Friday, November 22, 2013

The Corrected People Magazine Hot Guy List

Ah, People Magazine - moldering antique from a simpler time when we liked our celebrity gossip gentler and our crossword puzzles really, really unchallenging - and yet once a year it manages to make itself briefly relevant again by picking some divisive dude to be their Sexiest Man of Earth Planet For The Next 365 Days.

This year's pick: Cootie King Adam Levine!
It's nice to see that this one messed-up girl I used to know who ALWAYS dated serial cheaters with 6 kids from 5 different women is now in charge of the People Magazine Hot Man List. She's going places!

Next up: Idris Elba.
He's a fine-looking man! This is a solid choice. No complaints!

Next: Luke Bryan
He's a famous country singer, and precisely what I do not mean when I say that I like guys "artsy and complicated." When you want to think of My Type (and why would you want to do this?) picture the opposite of Luke Bryan.

Also, remember this episode of Friends?

DUDE YOUR TEETH ARE IN THE UNCANNY VALLEY. STOP BLEACHING THEM.

And more: Jimmy Fallon.
I LIKE Jimmy Fallon. I find him reasonably funny and quite affable. These are nice things. I'm almost certain that he's a  nice man, which is a rare thing in funny men, but he also looks like a gentle turtle.

Next: spry, fedora-wearing leprechaun Bruno Mars:

If you like spry fedora-wearing leprechauns,  here you go. His new song promises that "we'll be making love like gorillas." Is this an image anyone wanted?

And more: HGTV guys Jonathan and Drew Scott.
I've never, ever watched their show. Maybe they're much sexier when they're moving and talking. Maybe.

Onward: Justin Timberlake.
Smug! Arrogant! Vainly attempting to have a mediocre acting career instead of BEING A POP SINGER LIKE GOD INTENDED AND YET CHECK OUT THIS VIDEO AT THE 3:44 MARK:

Fun fact: babies magically made by this song when it first came out are now nearly eight years old.

Surging Forwards: the genetically-blessed Chris Pine.
Sure. I mean, he's nothing I find attractive but his inclusion doesn't make me want to punch my monitor, either.

Next up: the phenomenally-talented Pharrell Williams:
He's FORTY! It is UNFAIR how men age and he is ASTONISHINGLY talented as well as having a picture of himself mysteriously aging in his attic.Go check out his Wikipedia page if you aren't sure who he is.  AND he has an interesting, individual face. A quirky, interesting choice.

And more: Ronan Farrow.
As in child of Mia Farrow and Woody Allen or possibly Frank Sinatra and we're all just so EAGER to have the children of famous people turn out hot and not disappointing. He certainly is clever, at least, and he's a handsome young man.

Almost there: Jennifer Aniston's boyfriend Justin Theroux
He's handsome and very talented in his own right. His inclusion on this list made me roll my eyes cruelly, but there's no reason for that.

Finally: David Beckham.
SOME people don't find David Beckham attractive. These people also probably don't like the laughter of babies, kittens and strings on fuzzy mittens. THESE PEOPLE ARE MONSTERS.



Proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

My grade for People Magazine: 5.5 out of 10.

NOW for MY Completely Arbitrary List Of Famous Men I Think Are Pretty Sexy While I'm Sitting Here This Morning:
I've been watching a lot of reruns of Being Human these days, so Aidan Turner!
He also plays a Hot Dwarf in the new Hobbit movies:

New to my list: Sleepy Hollow's Ichabod Crane:


As played by Tom Misson. "Why are we watching this show every week?" Bill grumbled at me. BECAUSE IT'S A VERY GOOD SHOW OR SOME EQUALLY VALID OTHER REASON.

Gael Garcia Bernal

He was on my list last year as well. This is because he is a dreamboat.

Benedict Cumberbatch's Sherlock Holmes




Stanley Tucci
STAAAANLEEEY I LOVE YOOOOU.

Once Upon A Time's Captain Hook:
This is called "smart casting."

Tom Hiddleston

Shaun Evans
Did you watch Endeavour too? WHO KNEW MORSE WAS AN ATTRACTIVE YOUNG MAN?

Aragorn in the Lord of  The Rings
A few years back now, which makes this a CLASSIC choice.

Allan Hawco
Canada SHOULD consider changing it's slogan to We Make Good-Looking Men.

THE ROCK

Affable! Beautiful! Humble! VERY VERY FUNNY ON TWITTER! And also my future husband, come the Zombie Apocalypse.

Also this:

Who'd I leave out? 

32 comments:

  1. Jimmy Fallon is a gentle turtle! YOU NAILED IT, BECK!! Speaking of nailing things…Chris Pine, Allan Hawco and The Rock. YES.

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    1. I felt mean writing that because he seems NICE but no, not HANDSOME.
      I agree with your list. GOOD TIMES.

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    2. He and I rode in an elevator together (just the 2 of us!) in his apartment building 13 years ago and he was a shameless flirt. Like most humans, he's much cuter in real life.

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  2. The Rock, eh? Hmmm... I will need to check out his Twitter feed. Maybe that will cute him up for me.

    Shaun Evans. Well, yes, yes, I would have to agree with you. Although he looks pretty young. I have a rule about finding very young men attractive. It's not allowed.

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    Replies
    1. So long as they're reasonably close to 30, I think they're close enough.

      The Rock is surprisingly charming! I

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  3. Hah! Only three tries at verification.

    And now I pause to ponder whether I want to go through the verification process again just to post this comment.

    What the heck. I will live dangerously.

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  4. Benedict Cumberbatch and Shaun Evans..... swoon

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  5. Idris Elba is swoon-worthy.

    OTOH, have you seen this picture of my boy Bruce? http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l9q6o8oE7d1qdxb7io1_500.jpg

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    Replies
    1. Who am I LOOKING at there? SON YOUR PANTS ARE UNZIPPED YOU MAY WANT TO FIX THAT.

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    2. What did I just look at?! Whos is that" Some grown man wearing skinny jeans he bought on at Gap Kids?! THAT IS AWFUL. MY CLITORIS MAY NEVER RECOVER!!!

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    3. I'm not looking at it again because I only have so much courage.

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  6. So I know you closed your old blog but my friend's Husband's NUMBER ONE CELEB PICK IS THE GOOP
    so obviously I need links to old posts so she and I can cackle about...well...I needn't explain right?

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    Replies
    1. Ha! I wish I could! I think I deleted my GOOP posts for Terrifying Reasons ages ago, though.

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  7. Tom Hiddleston is my latest celeb obsession. Have you seen him dance?

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  8. Always love to see a new post by Beck. =)

    And don't tell, but I think Adam Levine is cute.

    =)

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    Replies
    1. I WILL TAKE YOUR SECRET TO THE GRAVE! (and thank you)

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  9. James McAvoy! He's a boyish looking man, but totally age-appropriate. Plus, I like his choice of wife, as weird as that sounds. There are others, but that was my first thought.

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    Replies
    1. He's a handsome fella. Now off to google his wife!

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  10. So I was totally fine with not having seen any of the Hobbit movies, BUT NOW I KNOW AIDAN TURNER IS A HOT DWARF IN THEM, AND NOW I HAVE TO SEE THE STUPIDLY SUPERNUMERARY HOBBIT FILMS, DAMN YOU BECK!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's also Richard Armitage! He is ALSO a hot dwarf! Whoever cast that movie is THE GREATEST GENIUS EVER because I swore I wasn't going to watch those damn movies.

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  11. I watch Sleepy Hollow for the plot lines and interesting events and . . . stuff not just because Tom Misson is good looking, funny, and has a British accent...

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    Replies
    1. This is what I keep telling Bill and YET....

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  12. I am SHOCKED that neither Benedict Cumberholmes, Tom Hiddleston, or Richard Armitage was on People's list.

    And Benedict's been coming off a little bit better in interviews lately. Still weird, but less ... BAD WEIRD. He'll never be as charming as Hiddleston, but really, who could be?

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  13. I can safely say that we will never fight over boys! Yay us! xo

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  14. As soon as you started listing them, I thought about Captain Hook. I need to catch up on that show. For reasons.

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  18. Admin, if not okay please remove!

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    ReplyDelete