This Is My New Blog

The Very Last Guest Gift Post!

2011-11-24T10:55:00.000-08:00

(This is the fourth and final post in the series - the first three are here, here and here. Check them out!)

We have finally reached the end of this week's gift-suggestion posts. Do I have a greater appreciation for Oprah and her gift lists? Well, aside from having more respect for the hard-working people on her staff (this thing was HARD to pull together!), not really - every person who submitted a list to me did such a great job of picking sensible, generally affordable items that normal people could both like and actually purchase that I'm feeling even more critical than ever of the shame-inducing folly of the frivolous, overly expensive gift lists elsewhere.

This final list is really fun - up first is Nicole's awesome, Nicole-centric list of gift ideas for women, followed by Amy's list of gifts to give your spouse that are really gifts for you and we'll finish up the week with Karen's truly amazing list of gift suggestions under $30. They're all full of great ideas and great writing. - Beck

Nicole -What To Give To The Lady In Your Life (especially if the lady in your life is Nicole)
I am famously easy to please when it comes to gifts; essentially if someone gives me a gift I am excited, but this is my personal wish list – any of these items will push "excited" into "ecstatic". I like to think of myself as everywoman, so these gift ideas – with a few modifications, perhaps – will be perfect for the woman in your life. Or for you, if you want to pass these suggestions along to the appropriate people.

Wine
A bottle of wine is a universally appreciated gift, unless of course the recipient is a non-drinker, in which case a bottle of wine would be an awkward gift. The gift of wine can say anything from "You’re a classy lady" to "You really look like you can use a drink", and I probably fall into the latter category more often than not. I’ll take it. Personally, I prefer a full-bodied red such as Shiraz, but that is a matter of personal preference. I’m also a quantity girl; I would take two $15 bottles over one $30 bottle any day. But then, sometimes I can barely be bothered to get myself a glass, if you know what I’m saying. At least I manage to take the bottle out of the paper bag.

Chocolates
There are those who love those fancy truffle/ artisan/ handmade/ gourmet chocolates that are all the rage lately, but in my opinion, nothing beats a box of After Eights at Christmas. Mmm. Have you ever tried them frozen? It’s like a refreshing, festive taste of heaven.

Black Sweaters

You can never have enough black sweaters. They are flattering, cozy, and they go with everything. If you, like me, live in a chilly Northern clime, then you will be able to enjoy wearing a black sweater for nine to ten months of the year. This one from Jacob is cute! Oooh, so is this one. It has ruffles! My husband just commented on the attractiveness of the red one. I concede it IS very pretty, for those less monochromatic than me. The great thing about gifting someone with a sweater is that you don’t need to know someone’s exact size; frequently the purchase of clothing in the wrong size can sometimes lead to marital tension and resentment.

Jewellery
I have wanted one of these for years! Charm bracelets are the ultimate gift; they keep on giving. These bracelets look cute with only a couple of beads or charms, and they can be added to for an indefinite amount of birthdays, Mother`s Days, and Christmases to come. Look at this little snowman! He’s precious! Colourful beads are also available, if the woman in your life is more interested in the red sweater than the black one.

Pyjamas

I love receiving pyjamas; especially cozy and fuzzy ones. What can I say; when it comes to sleepwear I prefer the non-sexual, and I would bet that most women do as well. Sears is a great place to purchase pyjamas, for the simple reason that they are always machine washable. I find it irritating to discover that my cozy new pyjamas must be hand washed and hung to dry, else they will shrink to a non-cozy size. Look! It’s Snoopy! And that super cute monkey! These may not be sexy, but I can guarantee they would give you sweet dreams.

Cheese
I know, I know, a lot of us are going dairy-free these days, but what is Christmas without the over-consumption of cheese? Plus it goes so nicely with wine. My husband once gave me a huge hunk of aged Cheddar from Janice Beaton and it was one of the greatest gifts I have ever received.

Gifts From The KitchenI don’t normally exchange gifts with my friends, but during the season we end up sampling each other’s culinary wares at potlucks and parties, and I’m just going to say that I have a very talented group of friends. One of my girlfriends has the ability to decorate cakes with royal icing in ways that amaze. Last year she gave me a teeny tiny cake decorated like a gift, complete with bows and polka-dotted edible gift wrap! It was adorable! Another girlfriend makes a salsa that brings tears of joy to my eyes. Kitchen gifts are always thoughtful and they make a perfect, and delicious, hostess gift. I’ve never made any of these recipes, but I want to – and I would be so happy to be the recipient of them.

Scented Body Lotion

I don’t wear perfume because my husband is allergic; instead I like these scented lotions from Bath and Body Works. My favourite scents are Twilight Woods, Japanese Cherry Blossom, and Warm Vanilla Sugar. They are often available on a "Buy Three Get Two Free" basis, which is a nice deal, I think. I prefer body lotions to bath products or soap, but perhaps that’s just me.

Mix Tapes
Well, it would be more accurate to say "Mix CD" but that has less of a ring to it. I spend a lot of time in my minivan, and the radio often plays a less-than-ideal mix of music. I’m hoping for a mix CD for Christmas, and I hope it has Love Is A Battlefield on it for optimal car dancing.

A Night With Jim Cuddy
Not THAT kind of night with Jim Cuddy! Well, okay, MAYBE. I wouldn’t turn it down. YES I WOULD, I’M HAPPILY MARRIED. But I was thinking of a night of listening to him soulfully singing and strumming his guitar. Maybe looking soulfully into my eyes. Or maybe I should just ask for some of his music on my mix CD.

(Nicole blogs at Girl In A Boy House, has 2 kids, loves black sweaters, lives in Calgary and really wants a Pandora bracelet for Christmas.)

Amy - Self Serving Gifts For Your Spouse

FOR HER

Cooking Lessons from Sur La Table

She LOVES to cook, and she is always talking about how fun it would be to take cooking lessons. Well, now is the time to make her wish come true! And...if you're being honest, her cooking could use a little help.

A Day at the Spa, from SpaFinder

She is always putting everyone else before herself. Finally pamper her the way she deserves. Plus, after this gift, there is no way she can say no to you taking a trip to Vegas with your buddies! (This gift idea shamelessly cribbed from an episode of King of Queens.)

Chocolate of the Month Club from Lake Champlain Chocolates

The gift that keeps on giving! She'll melt when she finds out she will be receiving a new, lucious sampler of natural chocolates from Vermont each month. Also, you heard somewhere that chocolate is an aphrodisiac, so...score!

FOR HIM

Orvis Royal Terrycloth Robe

He may be a love machine at night, but that pasty skin, slightly pudgy belly, and slowly-creeping back hair is not always a pretty sight in the morning.

Stanley 65-Piece Homeowner's Tool Set

If the man in your life likes to putz around with tools, this great tool set should really please him! And maybe inspire him finally to fix the leaking faucet in the kitchen he has been promising to take care of for 6 months now.

Roku

Your gadget-loving fella will go nuts for this wondrous little box that brings internet-streamed video straight to your TV. Now he can watch tons of sports, news, and sci-fi flicks without that obscene cable bill. If he can get you away from watching Downton Abbey on Netflix for eleventy-millionth time, that is.

FOR ANYONE

L'Occitane Set of Four Deluxe Soaps

How do you tell your loved one that they have B.O. without hurting their precious feelings? Answer: you don't. Instead, buy them some expensive, fancy-shmancy soap and hope that they use it.

Garmin Nuvi Portable GPS

Who wouldn't love a talking box that uses satellite positioning to tell you where to go? A miracle of modern technology! And such a thoughtful gift for that special someone in your life. However, if, like me, your special someone frequently calls home saying, "I don't know where I am, can you get on Google Maps and tell me where I am?" then this gift is as much for you as it is for them. Also handy for finding bathrooms whilst on road trips.

Quintessential Reds Wine Gift Collection

Because you will get to drink the wine too.

(Amy blogs at A Chase After Wind, lives in St. Louis, Missouri, with her husband and toddler son, and remains constantly vigilant that her haircut not look like Justin Bieber's.)

Karen - Gift Ideas That Won't Break Your Budget

I live in a place that was in a recession before the recession started. People raise chickens and forage for berries without irony - well, maybe with some irony. Still I love giving gifts and finding great ones for under $30 is a challenge. But I have become an expert. From my corner of the world to yours, I humbly offer Budget or Bust Christmas Giving List.

Run Wallet: This is a genius little item for people who like to exercise. I am sure you know some. This wallet holds an iPod Nano, keys, cash and credit card. Your jogging friend can strap it to his wrist with velcro. This would be nice gift for my brother in law, maybe combined with a $10 iTunes gift card or fingerless gloves.

Handmade Bracelet: Budget shopping on Etsy! I love shopping on Etsy because once you weed through all the complete crap, there is some really unique stuff. Then you get to feel as satisfied as you would if you found a cute outfit at TJ Maxx but so much cozier because you can shop in your pajamas at home. If I am only getting my mom or my sister one $30 gift that tells them how appreciate them,, I need it to not come from the mall. I just do. This bracelet has some really pretty details and I love the berry colors for Christmas time. It costs $27 plus some shipping.

Lace Flouncy Skirt for American Girl Doll: I am knitting this skirt and a few other pieces for my nieces who are receiving American Girl Dolls as their BIG gifts this year. Handmade gifts are an excellent way to stay on budget. I will admit that not every person on my list is fully capable of truly appreciating and loving the handmade gift. Those people are just as awesome in their own way and I like to shop for them on Amazon. My nieces will be delighted- and any child of a certain age who is very into dolls probably would be too. If this costs me more than $15, it will be a surprise.

Lego Space Shuttle: As a mama of three boys, I cannot say enough about the incredible joy on the faces of my kids when they open a huge Lego set at Christmas. What I like about this set is for about $24, it is going to have about $50 worth of impact - because it is a SPACE SHUTTLE. Awesome.

Penzey’s: We actually live in pretty reasonable driving distance of a Penzey’s spice shop.
I am happily related to a bunch of men and women who enjoy cooking with excellent ingredients. Perhaps some people might think this is too much like giving groceries, but I enjoy receiving really nice quality ingredients. Feel free to shop for me at Penzey’s as the Baker’s Catalogue. For $11.95, you could get a mini gift set of 4 spices. We have a really good friend who loves to coo for his family. He’d love this. If shopping for my fairy mother in law, I would probably splurge and get the larger sizes for $15.99.

Dr. Hauschka: I realize that it is only acceptable to buy toiletry items as gifts if they are really nice ones. Dr. Hauschka is the very best. I probably wouldn’t buy it on-line but rather at Whole Foods or if feeling extra loyal at smaller shop in town, though that will probably cost me an extra $5. Still for $22.95, it is a really sweet set including Hand Cream, Lavender Oil, Quince Moisturizer (quince, I love this antique fruit!), Rose Moisturizer, and 2 body oils. This gift is tiny but when budget gifting, quality is very important. If you buy this, give it to your best friend or someone you want to have be your best friend. This year I may give this to my sister in law as she is getting taking a very trip for the holidays.

Kindle Cover: My dad got himself a Kindle recently. He is really the perfect candidate for one. He can even do his beloved New York Times crossword on it. I want to get him a truly class Kindle cover to protect it. Once again, Etsy saves the day. I think my dad will look dignified and cool pulling out his herringbone-patterned Kindle on the subway. It costs $20 & the shipping is $4.00. Hipsters, beware!

Cell Phone Skins: Tweens! The tweens of my world love to accessorize. My niece and my son both have texting addiction. All day long they text back and forth to their friends. Saying stuff like “Hi!” and “That math took too long!” Don’t even try to tell me they text about any other topic besides homework and geeky greetings. Cell phones skins are pretty cheap $5.99. I can stick these in their stockings or wrap them up with an iTunes card for a nice grown-up gift. Apparently, toys are out....

The New Way Things Work: My boys already have this book. It would be a lovely family gift to anyone with a houseful of curious kids. It is a book I bring places where the kids might be bored. It gives them something to pour over together. The kids love looking at the way machines work. The illustrations are excellent and fascinating to children. $22.95 at Amazon and probably a few more bucks at your local bookshop.

Stemless Stemware: My mom gave me these last year. Everyone who comes over loves drinking out of my very elegant, dishwasher safe stemless stem ware. This nice set of 8 from Crate and Barrel costs under $20. Note to people everywhere, stemless glasses hold about a bucket of wine. You’ve been warned.

Whatever your budget, Happy Holidays from my family to yours.

(Karen is a writer, mother of 3, childbirth educator and doula and lives in New England.)

And there we have it - THE END. I hope you've enjoyed this series and maybe even found it helpful. If you have any ideas for great gift suggestions that the writers this week haven't mentioned, feel free to post them in the comments! And even if you don't, it's always nice to hear from you.

I'd like to -finally - thank all of the writers involved in this project. I know that all of you put a lot of time and effort into your lists, and it was really appreciated. Thanks so much for helping me out with this! - Beck

Part Three - Kids!

2011-11-23T06:49:00.000-08:00

One thing that I've loved about this series of posts is that each of the lists are so unique. I gave each writer the same basic outline - 10 or so items, reasonably priced - and then stepped aside and everyone involved came up with such different, fun lists - not just the gift suggestions themselves, too, but the way their individual voices come through. Something that I wanted to say is that - since it was asked yesterday in the comments - no one was remunerated in any way for any of these lists and so what you're reading was written just for fun. (However, if anyone wants to get me that fox tote bag down the page, I would CHEERFULLY accept it.)

Today's lists are especially fun - Kimberly's list consists of well-thought out suggestions for hard-to-shop-for little boys, Megan's list has kids' music suggestions that won't drive YOU nuts, and Gretchen's list is not entirely for children but rather has gifts that are evocative of childhood past and gone. I hope you find all three lists interesting and helpful. - Beck

Kimberly - Little Boy Gifts From Girly-Girl Moms
I am a girly girl. I like makeup, and played with Barbies. I have one sister, who is even more of a girly girl than I am. We had some building blocks, and cars, and my parents were fairly progressive about gendered toys (it was the 70s, after all) but we were, and are, still girly girls.

Therefore, of course, because God has a sense of humor, I had two boys. So, I have put quite a bit of thought into toys for my kids. I wanted them to play with something OTHER than just cars and trucks and trains (though we have an enormous number of those, also). They are still really little, my oldest is just 5 and my little guy is not quite 3, but they still need well-rounded play time. There are three basic types of toys my boys need: physical, mental, and imaginative.

Physical toys: My boys are very physical. They are incapable of just sitting and watching a video. They will watch it, WHILE they are rolling around on the ground "wrestling." They need an outlet, especially when the weather is inhospitable.

Pounding toys are especially useful when the kids are 2-5 years old. A nice old-fashioned bench one is great. But there are some really nice plastic ones that are well-made, like the "Hammer away" on page 8 of this Discovery Toys catalog.

Trikes/Bikes/scooters are also useful, even inside. My boys received a Radio Flyer ride on Scoot-about when my first was about 18 months old. This lived in the house until this summer. Great exercise, and it IS furniture friendly. Then, when my first was two, his grandparents gave him this Fisher-Price convertible tricycle. It was good for what it was, but now that my second is almost three, he wants to really ride it outside, and it isn't grippy enough to pedal on anything but the flatest of surfaces. Stick with ones with true rubber wheels, not plastic wheels. Also, our experience is that the "retro" steel bikes, which look solid and nostalgic, are not quite as hardy as some of the newer metal and plastic ones.

Outside tools: My boys have gotten a lot of use out of these mini-tools.

My parents live in the country and the boys each have a set down at their house so they can "help" Grampa do yard work. And we have a set here. Keeps them occupied nicely when we are trying to get things done outside.

Mentally stimulating toys: I have bright kids, who like to be challenged. They like to watch television and play on the computer, too, but what parent wants their kids watching hours of tv a day? Not me. *Ahem*

Puzzles: My little boy, especially LOVES puzzles. Any kind, but these "four in a box" wooden puzzles are especially nice. And you don't have to buy the "name brand" ones. I found another set at the craft store for just $5.00. They are portable, and not so messy, and he does them over and over, and then breaks them up and puts them back in their little compartments. My bigger boy enjoys the floor puzzles that are as big as he is. He received this dinosaur puzzle as a gift for his fourth birthday and it still gets great use. Word of caution, I think the more expensive floor puzzles are worth the price. I have purchased two much cheaper ones and they are so thin that the pieces don't hold together well, which is REALLY frustrating for the boys.

For a puzzle that is more flexible, a friend gave us a Mighty Minds set a couple years ago. When the boys are little, they just play with the colored pieces. As they get older, they really enjoy trying to figure out the shapes. Practical tip: put the little pieces in a plastic baggie for storage.

And lets not forget, books, books, and more books. The "Scholastic" books aren't great quality, but they do have a breadth of interests and are good for ideas if you aren't familiar with what is out there. I have been blessed with a mother-in-law who has taught little kids all her life, and she is our book-giver. And one thing I have learned from her, don't overlook "other" titles from famous writers. Robert McCloskey wrote more than just "Make Way for Ducklings" (my boys particularly enjoy his "Lentil"). Same for Virginia Lee Burton and Margaret Wise Brown, to name just two.

Imaginative play: My boys have great imaginations. They are spurred by books and videos and animals and cars and rescue heroes. They love to play dress-up and I take the opportunity post-Halloween to purchase some costumes at super cheap prices, and not-so cheap prices. And for the non-sewer DIY-ers among us, all you need is a "superhero" cape and a pair of swim goggles. Take your kids to the fire station and get one of those fireman hats. Easy peasy.

Don't overlook some of the girly stuff. My 2 1/2 yo is super excited with a $5.00 plastic pink and purple tea set that his dad got him from the big box store one day. Let's start training boys how to be polite and pour tea and learn manners in a fun way. It works!

Blocks are probably the oldest form of imaginative play. They don't need to be fancy, though they can be. They should be safe for the age group. If you have a teething or mouthy kid around, a nice hardwood set with sanded edges will be better than paper blocks. The stone ones are very nice, but I am not about to get those for my kids until the youngest is out of the throwing stage. I hate plastic ones, and my kids don't seem to enjoy those much.

Last, but not least, I would be remiss if I didn't say something about building/play sets. In addition to the erector-type sets (K'nex, etc.) there are both Playmobil and Legos. People say that you should pick one or the other as you will have little tiny pieces around and they might as well be the same kind. My kids have never really been into the plastic connecting blocks that are for little kids, Duplo and Mega Blocks and the like. (Waste of money, in my opinion, but your mileage may vary.) My husband played with both Legos and Playmobil and liked both. The Playmobil sets have more play value because they don't have to be built, again and again and little kids don't get frustrated by not being able to put them together. We started off the boys with inherited Playmobil sets, and have selectively added one or two. They are expensive, but the nice thing is that they really are interchangeable. The set that my husband had in the 1970s is completely integrated into the modern ones.

(We have policemen on our Noah's ark, frequently, and you should SEE a monkey flying in a rescue helicopter. It is quite a sight.) They last FOREVER, if you can keep the pieces together. They are NOT for the littlest of kids, as the pieces are super tiny, but my little boy has been playing with them for a year and mostly not ingesting pieces. Hint for keeping all the tiny pieces in one place. Add one of these IKEA boxes in with the set, and train your kids to keep all the pieces in THAT box. Even my messy kids do it, mostly. Saves mom's sanity.

There you go. Surely one of these gift ideas will be perfect for your little boy.

(Kimberly - Former lawyer, current genealogy nerd, new dog owner (Basset! and Rottie! and retriever! All mixed!), blogs (sometimes) about her two little boys and assorted other trivia at www.maherfamilygrows.blogspot.com.)

Megan - Music For Kids That Won't Drive Parents Out Of Their Minds
I fully realize music is one of the most subjective, personal areas to tackle here, but I'll do my best to offer some quality kids' music suggestions that won't drive the majority of you insane. There are exceptions to every rule, of course. Ahem.

Some disclaimers before I begin. We are Christians and hold to a reformed, biblical worldview. This does not mean we only listen to Christian music, as you will see in the list below. (Though we do listen to some, as you will also see in the list below.) We appreciate good music. I hope this list reflects that for you.

They Might Be Giants: Here Come The 123s
We also have Here Come the ABCs and Here Comes Science. Of the three, the 123s is by far *my* favorite. The science one has some iffy stuff on it, so know that before getting it, should you choose to do so. The 123s is super awesome, all the way.

Coal Train Railroad - Well done jazz for the younger set. I think my girls have *just* about aged out of this, but it's so well done, I will hang on to my copy for a long time. In fact, I bought a pack of five of these when it first came out and gave it out as baby shower gifts. It's awesome. They are just now coming out with a second one, Coal Train Railroad Swings. I haven't heard it yet, but I'm sure it's just as good.

Sing-A-Longs & Lullabies for the Film Curious George (Jack Johnson) - Hey, it's Jack Johnson on every track. What's not to love? Personal favorites: Upside Down, People Watching, We're Going To Be Friends, well, pretty much all of them.

Slugs & Bugs & Under Where - The CD you see above is their second regular kids album. They also have a Christmas album (and I'm giving away 3 copies of it over here!) - Funny stuff, kids like it, doesn't drive me nuts.

Country Goes Raffi - I fully realize I'm going to be entering serious eye-rolling territory with this one. After all, Raffi? Country? Together? But I'm telling you, it works. YOU may not appreciate The Bowling Song very much, but your kids might. *wink* And the surprise favorite is the sweetest little lullaby, Blessed Be, sung by Alison Krauss. Trust me. It's worth it just for that one song alone. Well, that and The Bowling Song.

Phineas & Ferb Soundtrack - Okay, I don't have personal experience with this entire album myself, but I have thought on more than one occasion that the songs they do on the show are pretty clever. It just never occurred to me to buy the CD. I bet my girls would love this. So...guess what's going on my "to buy for Christmas" list?

Elizabeth Mitchell: Sunny Day - Oh my word. Don't walk, RUN and get an album by Elizabeth Mitchell right now. So well done, my word! How have I not heard of her before now? I just scrolled through several song samples on iTunes and I really really want to get one of these albums soon.

Phil Joel: Deliberate Kids - We found this in 2007 and really liked it a ton. Phil Joel, of Newsboys fame, put together this collection of decent songs on theology for kids. So, yes, it's Christian, but it's good Christian (as in, the art aspect has not been sacrificed for the message here.)

Seeds Family Worship - The title of this CD implies it's also Christian. Seeds Family Worship has several CDs of scripture set to music and again, the key here is that it's really well done.

The Jellydots: Hey You Kids! - Oh wow, where have I been? This is another new recommendation to me and it's fantastic. I'm trying to figure out who to compare it to and I'm having a bit of trouble deciding who they remind me of, but I did just pop this on my Amazon wish list. We've been missing out

(Megan and her family of six recently moved from the Midwest to the Pseudo Southwest. She's been hobbling along at the Half-Pint House since *gasp* 2003.)

Gretchen - Nostalgia-Inspired Gifts

Set of 10 1950s Children's Metal Tin Plates, $26. Children love play cooking and play eating. I love the variety of designs. They’d make a great gift for someone who decorates with quirky plates, too. It’s an instant collection.

Fabric Children’s Board Game Motif 2012 Calendar, $18/yard. The print on this fabric is a work of art. Buy a yard and make your own wall hanging, calendar pillow, or mat it and invent a game. The colors and adorable animals are so charming, you won’t want 2012 to end. Bring on the end of the world! There’s no way 2013 could top it.

2012 Tea Towel Fabric Calendar , $18/yard. For most of my early childhood, my mom received a tea towel calendar every Christmas. She hung them in our kitchen using a dowel. When the year came to a close, the calendar would become a towel we’d use to dry dishes. Take that, 1978! This fabric calendar has great muted colors and a fun head-turning design.

Clear Retro Christmas Bubble Lights with Silver Glitter, $19.99 for a set of 7. When I was in high school, my best friend had the best everything. Best frozen treats, best TV channels, best car, and the best Christmas tree. They had old fashioned bubbling Christmas lights and I couldn’t get enough of them. I vowed someday to own a string. They’ll take your tree back to the 1940s---or at least the 1980s.

Enstrom's Almond Toffee, $19.95/pound. I would be forever barred from my hometown of Grand Junction, Colorado, if I didn’t advise people to buy and eat huge amounts of Enstrom’s. As anyone from there will tell you, it’s World Famous. My opinion? It’s a much-deserved reputation. This toffee is buttery, smooth, brittle but not teeth-shattering. The chocolate coating is rich and in the perfect ratio. They ship anywhere in the world. Check out their peppermint bark, too.

Baby's First Sock Monkey, $20. For some reason, I associate sock monkeys with raucous Christmas mornings. That’s why, when thinking of my theme of nostalgia, I wanted to include a sock monkey. I found this adorable specimen. He’s perfect for young babies to grip and bite and talk to when they wake in the night.

The Animal's Merry Christmas by Kathryn Jackson, illustrated by Richard Scarry, about $10. It wouldn’t be a nostalgic Christmas for our family if we didn’t read this darling book at least once. It’s a collection of stories about winter and the holiday season. I read it as a child. For some reason, the story that always stood out to me was “The Naughty Little Reindeer.” I wonder why? Scarry’s illustrations will never grow old or outdated.

Charley Harper Prints iPhone/Kindle/Gadget Skins, $14.95 and up. Charley Harper illustrations and art mix nature, geometry, bold motifs, and whimsy. He was at the top of his career in the mid-20th century, but his designs transcend. I love that you can take along his prints on your gadgety things. I truly love how unique they are.

Think Inside the Fox Tote, $64.95. This fun tote would be perfect for a young lady who needs to carry many books. I was a young lady like that. When I found this bag, I fell in love with the fox, the colors, and what appears to be some quality construction.

Dahlia Cocktail Rings, $14-$16. These vintage-inspired rings are handmade and unique. The deep goldenrod colored dahlia ring caught my eye especially. The adjustable bands guarantee they will fit fingers without worry.

(Gretchen blogs at Lifenut, writes, and lives near Denver with her husband and eight kids. 8!)

That's it for today - make sure you come back tomorrow for the final list, full of great gift suggestions for spouses - especially FEMALE spouses. - Beck

Day 2 Of Non-Oprah's Favorite Things

2011-11-22T07:02:00.000-08:00

(This is part 2 of a 4 part series. Part 1 is here.) You are obviously an above-average person, since you are here and reading this, and your friends and family are likely just as smart. What should you buy your smart family and friends? Today's guest bloggers have lots of great ideas:

Sue - Gifts For Smart Kids and Their Adult Equivalents.
You know that feeling you get when you're in a science centre or really cool museum? That feeling of geeky joy that too often gets quashed the second you step into the museum's over-priced gift shop? It's that feeling I most like to have wash over me on Christmas morning--knowing that Santa went out of his way to put his Edison Elf on my case. And so, I give to you 10ish gifts designed to make you either feel clever or marvel at the cleverness of others.

Reindeer Hexbug Nano in a Christmas ornament

$6.95
or
Glow in the Dark Hexbug Nano
$8.95: My daughter got a Hexbug Nano in the mail last year from her uncle. "Piffle," I thought when I saw it in the package. "What does this 50-something, childless, Philosophy professor know of the workings of the 5-yr-old mind?" We then took the little critter out of its package and let it loose on our kitchen floor. It was by far the most fun we had as a family with a gift last Christmas. Mind you, the Hexbug effect is heightened if you or someone you know is able to feel terror and glee simultaneously. I still marvel at the pocket engineering that went into its creation. Why, if it topples over, it somehow can figure out how to right itself. Priced for the stocking-stuffer budget, the Hexbug Nano is a must have for anyone on your list. Hexbug also sells a slightly more expensive larvae but, truth be told, the very thought of it crawling across my floor creeps me right out.

Air Swimmwers (clownfish and shark) with a compelling YouTube sales pitch:

$39.99
I want the shark. I want to give the shark to my husband for Christmas and have it wake us all up on Christmas morning. I then want to set the shark loose in my library at the start of term and maybe again just before exam time. I want to get a close look at the shark to figure out how in Sam Hell it works and then I want to shake hands with the incredibly cool people who invented a floating, menacing air-shark that one could, theoretically, let loose in an academic library just before exam time. Well done, geeky practical jokers. Well done.

Human Planet DVD set $49.98 This became the number one item on my Christmas wish list after I saw this short and compelling video promotional piece. With visuals like that, what's not to love? And since the macro lens I'd love for my camera is waaaaay over our holiday budget, I'd be perfectly happy just kicking back and looking at and learning from the pros. We've all but worn out our Planet Earth dvds; the entire family is smitten with this BBC franchise. Really, you can't go wrong with any one of these sets whether your recipient is young or old.

Got a crafty kid on your hands? Why not let her make her own kaleidescope? $14.99
Or, for just a few more smackeroos, you can give the gift of light in its full spectrum: ScienceWiz Projects with Light Kit ($19.99) shows you how to conduct 8 separate light-based experiments at home. Sure, you could likely figure out how to do all this stuff for free by being resourceful and searching the Internet for instructions for each of these projects, but that doesn't make for a great present opening moment on Christmas day, does it?

What kind of librarian would I be if I didn't include a book on this list? And who doesn't marvel at the craftsmanship of a well-made pop-up book? If you have never given or received a Robert Sabuda book, now's the time to do so. His latest, co-designed with Matthew Reinhart, is Encyclopedia Mythologica: Dragons And Monsters Pop-up. I own Sabuda's Alice in Wonderland, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz and Peter Pan. I've got a few others in my collection. All are stunning.

St. Basil's Cathedral 3-D Puzzle

$29.95.
Art! Architecture! Geography! Spatial skills! OK, fine. I just think it would be really fun to build St. Basil's Cathedral as a puzzle. I get that not everyone enjoys doing puzzles. If you are that person then please pass this along to me if someone gives it to you this Christmas.

Star-gazing 70mm telescope
$99.95
I really,really, really wish someone had given me one of these when I was a kid--even if it only ended up collecting dust after just a few months of half-hearted use. For some reason, I can't shake just how cool it would feel to step out on the back porch with your mom or dad and look up at the stars. Ah, but this is not an inexpensive gift, which means you would have to pick your recipient wisely.

Air Hogs Hawk Eye Radio Control Video Camera Helicopter
$59.99.
My husband really, really, really wishes someone had got something like this for him when he was a kid. Now, he's just waiting for the perfect moment to give one to our daughter. I'm thinking next year or the one following. Did I mention that it not only flies, but it also takes pictures and/or video footage from on high. Oh, brave new world...

Ta-da! If any of you need my shipping address, don't hesitate to ask.
(Sue blogs at Mouse-Traps and The Moon, is a children's academic librarian, lives in Fredericton, and has a six year old daughter.)

Kate - Gifts For People Who Love History
Henry VIII Disappearing Wives Mug,

$12.95, The Unemployed Philosophers Guild
Useful AND decorative! Bonus: While you're drinking your coffee and trying to face your day, this will remind you that no matter what happens, you will probably not be beheaded. So it could be worse.

Magnetic Monarchs, £6.50, National Portrait Gallery
Who doesn't want all the British monarchs, in order, on their refrigerator? Who? (Okay, you could also break them apart into individual magnets. YOU could. I am too rigid for that.)

Historical Figure Cloth Ornaments, £4-7 each, The Christmas Company
Monarchs (including all the Tudors)! Pirates! Shakespeare! These are really nice quality, and if you start giving a friend one or two each year, you won't have to think about what to get them again for a decade.

Simon Schama: A History of Britain DVD set, $59.98 (though currently on sale), Amazon
This epic series will take you from 3000 BC up to 1965, and Schama is the perfect guide. It's educational but also fascinating and pretty entertaining.

World War II: A Day by Day History 2012 calendar, $12.95, Calendars.com
My mother and I found this while on a trip a few months ago and I insisted she buy it for Dad immediately. When she told him that his daughter had picked out a present for him, his immediate response was, I kid you not, "Hitler or Stalin?" Dad and I are a barrel of laughs. ANYWAY. The photographs on this calendar are really beautiful, and I love the little daily history entries.

Mary Boleyn: The Mistress of Kings by Alison Weir, $28 (though currently on sale), Amazon
Alison Weir is one of the best pop historians writing today, as far as writing accessible and entertaining books that also have their facts straight. I'd recommend any of her books, but this is the newest, and would be great for fans of The Tudors or The Other Boleyn Girl who want to get the real story of Anne Boleyn's sister.

The Sunne in Splendour by Sharon Kay Penman,

$19.99 (though currently on sale), Amazon
This is, hands down, the best historical novel I have ever read. It's long but definitely worth it.

American Revolution Jigsaw Puzzle, $14.95, White Mountain Puzzles
This is intricate, educational, attractive, and SO much more fun to put together than a puzzle of a bunch of flowers or something. They have puzzles for several other historical topics as well, so browse around the site. (Bonus: This company is local to me, so I'm happy to give them some visibility! They only ship to the US, but it looks like Amazon.ca carries their products.)

Chinese Calligraphy Scarf,

$60, Metropolitan Museum Shop
Scarves are sort of a cliched gift, I guess, but they work for a reason, and this one is based on a 13th century Chinese scroll! Awesome! Perfect for your friend who's into Asian history or art.

BBC History Magazine subscription (Price depends on location.)
This is Britain's best-selling history magazine for a reason, and magazine subscriptions make nice gifts because they keep arriving all year. This magazine focuses on British history but has good international coverage, as well.
(Kate lives in New England, where she reads, knits, watches too much TV, and writes for a bunch of sites, including Vampire-Diaries.net, TheTelevixen.com, and her personal blog.)

Allison - Book Recommendations (and I've purchased four books off this list for hard-to-shop-for people on my list, so heads-up. - Beck.)

For pre-adolescent boys:

End of Days by Eric Walters or The Eleventh Plague by Jeff Hirsch or pretty much anything with 'Plague' or 'Inferno' or 'Doom' or 'Death' or 'Buckets of Blood and Inordinate Amounts of Promised Adrenaline-Fueling Gobs of Violence and Cataclysm'. Or, as my eleven-year-old son says, "you had me at 'series of mysterious deaths leading to a deadly cat-and-mouse game!'" What can I say? He's my kid.

For anyone who's remotely like me:
The Newsflesh Trilogy. I love zombies. I can't get enough of zombies. But I don't read just any zombie books. They have to be well-written books with great characters and engaging plots that just happen to contain zombies. If the people in them don't actually HAVE any brains worth eating, I'm outta there. These books are fabulous, and topical - they take place in a near future in which bloggers are prime players in the news. In this future, two vaccines (which cured cancer and the common cold) have combined to generate a virus which is dormant in everyone, but results in zombification after death, with the added bonus that anyone can also undergo 'amplification' at any moment and zombify spontaneously. Also, everyone names their kids George or Georgia (after George Romero) or Buffy. Wait, that makes it sound stupid but it's actually not. Of course, the third book isn't out yet, so you can only give them the first two books and then they might actually try to eat your brain when they realize they have to wait until June 2012 for the third, so maybe wait until next year.

For - well, I don't know who, because even though I loved this book, every single person I've given it to has HATED it, so really I just want someone to give it to someone and report back to me if anyone else in the world besides me likes it:
The Magicians by Lev Grossman: A fair number of people have called it Harry Potter for grown-ups, and then a bunch of other people got really mad about that, and you know you don't want to mess with the Harry Potter people, but come on - dude doesn't know he's magic and then finds out he's magic and goes to a secret magic school. It doesn't take a genius. After that, it's much less quaint and adolescent than H.P. "Friendship, love, sex, booze and boredom", with MAGIC - doesn't that sound cool? AND, and, also, a beloved series of fantasy novels and then the magical land turns out to be REAL? Come ON. Seriously. I can't be the only one feeling it. And if it doesn't work for you, just start replacing all the names with Harry, Ron and Hermione. That should be good for at least a few cheap laughs.

For the literalists on your list (I don't recommend trying to say that out loud):

John Dies at the End or The Boy Who Couldn't Sleep and Never Had to: at first I thought "what kind of idiot came up with these titles?" but then I thought, maybe some people just need to know what they're getting into. Both books present themselves as rather weightless smartass hipster inside jokes, but both, particularly the second, have some real moments of wisdom, clarity and poignancy. Plus, in John Dies at the End, there's a meat monster. And a song called Camel Holocaust. Also, because it kind of fits in this category but not quite, and because it's one of my top five books of all time, I strongly counsel you to buy a copy of Bel Canto by Ann Patchett for everyone you know. It tells you in the opening chapter pretty much exactly how it's going to end, and yet you will still be riven by its beauty and devastated when it's over, partly just because it's over.

For people who are just too damned happy all the time:
Songs in Ordinary Timeby Mary McGarry Morris, or Broken by Daniel Clay: both brilliantly written studies of more or less ordinary people caught in horrible situations with miniscule nuggets of black humour and fleeting moments of snatched comfort, but no tiresome redemption to spoil the mostly unrelieved misery. Kind of like being stuck in grade four with all the school bullies in your class, a completely ineffectual teacher, and no hope of advancement.
　
For people who like to read mysteries but still want to feel smart:
Anything by Fred Vargas: She's not only a woman named Fred, but she's French and also a 'renowned archaeologist and vociferous political campaigner' - so this is obviously some sophisticated stuff she's got going on. The books are fantastic - mysteries tangled up with philosophy, legend, culture, and the profound sadness of the human condition. And the protagonist, Commissaire Adamsberg, is this absent-minded yet penetratingly insightful Columbo-like figure -- if you knew him in real life you'd be constantly tempted to stick your fist down his throat, but in fiction he's absolutely charming.

For, um, undecided:

I'm never the one who puts the really funny things on Facebook. I'm always the one who sees them when other people put them up. This is how I came across my first comics from The Oatmeal. The ones I saw were mostly about spelling and grammar, like ten words you need to stop misspelling, and they were all FREAKING AWESOME. So when I was in the bookstore and I saw 5 Very Good Reasons for to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (and Other Useful Guides), I picked up a copy on impulse for the ultra-erudite pair on my list - my brother-in-law and his wife. Then I got it home and started flipping through it. Eep. There were the ones nobody puts on Facebook. There was crudeness and filth. There were (nsfw! - Beck) dead hookers. So I thought maybe I'd give it to my Dad instead. Then my husband found it. I explained my dilemma. He started flipping through it and waving extra-funny pages in my face, while I said yeah, I said IT WAS FUNNY, that's WHY I BOUGHT it, but.... then I saw (nsfw! again! - Beck) this one and laughed myself into an asthma attack. Now we're getting one for everyone we know. Merry Christmas, Nana and Grandpa!

(Allison blogs at Bibliomama, has two kids, lives in Ottawa, and can say pillow and egg in five languages.)

Coming up tomorrow: gifts for actual children and not fur-children!

Your Favorite Things

2011-11-21T06:12:00.000-08:00

This all started with me joking on Twitter - post-Oprah Favorite Things post - that if I'd had my act together, I would have organized a coterie of bloggers to write their own Favorite Things lists for me and from that launch my own Oprah-esque media empire.

Oh, foolish, foolish me.

So, a sizable number of my favorite bloggers have spent the past week coming up with interesting gift lists for your perusal, while I wasted my time imaging how totally adorable I would look in a rainbow of dresses, just like Oprah on her magazine's December cover and got absolutely nothing done. Luckily for you, however, this post does not depend upon MY hard work but rather the cleverness and good judgement of my blogger panel, who are all going to have cushy magazine writing jobs once my media empire ship comes rolling in.

I've tried to organize the lists - roughly - by topic. Today is... well, fairly miscellaneous, actually - stocking stuffers for adults, things to buy in little wee towns AND homemade gifts for those lacking in the craft gene. Tuesday will be Gifts For The Clever, Wednesday will be Gifts For Children (or Childish Adults) and Thursday will be Gifts For Spouses AND Gifts On A Budget. There may not be something for absolutely everyone, but hopefully you'll find the lists fun, sensible and maybe even helpful. - Beck.

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Stocking Stuffers For Adults - by Hannah.

Stockings were always a huge deal at my house. They were the first thing we went for; even before the (usually large and beguiling) Santa present under the tree, we dove into the stockings. Each present inside was individually wrapped (it's since dawned on me that this was to buy my parents more time to drink their coffee and wake up a bit more. Clever parents).

Once I went off to university, I didn't get a stocking anymore (yes, we continued to get them for that long). I still think of those stockings wistfully. My husband does try and he's getting better, but as I've donned the Santa hat not only for him but for my young children it's become painfully clear that stuffing stockings - really good ones - is HARD.

To my way of thinking, the ideal stocking should have a little of everything; some toys, some candy, one or two practical things you'd never think to buy yourself... in my experience trying a "theme" stocking just ends in misery, heartache, and too many loose pistachio nuts (this may or may not have happened to me once).

And so - stocking stuffers for grown ups. I found online retailers for almost all items, and tried to keep the base price per item under $20.

1) The Original Slinky,
Lee Valley, $7.50

Now, I know there are people out there who think that Slinky was a damn rip-off the first time they actually played with one, instead of just seeing them on TV. Do they walk downstairs, alone or in pairs? Not always. The stairs have to be the precise right dimensions and slope. What they are great for is slinking back and forth when you're occupied with a tedious task. Waiting on hold for customer service, say. Listening to a conference call at work. Infinitely more fun than building chains of paperclips. And when you're done, you can rest them on any flat surface and use them to hold papers or as a mail caddy. (Truly!)

2) Chocolate-Dipped Coffee Spoons,
Gourmet Coffee Express, $24 for 12
These are the gold standard of coffee spoons (literally - for an extra dollar per spoon you can get them sprinkled with gold dust). But buying 12 would help you stuff a stocking and maybe a little something extra to gifts for others; if you have to do a Secret Santa, for instance, or your kid's teacher is getting a card this year. Bonus points if you make your own chocolate-dipped spoons; there are all kinds of sites on the internet that give you detailed directions, and you could make it more special by using real spoons and high-quality chocolate.

3) The Honeymooner Massage Bar,
Lush, $7.95
Really anything from Lush will work for most people, and they have product lines for men, women, and children. If you're stuffing your spouse's stocking though, the melting massage bar with soft centre would be a decadent and awesome gift. Include a hand-written voucher or coupon for a massage at time selected by the recipient and what you'll be getting for Christmas is lucky.

4) All-Purpose Jar Opener,
Cucina Moderna, $10
If I ever win the lottery - the big one, with $50 million or something like that - I will take care of my family, donate a large portion to charity, and then hit up Cucina Moderna. They have the most luxurious kitchen products imaginable. Most have price tags that will curl your hair. Some though are downright reasonable, like this very stylish jar opener. I cannot stand the contortions I have to go through sometimes to open jars; running it under hot water, turning it upside down and banging on it, wedging it in the doorframe... only to finally concede defeat and ask my husband to open it for me. So much better to have this handy tool in the drawer.

5) Spicy Mexican hot chocolate,
Just Us Coffee Roasters, $10 for 300g bag
We bought a bag of this on spec a couple of weeks ago, and OMFG WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE. The mix smells rich and cinnamony (cinnamonish?) with a hint of chili; it's got actual chunks of honest-to-god dark chocolate in it, and the taste is indescribably decadent. So dense and creamy you can make it with just hot water and it is still fantastic; I haven't even tried it with hot milk yet because I'm afraid the sheer awesomeness would cause a stroke.

6) Darth Vader USB Drive,
Best Buy, $20

For the fun-loving geek in us all. I lose USB drives at an alarming rate; I put them down for 'just a second' and poof, gone. I can guarantee that one shaped like Darth Vader would never ever get lost. I can't justify on buying it for myself; I'll just keep getting boring old regular ones with the Sandisk logo on them. I would love to get a Darth Vader in my stocking, though. (They also offer Boba Fett. Nerds FTW!)

7) Whiskey Stones,
Uncommon Goods, $19.50US for a set of nine
These are just cool. I enjoy a tipple, and I like most of my drinks cold, but I hate putting ice in them because it waters everything down. Those last couple of mouthfuls when the drink is more water than booze are so disappointing. Enter the whiskey stone! They are completely safe and non-toxic; won't scratch your glass or crystal; and chill your drink faster than ice cubes without diluting it. Also, they are ROCKS. I need say no more.

8) Paperback Books
Chapters, online, small local bookshops
I always got a book in my stocking as a kid. I still put at least one book in everyone's stocking every year. Be creative with the choice of books, though. An more expensive magazine that the recipient loves but doesn't often buy themselves (like National Geographic or Vanity Fair). Crossword puzzle books if you know the person enjoys them. Last year there was a Farmers' Almanac in mine, which might sound odd but was actually a gift I kept going back to over and over again.

9) iBottleOpener,
Uncommon Goods, $20US
I myself do not have an iPhone. Nor do I often attend events where there would be a need - right that moment! - for a bottle opener. BUT IF I DID, this would be a unique and fun gift to receive.

10) Leather Driving Gloves
various retailers, starting at $20
Canadian winters are cold. Vinyl steering wheels often feel like they are carved from arctic ice. They are the last part of the car to warm up. Not to mention your hands are usually already freezing from scraping the windshield. Enter a nice pair of leather gloves. Now, you can spend as much or as little as you want but it *is* possible to get a reasonable pair for around $20. Leather is better than mittens or microfibre because it provides grip on the wheel, making driving safer. Plus (and I speak from experience) the leather will gradually mould to the exact size and shape of your hands, making them super-comfortable.

11) Flower or Vegetable Seeds - for gardeners
various retailers, less than $2/packet
Stuffing a stocking for a gardener? Toss in some seed packets or small gardening tools. It's always nice to get a gift tied to your favourite hobby (even if it is the wrong time of year - spring will come!)

12) Mood Mud,
Office Playground, $2.99

I loved mood rings. I even loved those weird "Hypercolor" t-shirts that were so popular for a while in the early 90s. So when I found Mood Mud I immediately coveted it. They have the texture of a stress ball but change colour depending on the temperature of your skin.

13) Essential Care Kit,
Burt's Bees, $14.99
This is an inexpensive introductory kit to those unfamiliar with Burt's Bees products. One word of caution: make sure the recipient likes the smell of beeswax. (I don't know how you can do that unobtrusively. Bring home a beeswax candle, maybe?) But these products are lovely, last FOREVER, and will are sufficiently gender-neutral that they work for both men and women.

(Hannah blogs at Hodgepodge and Strawberries, lives in Halifax and is expecting her third baby this very winter.)
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Gifts to Give When You Live In A Small Town With Limited Shopping Options. - by Nan

1. Starfrit Oven Mitt.

As my Great Aunt Beatrice use to say, long shafts are functional, safe, responsive and aesthetically pleasing. Of course, my Great Aunt Beatrice wasn't speaking of Starfrit's brightly-coloured, cotton-lined, pliable, long-shafted oven mitts. But still. Give a pair of these to the chef on your Christmas list. (Co-op Grocery store, $17.99)

2. Ceramic Travel Mug by eco fusion.

There are two kinds of people in a small town: those who drink the coffee sold at the ice rink concession stand, and those with intact stomach linings. Bring your home-brewed, hot beverage to the rink in this cute alternative to the ubiquitous stainless steel travel mug. (People's Drugstore, $19.99)

3. Burt's Bees Bath Crystals.

After a day of doing masculine tasks involving power tools, heavy lifting, math and multiple trips to the hardware store, my husband likes a soak in the tub. Alas he is averse to flowery, lady-scented products, but doesn't object to the light honey-lemon scent of these crystals. (People's Drugstore, $16.99)

4. Campfire FX.

Backyard firepits are de rigeur in small towns. Once you've cooked your popcorn, s'mores or cowboy sandwiches, toss one of these packages on the fire. It's like flames and rainbows are making sweet, forbidden love right in front of your eyes. (Home Hardware, $2.56)

5. Mobi Headphonies MP3 speaker.

I love my sons despite their atrocious taste in music and their propensity to listen to the same audiobooks over and over again. These speakers take a lot of abuse, and are small enough that the boys can't deafen themselves (or me) when they listen to "Whip Your Hair" for the forty-ninth time in a row. (The Source, $19.99)

6. Chicken In A Can.

Buy one for your friend with the great sense of humour, or for your humourless cousin who's a member of the local militia force. (Co-op Grocery store, $10.99)

(Nan blogs at Wrath Of Mom, homeschools her two sons and lives in British Columbia.)
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Easy Homemade Gifts For The Uncrafty - Christine

1) Sugar Body Scrub
This is my favorite homemade gift! I first heard of the idea from my friend, Niobe, and I was amazed at how easy it was. You'll need sugar, oil (grape seed or almond is best, but canola is fine in a pinch; olive is too strong a scent) and an essential oil of your choice. Now, be very careful when picking out essential oils as some can irritate skin and should only be used for very specific purposes. I like to stick with lavender for this project, as it is generally inexpensive, one small bottle will last a very long time, it is very safe, and the scent is pleasing to most people. If you plan to use a different oil please take a moment to research its properties.Here is a basic website that will help you out.

Mix a few cups of oil and sugar until you have a thick paste (just eye ball it). Add a few drops of the oil, mix well, and package in a small jar. The scrub can be used in the shower to exfoliate and moisturize while leaving behind a light, pleasing fragrance.

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2) Homemade Cocoa Mix
Don't put the sugar away yet! You can use this recipe to make a homemade hot cocoa mix. Increase the proportions as necessary. You can use mason jars to package, but in the past I've just used plastic baggies tied with a colorful ribbon. Make sure to add a little tag with mixing instructions.

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3) Flavored Sugar
Still have your sugar out? Good. Now put some in a cute little mason jar, add a few lavender buds or leaves or a vanilla bean, and put the lid on. Set in the cupboard for a couple of weeks and you'll have flavored sugar to make cookies, add to tea, or sprinkle over desserts. How cool is that? You can also use star anise, cinnamon sticks, dried rose petals, or lemon zest.

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4) Gourmet Vinegar
Let's continue with the flavored condiments, shall we? Find some cool jars or bottles (try the thrift store!) and wash in hot water and dry thoroughly. Add stalks of rosemary, thyme, or lavender. You can also use lemon rind, raspberries, or peppercorns--use your imagination. Pour white distilled vinegar over your herbs or what have you and refrigerate for a few weeks. You don't need to refrigerate if the bottles are tightly sealed, but I am of the "better-safe-than-sorry" school of cooking. Add a cute little label and your good to go!

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5) Cranberry Orange Bread
This year a $13 loaf of cranberry quick bread is listed on the Oprah list. Thirteen dollars? Really? Well, this is my all time favorite recipe in the world and doesn't cost $13 to make. You can whip up a few batches, freeze it, and package in parchment for a great hostess gift.

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6) Handmade Book
I know this sounds hard, but I swear it really isn't. I took a class last year with some friends, and now I LOVE making these. I found this really great video tutorial, too. The video makes a five-hole sewn book, but I make it easy on myself and usually make a three-hole one.

You can use a Popsicle stick instead of a bone folder and just use the needle to make the holes rather than an awl if you don't already have one. Scrounge the thrift stores and your friend's craft closets for funky scrap paper. You can use inexpensive copy paper for the inside pages if you like. I like to add little beads and charms to the binding thread on the outside to add a cute little flair.

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7) Limoncello
This is a great gift, and it is considerably cheaper than Oprah's sipping Tequila. We used this recipe in the past, and it is super easy. We used second hand bottles and cheap vodka, and it was a huge hit (the bottles were empty by the time we left every party we took it to!). You can get fancy and use Meyer lemons if they are available in your area.

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8) Spice Mixes
An awesome professional chef (who also happens to be my sister!) gave me this very cool idea. You can use one of the many recipes listed here or make up one of your own. Package in mini mason jars or re-purposed spice jars of your own. Add a nifty label and you're in business! Making homemade spice mixes are most economical when you have access to bulk spices. Check your cupboard and local grocer and decide from there if this is the right way to go given your budget.

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9) Kid Art
What grandma, grandpa, or doting aunt doesn't like art from your little girl or boy? Find a few special pieces and frame in inexpensive frames. Or scan the art into the computer and use to make custom holiday cards.

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I think I was supposed to give you ten items, but my crafting abilities are seriously limited. I hope you can use one or two of the ideas listed here this season.

(Christine blogs at Grown Ups Are Like That, lives in Western New York and is a freelance writer with two children.)

That's it for today! Tune in tomorrow for Gifts For The Clever.

As On Twitter, So Goes My Blog

2011-11-16T07:23:00.000-08:00

People Magazine has just released their annual List Of Hot Men and of course their list was horribly inaccurate, being oriented towards people who find blond muscly guys attractive. I don't like a) blonds or b) really muscly guys that much. So being a giving, public-service oriented sort of person, I fixed the list on Twitter, but just off the top of my head and so this is what I came up with:

1. Chris Pratt.
He's on Parks and Recreation and I just LOVE his character Andy. So dumb! So sweet!

2. Robert Downey Jr.

3. Joel McHale.

4. TJ Thyne.

5. Ryan Gosling.

6. Dylan McDermott. The picture at People Magazine's Sexiest Man page cannot be bested - it was compared on Twitter, quite correctly, to Chris Isaak's Wicked Game video, which we all know was the sexiest thing EVER.

7. Alan Rickman.

*fans self*

8. Brett From Flight of the Conchords.
AND
9. Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords.

10. The kid who played Neville Longbottom in the Harry Potter movies has grown up quite nicely.

11. Corb Lund.

12. Younger David Bowie.

13. Jake Shimabukuro.

14. Ralph Fiennes.

15. Brendan Fraser as he was in The Mummy and I realize that was a while ago, but DAMN.

16. Tom Selleck, now and forever.

Obviously, your tastes may vary. Who would go on YOUR list? Do you think People magazine got it right?

I Cannot Believe It Is Already Oprah-List Time

2011-11-09T16:17:00.000-08:00

Oh BOY! It's the annual Oprah's favorite things list!

I had worried that the end of the daily Oprah show would also mean the end of this post, but her magazine continues chugging along and here we are in early November and this massive task lies ahead of me. I know that a lot of you really love this yearly post, but I frankly find it terrifying, thanks to the now yearly post-post hurt emails I get from companies featured in it. I'm sorry, companies. I just have very bad taste.

For those unfamiliar with how this works - Oprah and some members of her television and magazine stable each pick out a page (if you are Martha Beck) or several pages (if you are Oprah herself) of gift suggestions, each with a certain theme. Since I do not watch any of these shows, I'm pretty much working in the dark about who these people are but I can say with certainty that I have nothing in common with a bunch of them. The price listed is the price given in the magazine, which is often lower for Oprah readers. Here we go:

Oprah - "Gifts That Comfort Mind and Body"
I can count on a few things every year from Oprah - very expensive robes and hand-painted pet items, for one, and me feeling like an absolute pauper for another. This year is no exception.

Homemade chocolates - Well, these are just adorable and I can't find a single thing to snark about them, which is just a TERRIBLE way to start off my Oprah list, isn't it? Bill says that if we lived in the States, we'd order the Saint Nicholas ones for December 6th.

Masala Chai - $10! Hey hey! Feel free to get this for me. Of course, I find that just as many of my friends hate chai as love it, so be warned that an equal percentage of your acquaintances may also be as sadly wrong as mine. But who cares? If they don't like it, I'll drink it.

Single-Serving Tea Cup and Pot - $20 or $16 with the Oprah code. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. I like it very much, it's reasonably priced, and the only issue I have is that the teapot shown is in a lurid shade of slime green that I do not much enjoy. The website has other, more attractive colours, however. So far, this list is going much too well for my liking.

Steam-Free Stainless Steel Frother - $30. Oprah suggests it as a stocking stuffer although it does not quite thrill MY heart. But it is a useful, attractive gadget and I cannot actually fault it.

Chicken Pot Pie - $22 or $12 for Oprah readers except shipping is also $30.95. I am certain - CERTAIN - that this is a delicious chicken pot pie. Yes. Except that is a whole lot of money to get a chicken pot pie shipped to you, unless you're rich and if you ARE rich, why are you reading me instead of swimming in a big room full of money?

Brut Gold Champagne - $300 and a favorite of Jay-Z, who has "a head for business, a soul for poetry, and a taste for luxury," according to Oprah. I wish that people said things like that about me, instead of "Beck has a head for hair, a soul for Twitter, and a taste for candy." Did I mention that this is a $300 bottle of champagne? Yes? Is there really anything more to say about that? Oprah has sent 25 cases of this to friends, which I also have nothing to say about. I'm sure it's a lovely champagne. $300.

Cotton Pajamas - Crisp cotton pajamas! I like crisp cotton pajamas very much, except for the sad reality that the button-front tops were not designed for women as generously bosumed as myself. But never mind, crisp cotton pajamas are very nic- HOLY HECK THEY ARE $238. WERE THEY WOVEN BY MAGICAL BEDTIME ELVES? DO THEY ROCK ME GENTLY TO SLEEP? NO?

Cable-Knit Cashmere Robe - Remember the slime green teapot above? This robe is also in a singularly unflattering shade of lung infection green, which is unfortunate because if I'm going to spend $458 on a robe, I would like it to not only flatter me but to also sing me soothing lullabies and keep the cats off my bed. It comes in better colours, however, should you feel like spending $458 on a robe. Now, I don't think you SHOULD spend $458 on a robe (well, $412 with your Oprah-reader discount), but my hectoring doesn't seem to have slowed anyone down YET.

Josh Groban's Noel - "Hey Bill!" I called out while reading the issue. "They're still recommending CDs as gifts! Do we even HAVE a CD player any more?" Yes we do, but it has been broken for ages. But ANYHOW. Let's say your Grandma would really like this CD - and she probably would, since grandmas tend to love Josh Groban - give it to her NOW so she can enjoy it NOW pre-Christmas, in the listening-to-Christmas-music time of the year. All right?

Oversized apricot, olive and almond oil soaps - $17 each or $13 with your Oprah discount. Hm. I DO like nice soaps. Very much. I find these a little too much on the pricey side, however, the kind of thing where I'd want to give it to someone with the price tag still attached so they'd know that I just gave them a nearly $20 bar of soap. Am I likely to give someone a $20 bar of soap? I'd say no, except I gave Bill a really expensive tube of toothpaste last year for Christmas (in his stocking. Toothpaste as an under-the-tree present feels a shade pointed), which he has yet to use because who USES $13 jasmine-flavoured toothpaste? "Not Bill" would be the answer. So buy this if you like, I guess.

Hand-painted custom pet ornament - $70. Hand-painted pet portraits by an artist of your pet on a Christmas ball. Last year, on Christmas Eve, we RUSHED our big dumb fat cat Frank to the vet AN HOUR AND A HALF AWAY during a snowstorm on horrible Northern roads ON CHRISTMAS EVE (I know I already mentioned it but it bears repeating) SOBBING because we thought he would have to be put down and instead HE LIVED AND THE VET SAVED HIM and HALLELUJAH it was our Christmas miracle and do I now want to pay $70 to have Frank's dopey face on a Christmas ball? Nope. Still don't wanna. He's still a freaking cat.

Big canvas and leather woven tote bag - I had lots of fun covering up the price tag on this admittedly very nice tote bag and asking people to guess what it cost. Guesses varied from $75 to $200 because it IS a very nice tote bag. They all guessed wrong, though, because it actually cost $595. For a tote bag! Exclamation mark!

Botanical candles - $45. I have, I realize when I do this sort of thing, internal price limits on how much I am willing to spend on various items. Candles, for example, top out at $30 and that is for those really nice ones in the jar that I'm going to burn for a YEAR. Any more than that, and I become an affronted Victorian gentlemen. PSHAW! GOOD DAY TO YOU, CANDLE! I SAID, GOOD DAY, SIR!

Cast-Iron Mini-Cocottes and Stand - $40 for the dish, $28 for the stand for Oprah readers. It's a little Dutch oven-y thing? That costs a lot of money? I can actually see using this - mini casserole dishes are nifty - but that's a LOT of money for one little pot.

Lip and Eyeshadow Compacts - Okay. My usual grump about this sort of thing: half of the colours are colours that you would never ever use. Now I've said it, I will point out that each bitty little lipstick or eyeshadow compact is also $60 (for Oprah readers) which is a LOT of money.

Peter Walsh - "Handy, Whimsical Gifts"
I don't know much about him - he's Australian, I gather, but I liked everything on his list which makes me think he's Good People. His list was actually full of interesting, quirky, useful and rather Australian things, and I appreciate this in a person. Does this mean that I now judge people by their aptness in gift-giving? I rather hope not. But if this was a contest, Peter Walsh would win. Hooray for him!

Swiss Army USB Flash Memory Drive - $35. A Swiss Army Knife waterproof casing, holding a USB drive, which is reasonably spiffy, I guess. Of course, I'm of the BUY THEM THE WHOLE DAMN KNIFE school of thought, since a pocket knife is always handy (even my older two kids have pocket knives, and they are responsible with them). But one can't take pocket knives on planes or in many citified places, so use your own judgement accordingly about what your recipient might be able to use.

Drinking Buddy Charms and Topper (available through Umbra) - $8 and cute as a freaking button. These are ADORABLE. I LOVE them. I was having some wine the other day with friends and glasses got mixed up and my friend shruggingly drank out of what may have been MY glass, which is just NOT a good idea. These may have saved my poor friend's life.

Loveable Skin Lavender Essentials - $39. This is fine. I got some nice hand cream for Christmas last year and I was surprisingly quite happy with it. Of course, I was also really sick and fragile last year and found many things moving that normally I do not. Take from this what you will.

Monogrammed Gift Tags - $20 for Oprah readers. I guess these are okay. My feelings about them are irrevocably tainted by being married to a graphic designer and thus I consider things like this a) completely free and b) easy to come by. But I'm going to assume for a moment that not everyone is sleeping with a designer and so you have to pay for stuff like this and so.... these are okay.

Aussie Licorice Box - $27 for Oprah readers. See? Isn't that an interesting idea? A big box of Australian licorice. And I LOVE licorice so long as it isn't Dutch or being offered to me by a Dutch person and therefore likely Dutch or black licorice in general. YUCKY.

TikTok Multi-Touch Watch Kit - $32 with the Oprah code. Huh. This is actually pretty nifty - it's a silicone wrist strap that turns an iPod Nano into a wrist watch. Of course, this presumes that your gift give-ee has an iPod Nano, but if they DO, it's a fun idea and not a huge chunk o' change, either.

Bottle Tote - Useful! Attractive! $12! Thank goodness the whole list wasn't like Peter Walsh's or it would just be one sad attempt by me to be both pleased and interesting.

Martha Beck - "Gifts With Soul"
Thank goodness Martha Beck came next. I found her list so infuriating that I actually YELLED AT A MAGAZINE, which is not something I NORMALLY do.

Hand-blown glass ball - These are, Beck (not me, as I will prove later on in this sentence) assures us, "filled with good juju" and there is a phrase I promise to never personally use about anything. This is an attractive-enough hand blown glass ball - and for $45 it had better be - but actually has no magical powers that I can make out with my eyes. Maybe it does, though, and I am just a leaden, unenlightened being, unworthy of such splendour. This seems likely.

The World is My Playground Necklace - THIS is what I yelled at. "I don't know about you," Beck - who is NOT me - writes, "but sometimes I need a little help remembering that the world is my playground."
North Korea! The Congo! Afganistan!
Gosh, I'm so glad she's enjoying herself. Hey, affluent ladies! Do you also need help remembering that the whole world is here for your amusement? DO I HAVE THE NECKLACE FOR YOU. It's $49 if you read Oprah and of course you do. I personally believe that life is serious and the world is hard, but that doesn't fit as cutely on a necklace, DOES it.

Cups Of... hand thrown mugs - $22. These are made by a husband-and-wife team. Who live in Vermont. If they were made by a factory I would say something else but I'm just going to leave them here without a comment.

Table Topics Conversation Cards - $20 for Oprah readers. I guess I can see a use for these because family gatherings can just be all sorts of tension-filled horrible. Honestly, though, if forced to choose between being asked "Which famous athlete would you like to meet?" and "Is it harder for you to eat right or get exercise?" or listen to my dad and my uncles argue about politics all night.... ppfffhh, I just don't know.

Fat Funny-Looking Crayons - $10 for Oprah readers. Hey! I like crayons. Here is common ground for me and Martha Beck. She suggests giving them to adults, which would not go over well with most adults I know. Don't give most adults crayons. It's weird.

Italian Leather and Japanese Cotton Canvas Satchels - Not a bad bag on aesthetic grounds, but spending $485 on a satchel in economically terrible times seems a shade insensitive.

Baby Magnolia Tree - $35 for Oprah readers I don't find trees offensive. Carry on.

Gayle King "Cheery, Delicious Gifts"
Just like last year, I find Gayle's list a mixed bag of things that I cannot imagine ever giving anyone (hideous sneakers!) and things that I find quite charming and sensible.

Cupcake Bath Bombs - $8 for Oprah readers. Sure. I like these. This sort of thing is a nice stocking stuffer and it doesn't clutter up the place later on.

Python Print Carry-On Bag - $108 for Oprah readers. Uh, It's fine? The print isn't to my liking but a lot of people like snake-print stuff and a carry-on bag is a pretty useful thing.

VR-310 Camera - $180. Hey, a camera. I could use one of those since I keep breaking all my other cameras and this is what you call a "hint" to family members reading this. Was it too subtle? I would like a camera for Christmas. This one would be fine.

7-Layer Christmas Caramel Cake - $46 for Oprah readers. - Erm. It is a cake. If you want to buy a cake, here is one.

All-in-one adapter in leather-blend case - $98. I have no idea what to say about this. If your gift give-ee travels frequently, this would probably be handy, at least. The cases are spiffy looking. Is this a good price for this sort of thing? I dunno.

Neon Patterned Sneakers - Go look at those. Pause, horrified, for a moment. THOSE ARE THE UGLIEST SHOES I HAVE EVER SEEN. Give these to me and I'll spend Christmas morning acting like that scene in Se7en when Brad Pitt opens the box with Gwyneth Paltrow's head in it. UGLY.

Wooden 60's inspired toddler scooter - $90. Now this, on the other hand, is spiffy - and as usual, one of the only things intended for children. It IS that shade of slimy frog belly green, but there are other colours available.

Dr. Oz - "Feel-Good Presents"
After last year's great Dr. Oz list, I came to this one with a fairly high measure of good will towards him and for the most part, his list was pretty solid except for his distressing propensity to giving people kitchen scales. Way to go, TV Dr. Man!

Sleep Mask - $20. It's fairly funky looking, at least, and I actually know a few people who DEPEND on sleep masks. They travel a lot for work.

Retro Kitchen Scale - $24. It "takes the guesswork out of portion control," says Dr. Oz. It also says "Stop shovelling food into your gaping piehole, you big fat lardo!" but what do I know? Maybe that's what you want to say this Christmas.

Vintage European Ski Poster Skiing Zip Neck - $116, and while I find it all sorts of ugly, a friend found it quite cute. Oh, friend. How very, very wrong you are. It might be quite cute ON if you're the slender, straight-built type. On curvier ladies, the mountains would be in all the wrong places.

Slippers - $45 and they provide a person in need with clean drinking water for a year, which means that I can't snark on them, because who hates slippers and clean water? Not me, at least.

Tumbler and Tea Infuser Kit - I want this! This mug right here! $9 for Oprah readers and a freaking STEAL. Beautiful! Useful! Affordable!

Lemon and Chili-infused olive oil 3 pack - $30 for Oprah readers. I've given up trying to understand why people would give oil as a Christmas gift. Should you feel so inclined, here is some oil that you may give your fellow oil-loving people.

Child-designed St. Judes Alarm Clock - $22. It's hard to snark about things like this without sounding like I somehow hate sick children. Do I hate sick children? No I do not. The clocks make the sound of the animal featured, which is pretty cute.

Val Monroe - "Gifts That Delight The Senses"
I don't envy Oprah's show people for having to do these yearly lists. I certainly can't think of a decent theme and 10 or so interesting items to go along with it, since all I give people are books, unless they are children. "The perfect present makes you feel recognized and deeply loved," writes Monroe, which is a lovely sentiment and not one I disagree with. Books that I like make me feel deeply loved, as do video games that I want. Please update my files.
In other news, I have no idea who Val Monroe IS. She looks nice in her little picture, like she'd be fun to have lunch with.

Animal Print Linen Cocktail Napkins - They are $79. For 4 cocktail napkins. I am done with this culture. Please someone get me a new one that is not so stupid.

Katie Couric-codesigned reading glasses - $75 and much like the attractive glasses that Katie Couric wears. After the $20 a piece cocktail napkins, I could just weep at seeing sensible reading glasses, even though giving someone reading glasses is exactly equivalent to giving them a large print sign that says YOU ARE SO OLD NOW.

One Dozen Hand-milled egg-shaped soaps in carton - $22 for Oprah readers and all right, I guess. One of the scents is "verbena," which I always see mentioned in expensive soap listings and yet have never run into in real life, which leads me to believe that "verbena" is secret rich people code for "smells like money."

Tubes of shea butter hand cream and lip gloss - $19 and completely fine. I can't think of snarky things to say about hand cream anymore. I have lost my edge.

Face Powder in Jewelry-inspired Case - $125 - "Watch your girlfriend's face light up," writes Monroe, "First with happiness" (because she thinks she's getting jewelry), "then with a pearly, translucent radiance." Is this what we really think would happen if one's girlfriend thought - quite reasonably - that she was getting some nice piece of jewelry which then turned out to be face powder? I kind of think not. Expensive makeup can be a nice gift for ladies who like expensive makeup, but this seems a shade risky.

Geranium Pour Monsieur Shower Gel - $70. Do you know many men who would enjoy $70 bath gel? I'm trying to imagine my husband's face on Christmas morning when he realizes that I spent $70 on bath gel for him. Heh!

Cranberry Orange Bread - $13.50. Who buys quick bread? It's QUICK bread. "Quick" means "fast and easy to make." I'm sure it's tasty and all and maybe you burn down your kitchen just by walking into it, in which case you should probably just buy it.

Suze Orman - "Gifts To Share"
I have an inexplicable fondness for Suze Orman. Whenever I read Oprah's magazine - which is not often - Suze's columns are my favorites. She is so financially sensible! I admire that so much in people who are not me! I also like the no-nonsense theme she picked this year - her page of gifts is GIFT THEMED, sensibly enough.

Box of Pears - $46 for Oprah readers. Pears are presents now? I thought pears were groceries. Silly me.

Leopard Print UV Sun Shirt - $40 for Oprah readers. I didn't even know what this was when I saw it, which should let you know exactly how much time I spend dashing about in the sun and the surf. (not much) But maybe you're giving a present to a surfing instructor or someone with a sailboat or something? This would do nicely. I wouldn't use it, but not everyone is a crabby nature-hating recluse.

Orange Blossom Body Creme - "I give this luxurious cream to my houseguests," writes Orman, and at $75 a pop she certainly does enjoy making "everyone smell like an orange blossom." I love the smell of orange blossoms too, but this is far, far out of my reach.

Crisp Cotton Button-Front Shirts - They WERE $69 in the magazine but now they're on sale for $39.99. It IS a nice shirt. The problem with button-down shirts, however, is that they only look good on women built more or less like Kate Hepburn. On women like me - buxom - they are less aesthetically pleasing.

Tin Of Flavoured Popcorn - $40 for Oprah readers. I HATE popcorn. HATE HATE HATE. But one year a friend gave us a brown paper bag filled with homemade caramel popcorn and my kids LOVED it. It was probably their favorite thing that year. So people who are not me probably like getting popcorn for gifts.

Handmade French-Style Caramels - $12. Doesn't this sound like a nice thing to get for a present? I would be enchanted to get a little box of homemade caramels. Nice.

Portable Mini Set of Water Colours - $40. I love the idea of walking through the wilderness, my little portable water colour set in tow, pausing only to beautifully sketch wildflowers and the beautiful vistas of the Canadian wilderness and the only problem with my fantasy is that a) nature is trying to kill me and b) I can't paint with watercolours to save my life. They're hard!

Cat Cora - "Fun, Active Gifts"
Who IS Cat Cora? Is that really her name?

Funky Bike Helmets - $20 and unbelievably spiffy fun for kids.

Dr. Dre Headphones - I liked these very much when I saw them. And then I saw that they cost $299 and I was AGAST. But if you're extremely wealthy, these are fine.

Steve Azar CD and Zac Brown CD - Hm. On the one hand, music is a fairly personal thing. On the other, if a friend gave me a CD for Christmas that they'd loved this past year, I'd be quite charmed. It's a sweet idea. On the OTHER other hand, I think these particular CDs are not to my liking. Do not get them for me.

Sound System Model S - $240 for Oprah readers. It's a big red speaker. I can imagine giving this to certain people (like Bill. Bill is always asking for speakers), so I guess it's completely fine.

The Wise Heart by Jack Kornfield - DO NOT JUST RANDOMLY BUY THIS BOOK FOR PEOPLE. EVERYONE WILL NOT LIKE IT. If your sister really liked Eat, Pray, Love - here is a gift suggestion for your sister. To most people, however, this book will feel like the gift-wrapped assertion that they need to work on their spirituality, which is not a very nice assertion to make, when you think about it.

1815 Tapas Bowls - Bill and I actually got into a wee argument over those. I pointed them out to him as an example of egregious over-spendy-ness, and he frowned at me and said that $58 for 8 nice bowls was a reasonable price and so I guess it's your call here. I think that nearly $60 for 8 little bowls is a lot of money, while Bill (who is NOT a fan of excess) thinks that it's fine. They're nice looking, at least.

Classic Cardy Uggs - Oh hey, these look cozy. I'll buy my pair when I'm tired of The Sex. See what I'm implying here? I'm implying that these slippers will make one look utterly uninterested in sex, but subtly. They would also make one look like one had big red hooves, but maybe that's the look one is going for, I dunno.

Adam Glassman - "Stylish, Unforgettable Finds"
I am looking at Adam Glassman. I am trying - vainly - to think of something to say about him. Hold on while I google him. He is the creative director of O magazine. Okelely dokely.

Melamine Places with Iconic Portraits On Them - Starting at $11. I love these. I love them unironically and totally. I think I might buy one for Bill and then use it all the time for MYSELF. I think I might buy the Napoleon one for The Baby, but then I fear it might give her Ideas.

One Piece Marble Menorah - $275. I don't know if I like this or not, but I'm not a huge fan of modern streamlined design. If you - or your recipient - are, then this is probably a fine thing.

Surfboard Incense Burner - $21. I went through a big incense burning phase. I found it really "spiritual" until it started aggravating my "asthma." I find this burner just dopey. Someplace out there, someone is enchanted with it. That person and I do not have much in common.

European Espresso Maker (available at Home Goods stores)- It's only $10! And it IS a gorgeous, cartoony looking thing! One for all my friends.

Jardin du Poete Cologne - $140. Oh, giving people perfume they haven't picked out themselves is SUCH a bad idea. It's probably a lovely cologne, but I really only think it's a good idea to give it to someone if they've asked for it.

Faux-Leather and Sequin Duffel Bag - Where was I when the love of sequins was handed out? I'm not going to say "someplace tasteful", since none of the rest of my taste seems to back this up. Anyhow. The bag costs $109 for Oprah readers which is probably reasonable enough for what it is but I'm still not buying it for anyone....

Mayan Artisan Hand Woven Wool Lions - available from Eleven Design Studio - Starting at $30. Cute enough, I guess, but not having an online store seems like a mistake.

Food Gifts
Casa Dragones Tequila - $275! This is Oprah's favorite "sipping tequila." We sip tequila now? This is something that we do?

Siete Laguas Blanco Tequila - $40. I didn't know that people sipped tequila. I am feeling so left out. Where is MY sipping tequila?

Levee High Caramel Apple Pecan Pie - $31 for Oprah readers. LOOK AT THAT THING. I don't want to eat it - there's nuts in it, which is gross - but it certainly is structurally interesting.

Pasta Gift Basket - $72 for Oprah readers. "If unicorns made pasta," whoever wrote this bit wrote, and anyway if unicorns DID make it, it might explain the price but I don't think unicorns were involved in any way. As it is, you get four bags of pasta and 2 jars of sauce in a basket for $72. I am shaking my head.

Mini Doughnut Maker - $50 with 2 mixes, $39.95 on its own. If I got this for Christmas, 2/3 of my kids would just LOSE it. They LOVE homemade doughnuts. (The other 1/3 of my kids is too adolescent to enjoy something as puerile and immature as "food.") Of course, this seems likely to get as dusty as the rest of our specialty small appliances, but it would be fun for a while.

Belgium Foil-Wrapped Chocoalte Christmas Ornaments - $10 for an unboxed ornament. Erm. This is fine. Chocolate is yummy. It's pretty. I can imagine giving it to a co-worker or someone like that. Inoffensive. Let's keep moving.

Handmade Caramel and Sea Salt Chocolates - $17. I do love handmade chocolates. I do love caramel and sea salt chocolates. President's Choice - a Canadian food brand - puts out a very, very tasty boxed set of caramel and sea salt chocolates every year (not handmade, but I can't have everything) that I was too sick to eat last year. I will put that to rights this year, though, do NOT worry.

O Pioneers! Salami, Crackers, Cheese and Fig Jam - $70. Remember in Little House on the Prairie when Pa and Ma and their three little dragged-around kids ate artisinal salami with fig jam? Ah, the simple pleasures of pioneer life... I'm just joshing (do people still say that? Do people still "josh"?). I would love to get this. I'm a big fan of meat gifts. I'm not buying it for ANYone, though, because I don't like ANYone enough to buy them $70 in meat.

Box of 8 Miniature Cupcakes - $25 for 8 little bitty cupcakes! Are you made of gold? Is it nice in rich person land? Can you send me some money? Or really expensive baby cupcakes?

4 Dips and Spreads - $65. I find this magical. Sixty five bucks in money for four tubs of chip dip! Whee! This is - do I need to point this out to you? - NOT a good deal.

Oprah's 10 Pack Of Gourmet Peanut Butter - Was $124 but is $67 for Oprah readers and my brain just stopped working at "gourmet peanut butter," sorry.

Dark Chocolate Truffles in Box Made of Dark Chocolate - $129. Before I got sick, I would have been truly enthusiastic about delicious truffles in a box made of delicious chocolate but now my sweet tooth is sadly diminished. Oh, I'd still EAT it, but it would feel more like a chore now.

So. There you go. If I could, I would get all of you your own bottles of sipping tequila, now that I know that's a thing, but since I CAN'T, this post is my holiday gift from me to you. Hope you enjoyed it, since the freaking thing took me DAYS. DAYS! (and if you read this, please comment!) xo

October Got Away From Me

2011-11-08T06:02:00.001-08:00

... and then I got bronchitis, because it is now November and this is what I do in November. Rest assured (or rest uneasy) that I do have more scary stories waiting for November but in the MEANTIME, I am now working on my Oprah's Favorite Things Post. It's that time ALREADY, amazingly enough!

Off to slog in the enlightenment mines.

Halloween 3#

2011-10-17T08:10:00.000-07:00

The Pest

Picky-Picky's body was tucked carefully into the cardboard box. The two young girls stood awkwardly beside the shallow hole that the older child had just dug.

"I don't know what we should do right now," the older girl, Beezus, said. "I wish Mom and Daddy were home."
"We're not supposed to bug Mom at work, remember?" said the littler girl. "Besides, I've seen funerals on TV. They say prayers over the grave and then someone tells the wife of the dead man that she looks beautiful in black."
"Oh, Ramona," sighed Beezus. "I don't know any prayers for a dead cat."
"Poor Picky-Picky," Ramona said, "He was such an interesting cat."
"Remember that time he peed on Daddy's shoes?" Beezus said, smiling. "That was interesting of him."
"Very interesting," Ramona agreed, and smiled too. "Do you know what Howie says? He says his Uncle Hobart says that this whole development was built on a ancient Indian graveyard."
"Oh, Ramona," said Beezus with exasperation. "Do you have to be so immature during a funeral?"

Ramona wanted to explain that she had thought that it would be a good thing to talk about graveyards during a funeral, that she hadn't meant to be so immature. But she looked at Beezus's face and saw the tears in her eyes and decided that right now wasn't the best time to explain this. Instead, she reached over and held Beezus's hand. Beezus squeezed her hand back.

"I'm really going to miss Picky-Picky," Ramona said.
"I know," said Beezus. "Me too."

Ramona woke up with a start in the middle of the night. She had been dreaming terrible dreams, dreams that the spot where they had buried Picky-Picky was the wrong spot, that Picky-Picky had been shook back to life by something old and angry and that he had clawed his way, green-eyed and furious, out of the cardboard box and through the heavy dirt, that he had made his way, stagger-legged, through the backyard and was up on the porch trying to make his way to the cat door.

She was about to call her mother in terror when she remembered her father's praise over how she and Beezus had not bothered their mother when they found Picky-Picky and so she pulled her blanket over her head and closed her eyes tightly.

"It was just a dream," she told herself. "Don't be such a baby."

In the hallway outside her room, a cat meowed softly.

Halloween 2#

2011-10-14T07:38:00.000-07:00

Little House On The Scary
"Hush, Charles! You'll wake the children!" Ma said to Pa as he came stomping into the house, bringing in the silvery moonlight with him. His gun was slung over his shoulder and he had something clutched in his hand. Jack ran dancing in beside him.

Laura snuggled down into bed so they wouldn't see her disobediently awake. Pa liked little girls who did exactly as they were told. Mary was wide awake too, her sightless eyes open in the darkness.

"Four of them, Caroline! I got four of them tonight!" Pa said.

"That's wonderful, Charles!" Ma said, helping Pa take off his tall leather boots. "I feel so much safer now."

The wind swirled up around the house. Not far away, in the dense endless forests, there were panthers and wolves, all waiting to eat little girls who wandered too far from home. Laura held her corncob doll close to her chest.

"Don't worry, Mary," Laura whispered to Mary. "Pa is home now." Mary said nothing.

"Come to bed, Charles," Ma said. "There's so much more to do in the morning."

Pa hung the four new scalps by the front door. Outside, there was no one for hundreds and hundreds of miles. The wind blew again.

The Horror: A Screenplay

2011-10-13T09:14:00.000-07:00

This is my new blog. I am starting a new blog because of no good reason at all, actually. And so here we are now and it is mid-October ALREADY - good grief - and so my thoughts turn to thoughts of ghosts, of course and Halloween and creepy stories. Here's one:

Halloween One: In Which I Get What I Have Coming To Me
Scene: My house. I am sitting home alone, doing nothing of any consequence. There is a knock at my front door.

Me: I'm not home! Go AWAY! (I then continue chatting on Twitter)

Strangely familiar voice: We can see you sitting at the computer. Come to the door.

I sigh, get up and go to the door. There stands a very famous former talk show host with weight issues and a skinny blond actress in her late 30s. I quickly try to slam the door in their faces but they're too fast for me.

Talk Show Host: We want to have some words with you.

Smug Actress: Yeah. I've got a bone to pick with you.

I then start sobbing uncontrollably, picturing the actress snapping off one of her brittle bones and shanking me with it or the talk show host forcing me to talk about my feelings. Both of these scenarios strike me as equally terrifying.

Actress: You've said a lot of rude things about me over the years. You know what this makes you?

Me: Um..

Actress: THIS MAKES YOU A BAD PERSON. People who are interesting and good understand me.

Talk Show Host: Sarcasm is not helpful for public discourse, BECK. And those My Favorite Things yearly lists take a lot of work. Who doesn't love cashmere socks? Who doesn't love hand-painted dog toile trays?

Me: Well, see, that's the problem. You're both responsible for spreading some harmful, dangerous ideologies - you, Talk Show Host! You spread the idea that everyone could be happy, that everyone could have what they wanted just by WANTING it enough! And you, Actress! You're the very epitome of entitlement and your newsletter from this week is all about how "everyone" can afford modern art!

Actress: Yes they can! Just like everyone can find time to work out!

Me: But they can't! I have friends who can't afford groceries! I have friends who work three jobs and still can't get by! The middle class is vanishing, the poor are being targeted for blame by conservative interest groups and we can't afford to indulge your professional class of Marie Antoinettes anymore! A human being's moral fiber is not dependent on the fiber in their diet. My value on a parent is less about my child's diet and entirely about the character and quality of the human being I am raising. Everyone cannot pull themselves up by their own boot straps. My wanting something does not mean I deserve it. My happiness should not come at the expense of the happiness of the people I claim to love. Very few people look good in horizontal stripes.

Talk Show Host: Get the pen and the endless reams of paper.

Actress: Oh, I am so chuffed for this!

And this is how I ended up, chained to the Sisyphean, endless task of mocking Oprah's Christmas list FOREVER.