Friday, November 16, 2012

People. People Who Read People.

People Magazine's Official Hot Man of The Planet Earth Contest Issue is out, and as usual, they got it ALL WRONG. CHANNING TATUM? Is that even a NAME people have here on Earth Planet? Are we THAT dazzled by abs? Are all our libidos set to Beefy And Simple O'Clock?

I am, a good friend informed me, SO WRONG. Channing Tatum IS terribly sexy, she assures me, but she likes blond jocks. And I am certain that he is a lovely man, in his own way, but if it was Beck Magazine, the Hot Men List would be different - darker haired men, for one, and more... oh, complicated and yet good-humoured and geeky and smarter and also with that certain special something that suggests to ME, at least, that they might like my sort (non-hale, non-hearty, endlessly talkative, fragile hypochondriacs. Who DOESN'T enjoy that?).

I am fully aware, in an aside, that these men are (for the most part) actors and that their public personas and their private lives might be disappointingly different. Don't know, don't care.

The People List, Graded
1. Channing Tatum - He's not, as I said, anything LIKE my type. But he's not a HORRIBLE choice either. B-.

2.  Blake Shelton - He seems affable enough, and I like doting husbands, but he's once again NOT MY TYPE - too blond! Too outdoorsy!  C+/B-.

3. Chris Hemsworth - Take everything I said about not wanting blond muscly guys and wanting dark haired smart complicated guys and throw them out the window because HUBBA HUBBA. Some good, kind human being made this video:

SWEET MERCIFUL HEAVENS.
*fans self*
A+, OBVIOUSLY.
WHY IS HE NOT THE SEXIEST MAN OF THE YEAR? This seems like a much more popular choice.

4. Max Greenfield.
 That's certainly not a sexy photo, is it? There are better ones:
He's appealing. B.

 5. Ben Affleck
On the one hand, there was Argo and on the other he's aging SO well AND he's a doting dad and so I'm going to have to give him an A-, which I never would have done BEFORE.

 6. Richard Gere.
NO. F.

7. Matt Bomer
Oh, sure. A-.

8. Oscar Pistorius 
NO ATHLETES UNLESS THEIR NAME IS DAVID BECKHAM (he's all right.). B+.

9. Denzel Washington
 A fine-looking man, yes. Hannah addressed the issue we all have with his permanent spot on the People List well, and I'll add another hopeful voice chirping for Idris Elba. B+ for Denzel.

10. Damien Lewis.
What? No. C-.

11. Paul Rudd
MERCIFUL HEAVENS YES. A+.

12. Bradley Cooper
A C+ for Bradley Cooper, Human Golden Retriever. 

The Beck List, In No Order Whatsoever

Henry Cavill






Viggo Mortensen





Benedict Cumberbatch

(only when he's Sherlock Holmes, though, and certainly not when he's giving one of his myriad regrettable interviews. Shh, Benedict. Let me love you.)

Sufjan Stevens


Jon Hamm

 Captain Hook on Once Upon A Time
Not coicidentally, this show recently went from something I lazily watched sometimes on Sunday evenings to MUST SEE TV.

 Colin Farrell



Santiago Cabrera

David Beckham

Gael Garcia Bernal


Mark Ruffalo


This is such a good post. I think I might love it.
Did I miss anyone? Let me know!



46 comments:

  1. I am going to a Sufjan concert in December!! Hooray for me!

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  2. Well, obviously David Tennant deserves a permanent spot.

    And Lindford Detweiler.
    http://overtherhine.com/media/

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    Replies
    1. David Tennant is a wildly popular choice! I can't believe that People Magazine is quite as unaware of this as they apparently are.

      Delete
  3. As for the People's list - Denzel yes. Paul and Ben yes. Chris, oh my oh my oh my yes. The rest I wouldn't have been as kind as B-. Not even a tickle of appeal to me.

    As for your list - I don't care for Gael or Benedict, the rest, sure. Definitely Santiago.

    Missing? Josh Duhamel, Ewan McGregor (I think I'll always have a soft spot for him)and James Hetfield is my freebie. Will always be.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I found it surprisingly hard to say truly nasty things about people's looks, but my ACTUAL feelings on each guy who wasn't an A were probably a grade lower than stated.

      Fine choices, although I won't fight you for James Hetfield!

      Delete
  4. Blogger ate my original comment! Bad, bad Blogger.

    Benedict-as-Sherlock, oh yes. I'm pretty sure whomever is doing those interviews is just a cruel impostor. The real Benedict Cumberbatch does not exist outside of Sherlock. And speaking of Sherlock, Martin Freeman is surprisingly charismatic, too.

    I go weak in the knees for David Tennant, and I have a soft spot for Nathan Fillion. Both are too charming for their own (or anyone else's) good.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. ANOTHER DAVID TENNANT FAN! I also must point out that Nathan Fillion is Canadian, since we manufacturer fine, fine men here.
      Your Benedict theory is solid and reassuring. I like it.

      Delete
  5. Sure, I know Colin Farrell is probably an egotistical ass, but I'm not interested in hearing him talk, so he stays on my list too.

    As I've mentioned elsewhere, it's criminal that Idris Elba is consistently overlooked. Good looking, British accent, smoldering looks, what is the matter with People?

    I am also not usually a fan of beefy blond men, but for some reason Chris Hemsworth is the exception that proves the rule. Thanks ever so for that video (fans self).

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    1. Idris Elba is a HANDSOME man. He was ALSO in the Avengers this year and his lack of inclusion is bizarre.

      That video was AMAZING. I nominate it for an Oscar for best low-slung pants in a youtube clip video.

      Delete
  6. JON HAMM YES. Yes yes. He is magnificent. I must admit, I seem to be the only woman around who does not find David Beckham attractive. I don't know why. He certainly is a very model of a modern, um, football player, but he just doesn't rattle my cage. I am familiar with so few on your list! You are a woman of non-pedestrian taste, my dear! Alternately, I live in a bubble and therefore have never heard of Gael Garcia Bernal and that Benedict guy.

    By the way, I NEVER want to know much about their actual personalities. "Ssssh. Stop talking. You're wrecking it."

    What the hell, Richard Gere???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. David Beckham grew on me slowly and now I LOVE him and admire Posh Spice for her good job in marrying him. The pictures of him toting their baby girl are ovary-ache-inducing.

      Benedict Cumberbatch is Sherlock Holmes in the very, very fine current BBC production of Sherlock. it's on Netflix and VERY worth watching.

      I KNOW. WHY RICHARD GERE? I feel personally hurt.

      Delete
  7. This list was pure genius. I think I laughed hardest at your entry for Chris Hemsworth. Who is not the Hemsworth boy dating Miley Cyrus AND appeared in the most recent Star Trek movie -- I lurve him for both of these things. Also Benedict is the new villain in the soon-to-be-released Star Trek movie. I am very excited/lust-filled.

    SNL made a joke last week about Damien Lewis mouth being really tiny and now I can not unsee it. Colin Farrell -- it's hard to believe he's even the same species as Richard Gere. Of course any man would appreciate being comapre to Mark Ruffalo because he too is a treasure.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I don't quite understand my love for Chris Hemsworth except that I am a woman and it's probably one of those mysteries of Ladyhood Best Left Unexamined.

      YES BEING COMPARED TO MARK RUFFALO IS THE GREATEST COMPLIMENT A MAN COULD GET.

      There MUST be a hidden pack of Richard Gere fans out there, I guess. What are they like, these people?

      Delete
    2. It must be the throwaway to the older ladies vote?

      Delete
  8. Thanks for the shout-out. That second picture of Colin Farrell made me feel feelings. My goodness, he is sex on legs, that one.

    I love the rest of your list too.

    And why DIDN'T Chris Hemsworth win? Seems odd. He was in two big movies this year, he's delicious, even straight men can see his appeal. I demand a recount!

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    Replies
    1. THANK YOU! And I KNOW, why DIDN'T Chris Hemsworth win? He's easily as big a star as Channing Tatum and has a much hotter buzz around him, as far as I can tell.

      Delete
    2. My theory is that the winner has to agree in advance to do an exclusive interview. Maybe Mr Hemsworth declined because he thinks it will hurt his reputation as a serious actor? A serious actor with magical powers over lady bits.

      Delete
    3. Ah, that makes sense. Would explain the no-Ryan-Gosling thing, too.

      Delete
  9. I am not attracted to a single guy on People's list. NOT A SINGLE ONE.

    As for your list, OH MY GOSH YES to Sufjan Stevens and Gael Garcia Bernal. I am working my way through the first season of Once Upon a Time on Netflix right now, so I haven't seen the Captain Hook episode. But from that picture, boy howdy he looks pretty good to me. I also quite like the guy who plays Prince Charming. Not so much interested in the rest of your list.

    Who else would I include? I know it seems unoriginal, but I do love Ryan Gosling and did so long before he became the pet favorite. That was just obnoxious. You can put me down as another David Tennant fan, and I also quite like the 9th Doctor, Christopher Eccleston. Ewan McGregor. James McAvoy. Matthew Macfadyen, but only as Mr. Darcy.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Captain Hook is SO gasp-inducingly gorgeous.
      No love for Santiago Cabrera? He's the extremely gorgeous Lancelot in the Merlin series and I think he's BEAUTIFUL. But all the more for me, as my mom says about turnips.

      Delete
    2. Oh YES, Matthew Macfadyen. THANK YOU. I quite loved his Mr. Darcy. I think he has it all over what's his name that everyone else loves. Oh yes. Colin Firth. Who is NOT as sexy as Mr. Farrell. Anyway, Matthew was pretty good in the first season and a half of Spooks (aka MI-5).

      I had NO IDEA about Sufjan Stevens. I like his music, but holy cannolli.....

      Delete
    3. OMGosh, how on earth did I forget Andrew Scott? I have watched the season finale of Sherlock season 2 dozens of times, all just to feast my eyes on Moriarty. I think it is his acting abilities that I'm really fond of, but his face isn't bad either...

      Oh, and watching some old episodes of The Office reminded me that I do have a bit of a thing for John Krasinski.

      Delete
  10. Now this is one of my faves of yours to do! Sufjan yes! Gael Garcia Bernal yes!! Channing Tatum NEVER. I don't get what is the deal with him. It doesn't even make me feel old, just very confused.

    Also, Jimmy Fallon. John Corbett as long as he stops doing all the Applebees voice overs. Joseph Gordon Levitt. I guess I like the J's.

    Steph

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    1. Steph, in all honesty this is probably my favorites of mine, too. It's VERY fun to put together. And SOLID choices on your part - I considered adding ALL THREE OF THOSE GUYS!

      Delete
  11. None of the people on either list are in my top 5 except for Chris Hemsworth. But it's a rotating list. Next week he could be replaced. Number one is Leonardo DiCaprio, forever. I have always been torn between boys/men.

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    1. I have never quite gotten the Leonardo DiCaprio thing, because - I think - I'm slightly too old, I guess. That's depressing!

      Delete
  12. I have typed and retyped my answer to this five times before accepting this is one of those comments I can't leave now that I'm blogging under my real name.

    So I will just say: Chiwetel Ejiofor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HAHAHAHA! Poor Sharon.
      Whoo, that IS a good looking man!

      Delete
  13. I'm into the dark-haired guys as well. Blond just doesn't do it for me when it comes to men.

    =)

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    Replies
    1. Except for The Mighty Thor, apparently, I fully agree with you.

      Delete
  14. You forgot BRANDON FLOWERS! It's ok I'll put him on my list - so looking forward to writing it!

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    Replies
    1. I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO READING IT!

      Delete
  15. Beck! This was so fun! Your list rokcs, particularly Henry Cavill. Did you watch The Tudors? If not, I highly recommend it. I hope I'm not being repetitive (not reading comments since I can barely see right now without my glasses), but I'd only add Alexander Skarsgard. That man is a tall drink of water.

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    Replies
    1. I watched bits of The Tudors - it was a little emotionally fraught for me. HOORAY ANOTHER HENRY CAVILL ADMIRER! I was feeling all alone in that.

      Delete
  16. Good god yes, Chris Hemsworth should have won this and cleared the deck so there was not even a list, just him. It's not the muscles for me, it's the intense blue eyes, which are my kryptonite, and the big, broad, leonine head, which I love. He also has a fine smile, which is a must, and wears a T-shirt very nicely, thank you. Pardon me while I fold my tongue back into my mouth.

    Matt Bomer fall under very pretty, and though not my actual type, I can totally see this, so yes. (Also, Henry Cavill is practically his twin, so I can see that.)

    Ben Affleck has grown on me, though also not my type, so okay.

    But wait - where the hell is my boyfriend, Matt Damon? He makes me catch my breath every time. *sigh* And his younger almost-twin, Chris Pine? Well, okay, they haven't done much this year, so maybe they aren't on People's radar, but really, they are still yummy, even if Chris Pine really does need to do something about his eyebrow situation.

    And I know maybe having two Hensworth boys on the list at once might seem like overkill, but really, younger brother Liam is fine work, too.

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    Replies
    1. I LOVE THIS COMMENT. I just want you to describe everyone I've ever met to me now. Good grief, you're talented!

      Delete
    2. Aw, thanks. I love description. One reason I could never write an actual book. I'd just be describing and setting the scene for ages and nothing would happen and anyone who even tried to read it would die of boredom. It's a problem, really.

      Delete
  17. Gael Garcia Bernal: yes, please. I love Joseph Gorden Levitt--YUM!

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  18. I tend to agree with your entire list! Especially Mr. Ruffalo.I tend to develop crushes that make the people I've told about look at me as though I owe them an explanation. A few for example: Adrien Brody, Adam Duritz (shhhh, leave me alone!) Pete Yorn, Dermot Mulroney, Joseph Gordon Levitt, although having watched him grow up makes me feel nice and pervy, and Lenny Kravitz. I recently thrilled my fiance by forcing him to watch The Hunger Games so I could behold him as Cinna.

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    1. Good lord, I know how to speak and punctuate, I swear. One handed typing whilst holding my baby. My apologies for the mess above!

      Delete
  19. ah yes. our shared love for Viggo Mortensen. I think I wrote a poem about it once upon a time.

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  20. Bản tin bóng đá
    bong da 352 tin tức thời sự về bóng đá

    ReplyDelete