" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/12308204-end-of-days">End of Days</a> by Eric Walters or <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/10284354-the-eleventh-plague">The Eleventh Plague</a> by Jeff Hirsch or pretty much anything with 'Plague' or 'Inferno' or 'Doom' or 'Death' or 'Buckets of Blood and Inordinate Amounts of Promised Adrenaline-Fueling Gobs of Violence and Cataclysm'. Or, as my eleven-year-old son says, "<em>you had me at 'series of mysterious deaths leading to a deadly cat-and-mouse game!</em>'" What can I say? He's my kid.<br />
<br />
<em>For anyone who's remotely like me:</em><br />
The <a href="http://miragrant.com/newsflesh.php">Newsflesh Trilogy</a>. I love zombies. I can't get enough of zombies. But I don't read just any zombie books. They have to be well-written books with great characters and engaging plots that just happen to contain zombies. If the people in them don't actually HAVE any brains worth eating, I'm outta there. These books are fabulous, and topical - they take place in a near future in which bloggers are prime players in the news. In this future, two vaccines (which cured cancer and the common cold) have combined to generate a virus which is dormant in everyone, but results in zombification after death, with the added bonus that anyone can also undergo 'amplification' at any moment and zombify spontaneously. Also, everyone names their kids George or Georgia (after George Romero) or Buffy. Wait, that makes it sound stupid but it's actually not. Of course, the third book isn't out yet, so you can only give them the first two books and then they might actually try to eat your brain when they realize they have to wait until June 2012 for the third, so maybe wait until next year.<br />
<br />
<em>For - well, I don't know who, because even though I loved this book, every single person I've given it to has HATED it, so really I just want someone to give it to someone and report back to me if anyone else in the world besides me likes it:</em><br />
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6101718-the-magicians">The Magicians</a> by Lev Grossman: A fair number of people have called it Harry Potter for grown-ups, and then a bunch of other people got really mad about that, and you know you don't want to mess with the Harry Potter people, but come on - dude doesn't know he's magic and then finds out he's magic and goes to a secret magic school. It doesn't take a genius. After that, it's much less quaint and adolescent than H.P. "Friendship, love, sex, booze and boredom", with MAGIC - doesn't that sound cool? AND, and, also, a beloved series of fantasy novels and then the magical land turns out to be REAL? Come ON. Seriously. I can't be the only one feeling it. And if it doesn't work for you, just start replacing all the names with Harry, Ron and Hermione. That should be good for at least a few cheap laughs. <br />
<br />
<em>For the literalists on your list (I don't recommend trying to say that out loud):</em><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6XdLpjgLsWBDj2ffdrRuCo5YUnNE2k7E4hZ2va7frWiXQyWFiecPPYman5mEeZx8xx-QeFvk4wy-t4Fr0FeL5mb6yEiHiUeuI7yG-YsGwnxZ_ovMy2a5bOx7Umc-CCu35mILEcbYyUqE/s1600/no+sleep.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hda="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6XdLpjgLsWBDj2ffdrRuCo5YUnNE2k7E4hZ2va7frWiXQyWFiecPPYman5mEeZx8xx-QeFvk4wy-t4Fr0FeL5mb6yEiHiUeuI7yG-YsGwnxZ_ovMy2a5bOx7Umc-CCu35mILEcbYyUqE/s320/no+sleep.jpg" width="207" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6364718-john-dies-at-the-end">John Dies at the End</a> or <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6614830-the-boy-who-couldn-t-sleep-and-never-had-to">The Boy Who Couldn't Sleep and Never Had to</a>: at first I thought "what kind of idiot came up with these titles?" but then I thought, maybe some people just need to know what they're getting into. Both books present themselves as rather weightless smartass hipster inside jokes, but both, particularly the second, have some real moments of wisdom, clarity and poignancy. Plus, in John Dies at the End, there's a meat monster. And a song called Camel Holocaust. Also, because it kind of fits in this category but not quite, and because it's one of my top five books of all time, I strongly counsel you to buy a copy of <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5826.Bel_Canto">Bel Canto</a> by Ann Patchett for everyone you know. It tells you in the opening chapter pretty much exactly how it's going to end, and yet you will still be riven by its beauty and devastated when it's over, partly just because it's over. <br />
<br />
<em>For people who are just too damned happy all the time:</em><br />
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5182.Songs_in_Ordinary_Time">Songs in Ordinary Time</a>by Mary McGarry Morris, or <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3214658-broken">Broken</a> by Daniel Clay: both brilliantly written studies of more or less ordinary people caught in horrible situations with miniscule nuggets of black humour and fleeting moments of snatched comfort, but no tiresome redemption to spoil the mostly unrelieved misery. Kind of like being stuck in grade four with all the school bullies in your class, a completely ineffectual teacher, and no hope of advancement. <br />
<br />
<em>For people who like to read mysteries but still want to feel smart:</em><br />
Anything by <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2008/feb/16/featuresreviews.guardianreview14">Fred Vargas</a>: She's not only a woman named Fred, but she's French and also a 'renowned archaeologist and vociferous political campaigner' - so this is obviously some sophisticated stuff she's got going on. The books are fantastic - mysteries tangled up with philosophy, legend, culture, and the profound sadness of the human condition. And the protagonist, Commissaire Adamsberg, is this absent-minded yet penetratingly insightful Columbo-like figure -- if you knew him in real life you'd be constantly tempted to stick your fist down his throat, but in fiction he's absolutely charming. <br />
<br />
<em>For, um, undecided:</em><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3o3i3bP-uP6EWicAbjBND1OmdX8TJSMEAVEfwYuvdzvVBWuKTB2-9Z5VJPizVBLAYTaTOSJwUD7qsvpgeHblcIpPY4H2hVMlHenlpdU_Z_03knAYLX3R7zMS5bGDHfpPrJcCKXj977vc/s1600/oatmeal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hda="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3o3i3bP-uP6EWicAbjBND1OmdX8TJSMEAVEfwYuvdzvVBWuKTB2-9Z5VJPizVBLAYTaTOSJwUD7qsvpgeHblcIpPY4H2hVMlHenlpdU_Z_03knAYLX3R7zMS5bGDHfpPrJcCKXj977vc/s320/oatmeal.jpg" width="248" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>I'm never the one who puts the really funny things on Facebook. I'm always the one who sees them when other people put them up. This is how I came across my first comics from <a href="http://theoatmeal.com/">The Oatmeal</a>. The ones I saw were mostly about spelling and grammar, like <a href="http://theoatmeal.com/comics/misspelling">ten words you need to stop misspelling</a>, and they were all FREAKING AWESOME. So when I was in the bookstore and I saw <a href="http://www.amazon.ca/Reasons-Punch-Dolphin-Useful-Guides/dp/1449401163">5 Very Good Reasons for to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (and Other Useful Guides)</a>, I picked up a copy on impulse for the ultra-erudite pair on my list - my brother-in-law and his wife. Then I got it home and started flipping through it. Eep. There were the ones nobody puts on Facebook. There was crudeness and filth. There were <em>(nsfw! - Beck)</em> <a href="http://theoatmeal.com/comics/shovel">dead hookers</a>. So I thought maybe I'd give it to my Dad instead. Then my husband found it. I explained my dilemma. He started flipping through it and waving extra-funny pages in my face, while I said yeah, I said IT WAS FUNNY, that's WHY I BOUGHT it, but.... then I saw (<em>nsfw! again! - Beck</em>) <a href="http://theoatmeal.com/comics/zombie_how">this one</a> and laughed myself into an asthma attack. Now we're getting one for everyone we know. Merry Christmas, Nana and Grandpa!<br />
<br />
<em>(Allison blogs at </em><a href="http://www.bibliomama2.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><em>Bibliomama</em></a><em>, has two kids, lives in Ottawa, and can say pillow and egg in five languages.)</em><br />
<br />
<em>Coming up tomorrow: gifts for actual children and not fur-children!</em>Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1504044038600282475.post-66604525973803154612011-11-21T06:12:00.000-08:002011-11-21T06:14:18.895-08:00Your Favorite Things<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This all started with me joking on Twitter - <a href="http://thisismynewblog-beck.blogspot.com/2011/11/i-cannot-believe-it-is-already-oprah.html" target="_blank">post-Oprah Favorite Things post </a>- that if I'd had my act together, I would have organized a coterie of bloggers to write their own Favorite Things lists for me and from that launch my own Oprah-esque media empire.</span></span><br />
<div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Oh, foolish, foolish me.</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">So, a sizable number of my favorite bloggers have spent the past week coming up with interesting gift lists for your perusal, while I wasted my time imaging how totally adorable I would look in a rainbow of dresses, just like Oprah on her magazine's December cover and got absolutely nothing done. Luckily for you, however, this post does not depend upon MY hard work but rather the cleverness and good judgement of my blogger panel, who are all going to have cushy magazine writing jobs once my media empire ship comes rolling in. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
I've tried to organize the lists - roughly - by topic. Today is... well, fairly miscellaneous, actually - stocking stuffers for adults, things to buy in little wee towns AND homemade gifts for those lacking in the craft gene. Tuesday will be Gifts For The Clever, Wednesday will be Gifts For Children (or Childish Adults) and Thursday will be Gifts For Spouses AND Gifts On A Budget. There may not be something for absolutely everyone, but hopefully you'll find the lists fun, sensible and maybe even helpful. - Beck.</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;">..................<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><strong>Stocking Stuffers For Adults - by </strong><a href="http://hodgepodgeandstrawberries.wordpress.com/" target="_blank"><strong>Hannah</strong></a><strong>.</strong></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
Stockings were always a huge deal at my house. They were the first thing we went for; even before the (usually large and beguiling) Santa present under the tree, we dove into the stockings. Each present inside was individually wrapped (it's since dawned on me that this was to buy my parents more time to drink their coffee and wake up a bit more. Clever parents).<br />
<br />
Once I went off to university, I didn't get a stocking anymore (yes, we continued to get them for that long). I still think of those stockings wistfully. My husband does try and he's getting better, but as I've donned the Santa hat not only for him but for my young children it's become painfully clear that stuffing stockings - really good ones - is HARD.<br />
<br />
To my way of thinking, the ideal stocking should have a little of everything; some toys, some candy, one or two practical things you'd never think to buy yourself... in my experience trying a "theme" stocking just ends in misery, heartache, and too many loose pistachio nuts (this may or may not have happened to me once).<br />
<br />
And so - stocking stuffers for grown ups. I found online retailers for almost all items, and tried to keep the base price per item under $20.<br />
<br />
1) <a href="http://www.leevalley.com/en/gifts/page.aspx?p=68032&cat=,54&ap=2" target="_blank">The Original Slinky</a>, <br />
Lee Valley, $7.50</span> <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifBcKYBcyNwVKB7EVcy8OY0rmCoxMA_vBOrzAeI1RizZNapv-85jQOZ6-s0HK2mR7UR92U7trpDQWO8QnfbpdxjETboIqkzdJ9SDh9KfpHqv2wq6SS5DEx2GnEcSmSltLF-njXKXwSPfM/s1600/slinky.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hda="true" height="156" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifBcKYBcyNwVKB7EVcy8OY0rmCoxMA_vBOrzAeI1RizZNapv-85jQOZ6-s0HK2mR7UR92U7trpDQWO8QnfbpdxjETboIqkzdJ9SDh9KfpHqv2wq6SS5DEx2GnEcSmSltLF-njXKXwSPfM/s320/slinky.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Now, I know there are people out there who think that Slinky was a damn rip-off the first time they actually played with one, instead of just seeing them on TV. Do they walk downstairs, alone or in pairs? Not always. The stairs have to be the precise right dimensions and slope. What they are great for is slinking back and forth when you're occupied with a tedious task. Waiting on hold for customer service, say. Listening to a conference call at work. Infinitely more fun than building chains of paperclips. And when you're done, you can rest them on any flat surface and use them to hold papers or as a mail caddy. (Truly!)<br />
<br />
2) C<a href="http://www.gourmetcoffeexpress.com/swflhacosp.html" target="_blank">hocolate-Dipped Coffee Spoons</a>, <br />
Gourmet Coffee Express, $24 for 12<br />
These are the gold standard of coffee spoons (literally - for an extra dollar per spoon you can get them sprinkled with gold dust). But buying 12 would help you stuff a stocking and maybe a little something extra to gifts for others; if you have to do a Secret Santa, for instance, or your kid's teacher is getting a card this year. Bonus points if you make your own chocolate-dipped spoons; there are all kinds of sites on the internet that give you detailed directions, and you could make it more special by using real spoons and high-quality chocolate.<br />
<br />
3) <a href="http://www.lush.ca/shop/products/bath-shower/massage-bars/soft-coeur-%28the-honeymooner%29" target="_blank">The Honeymooner Massage Bar,</a><br />
Lush, $7.95<br />
Really anything from Lush will work for most people, and they have product lines for men, women, and children. If you're stuffing your spouse's stocking though, the melting massage bar with soft centre would be a decadent and awesome gift. Include a hand-written voucher or coupon for a massage at time selected by the recipient and what you'll be getting for Christmas is lucky.<br />
<br />
4) A<a href="http://www.cucinamoderna.ca/index.php/products/detail/GG_Jar_Opener_Black_Danesco/" target="_blank">ll-Purpose Jar Opene</a>r, <br />
Cucina Moderna, $10<br />
If I ever win the lottery - the big one, with $50 million or something like that - I will take care of my family, donate a large portion to charity, and then hit up Cucina Moderna. They have the most luxurious kitchen products imaginable. Most have price tags that will curl your hair. Some though are downright reasonable, like this very stylish jar opener. I cannot stand the contortions I have to go through sometimes to open jars; running it under hot water, turning it upside down and banging on it, wedging it in the doorframe... only to finally concede defeat and ask my husband to open it for me. So much better to have this handy tool in the drawer. <br />
<br />
5) <a href="http://www.justuscoffee.com/our-products/Chocolate/Spicy%20Hot%20Chocolate" target="_blank">Spicy Mexican hot chocolat</a>e,<br />
Just Us Coffee Roasters, $10 for 300g bag<br />
We bought a bag of this on spec a couple of weeks ago, and OMFG WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE. The mix smells rich and cinnamony (cinnamonish?) with a hint of chili; it's got actual chunks of honest-to-god dark chocolate in it, and the taste is indescribably decadent. So dense and creamy you can make it with just hot water and it is still fantastic; I haven't even tried it with hot milk yet because I'm afraid the sheer awesomeness would cause a stroke. <br />
<br />
6) <a href="http://www.bestbuy.ca/en-CA/product/tyme-machines-4gb-usb-drive-dv4001-darth-vader/10128247.aspx?path=3eee6a1e607fdf1423086451fa37047fen02" target="_blank">Darth Vader USB Driv</a>e,<br />
Best Buy, $20<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9lA73m1ppTYlvsQRIMsLdt6Zj6FekQh1QfjBM1m1xjI52oDPc172Erneb_7UIIfDLpU4VFo_hh_D0_Lhgsp3SarKfLXelZQvh4ZZFFk6IzYZLoVxB_spdsppex-PtARARN8p-9AFD1b8/s1600/Darth+Vader.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9lA73m1ppTYlvsQRIMsLdt6Zj6FekQh1QfjBM1m1xjI52oDPc172Erneb_7UIIfDLpU4VFo_hh_D0_Lhgsp3SarKfLXelZQvh4ZZFFk6IzYZLoVxB_spdsppex-PtARARN8p-9AFD1b8/s1600/Darth+Vader.jpg" /></a></div><br />
For the fun-loving geek in us all. I lose USB drives at an alarming rate; I put them down for 'just a second' and poof, gone. I can guarantee that one shaped like Darth Vader would never ever get lost. I can't justify on buying it for myself; I'll just keep getting boring old regular ones with the Sandisk logo on them. I would love to get a Darth Vader in my stocking, though. (They also offer Boba Fett. Nerds FTW!)<br />
<br />
7) W<a href="http://www.uncommongoods.com/product/whiskey-stones-gift-set?utm_medium=shopping+sites&utm_source=gifts&utm_campaign=18392" target="_blank">hiskey Stones</a>,<br />
Uncommon Goods, $19.50US for a set of nine<br />
These are just cool. I enjoy a tipple, and I like most of my drinks cold, but I hate putting ice in them because it waters everything down. Those last couple of mouthfuls when the drink is more water than booze are so disappointing. Enter the whiskey stone! They are completely safe and non-toxic; won't scratch your glass or crystal; and chill your drink faster than ice cubes without diluting it. Also, they are ROCKS. I need say no more.<br />
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8) Paperback Books<br />
Chapters, online, small local bookshops<br />
I always got a book in my stocking as a kid. I still put at least one book in everyone's stocking every year. Be creative with the choice of books, though. An more expensive magazine that the recipient loves but doesn't often buy themselves (like National Geographic or Vanity Fair). Crossword puzzle books if you know the person enjoys them. Last year there was a Farmers' Almanac in mine, which might sound odd but was actually a gift I kept going back to over and over again.</div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
9) <a href="http://www.uncommongoods.com/product/ibottle-opener" target="_blank">iBottleOpener</a>,<br />
Uncommon Goods, $20US<br />
I myself do not have an iPhone. Nor do I often attend events where there would be a need - right that moment! - for a bottle opener. BUT IF I DID, this would be a unique and fun gift to receive. <br />
<br />
10) Leather Driving Gloves<br />
various retailers, starting at $20<br />
Canadian winters are cold. Vinyl steering wheels often feel like they are carved from arctic ice. They are the last part of the car to warm up. Not to mention your hands are usually already freezing from scraping the windshield. Enter a nice pair of leather gloves. Now, you can spend as much or as little as you want but it *is* possible to get a reasonable pair for around $20. Leather is better than mittens or microfibre because it provides grip on the wheel, making driving safer. Plus (and I speak from experience) the leather will gradually mould to the exact size and shape of your hands, making them super-comfortable.<br />
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11) Flower or Vegetable Seeds - for gardeners<br />
various retailers, less than $2/packet<br />
Stuffing a stocking for a gardener? Toss in some seed packets or small gardening tools. It's always nice to get a gift tied to your favourite hobby (even if it is the wrong time of year - spring will come!)<br />
<br />
12) <a href="http://www.officeplayground.com/Mood-Mudd-P601.aspx" target="_blank">Mood Mud</a>, <br />
Office Playground, $2.99</span> <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-Sx-PcrytGnAImxq8nofTynee2_jOY08yPkPvueaanXNWPJUBGvA5FPh_X0HoAlv9WhstPgQIEitdXTxPtC30BHwE-iXlfeAfdlFX7VEcIT7p6yYJLm1T3yh5ZjlbCxUFu6aLrP1NLBQ/s1600/Mood+Mudd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-Sx-PcrytGnAImxq8nofTynee2_jOY08yPkPvueaanXNWPJUBGvA5FPh_X0HoAlv9WhstPgQIEitdXTxPtC30BHwE-iXlfeAfdlFX7VEcIT7p6yYJLm1T3yh5ZjlbCxUFu6aLrP1NLBQ/s1600/Mood+Mudd.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
I loved mood rings. I even loved those weird "<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypercolor" target="_blank">Hypercolor" t-shirts </a> that were so popular for a while in the early 90s. So when I found Mood Mud I immediately coveted it. They have the texture of a stress ball but change colour depending on the temperature of your skin. <br />
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13) <a href="http://www.burtsbees.ca/natural-products/gifts-and-kits/essential-burt-s-bees-kit.html" target="_blank">Essential Care Kit</a>, <br />
Burt's Bees, $14.99<br />
This is an inexpensive introductory kit to those unfamiliar with Burt's Bees products. One word of caution: make sure the recipient likes the smell of beeswax. (I don't know how you can do that unobtrusively. Bring home a beeswax candle, maybe?) But these products are lovely, last FOREVER, and will are sufficiently gender-neutral that they work for both men and women.</div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
(Hannah blogs at <a href="http://hodgepodgeandstrawberries.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Hodgepodge and Strawberries</a>, lives in Halifax and is expecting her third baby this very winter.)<br />
...............</div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>Gifts to Give When You Live In A Small Town With Limited Shopping Options. - by </strong><a href="http://wrathofmom.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><strong>Nan</strong></a><strong> </strong></span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">1. <a href="http://www.starfrit.com/Home/Products/KITCHEN/SILICONE/utensils/Autres/93470.aspx?sc_lang=en-CA">Starfrit Oven Mitt</a>. </span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">As my Great Aunt Beatrice use to say, long shafts are functional, safe, responsive and aesthetically pleasing. Of course, my Great Aunt Beatrice wasn't speaking of Starfrit's brightly-coloured, cotton-lined, pliable, long-shafted oven mitts. But still. Give a pair of these to the chef on your Christmas list. (Co-op Grocery store, $17.99)</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">2. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio7-OefCl7eySS6ZH0lYIOHhDrtqPcB4Wj91bs5WDVhVo6Mbl8OBDsOQ53zm-y915SAQbLyLK603wwTNb5Ekm3CSXLuQWIcOPst6fJLoTvO6DDzDGqVRPh9RewRNmPX7_uLuVADFMG4iGU/s1600/womecofusionmug.jpg">Ceramic Travel Mug by eco fusion</a>.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhubFsPKByBRHbdS6aNyFOcZT4uGgjVtloaauH73k2FzMgcM2595rupe4nN7jakh67dzYE9SSXkG9VLX7xNqkM7ISXTtfUjioP8zytFKGiqH6q_kCLpuJNINV3CKZRyWWabK5fBQIFyUEg/s1600/womecofusionmug.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhubFsPKByBRHbdS6aNyFOcZT4uGgjVtloaauH73k2FzMgcM2595rupe4nN7jakh67dzYE9SSXkG9VLX7xNqkM7ISXTtfUjioP8zytFKGiqH6q_kCLpuJNINV3CKZRyWWabK5fBQIFyUEg/s1600/womecofusionmug.jpg" /></a></div></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">There are two kinds of people in a small town: those who drink the coffee sold at the ice rink concession stand, and those with intact stomach linings. Bring your home-brewed, hot beverage to the rink in this cute alternative to the ubiquitous stainless steel travel mug. (People's Drugstore, $19.99)</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">3. <a href="http://www.burtsbees.ca/">Burt's Bees Bath Crystals</a>. </span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">After a day of doing masculine tasks involving power tools, heavy lifting, math and multiple trips to the hardware store, my husband likes a soak in the tub. Alas he is averse to flowery, lady-scented products, but doesn't object to the light honey-lemon scent of these crystals. (People's Drugstore, $16.99)</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">4. <a href="http://www.campfirefx.com/">Campfire FX</a>. </span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Backyard firepits are <i>de rigeur</i> in small towns. Once you've cooked your popcorn, s'mores or cowboy sandwiches, toss one of these packages on the fire. It's like flames and rainbows are making sweet, forbidden love right in front of your eyes. (Home Hardware, $2.56)</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">5. <a href="http://www.thesource.ca/estore/product.aspx?language=en-CA&catalog=Online&category=MP3_Speakers&product=1415081" target="_blank">Mobi Headphonies MP3 speaker</a>. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5VXFp1Sm4kcXta50Ypck8PBPuSPm9qHdj2LZUcqE8716RTCe4QhAgYMoRmuxmL-cvkgUF3GdNY5USl23NMyjuLriowkc-S3v5MHLJkbrNawhI0XC2ZlVwxPxVSxYIJBQmcaA0XRMs2xk/s1600/WOMkoko.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hda="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5VXFp1Sm4kcXta50Ypck8PBPuSPm9qHdj2LZUcqE8716RTCe4QhAgYMoRmuxmL-cvkgUF3GdNY5USl23NMyjuLriowkc-S3v5MHLJkbrNawhI0XC2ZlVwxPxVSxYIJBQmcaA0XRMs2xk/s320/WOMkoko.jpg" width="254" /></a></div></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">I love my sons despite their atrocious taste in music and their propensity to listen to the same audiobooks over and over again. These speakers take a lot of abuse, and are small enough that the boys can't deafen themselves (or me) when they listen to "Whip Your Hair" for the forty-ninth time in a row. (The Source, $19.99)</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">6. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMo3ekZqaHY08E8lm4q-0ir7KlP-07DKjc_7gQPPDp8OUV9ijA2htlQUh7f7e1VJ2-KLUyUChrWkGc53qmbHggnmmCCipY7EQfpODFZfH0M44BPcxvEJ1UKy666Wa6HK_xSSE_U5ji4LxO/s1600/WOMbluestarchicken.jpg">Chicken In A Can.</a> </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs7Qlmc9_S1Y9mdXmd8ttGbw5eKvL7T5gyRD0V5o2DJCpNbvjylxqmKD4gnZcH3owfIXpshcFczezVE62ogXzbG4shwWCX9kU7QY5E65TDBmfztijB8QrfH89-8X-LPdOxbUOBtnMU54s/s1600/WOMbluestarchicken.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hda="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs7Qlmc9_S1Y9mdXmd8ttGbw5eKvL7T5gyRD0V5o2DJCpNbvjylxqmKD4gnZcH3owfIXpshcFczezVE62ogXzbG4shwWCX9kU7QY5E65TDBmfztijB8QrfH89-8X-LPdOxbUOBtnMU54s/s320/WOMbluestarchicken.jpg" width="186" /></a></div></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Buy one for your friend with the great sense of humour, or for your humourless cousin who's a member of the local militia force. (Co-op Grocery store, $10.99)</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"></div><div style="font-family: inherit;">(Nan blogs at <a href="http://wrathofmom.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Wrath Of Mom,</a> homeschools her two sons and lives in British Columbia.)<br />
..........................</div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>Easy Homemade Gifts For The Uncrafty - </strong><a href="http://grownupsarelikethat.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><strong>Christine</strong></a></span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">1) Sugar Body Scrub </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">This is my favorite homemade gift! I first heard of the idea from my friend, Niobe, and I was amazed at how easy it was. You'll need sugar, oil (grape seed or almond is best, but canola is fine in a pinch; olive is too strong a scent) and an essential oil of your choice. Now, be very careful when picking out essential oils as some can irritate skin and should only be used for very specific purposes. I like to stick with lavender for this project, as it is generally inexpensive, one small bottle will last a very long time, it is very safe, and the scent is pleasing to most people. If you plan to use a different oil please take a moment to research its properties.Here is a basic website that will help you out.</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">Mix a few cups of oil and sugar until you have a thick paste (just eye ball it). Add a few drops of the oil, mix well, and package in a small jar. The scrub can be used in the shower to exfoliate and moisturize while leaving behind a light, pleasing fragrance.</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">----------</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">2) Homemade Cocoa Mix </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Don't put the sugar away yet! You can use <a href="http://www.cooks.com/rec/view/0,173,148190-255197,00.html" target="_blank">this recipe</a> to make a homemade hot cocoa mix. Increase the proportions as necessary. You can use mason jars to package, but in the past I've just used plastic baggies tied with a colorful ribbon. Make sure to add a little tag with mixing instructions.</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">----------</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">3) Flavored Sugar </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Still have your sugar out? Good. Now put some in a cute little mason jar, add a few lavender buds or leaves or a vanilla bean, and put the lid on. Set in the cupboard for a couple of weeks and you'll have flavored sugar to make cookies, add to tea, or sprinkle over desserts. How cool is that? You can also use star anise, cinnamon sticks, dried rose petals, or lemon zest.</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">----------</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">4) Gourmet Vinegar </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Let's continue with the flavored condiments, shall we? Find some cool jars or bottles (try the thrift store!) and wash in hot water and dry thoroughly. Add stalks of rosemary, thyme, or lavender. You can also use lemon rind, raspberries, or peppercorns--use your imagination. Pour white distilled vinegar over your herbs or what have you and refrigerate for a few weeks. You don't need to refrigerate if the bottles are tightly sealed, but I am of the "better-safe-than-sorry" school of cooking. Add a cute little label and your good to go!</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">----------</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">5) Cranberry Orange Bread </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">This year a <a href="http://www.breadwinnerbreads.com/Frankly-My-Dear-I-Don-t-Give-a-Cran-Cranberry-Orange-Bread.html" target="_blank">$13 loaf of cranberry quick bread</a> is listed on the Oprah list. Thirteen dollars? Really? Well, <a href="http://grownupsarelikethat.blogspot.com/2009/11/thanksgiving.html" target="_blank">this is my all time favorite recipe in the world</a> and doesn't cost $13 to make. You can whip up a few batches, freeze it, and package in parchment for a great hostess gift.</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">----------</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">6) Handmade Book </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">I know this sounds hard, but I swear it really isn't. <a href="http://grownupsarelikethat.blogspot.com/2011/02/blank-page.html" target="_blank">I took a class last year</a> with some friends, and now I LOVE making these. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-vNiyexqeU" target="_blank">I found this really great video tutorial, too</a>. The video makes a five-hole sewn book, but I make it easy on myself and usually make a three-hole one. <br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/c-vNiyexqeU" width="420"></iframe><br />
<br />
You can use a Popsicle stick instead of a bone folder and just use the needle to make the holes rather than an awl if you don't already have one. Scrounge the thrift stores and your friend's craft closets for funky scrap paper. You can use inexpensive copy paper for the inside pages if you like. I like to add little beads and charms to the binding thread on the outside to add a cute little flair.</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">----------</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">7) Limoncello </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">This is a great gift, and it is considerably cheaper than <a href="http://casadragones.com/sipping-tequila/" target="_blank">Oprah's sipping Tequila</a>. We <a href="http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/giada-de-laurentiis/limoncello-recipe/index.html" target="_blank">used this recipe</a> in the past, and it is super easy. We used second hand bottles and cheap vodka, and it was a huge hit (the bottles were empty by the time we left every party we took it to!). You can get fancy and use <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meyer_lemon" target="_blank">Meyer lemons</a> if they are available in your area.</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">----------</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">8) Spice Mixes </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=135232978364" target="_blank">An awesome professional chef</a> (who also happens to be my sister!) gave me this very cool idea. You can use <a href="http://homecooking.about.com/library/archive/blspice32.htm" target="_blank">one of the many recipes listed here</a> or make up one of your own. Package in mini mason jars or re-purposed spice jars of your own. Add a nifty label and you're in business! Making homemade spice mixes are most economical when you have access to bulk spices. Check your cupboard and local grocer and decide from there if this is the right way to go given your budget.</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">----------</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">9) Kid Art </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">What grandma, grandpa, or doting aunt doesn't like art from your little girl or boy? Find a few special pieces and frame in inexpensive frames. Or scan the art into the computer and use to make custom holiday cards.</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">----------</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">I think I was supposed to give you ten items, but my crafting abilities are seriously limited. I hope you can use one or two of the ideas listed here this season.</span><br />
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(Christine blogs at <a href="http://grownupsarelikethat.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Grown Ups Are Like That</a>, lives in Western New York and is a freelance writer with two children.)<br />
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That's it for today! Tune in tomorrow for Gifts For The Clever.</div>Beckhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13953517447164263617noreply@blogger.com15